Again. Oh god I was here again. I had done this so many times. I was peaceful at first, kind, curious, and then...something happened. Chara. I let them in. The last time I was here, I went mad. I sold them my...oh god. That emptiness sat in my chest. My soul was there, but it wasn't mine. It was a toy in their hands. I was a toy in their hands. But I was determined to fight it.
And now I stood here again, the real world above my head and the ruins all around me, I were staring at Flowey, a gentle soul who turned into a killer, because of them...because of us...the young prince, someone who once believed in mercy, but who had since then subscribed to the doctrine of 'kill or be killed'. Chara, we, had gotten to him.
What was my name this time? Oh, right, their name. I had taken as an act of rebellion. (Or maybe an act of compliance...no.) I would be kind, and show mercy under their title. This time things would be different. I could hear their voice in the back of my mind, weak now, but still present. I ignored them.
Flowey had just given me his speech. Catch the pallets, he told me. Instead I avoided every one. He was frustrated. I stared back at him, my eyes old, frightening. He didn't know what to make of me. I wanted to hug him. But another part of me wanted to kill him. I could. I knew how. I may have.
But soon, Toriel came to save Flowey, not knowing that her son sat before her, angry and soulless. Not knowing that her child followed her, angry and within me. I tried not to cry as she lead me back to her home. I did as she told me. I talked to the dummy, this time trying to be as kind as I could with my words, she left and I ran through the puzzles with practiced grace. On a whim I spoke to the Froggits, changing my words to pink for the fun of it. Every monster I encountered I acted to, determined to show kindness at any costs. I raked in some money and bought some food at the spider bake sale, one doughnut and one jug, I personally thanked the spiders and asked one of them to give Muffet my regards, and tell her that I was on my way for a visit. I didn't bother to take a candy from the bowl, I had taken many pieces already. My heart broke when Toriel called me, asking about what sort of dessert I liked. Butterscotch, I told her, telling her before I hung up that I liked Cinnamon too.
When I came across a certain ghost, I told him that he should be friends with me online when I got an account. I also told him that we should have a music jam sometime. He was confused, but happy with the idea.
Despite the evil voice in the back of my mind, no monsters died that day, not by my hand.
Time was a blur as I went through the motions, I had one person in mind, one place that I needed to be, one person who I could reasure, be kind to, one person who would understand. But I also dreaded meeting that person.
Before too long I was in Toriel's house.
I slept there that night, well, really, I stayed up, deciding that there would be no sleep for the wicked. Silent tears ran down my face when Toriel came to give me the pie slice, as she opened the door letting warm light spill into the room, I pretended to be asleep. In the morning, I lingered in her home too long, having her read me some stories I had picked out from her large collection of books. Maybe it was to show her kindness, maybe it was to savour a bit of life that I could never have, maybe it was to see her hurt expression and make her even more heartbroken when I told her I was leaving.
But soon it was time to go.
I didn't fight her when we stood at the exit. I showed her mercy. There was a point, when I was beaten and battered and hurt before her feet, when I could tell that she had let her guard down, when I could tell that she was a second away from letting me go free, when I knew that she was at her weakest, and a single hit, a single betrayal, would take her down. That cruel part of me told me to do this. I did not listen.
In the end she bid me adieu, and I broke Character for a second. I said simply to her, "I hope to see you again, Toriel. We can watch the sunrise together. And, please, call me sometime. It would be nice to hear your voice."
Without another word, I left.
I knew exactly where I was going. Soon I stood in the outskirts of Snowdin, the forest surrounded me. I walked on. I passed that tough looking branch, it was alive again, but would soon be smashed. I walked on. I heard a crunch, knowing the branch was broken. I walked on. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him, tears prickled at my eyes and I wanted to stop. I walked on. I came to his brother's first trap, and I stopped. I stared ahead, not able to face him.
His steps were heavy as he approached me. I smiled a little through my tears. Oh Sans, always such a drama queen.
"Human" He said. I didn't turn, I let him speak. "don't you know how to greet a new pal?" Those prickling tears fell down my face. "Turn around and shake my hand." He said.
I went still. "Sans," My voice was rough and sad, a cold wind blew about my legs, I fended off a shiver, "there's a whoopie cushion in your hand." I turned on my heel and wrapped the skeleton in a sudden hug, not letting him see my face. "And I'm," I said, "I'm the legendary fartmaster." The words were laced with a laugh, I recited them like I did so long ago.
Sans didn't know what to say. "That's...that's really childish...and...it's my secret secret code word." He said slowly, "That would have to mean…"
"It doesn't matter what it means, you old bag of bones." I told him, holding him tight and trying to keep my voice from failing me "Listen," I said, "I need your help. I need to make things right, but I'm not sure if I can, not after...not after what I've done." I was getting tears all over his hoodie. "Please promise me that we can be friends this time?" It was a question.
"Uh-uhm, sure, ya kid." He stuttered.
I nodded. Then I pulled back, looking up to him, my face puffy and red. "It's good to see you again." I shook his hand, the action causing a long farting noise to ring through the forest. I gave a manic laugh.
This time things would be different.