Disclaimer: I have no claim on anything Saint Seiya related (save for a healthy imagination the invariably involves characters in various intriguing situations).
Author's Notes: In which I dig up the courage to post my first Saint Seiya fanfiction. I wrote this nearly a year ago for the Anime North 2011 Fanfiction Contest, where it took the Grand Prize - and despite this, remained rather nervous about posting it, as I have never publicly shown any of my SS fanfiction and still consider myself relatively new to the fandom (having only finally finished watching the entire series two years ago). However, I found that I could no longer resist the urge to post it - and so here it is. Night Solace is a post-Hades piece focusing on Shun and Hyoga, and the aftermath of Shun's possession. It is decidedly shounen-ai. Please enjoy!
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Night Solace
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He woke with a start, sleep-hazed blue eyes staring up at the shadowed ceiling incomprehensively as he groggily attempted to figure out what it was that had yanked him out of a sound sleep without warning. The silence of the room – of the entire house – wrapped around him, drawing a frown to his face as he pushed himself into a sitting position, sheets pooling around his waist.
Hyoga didn't consider himself to be a light sleeper, and it was unusual for him to wake up in the middle of the night without any real cause. And there wasn't much going on in the house right then that would have woken him up – despite its size and its ability to house several active and eager teenagers at once, there were only two occupants. Ikki had taken off only a few days after returning from Elysian, followed by Shiryu once his injuries had healed enough to make the journey to Rozan. They had their own issues, their own internal pains to deal with – Hyoga knew far too well what that was like. Having to once again bear witness to his Master's death not once, but twice, had been a heavy weight upon his heart. He might even have been tempted to take off himself…if he had had anywhere to go. But he wasn't like Ikki – he couldn't simply wander. Nor was he like Shiryu – any place he might have once called home was no longer a comfort to him. He had nowhere to go, and so he stayed.
He almost envied Seiya.
There.
Hyoga's thoughts came to a sudden halt as his ears picked up a sound from outside his room. He tilted his head towards the door – but no, it wasn't coming from the door, but rather from the other side of the wall behind his bed.
A soft cry, caught somewhere between pain and panic.
Hyoga threw back his blankets and leapt out of bed, moving as quickly as he could without managing to sound like a herd of lumbering elephants. He hurried down the hall and pushed open the door to the bedroom next to his, not bothering to flip on a light – the soft moonlight that filtered in from the curtained window and fell across the bed was enough to see by.
Hyoga's gaze immediately went to the bed and its occupant.
Shun lay on his side, curled up in a tight ball, blankets and sheets twisted around his lower body from his position constantly shifting. His knees were drawn up towards his chest, his arms wrapped around himself and his nails digging into his skin, knuckles white enough that Hyoga knew despite the long-sleeved pajama shirt there would be marks on Shun's pale skin. Sweat-dampened hair clung to his neck and shoulders, and his eyes were clenched shut tight with panic. Another cry tore from his throat, and Hyoga's heart wrenched painfully when he saw a small, delicate tear making its way down his cheek.
Closing the bedroom door behind him with a soft click, Hyoga quietly made his way to the bed, cursing himself. He'd grown complacent, lax…it had been nearly three weeks since Ikki had left for parts unknown, and those three weeks had proven so uneventful that he'd pushed the conversation that he'd had with the Phoenix Saint before he'd departed into the back of his mind.
"Hyoga. Can I talk to you for a second?"
The blonde teen looked up in surprise to find Ikki standing over him, a travel satchel hanging from one shoulder, a serious expression (when was there ever anything else?) on his face. Hyoga wasn't surprised to note that everything about Ikki seemed tense at the moment. The older teen had barely spoken two words to any of them since they'd left Elysian, since Hades' defeat…since Seiya's coma.
So none of them had been shocked when, abruptly, Ikki had started to make preparations to leave, to go off on his own again and he was wont to do. How long he planned on being gone for, he wouldn't say – he probably didn't even know.
Usually, though, when he left he just…left. He didn't stop and ask to talk to any of them, so Hyoga figured that whatever was important enough for Ikki to delay his departure was important enough for him to hear. "Sure," he said, rising to his feet. "Here?"
Ikki shook his head. "Walk with me."
And that was how Hyoga found himself leaving the house with Ikki, the two of them walking in silence. The air was chilly, the winter months approaching faster, but for Hyoga the crisp chill was welcome. It was nothing compared to the harsh winters of Siberia, after all.
Finally, just when Hyoga was starting to wonder if he was supposed to start the conversation, Ikki spoke. "It's about Shun," he said finally, and with those three words had Hyoga's full attention. "He hasn't spoken about what happened to him, with…him." Ikki clenched his jaw tight for a moment. "I've tried to approach the subject but…" Here he stopped and gave a slight shrug, and Hyoga understood immediately. Ikki wasn't a 'talking about feelings' sort of guy. And if Shun didn't want to talk in the first place, it was easy to imagine the non-conversation that must have taken place.
"He doesn't act like it's bothering him," Ikki continued, "but since it's Shun we're talking about, I can't see how it isn't." Ikki clenched his fist. "He asked me to kill him, Hyoga. When he seized control of Hades for that brief moment, he told me to kill him. He can't be all right after something like that. I don't…know what it was like for him, but..." He cut off again, and then shook his head.
"It sounds like you want me to look after him for you while you're gone," Hyoga said quietly. "Ikki…the most important person in Shun's life is you. You're the one that he needs more than anyone else."
"I can't stay." Ikki shook his head. "There are…there's too much that I have to work out for myself. And even if I stay, I'll indulge him too much." He stopped walking abruptly and turned to face Hyoga. "You're the only one I can ask, Hyoga. With Seiya…gone…and Shiryu planning on returning to Rozan to see Shunrei, you're the only one that I can count on to be with him. I'm not expecting miracles, just…be there for him. When he needs someone, be there. Don't let him be alone."
It was the closest Hyoga had ever seen the proud Saint come to begging, and damned if it didn't tug at something inside of Hyoga. For all that Ikki could be a certifiable bastard at the best of times, the one thing that could not be denied about his character was how much he loved his brother. Ikki had the Big Brother Complex in spades and Hyoga pitied the fools who pressed that particular button.
And that, Hyoga realized, was at the crux of Ikki's turmoil. No matter what, in the past whenever Shun had needed him, Ikki had come. Ikki had been there, had saved him, had delivered his wrath upon those who attempted to harm him. Oh, Shun was more than capable of taking care of himself, but there had never been any doubt that if his older brother could take all the burdens of battle off of Shun's shoulders and settle it onto his, he'd do so in a heartbeat.
But in the Underworld, Shun had needed him more than ever…and Ikki hadn't been able to do anything for him. Even when Shun had pleaded with him, he couldn't deliver the final blow that would have ended Hades – would have saved the Gold Saints and Seiya – because he loved his brother too much. And it had been Athena, not Ikki, who had eventually expelled Hades from Shun's body and saved him from that dark fate.
Hyoga could have told Ikki not to blame himself, but it wouldn't have worked. And so he kept his observations to himself, simply met Ikki's eyes, and nodded.
But despite his promise to Ikki, Hyoga knew that he hadn't been keeping as close an eye on Shun as he should have been. And if Shun had been having these nightmares each night, then Hyoga very likely could have slept through them completely.
For whatever reason, this time he had woken up, and the full force of his failed promise hit him like a train. He crossed to the bed and knelt upon the mattress, grasping Shun's shoulders firmly and giving him a sudden shake. "Shun," he said, keeping his voice steady, trying to keep panic out of it so that he wouldn't subconsciously increase the other boy's. "Shun, wake up!"
Emerald green eyes snapped open, staring unfocused at Hyoga. His shoulders trembled under Hyoga's hands, and the Cygnus Saint had to fight back the urge to pull Shun into his arms and hold him until the shaking stopped. He wasn't even sure if Shun realized who he was, where he was, or that he was out of his nightmare.
A moment later Hyoga saw the light return to Shun's eyes, saw them come into focus and the recognition that lit within them. "…Hyoga?" he whispered, voice shaking slightly.
"It's me," Hyoga said softly, loosening his grip in relief. He started to shift, to move from his knees to a normal sitting position, when he suddenly found his center of gravity thrown off balance by one hundred and thirteen pounds of shaking, green-haired Andromeda Saint suddenly ending up in his lap. Shun's hands grasped at the fabric of Hyoga's tank top, clutching so tight as he proceeded to try to hide himself in Hyoga's arms that it strained the material to near the ripping point. Hyoga managed to catch himself before he tumbled off the bed, supporting both of their weights with one arm on the mattress while the other came up to wrap around Shun and hold him still. "…Shun?"
"…Scared," Shun whispered, voice muffled as he pressed his face against Hyoga's chest. "It's…so dark…so cold…" Every word trembled, and it immediately brought out the protective instincts within Hyoga, tightening his arm around Shun and pulling him closer.
"Shh," Hyoga murmured, resting his palm flat on Shun's back. He could feel the chill of the other boy's skin through his shirt, and if Hyoga thought someone felt cold, then that was a sure indication of alarm. Without thinking he began to run his hand in small circles, trying to work some warmth back into Shun's body. "It's all right, Shun. It was a nightmare. Just a nightmare." He closed his eyes. "You're safe now."
Shun's reply was lost in the midst of a hiccup, and Hyoga shifted their positions so that he was sitting up fully with the smaller boy in his lap, both arms wrapping around him now for comfort. The gesture caused Shun to curl up, and his death grip on Hyoga's clothes loosened. Slightly. Very slightly.
Gradually – painfully so – he could feel Shun relaxing in his arms, the tension and fear slowly draining out of him as Hyoga continued to whisper to him. What exactly he said not even the blonde boy could recall, but it didn't seem to matter – it was the sound of Hyoga's voice that was serving to comfort Shun, not the exact words that he spoke.
Finally, Shun drew in a shuddering breath, and pulled back enough for him to be able to look up at Hyoga. His eyes were rimmed red from crying, tearstained tracks running down flushed cheeks. Sniffling, he reached up to wipe at his eyes. "Sorry," he said, his voice hoarse. "I… I cried all over you. Sorry."
Hyoga couldn't help but smile. "Don't worry about it," he replied. "Are you all right?"
Shun took another deep breath, then nodded. "Better," he whispered. "I… I wasn't expecting to be woken up, and then…" Another shudder rippled through him, but he managed to get control over himself. "Usually it doesn't end until the sun comes up."
Expression turning serious, Hyoga lifted his hand and brushed back a few strands of hair that had fallen into Shun's face. "How long has this been going on, Shun?" he asked quietly. "How long have you been having these nightmares?"
A guilty look spread across Shun's face, and he suddenly averted his eyes, as if he couldn't bear to look at Hyoga when he answered. "…since Nii-san left," he said softly, hanging his head a little. "He…he was staying with me when I slept, but then he was gone and…" And Shun had been alone.
Hyoga closed his eyes for a moment and wondered if it would be irrational to blame Ikki, but just as quickly wrote it off as irrational. There was no way Ikki would have known that without him there, Shun would start having nightmares. And it was irrational to think that Ikki would always be able to be there. No, the real worry was that Shun was having the nightmares in the first place.
"It's all right, Shun," Hyoga replied, opening his eyes again and looking down at him. He couldn't stand the look on Shun's face – as if the Andromeda Saint thought it was shameful to admit that he couldn't sleep peacefully without someone with him. "You don't have to be ashamed of something like nightmares. Everyone has them - even me."
"But…" Hyoga held up his hand, and Shun's voice trailed off.
"You had to go through something that none of us can even begin to understand," Hyoga said. "The only person who might be able to understand would be Julian Solo, but he doesn't remember being possessed by Poseidon. Even Saori-san doesn't know what it's like. It's natural for it to affect you, Shun. Having nightmares doesn't make you weak."
Shun was quiet for a moment, still not-quite-looking at Hyoga. Then he shifted, resting his head against Hyoga's shoulder and making himself a little more comfortable. "…It doesn't bother me during the day," he whispered. "It's only at night, when the sun goes down and it gets dark… I feel like I'm back there. Back in that void of nothingness, seeing everything happening around me, hearing my voice and yet not speaking, knowing my body is being used to hurt my friends and unable to do anything to stop it. And with each passing second I felt as if I was drifting further and further away. I was helpless."
"But you fought back," Hyoga said. "You gained enough control back from Hades that you were able to halt him."
Shun closed his eyes. "…I wasn't fighting," he whispered. "I was…I gave up, Hyoga. For one moment, just one moment, I gave up. I decided that there was no saving me, and so I decided that the only way out for me was to do what only the Andromeda Saint can do. The only path left for me was sacrifice. But I…I didn't want to die, Hyoga."
"Of course you didn't," Hyoga replied matter-of-factly. "None of us want to die, Shun, but we all accept that death is a possibility in our lives. None of us were left naïve about that. Shun, look at me." While he'd spoken Shun had turned his head away again, hiding it against Hyoga's shoulder. Hyoga had no idea that Shun could be so physically clinging when he was upset, but he wasn't going to complain about it. When someone was single-handedly responsible for saving your life, getting apprehensive about physical space intrusion seemed pointless.
Tentatively Shun turned his head just enough to peek out at Hyoga again.
"Shun," Hyoga continued, "you are one of the strongest, bravest people that I know. I don't believe you when you say that you 'gave up', because in all the time I've known you, you never have. You didn't give up on your brother. You didn't give up when we fought the Gold Saints. And you didn't give up on me – you even risked your own life to save mine. It's who you are, and you should never be ashamed of it. You may have been afraid, so afraid that you couldn't think of anything else, but you did not give up."
Slowly, Shun's eyes shimmered as they filled with tears again, and he sniffled and blinked rapidly as he tried to keep them from falling. Hyoga's heart ached at the sight – how long had Shun been holding these feelings of failure and shame inside of him? And how had none of them realized it before? Ikki had, Ikki had come the closest, but he hadn't known how to handle it. His own guilt had kept him from being able to help his brother through his.
And Ikki had known it…and reached out to Hyoga for help.
Hyoga tightened his arms around Shun, closing his eyes and pressing his face into the other boy's hair. Together they sat like that, holding each other tight, each battling with their own personal demons in companionable silence. Only the sound of their unsteady breathing and the heavy beating of their hearts broke through, their grips on each other impossibly tight.
Somewhere in the vast, still house, a clock chimed, reminding them both that it was the middle of the night. Slowly they pulled back from each other, their eyes meeting, emerald-green to ice-blue. Hyoga took a deep breath. "You should try sleeping again," he said to Shun, starting to untangle himself from the other boy so that he could get up. "It'll be morning soon enough."
Pale, slim fingers suddenly grasped Hyoga's shirt with unexpected strength. "…Stay with me?" Shun asked, his tone somewhere between timid uncertainty and sweet hope. He held Hyoga's gaze. "I don't want to be alone."
Who leaned in first was impossible to say. They seemed to meet in the middle, Hyoga's arms tightening around Shun's waist, Shun's reaching up to wrap around Hyoga's neck. The sudden shift in emotion felt as natural as breathing, and it didn't matter that this hadn't been Hyoga's intention when he'd come to Shun's room. Focus narrowed, and there was only the now.
The response to Shun's question came in the shifting of fabric, the rustling of sheets, soft sighs and whispered words as the night stretched on, the rest of the world, both real and imagined, vanished beneath tender touches and gentle embraces.
And as exhaustion at last claimed them both and the sun's morning rays began to slip through the heavy curtains, Shun curled up in the warmth of Hyoga's arms and closed his eyes, drifting off into dreamless sleep.
