The first time and last time it happened, they were in an inn in Nibelheim. He didn't actually know what he was doing, or if he should be, not just because that was Sephiroth closing the door behind them, but there was this bad taste he had in his mouth and it was all about a small town and the alpine air, that his mother might very possibly cry, because wasn't her boy just different enough? Cloud tugged at the collar of his uniform, thought, yeah, he absolutely was different enough, there was proof in the simple number of gels and straightening tonics he'd thrown away, thinking too many times he'd be stuck with the mess on top of his head, and if he just was allowed to sharp enough scissors in his barracks-
There was proof in the number of shoulders that constantly knocked into the side of his head in basic classes, even just walking through the hallways. He thought if he was lucky, he might stand a full two inches over his mother one day. Yeah, he stood out, he didn't know he even had an accent until he hit Midgarian soil, and he supposed what difference would it make to have a dick in his ass?
He was kind of on a roll, being-what did they used to say?—odd, not particularly right? He heard the voices every day, they were a part of him, and he didn't mind them anymore. When the voices had started seeming like his own, he didn't know.
There were a couple things that made him forget the tests he failed with an almost serial vigor, made him forget the mutinous voices, the differences. That was Zack, who was so nice to him sometimes he still got suspicious, and sword training. He was good at that.
As Sephiroth undid his belt, Cloud knew it just figured. Of course he was good at sword training, he guessed the other boys had known it too. Before he even thought about it himself, maybe.
His hands shook, and he realized that now was a stupid time to being thinking how inappropriate trying not to see his General's private parts were, but he was so nervous and Sephiroth had to know why, duh, he was just a private and of course Sephiroth knew that-
"You're my idol." He breathed. No, no I didn't just say that. Cloud wanted to run out of the door, couldn't believe he'd said that but his thoughts were so loud that they would just fall out of his mouth like that wasn't surprising. Just so stupid.
Sephiroth stopped, gave him mostly a blank look and silence enough to say anything else stupid he might want to get off his chest. But there was a fleeting smile, and Cloud just looked on dumbly because wow, it made him warm all over. He just blinked, and missed it when it disappeared too quickly in the shadow cast by the long veil of his hair.
"I'm sorry." He said anyway, and Sephiroth looked almost puzzled at that, ripped his belt through the loops before setting it in a coil on a bedside table.
"You've nothing to apologize for." He said, timbre of his voice dipping, wrapping around him like tight arms. He took his coat off went to put it on the hook and Cloud watched him move, every muscle move with him. He turned around, regarded him with green eyes from across the room. "Undress for me."
Cloud strained to hear any kind of not of humor in his voice. There was none.
"What?" It wasn't like he hadn't heard, it wasn't like Sephiroth couldn't very well talk him into doing cartwheels in the hotel room if he wanted, but…what? He was mortified, wanted someone to turn off the lights already. "Gener-"
Sephiroth sat down at the edge of his bed.
"Formalities are a little inappropriate now, don't you think?" Cloud closed his mouth. "Now," he looked kind of thoughtful, dark, "Do as I say."
There was humor then, but probably completely at his expense. There was nothing unkind in his eye though, and Cloud sighed inwardly( he hoped) figured he might as well, it wasn't like he was ever going to say no.
"Is there…any music?" Sephiroth only looked at him.
"Is that what you want?"
"No sir. I mean, not really. Do you-" Cloud started, but there was a tiredness in his eye that made him stop. He felt like he was ruining the mood.
"I'm not asking you to dance. If I wanted that I'd find a puppet, is that what you are?" Cloud was stung, felt it deep where he kept all those silly dreams.
"No…sir." He folded his arms, felt small. Sephiroth seemed to notice his misstep and looked for a split second almost as uncomfortable as Cloud felt. He stood up.
"I…apologize. Perhaps tonight isn't the night." He rubbed his temples, pulled his hair over one shoulder and looked at him. "You should go see your family. This is your hometown isn't it?"
Cloud curled his lip, and started on the buttons of his uniform jacket, tossed it to the floor.
"I don't-it doesn't matter." He shrugged, could not meet Sephiroth's eyes. He tore his undershirt over his head, threw that down too, and Sephiroth watched him with incomprehension.
"You have a family here, am I mistaken?" Cloud paused.
"My mother." Their eyes met then, and there was something in Sephiroth's eyes that was as naked as it was sharp and Cloud had no idea what he was suddenly privy to, but knew it was something he had no business seeing.
"Then why-"
"I can't, I don't want her to see-I just-" his shoulders slumped, he didn't want anyone to know about his shame, least of all Sephiroth. "I'll do anything you want." He said jumping subjects breathlessly, feeling the air on his now bare chest. Sephiroth still seemed to be trying to figure his reasoning out, but had kindly dropped the subject.
"I shouldn't have asked you to do something that made you uncomfortable." A clock on the wall above them ticked softly. Cloud reached boldly out, took one of Sephiroth's hands and placed it flush against his bare side. Sephiroth looked up at him from where he sat on the bed, looked a million miles away. "I think that perhaps," his hand swept too gently over his stomach, chest. "I am only looking for distractions." His hand came up to rest upon the heavy pulse of his neck. "And you have been distracting me for longer than I'd like to admit."
"I…have?"
"Mm. Is that odd of me to say? I feel…odd tonight."
"I always feel odd." Cloud said, wanting to hit himself again for saying stupid things. Sephiroth laughed softly. "I was hoping…you could distract me actually." Cloud said, face hot.
"I can do that. I can do more if you'll allow me." Sephiroth's eyes were bright, and Cloud didn't look away when he reached to turn off the bedside table lamp. What would Zack think he wondered, hoped the door was locked.
And then Sephiroth was pulling him down into his lap, and he almost missed his lips coming down, but Sephiroth found his, kissed him like he'd always wanted to kiss Tifa, kissed him deep, softer than the hair was at Sephiroth's nape where his hand had folded tight against the beginning of his spine. Cloud kissed him back hungrily, could've gone off into lengthy explanation about the details of his hero worship if the General's tongue wasn't currently on his, curling hot and slow against his lip, and suddenly on his neck, between all those frantic, biting kisses.
He leaned his head back, knees clenching down on Sephiroths hips. Masamune was there and Cloud jumped, hoped Sephiroth didn't notice, though when the men pulled back and took both sheathe and sword off, Cloud knew he had. And he couldn't help following the sword with his eyes when he went to place it across the pillows. Looking back, Sephiroth's eyes were following his.
"Would you like to see it?" he said and Cloud's mouth fell open. He should say no, he should say no, that was so inappropriate right now.
"Uh, yeah." Damn it. Sephiroth took it back into his hand again, and Cloud leaned back so he didn't get bashed in the head with the side of the sheathe. When Sephiroth went to stand up, Cloud rolled out of his lap, and watched as Sephiroth moved farther out so he could unsheathe it. He absolutely knew he had stars in his eyes. When the steel blade came out, it glimmered in the little bit of light coming through slits in the blinds. It was amazing up close, amazing looking in Sephiroth's hands. Sephiroth lifted it up so that the sharp tip angled towards the ceiling.
Cloud moved forward. Not too close or not to fast lest he impale himself in all his eagerness.
"Can I touch it?" Cloud asked, and Sephiroth was silent for a while before he said he could.
"Be careful." He said, and Cloud was so careful, feeling like there was magic at his hands when he touched a couple fingers to the slim broadside. He looked back up to Sephiroth who was looking down at him with an intense look, sword impossibly still.
"You can…taste it. If you'd like." Cloud was a little stunned, but wasn't totally averted to the idea, found that when Sephiroth lowered the sword and he got to his knees, he felt warm all over. Starting at the end of it was kind of a ridiculous idea, and would probably take all night so he moved in closer to Sephiroth, touched his tongue very carefully to the broadside.
Above him, Sephiroth shuddered. Masamue stayed incredibly still though. Cloud licked along the steel side, up the handle to Sephiroth's knuckles. Sephiroth clearly liked it a lot, and he liked that Sephiroth liked it, and yet he couldn't help thinking that if he liked it too much, he could end up losing his head. He stopped, found he was hot just thinking about what Sephiroth had just let him do to the weapon responsible for the fall of an entire country.
He didn't have time to think if that was amoral or not, because Sephiroth was putting his sword at the side of the room, and coming towards him with reestablished purpose, picking him up and throwing him down onto his bed so hard he bounced up and nearly bounced right off the bed and onto the floor. Sephiroth caught his legs and pulled him back, and Cloud pulled him down for more kisses, which he obliged for only a few seconds before he was holding him down, hair falling into his face saying,
"You look like you belong on your knees,' And the look in his eye was wild, his hair was all over the place, when he said, "Well, do you?"
And Cloud was surprised to find he didn't hesitate to say,
"Only for you." And Sephiroth gave one of those fleeting smiles, ground down into him in such a way that he was breathless, wanting both of them to be naked, even though he could feel Sephiroth was hard and he remembered that was going somewhere that would probably hurt, like a bitch.
He went to take off Sephiroth's pants and he wasn't stopped, Sehiroth just stilled above him, hissed when Cloud grabbed onto his bare hip and kicked off his pants the rest of the way. Sephiroth worked on his pants too, and Cloud kicked his off, thinking it was happening. He couldn't believe this was happening, not two miles away from where his mother was probably eating dinner.
With just skin on skin, they slowed down some and Sephiroth took a breath in the crook of his neck as their legs tangled.
"You're sure." He said, as if it pained him and it probably did because Cloud could feel his erection straining against his stomach. He actually laughed, albeit a little nervously. Sephiroth rolled his eyes, shoulders flexing. "I suppose it is a little late to be asking questions like that."
He kissed a path down the center of his body, and Cloud whimpered, said his name when he dipped his tongue into his navel, then into the slit of his cock which was so hard he didn't think he could stand it. He turned his head into the pillow, got his hands in Sephiroth's hair. There were countering touches to the insides of his thighs, backs of his knees, he couldn't take it. He pulled at Sephiroth's hair, silver taut in his hands, but at the resulting groan he let go.
"Sorry." He breathed, and Sephiroth looked up at him with bright eyes.
"No, I…like that." He said seeming surprised with himself.
"Oh." Cloud said, blushing. He took the hair back into his hands, pulled harder than before. Sephiroth hissed, closed his eyes. He pulled him back up by the hair to kiss him again, and he tasted bitter, good.
"I want you to fuck me." He said into the kiss, and Sephiroth stopped, looked down on him hungrily, spit onto his fingers and- holyshit, that hurt. Going a little slower, Sephiroth pressed one finger in more gently this time, and Cloud had really never felt more undignified, but it wasn't totally unpleasant.
"Relax." He said and Cloud breathed, but Ifrit two fingers were so much worse, and Sephiroth was breathing heavy above him and he knew something bigger was coming soon. Three fingers went in more easily than the first two and Cloud bit his lip, tried not to shake. He closed his eyes and Sephiroth started moving them in and out, crooking them and oh, that was amazing.
His eyes flew open as his hips bucked up and Sephiroth was staring at him like he could eat him, taking his fingers out and positioning himself. Cloud knew this was it, the clock above them was marking the moment, and when he woke up tomorrow he'd still be just a private, Sephiroth might not ever look at him again, but that was fine because tonight was the best thing that would probably happen to him.
There were tears in his eyes when Sephiroth slid in, all the way in, and it hurt so much, but he felt so terribly-complete. He breathed, moaned when Sephiroth pulled his legs around his hips, told him, in short desperate breaths that he was beautiful. He thought, I am? It brought him out of the devastating rocking of his hips for a still moment, because it wasn't true, there was an onslaught of voices in his head that told him otherwise, that he wasn't beautiful, wasn't anybody who would ever matter to men like Sephiroth, girls like Tifa or any cause immaterial or cosmic.
He should've resented the word, something superficial like that often relegated more to women, but Sephiroth was looking down on him, grinding into him so deep, and saying all these things both to him and to himself that made him feel like he really was a part of something. His vision turned back out and he could see Sephiroth moving smooth in the taut frame of his body, hair falling like water over his shoulders and into his face.
"Cloud-" he said, and Cloud couldn't exactly believe it, that his name was where it was and that it even happening, and then things were suddenly changing, Sephiroth was holding him down by the neck, pushing his knees up by his ears. And his hips were more insistent, his voice was breaking and his eyes were rolling back, and he was saying,
"Be quiet, shutup, stop this, what's happening to me-" and Cloud didn't know what was happening, what he was supposed to do, and he was scared, but there was something that told him Sephiroth was scared too, but why and how could that be?
"I'm hurting you." He said in between the mania coloring the rest of his words, "We should stop," he said and Cloud looked up, felt like he was needed in the strangest way.
Sephiroth didn't like it anymore when he pulled his hair now, and told him to stop it, but Cloud moved his hips, pulled Sephiroth close and told him 'harder.'
Closed his eyes against the pain because the pleasure had stopped a while ago, and Sephiroth unraveled above him, eyes burning green like nothing with any kind of natural component. He grit his teeth, because Sephiroth was merciless and lost and so hot he could have been on fire.
He came with his hands firmly around Cloud's throat. Almost immediately, he was up, stumbling back towards the door, naked and very white. To see disorientation fall on such a powerful form seemed surreal, wrong.
Cloud sat up, tried to tell him to come back, it was fine, but Sephiroth couldn't hear anything. He was grabbing his clothes up, putting them back on, apologizing, sweeping his hair out of his face and reaching a trembling hand for Masamune.
The blood on the inside of Cloud's thigh was cold in the air when he stood up. He stumbled.
"Sephiroth—" the man breathed, and turned towards the door.
"Go see your mother. You may not always have the chance." And with that he was gone. Cloud thought to follow, but he couldn't move right and he was naked. He instead went to the window, watched Sephiroth leave, glanced out and over the town and picked out his own house.
He decided that there would always be time.
Author's Note: Sephiroth/Cloud bug bit. This was an old short I'd started a while ago, and it was supposed to be more on the tender side but, uh...guess not? Hope you enjoy. :)