A/N: This was a fun little idea I had while waiting for the final edits to come back on Between the Darkness. I suppose you would have had to read the story to get the jokes but it should still be funny on its own. Enjoy. :)

"Oh chérie let me see you!" Luc swept into the bedroom looking thinner than usual but happy. I pushed up from my lounging position in bed and waved him over, making room for him to my left.

"Luc! I've missed you!"

"I see a near death experience did wonders for you as well." He pulled at the collar of his shirt to reveal the top of a scar on his chest. It was jarring. I'd held him in my lap as he'd started to bleed out. I hadn't expected him to be so cavalier about it. But then again he'd had a lot more time to reconcile his experience than I did, since I didn't count the weeks in my coma. He repositioned his shirt and rose an eyebrow challengingly.

I rolled my eyes, "not to mention the side effects."

I turned my left palm upward to reveal the beginning of my Lichtenberg scarring. Luc leaned across the bed to get a closer look but didn't touch me. His weight shifted the bed as he moved even closer. He examined all the branching, splaying fractals across my palm and up onto my wrist. Only Stellan knew how high the scar went on my arm.

"Christ Avery!" He sat down on the edge of the bed and scooted closer to me. "So you were electrocuted."

"Twice." I turned my hand back over, pinching the tip of my left ring finger hoping I'd feel something. Still nothing.

"Twice?! How are you alive?" His eyes went wide as he searched the rest of my body for the evidence. He wouldn't see any. It's the reason I'd been wearing long sleeves since being released from the hospital.

"Stellan." I smiled. He smiled back and then nodded at me knowingly.

"No wonder you've been on bed rest for all of July."

"I'm ready for it to be over. I can't be in this bed anymore." I hit at the covers and fluffed a pillow between my hands.

"Then you've been doing bed rest wrong." He shook his head, chuckling to himself.

"Ha." I frowned at him as I set the pillow down and shifted onto my side. "I was told any kind exertion could make my heart get out of rhythm again."

"That's a shame." Luc crossed his legs and leaned back into the overflow of pillows.

"Yes it is. And he's not playing fair." I looked away feeling the blush rise. "I have…"

"Needs?" Luc's whole face blossomed into a wolfish smile. But then he contained himself and laughed a little before continuing, "listen to the doctors. I have no doubt that Stellan could make your heart explode."

"And how would you know?" I snapped annoyed that no one would take my side on this.

"Well, there was this one time...no." He stopped himself and put a hand over his mouth.

"What?!" I turned my head so quickly my ponytail smacked into the side of my face.

"I promised myself I wouldn't tell Elodie stories."

"Oh god now you HAVE to!" I sat up and turned completely toward him, pillows and blankets twisting around me.

"Non. I won't. She'd stab me." His eyes went wide with seriousness. "But I can tell you Chloe stories. And all the...other ladies." He gestured outward as if his motion itself indicated a long list of ladies.

"Why are you making it seem like the number is bigger than what he told me?" I cautiously countered.

"What's the number?" He evaded, folding his arms across his chest.

"No, no. You tell me the number." I insisted crossing my own arms defiantly.

"We say it at the same time." He locked eyes with me. I nodded. He held up his right hand and silently counted down: three, two, one.

"Seven." I said.

"Eight." He said. My eyes went wide and Luc laughed. "You're not counting yourself are you?"

"Oh," I blushed, "Good. Same number then." I nodded and settled back into my nest of pillows and blankets.

"I'm impressed he didn't lie. But when you don't count the blownjobs it's pretty low. Considering." Luc shrugged and started arranging pillows for himself. Instantly the flood of shock came thundering through me and I screeched out,

"What?!"

A pillow slipped through Luc's hands as he jumped, startled. Then he froze as he contemplated my outrage, looking utterly confused,

"Blowjobs don't count."

"Yes they do!" I shouted at him, feeling my blood warm with indignation.

"I forgot you're a prude." He drawled. I shot him a dirty look and opened my mouth to retort when he put a hand on my knee reassuringly. "Avery you could give me a blowjob right now and it wouldn't be considered cheating."

"Yes it would!" I shook him off. "And you're gay!" I threw my hands in the air.

"That has nothing to do with it." He leaned forward and pulled my flailing hands back into my lap giving them a tap before sitting back. I continued to simmer with indignation and he huffed at me. "It's not cheating!"

"How could it not be?! Some slut's mouth would be on my husband's dick. That's mine!" I punctuated by smacking my hand to my chest. "Only my mouth should be there."

Luc leaned forward and pinched my flushed cheek like I was a toddler. I slapped his hand away.

"It is adorable how possessive you are of him. You're like a little hoarder of all his love and attention."

I let out a groan and fell back into the pillows. Luc laughed and I said to the ceiling,

"Just tell me it's south of 20."

"Yes the overall is south of 20." He paused. "To my knowledge."

I pushed the pillow down with my left arm, exposing the scar again. Luc glanced at it for a second before raising his eyebrows in question at me.

"So what's your number?"

He laughed. "More than 20."

"So you're the kind of slut I should be worried about." I gave him a pointed look.

"Avery!" He swung a pillow at my face. I batted it away. He leaned back against the headboard. "As I was saying before we went off on this unnecessary but highly enjoyable tangent."

"Very necessary tangent." I corrected over him. He let out an annoyed noise in his throat.

"On the infamous Ibiza trip that everyone likes to tease me about…" He paused to build suspense and I clapped, excited to finally get all the details.

"Yes!"

"Calm down - I'm not going to tell you everything." He snapped, I deflated with a disgruntled frown. He continued, "some club trash managed to wash aboard our yacht."

"Oh this is already epic." I sniggered.

"The girls obviously gravitated toward Stellan," Luc continued, ignoring me.

"Girls? As in plural?" I hissed at him.

"As in plural," he replied back slowly waiting until I acknowledge this little tidbit of information before continuing. "They all go under deck."

"No way!" I blurted unable to stop myself. Luc laughed.

"You must remember this was a difficult time for him. It was right after Elodie had cheated on him. Not to mention Jack and Ollie were there with us on that yacht."

"Oliver Saxon?" I put my hand on his arm. Luc froze and then closed his mouth and nodded. Waiting, knowing I'm going to have questions about my brother.

"What was he like?" I quietly asked.

"Fun." Luc immediately replied. "Oliver was always ready to have a good time. I think that's part of the reason Jack was who he was then. Oliver really just let him shine, they were in cahoots. Much like Stellan and I. Which was the first thing that was pointed out to everyone after the accident. There's a reason you're supposed to know your place."

"Was he…" I paused trying to find the right words. Flashes of my other siblings making a frown spread across my face.

"He wasn't evil." Luc quietly answered my silence. "His death changed people. I'd like to think that if he'd survived it would be different. But if he'd survived maybe none of this would have happened." He put his hand over my own and squeezed. I looked down at our hands,

"Do you think he would have liked me?"

"He would have loved you." Luc paused and then carefully said, "you should ask Jack about him. I think it'd be good for both of you."

I nodded and nervously rubbed at the scar on my forearm under my shirt. Luc waited another moment for me to process before taking a dramatic breath,

"As I was saying. The next thing we know this panicked crying starts coming from below the deck. We all race down there to see Stellan giving mouth to mouth to one of the girls. Everyone's naked and drunk."

"Oh god." I put my face in my hands.

"Stellan gets the poor girl breathing again. Turned out she had a heart condition." Luc paused to make sure I was listening. But I still couldn't look at him, I felt my face heat under my hands. "All the drugs and booze and...exertion...sent her into an episode. We gave them their clothes back and sent them on their way." Luc finished with a laugh.

I started shaking my head, hand to my cheek, flushed with second hand embarrassment for Stellan. Maybe I shouldn't have heard this story. All I could manage was, "wow."

"And that was the beginning of the night!" Luc laughed loudly. In front of us the door opened to reveal Stellan magnificent as always, even in just a tshirt and jeans.

"Which is why you," he pointed at Stellan as he made his way over to the bed, "need to keep it in your pants. We need you around ma reine."

"I'm not the one trying to break the rules." Stellan intoned as he settled onto the bed next to me.

"Une fellation compte, apparemment." Luc shot off. Stellan tensed and then gave Luc the dirtiest look.

"Why was that even a topic Lucian?" He growled. I started laughing between them knowing exactly what they were fighting about. Stellan eyed us suspiciously and then grumbled, "That's it. I forbid your friendship."

"Too late." Luc smirked.

"So," I broke in. "Are there any blowjobs you need to tell me about?"

Luc started cackling with glee and clapped loudly. Stellan went quiet next to me, waiting.

"Actually," he started. We both snapped toward him, shocked. "I'm recalling one in a shower...recently."

I felt myself flush all over again and put my hands at my throat trying to hide some of it.

"On that note," Luc quickly slid off the bed, bright red as well. He gave us a bow, "your majesty's."

We watched him go. Once the door clicked shut I turned to Stellan, dropping my hands and giving him the once over before asking,

"How many more days of bed rest?"

"Three days, ten hours and," he leaned toward me to pull his phone out of his back pocket. But instead of sitting back down he leaned into me, ducking his head to press kiss after kiss down my neck toward my chest. I leaned back into the pillows giving him easier access and let out out a long breath. My eyes rolled backward and then shut as I tried to absorb every millisecond of attention. His trail of kisses stopped right at my heart and he murmured against the fabric of my shirt, "thirty four minutes."

"Please," I whined and lifted my head to look at him. "This is torture."

He kissed my heart and leaned heavily into me until I could feel it, rock hard and hot against my pajama covered thigh.

"Trust me lyubov' moya," he rolled away from me and stood at the side of the bed. "I know."

I leaned back into the pillows, closing my eyes and nodding. I could feel the heat still blossoming on my chest and up into my cheeks, my thudding heart slowing in my chest. His boot thumped on the hardwood floors as he took a step closer and I felt his thumb run across my cheekbone. I turned into his hand and kissed it, looking up at him and asking,

"How many minutes?"

"Thirty two," he immediately answered back without even breathing. I laughed. He smiled and then dropped his hand. "I'll be back later."

"No blowjobs," I mock scolded him. He smiled and then rolled his eyes moving toward the door.

"I'm going to kill him, slowly." He said over his shoulder as he exited the room. As the door shut I heard him yell down the hall, "Luc!"

I settled back down into my blanket nest and sighed, looking at my own phone. Three days, ten hours and...thirty one minutes.