Past Mistakes
by darke wulf
Disclaimer – I don't own them. I'm not making any money from this story attempt.
Author's Notes – I don't know what's canon as far as when J'onn finds out about Batman's secret identity and past. I'm assuming, being a telepath that regularly is inside all of their heads, that no matter how discrete he might be and how many mental wall Batman might try to put up, he's picked up on these things. Meaning he is aware that Bruce Wayne is Batman and he is aware of what drove him to become Batman.
I recently purchased the complete JL/JLU DVD set for myself for my birthday and, upon re-watching 'A Knight of Shadows' was reminded of one scene that irritated me when I first saw it. Thus I sat down and wrote this missing scene, which occurs some time after the episode.
"Sometimes I believe I would do anything to see my loved ones again. You can't imagine how that feels." J'onn J'onzz to Batman, 'A Knight of Shadows'
"I owe you an apology."
The tapping of the keyboard, which had been providing continuous background noise in the monitor womb, came to a sudden, startled halt. Batman never remained surprised for long, however, and he quickly resumed his work, his brittle silence daring his Martian companion to mention his slip.
"Oh?"
"During the fight with Le Fay," J'onn explained, peering down at the ground – unable to look at the vigilante, "I said you couldn't imagine what it felt like to yearn to see your loved ones again…"
"Your point?"
"In my anguish I selfishly thought only of my own pain, but I am not the only one to have lost family… to miss loved ones so desperately. I know that you are not the unfeeling monster you attempt to present yourself to be."
"You were under Le Fay's power," came the terse response, the typing finally paused again though powerful yet graceful hands remained poised over the keyboard. "I'm not going to condemn you for that, particularly as I could have just as easily been in your place. As you mentioned – we share the same pain."
"You would not have fallen as I nearly did," J'onn denied, shaking his head, "Your will is far stronger than that."
"You sound awful certain of that."
"The witch herself proved such to be the case."
"What are you talking about?" the Batman scoffed, finally turning his chair to face J'onn.
"While my attempt to locate her precipitated her attack, my telepathic abilities were not required for her to sense and take advantage of my weakness – as your friend Jason Blood could attest."
"So?"
Gathering his strength, J'onn looked up into a blank white stare, determined to show the man his sincerity. "At any point, during any of our battles, she could have tried to subvert you as she did me. And yet she refrained, preferring to fight you on the physical plane rather than the mental."
A disgusted snort followed, as Batman turned back to the computer. "More likely she didn't see me as a threat worth the effort."
"I do not believe that to be the case."
"It's not like we're the only two to have lost people we important to us," a gray-clad shoulder shrugged, the firm tone of voice making it clear that no amount of arguing would change the Bat's mind.
J'onn sighed as he realized he was fighting a losing battle. Choosing discretion as the better part of valor, he returned to his original purpose. "No, but you are the one to whom I directed my unfortunate words…"
"I won't lie to you J'onn, assuming that's even possible. You caught me off guard. But it's hardly the first time it's happened. Granted, most people do it unknowingly – however as I've previously stated, you weren't yourself at the time. I honestly don't see any need for this discussion."
Thinking Batman meant to end the conversation there, J'onn stepped forward ready to protest. His move to grab the back of Batman's chair was aborted by the unexpected movement of its occupant. The two heroes were once again face-to-face, though now less than an arm's reach apart.
"If it will make you feel better, though – you're forgiven," Batman continued, seemingly not bothered by their sudden proximity.
J'onn could only stand unmoving, shocked at the unexpectedly easy absolution. He had not in his wildest thoughts believed it would be so simple – and yet he could sense the Batman's sincerity.
A warm, if slightly mocking, smile appeared on Batman's face. "What were you expecting? Me to send you back to Mars?"
"It was not an unreasonable fear, given that you have only recently begun to fully trust me."
"I don't trust anyone fully, J'onn," the Bat grumbled petulantly. "Someone's got to balance out Superman's overbearing naiveté."
He was actually bantering with him! J'onn felt as if a huge weight had lifted from his spirit when he realized that – beyond all hopes and expectations – he was truly being forgiven. And not just from his ill-spoken words, but from his near betrayal as well. Batman was treating him the same as he had previous to the entire ordeal… he thought perhaps he might even sense more acceptance and – dare he long – friendship from the other, though he didn't trust his current state of emotions to allow an accurate assessment.
The smile returned to Batman's face, though now completely void of derision. Shrugging, he answered J'onn's unspoken question as he turned back to the computer again and continued his work, "You turned your back on a chance to have your family back rather than betray us. Even I won't ignore that."
"Thank you… Bruce," J'onn took one more step, bringing him directly behind the other hero, and placed a hand on his shoulder – squeezing gently. He knew he was making Batman uncomfortable with the showing of emotion, but he was determined to impart how much this gift meant to him. "I cannot tell you…"
"Would you mind checking the outer sensor arrays? These new upgrades should improve their performance significantly, but I need to field test them."
Accepting the olive branch – and plea for space – as what it was, J'onn gave one final squeeze to the armored shoulder before moving toward the door. "I would be most happy to assist. I will only need a few moments to get into position."
"And J'onn," Bruce called out just before the Martian could leave the room, looking back over his shoulder to meet his red gaze, "remember – you do have a second family now. We're here if you ever need us."
The words, combined with the concerned, understanding thoughts that the Batman attempted to send his way – rather sloppily, but J'onn was not so thoughtless as to throw the other man's efforts back into his face – warmed him, helping to slightly aid the wounds newly re-opened by Le Fay.
His world, his people, his family – all were lost to him. The ache of that gaping hole in his being would never truly end. But, while nothing would ever be able to take the places of those now absent, he knew that he had the strength to carry on – as his Martian family would have wanted – thanks to his Earth-bound one.