Chapter 1

Aqua's POV

My life has become like a goddamn Nicholas Sparks novel.

That's all I can process as I prepare for the funeral of my husband. That horrible thought persists through the grief that racks my entire soul every day.
My husband is gone, and I'm alone. For the first time in years, I'm just Aqua. Not Ven&Aqua, no longer Aqua and Ven. Not even truly do I feel like Mrs. Ventus Cardin anymore, due to the fact I'm a widow now, because my husband is gone.

My life has become some giant, sad story cliche. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

I'd had it all, once. I'd grown up relatively well off, my family doted on me, and I'd been lucky enough to have met my soulmate in high school.

Ventus had caught my eye from the beginning of our freshman year. I'd never seen him before that day, he must have gone to another middle school.
Honestly, I was immediately entranced.
He was blond, so bright and beautifully blond it almost hurt to look at. His eyes were a deep, gorgeous blue, and his smile was dazzling.
I remember we'd shared a few classes, and as bold as I usually was, I hadn't dared speak to him.

I wouldn't fit in with his crowd, I'd reasoned. My strawberry blonde hair was dyed blue, I hung out with the strange, "alternative" kids, and he hung out with the jocks. He was athletic, and brilliant, and girls and boys alike were in love with him all over the school, hell, maybe the entire town.
Ventus seemed to be out of my league, maybe even in another galaxy. We hung out with different crowds, but I couldn't help but adore him from afar anyway.
In my fourteen year old mind, it probably seemed like we were star crossed lovers, destined to one day overcome our social boundaries.

As a teenager, the need to overcome such a dilemma was never one I put much thought into. I assumed that eventually, destiny would intervene and he'd notice me noticing him and the rest would be history. I'd never had to actually, like, do anything.
With that in mind, I spent our first year of high school lovesick and angry that no one knew I was lovesick, as I felt was my God given right.
I whined about unrequited love and never ending agony to the only person I trusted with such information, my mother, who'd only ever seemed amused by what I imagined as the greatest plight of all time.

But one day, Ventus's best friend Terra did my dirty work for me, loudly proclaiming, "That girl is so fucking in love with you" in front of what had felt like the entire school our sophomore year. We'd been standing across the hallways from each other, and I couldn't resist glancing over at Ventus every few seconds, thinking no one had seen me.
Unfortunately, Terra had.
People had laughed, and I had blushed crimson and ran off, embarrassed. Now convinced I'd have to move far, far away and forget Ventus even existed, I felt my fifteen year old heart crumble as I imagined my life actually falling to pieces around me.
But, the world did not work that way, it had appeared.

Ventus had followed me, locating me outside. I'd curled into a mess of limbs against a wall, feeling cleverly concealed by the large plant growing off of it, but apparently not concealed enough. His footsteps came closer, and I wished for a giant hole to open up and swallow me into the ground right then and there.
None of which happened.
"Hey," He'd said, smiling slightly. His voice sent nervous flutters through my stomach.
I'd immediately glanced back down, too scared to look him in the eye.
"Sorry about Terra back there." Ventus was saying, and I cringed.
He noticed, and his tone got even softer, somehow, as I praised the angels above for not letting him be a total dick, for letting him be a nice boy.
"Hey, it's okay. For the record, I think you're pretty cute. Aqua, right? Is that your real name, or a nickname because of your hair?"
I gulped and nodded, glancing up. "Y-yeah, I'm Aqua. Real name, but the hair is a nice touch, right? Nice to like...officially meet you, Ventus."
The boy chuckled. "Call me Ven." He'd held out his hand, and lifted me back to my feet, still smiling at me.
My heart had hammered in my throat, and I was positive I'd still been bright red, but he'd handed me his phone number and walked off, still smiling.

We'd gone on a few awkward dates before I stopped acting like an idiot around him, and before long he was my boyfriend.
Ven had been the love of my life, the only person I'd ever loved.
We were inseparable. We were each other's first and only loves. Our parents on both sides adored us together, and everyone who knew us would call us the lucky ones.

He asked me to marry him the summer after high school, and we wasted no time in making it happen.

Then, at the young age of twenty one, right as we'd been preparing to take a trip around the world together...we learned I was pregnant.

Our dreams changed, but neither of us minded all that much. We set up house in an adorable little neighborhood.
Ven got a job to support us through a slightly difficult pregnancy, and while we were happy, it was a hard year of our lives.
It had all been worth it when our daughter had been born the next spring, a tiny redheaded little girl we named Kairi.
Ven was a wonderful father who adored Kairi. We had the perfect, happiest little family a person could ever hope for.

Our bliss was short lived, though, as Ven had died in a car accident just a week ago.
It was a beautiful spring day, a gorgeous setting for our life.
We were having a party for Kairi's third birthday. Morning came, and I'd woken him up with an enthused, "Party day!" and set him a list of errands to run.
I remember how he kissed me goodbye, and ruffled the soft, fine red hair on our daughter's head.
Then, running back inside, he'd laughed a perfect laugh and said, "Almost forgot the keys!"
"Those are important," I'd chuckled.
He'd come back for "another goodbye kiss", and then turned at the front door, calling out to me and Kairi, "Be back soon, my darlings!"
He'd been out to get the cake, and was on his way home when a car had swerved into his lane, causing the crash.

The scene where I was informed of my husband's death is on a constant loop in my mind.
It had been a long while, much longer than it should have taken for Ven to return home.
I remember making every kind of excuse I could, even joking with Terra about how I couldn't get through on his phone because my lazy butt of a husband never charged the damn thing, and Terra laughing hollowly as we finished setting up for the party, and then came a knock at the door.

I could feel it immediately, before even opening the door. I'd felt it all afternoon, the strange sense that something was out of order in the world.

Something was horrifically, terribly wrong.
Ven wouldn't have been knocking at the door.

When I'd opened it, I'd seen the uniforms, and I just knew I'd hear something terrible.
Two police officers stood there, and the one in front had a face that was full of pity.

"Are you Mrs. Cardin?" He'd asked kindly.
I'd nodded, feeling the blood drain from my face.
"May we come in?"
I'd nodded once again, instructing Terra to take Kairi into another room, please.
They'd told me everything, apologizing profusely as they went, and I started screaming, but no noise came out.

And then I'd collapsed.

He was only twenty five years old. We were too young, we didn't get enough time.
Those were the words I kept hearing, as though they were supposed to help.
Nothing helped.

Kairi was currently staying with my parents while I sorted out what needed to be done.
Saying a prayer, I thanked every power there was, so grateful she was too young to understand, too young to know what had happened. Too young to grieve the way I grieved.
But my heart ached as I thought of her growing up without knowing how wonderful her father had truly been.
I stare at the living room from the arch of the kitchen without really seeing.
Why did this happen to us? What had we done to deserve such a cruel fate?

As I shook with renewed sobs, I dropped what I was holding, a glass of water, and fell to my knees in the now cold, wet carpet.
I wept into my hands, horrible racking sobs.
"Aqua!" A man's voice shouted, and I felt myself be lifted up from the floor where I'd collapsed, and onto the couch.
The face swimming before me came into focus. Terra was peering down at me, concern and sorrow etched into the lines of his face.
"Aqua, shhh. I'm here."
As I sobbed, I thought how strange it was that Terra was the one here with me, helping me through this.
He'd been the one to embarrass me in front of Ven, though I knew in the long run it had been a good thing.
Terra and Ven had been best friends for most of their lives, and I think we both felt some tension when I stepped into the picture and became a permanent fixture.
But despite our initial weirdness, I liked Terra well enough, and Ven and I had made him Kairi's godfather when she was born.
It felt like years ago. It felt like yesterday. Time made no sense anymore.
A world without Ven made no sense.
"I just...can't...believe...he's gone..." I managed through heaving sobs, gasping for breath with each word.
Terra's face contorted. "Me either, Aqua.
Me either."
We wept together, Terra and I, alone in a world we didn't know how to live in without Ven.

xXxXx

Sunlight streams through my blinds as I wake up the next day in my room. Turning to the left, where Ven usually is, my breath hitches in my throat.
How many more days will I awaken and look for someone who's never going to be there again?

I didn't remember falling asleep, or Terra carrying me in here, but eventually the exhaustion must have kicked in.
We wept for what felt like hours on the couch last night.

I shakily get to my feet and head for my bathroom, but when I step in all I can smell is the deodorant Ven always wore.
The cap is off, and must have been since the day of the party. I'd spent so little time in here since then I hadn't even noticed.
Smelling it makes me dizzy, and I want to scream.
Instead, I turn and fall, throwing up the tiny amount of food I'd managed to keep down less the day before.

I lay on the floor of my bathroom for a while, weeping.
This shouldn't be happening.

xXxXx

Eventually, I pull myself off the floor and leave the bathroom, going back to collapse onto my bed.

Somewhere in the room, my phone rings, but I can't be bothered to find it.
Truthfully, I can't be bothered to do anything.
Still ringing from somewhere, I mutter to the room, "Don't bother. I don't care."

It goes silent some time later, and I lay in bed still, wishing I was as dead as my husband.
I don't want to bear this world alone.

Not much more time has passed before Terra comes to rouse me again, and I wish he wouldn't.
Terra is such a good guy, but Ven was what held our friendship together. Ven was the reason the two of us saw eye to eye, and we'd bonded over our mutual respect and adoration for the blond. That was the glue in our friendship, and how would it remain solid when the man who'd been responsible was gone?

I almost wish he'd just go away.
"Aqua, come on. You can't stay in here all day. Please," The tall brunet is saying, but it's almost washed away by the ringing in my ears.
Can't he see that I don't care about anything anymore?
"Aqua Elizabeth Cardin." His tone has shifted into something heavier, and I blink at the use of my full name as some old instinct to reply rears up, something lost from childhood, the reproach of the use of a full name.
"Y-yes?" I croak, finally looking at him. Terra is frowning at me, but it's not a mean look.
I can feel the sympathy, and I hate it. I shouldn't need to be pitied. This shouldn't be my life.
"We're going to see Kairi now, remember? You must remember that. Come on, Aqua. Get up. You're not doing this to yourself. I refuse to let you wither away." Terra is saying, and the only part of it I can register is the name of my daughter. He's right, and I know it somewhere deep down, but the grief drowns it out.

He leaves me then, promising to come back in if I don't leave the room within the timeframe of an hour.
Staring at the ceiling, I allow myself another round of tears before I leave my bed.

xXxXx

Vanitas's POV

"Yo, Cardin!"
I sigh, pretending I don't hear the voice of my coworker. I just want to sit here on this damn wall, where I'm enjoying the only goddamn break I've had yet today, and smoke my fucking cigarette.
"Earth to Cardin! Vanitas, I know you can fuckin' hear me bro!"
I roll my eyes and glance over at the door, which Xigbar has refused to fully step out from, and call back, "Yeah boss?"
"You have a phone call!" The older man says.
Why is someone calling me at work? We live in the age of iPhones, do we not? Anyone I'd want to speak to could reach me on that.
"Tell 'em I'm unavailable." I shout back.
The old man rolls his one eye at me and says, "Already told her you were here. Come pick up the damn phone already."
With that, he steps back inside, and I groan and put out my cigarette. I hope it's not a customer complaint.
I work for a place called the Organization, which is pretty much a giant delivery service.
Anything you could think of having picked up and delivered, we do it. Seriously. Party favors, flowers, food, pets, etc. We do everything.
As I tally through all of my recent deliveries and I try to figure out what I could have fucked up recently.
Nothing really comes to mind, but you know how people are. "The customer is always right" and all that shit, or whatever.

Stepping through the doors, I raise my eyebrows at Xigbar, who says, "She didn't give me a name, just asked for you. Said it was important."
That's odd, but alright. I must have severely fucked up someone's life if they wouldn't even tell Xigbar what exactly went wrong.
They must want to yell directly at me, then. Rad.
I pick up the phone, attempting to keep my voice from sounding too exasperated. "Hello, this is Vanitas."

The voice on the other end inhales sharply, and I mentally prepare myself for the worst.

"Hi Vanitas."
My heart slows for a moment and I feel the color drain from my face. Clenching the receiver tightly in my right hand, so tightly it hurts, I try to remember to breathe.

I haven't heard that voice in years, but I'd know it anywhere.
"H-hi mom."

xXxXx

My brother is dead. My mom tracked me down after ten years to tell me my little brother, Ven, is dead.

I can't process this.
The last time I saw Ventus was right before his sophomore year of high school. Kid was the total opposite of me, the golden boy.
Ven was the goddamn perfect son. Never caused any trouble or stress for my folks. I heard it all the time, how great it was Ven never followed my example, how wonderful he was, how nice it was to have such a respectful child around.
I'd resented him for it, maybe even hated the runt a little bit. I wanted to be the favorite once when we were young, but I was too rebellious, too angry, too...everything.
He knew it, too. I think that's the worst part, is that I never hesitated to tell the kid how much I disliked the blatant favoritism, or the fact that he always won.

And now he was gone. I hadn't seen him in ten years, and now he was gone.

"We're having a funeral this weekend. W-we hope you can come. It's been too long, and family should stick together now more than e-ever." My mother had said, openly weeping over the phone.
If I hadn't been so shell shocked, I may have replied something scathing to her about how she and dad had forced me out, not the other way around.
They'd been glad to be rid of me, at least until their baby died, and they had to find me. The only kid they still had.

Ventus was dead.

I told Xigbar I had to leave and asked him to have the boss call me before I booked it out of there, hopping onto my bike and heading home.
As soon as I stumbled through my door and shut it behind me, I fell to my knees, the shock beginning to wear off and the horrible sadness setting in.

Dry sobs racked my body as the impact hit me. I wanted to scream, or break something, or even openly weep, but my eyes were dry as I curled up on my floor, shaking.

I hadn't seen my brother in ten goddamn years, and that last time I'd been cruel to the kid, and now I'd never see him again.

"I'm so fucking sorry, Ven. I'm so goddamn sorry." I whisper, and then the tears fall.

Of course I'll go to his funeral. It may be too little too late, but I'll step in and be a good son for my folks now, at least for a little while.
I can do that for them. I can try to make up for how awful I was. I can remind them that even though they've lost one, they still have another son. I can take care of them while they grieve, and then once my amends are made, I can leave.

But I can't do anything on this floor. I stand up, still shaky.
Walking through my house in a daze, I pack a bag automatically. I calm myself with a few deep breaths and thank God my roommate isn't home to see me so unnerved.
Rummaging through a desk for a pen and paper, I write her a note and stick in into an envelope, placing it carefully on the desk where she'll be sure to see it.
Looking around, I give myself one last pep talk before leaving the place behind.

Larx,

going home to Radiant Garden for a bit. Some family shit came up.
Dunno exactly how long I'll be, but in advance here's next month's rent.
Text or call if ya need anything.
Don't cause too much trouble without me.
-Vanitas

A/N:

This is something a little newer for me. I've never written anything with the BBS kids before! I rarely use those characters.
But with a return to FF with a brand new, clean palette this month after years away I thought, ayyy, may as well start something new.

Firstly, I am so sorry to anyone who adores Ventus, because I feel you bro. I love that kid, but hey, this is supposed to hurt the heart, and his existence is already so riddled with pain he was my first choice to kill off when I thought of this.

Secondly, an apology now to any Terqua shippers, because while I adore it, I can't make myself write it, so it'll never happen. Just throwing that out there as a sidenote.
I love the idea of it, just not from me.

Thirdly, I needed to write out something involving death and grief, because I've been dealing with it myself for a while now after a beloved person in my life died, and writing out some of those feelings helps.

Okay! All that out of the way, I hope you all enjoy! I've got a decent ish plan for this, we'll see how it goes. Trying to make the chapters in this one longer than I normally write without stretching it out too far, we'll see how I do.

Tata for now!