Fenris goes looking for Hawke after she decieved him and disappeared to the Inquisition.
F!Hawk / Fenris one shot written as a Christmas present. Set during the events of the Inquisition. Warning for graphic injuries.
"Where are they?" Fenris growled, his clawed gauntlet tightening around the neck of the guardsman he held up against the wall.
"No one knows!" the guard captain stuttered out. "They all just... disappeared. Vanished. But they're grey wardens right? That's what they do."
"I would appreciate it if you would put my captain down, Fenris."
Fenris glanced over his shoulder to see a familiar red headed woman. Scowling, he tightened his grip before tossing the guardsman aside. Ignoring the coughing man on the ground, Fenris turned to Aveline. "Hawke and Bethany. Where are they?" he snapped.
Aveline was silent for a time then said, "I think you better come with me. We can talk in private."
Fenris wanted nothing more than to demand answers now - she clearly knew something! - but he understood the need for privacy even as he resented every delay. Aveline led Fenris through the near deserted streets to a guard tower. Inside, they climbed a staircase and entered what looked like a private study or office. "Why don't you tell me what's happened," Aveline said as she shut the door firmly behind them. "Last I heard you and Hawke were hunting slavers together. Did you have a falling out?"
"No!" Fenris snapped. He gritted his teeth and turned away. Two strides took him over to the window and he leaned against the sil, forcing himself to calm. If he snapped at Aveline she would only clam up and refuse to help him. He couldn't afford that, not now.
"We were hunting slavers," he said when his voice was calmer. "We had just finished a job and were... celebrating."
"The way you pulled his intest... interes... his guts out was magnificent!" Hawke slurred.
Fenris smiled at her fondly. "Oh yes, you can say 'magnificent' while drunk but not 'intestines'," he teased.
"Hey, shuttup you, it's your fault I'm drunk anyway. What is this stuff? It's good," she said, waving her glass and sloshing it a bit.
"It's called West Hill Brandy," Fenris said and caught her waving hand in his own, lowering it to the table before she spilled it all. "It is somewhat expensive but I figured we deserved the treat tonight."
"Hmm. You always celebrate with alcohol? Must get awfully boring. Specially when you gotta drink so much to get drunk."
Fenris reached out and pulled Hawke into his lap. She let out an undignified squawk but then reached up to gently brush a lock of hair from his face, careful not to touch any of his sensitive markings. She was always so considerate. "Not always," he murmured.
"When I woke the next morning, Hawke wasn't there," Fenris said.
"She was always an early riser though. Drink never seemed to affect her. Not the following morning anyway," Aveline commented.
"I know that. That's why I didn't bother getting up at first. Normally she would come back and drag me out of bed, sometimes literally. But when I woke later and she still wasn't there I got up to look for her. That's when I found this," he said. Reaching into a pocket, he handed over a much-creased letter.
It was actually the third time Fenris woke that morning that actually got him to get out of bed. He would have enjoyed lazily staying in bed and, had Hawke returned, he would have pulled her back to bed with him. But she didn't and that was somewhat unusual.
Climbing out of bed, he pulled some pants on and was about to go outside when he caught sight of a letter resting on the bedside table that hadn't been there when they retired the night before. Fenris's reading ability still wasn't great despite Hawke's best efforts. Thankfully, Hawke had kept this in mind and kept her handwriting particularly neat with none of that fancywork she sometimes did when writing to other people.
My dearest Fenris,
Please don't be mad at me.
Of course that instantly made Fenris frown; if a letter started with 'Please don't be mad' then it contained something worthy of being mad about.
You know of the disturbing reports we've been hearing about the Grey Wardens. It makes me worried about Bethany. I know you don't like her so I decided I would visit her on my own, just to make sure she's alright. I would have discussed this with you, of course, but I know you would have protested so I figured why go through the motions?
Well, that was true at least, Fenris allowed. After all these years he still didn't trust Bethany or the hold she seemed to have over her older sister, convinced that it would wind up biting Hawke.
I should only be gone for two weeks or so, three at the most. Why don't you make use of that contact we met last night? Yes, I do remember, I wasn't THAT drunk! That should keep you interested while I'm away and I promise I'll make it up to you when I get back.
Love,
M. Hawke
Aveline read it quickly then sighed. "I'm guessing that the time she said she would be back by had passed."
Fenris gave a single nod. "So I came here, to what I thought was their last known location."
"Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but Hawke never arrived here. In fact I know that she never actually intended to come here," Aveline said. She held up a hand to stall Fenris when he turned from the window, about to round on her, demand what she meant. "I also received a letter from Hawke," she said and, rifling around in a desk drawer, she found it and handed it over.
Fenris took it and frowned over it; of course Hawke had used her fancy writing (cursive she called it, supposedly faster to write than print though he failed to see how) for this letter. It was dated two months before he received his own letter.
My dear Aveline,
He skipped over the personal salutations, speaking of her own well being and inquiring after Aveline and kept reading when he found something interesting.
I am sure that you have also heard what I have about the Grey Wardens, how they have started acting strangely and even vanishing in some areas. Between that and the breach in the sky in Ferelden it truly seems as though the world is coming to an end. I am concerned about all of these things but cannot be everywhere at once so I was hoping you could assist me.
As I'm sure you know, Bethany has been stationed in Orlais, right where much of the troubling news I hear about the Grey Wardens come from. I would very much appreciate it if you could find her and escort her out of Orlais, at least as far as the Free Marches. After what she has been subjected to because of my decision to allow her to accompany me into the Deep Roads, I could never forgive myself if more harm came to her due to my negligence.
Your friend,
M. Hawke
"So she never came here," Fenris said, defeated.
Aveline shook her head slowly. "I am sorry, Fenris, no. There would have been no need to, I had already escorted Bethany and the Wardens under her command away. But... there's more." Aveline handed Fenris another letter. "It's dated the same day as yours."
Fenris took this second letter, noticing that it was significantly shorter than the last, little more than a missive.
A,
I intend to travel to Skyhold, to try to help this new Inquisition. Varric has written to me to tell me he is with them, that their Inquisitor actually seems like a capable woman. I can't take Fenris with me. I know that this will be dangerous and, fool that he is, he would wind up dying in order to protect me. I can't let that happen. I have left him a letter that may lead him to you looking for me. Stall him if you can, please. Hopefully, by the time he catches up to me, I will have finished my business with the Inquisition and I can deal with his anger then.
M. H.
"You're glowing Fenris."
Fenris glanced up from the letter to see Aveline's face tinged with a hint of fear but lit with a blue-white light. With effort he got himself under control and the markings subsided.
"I thought that her letter had proven true when I heard of a mad elf assaulting my guards, asking questions about Grey Wardens. But I could not stall you here. Would not. Hawke was foolish to think I would."
Fenris gave a short nod, glad at least for that. "Skyhold. Where is it?" he asked, glad that he managed to keep his voice level.
Aveline shifted some papers from a table onto a chair revealing a large map. Gesturing Fenris over, the elf approached and looked down on it. "I don't know the exact location, rumour has it that it is an ancient fortress, only just rediscovered. Here is Haven," she pointed to a point on the map in Ferelden, surrounded by mountains. "Or, was Haven. It's been destroyed."
"Destroyed? Did the breach destroy it?" he asked. He had heard stories of entire towns razed when he was a slave in Tevinter, and it was always due to rogue magic at the hands of a magister who was later officially declared insane and a blood mage. The breach definitely qualified for that kind of rogue magic.
"No," Aveline said. "The Inquisitor had already closed the breach when it happened. There are... conflicting reports of what occurred there and we haven't heard anything solid. An avalanche, an army of templars, darkspawn, demons, no one can really agree. Whatever it was, it drove the Inquisition away and they found Skyhold. Somewhere around here," she said, pointing to another area in the map, still around mountains. "You would probably be able to travel to one of the towns nearby, Redcliffe perhaps, and ask for directions from there. Redcliffe is here," she pointed to another area on the map, a town with a port on a large lake in what looked like a fertile area. "Just... be careful there, Fenris. That's where some of the worst fighting between mages and templars was. That seems to have been brought under control through the Inquisition's efforts, but there are still stories that I'm not sure how much credit to give them."
"What kind of stories?" Fenris asked.
"Corrupted templars, with red crystals growing from their skin. Crystals that look like red lyrium. If the reports are accurate, then they would be even more dangerous than anything we faced in Kirkwall."
Fenris gave a nod and, with a final look over the map, memorizing a route and a few landmarks, straightened. "Thank you, Aveline," he said.
"Find her and bring her back safe Fenris," Aveline said.
"I will," Fenris swore.
Varric,
I know you know where Hawke is. Send her to me. I am at Redcliffe.
Fenris.
"Anything interesting?"
Varric looked up from the note to see Trevelyan standing before him. "Hmm you could say that. An old acquaintance looking for Hawke," he said.
"An old acquaintance?" Trevelyan asked. "This wouldn't happen to be one of those involved with blowing up the chantry would it?"
"In a manner of speaking. It's Fenris, Hawke's lover. He's come looking for her and is at Redcliffe. Perhaps showing more wisdom and restraint than I would have given him credit for in waiting there for me to send Hawke to him."
"Then... I'm guessing he hasn't heard about what happened at Adamant yet."
"Probably not," Varric admitted. "His was the first letter I wrote, of course, but if he's been looking for her since she arrived here, he probably never received it. When he finds out what happened... well. It won't be pretty."
"I should tell him in person since he's so close," Trevelyan said, the guilt clear on her face.
"That may not be wise. Our broody friend holds a special hatred for all mages and you don't exactly hide that aspect about you," Varric said, nodding towards her dress. The Inquisitor was known to always wear fancy mage robes and never be seen anywhere without her favourite staff, even around Skyhold.
"Nonetheless, it was my decision that led to this situation so I should be the one to tell him." She was determined and if there was one thing Varric had learned about the woman it was that once she set her mind to doing something it would take an army to dissuade her.
Varric sighed. "Then the least I can do is go with you. Hawke was my friend too, I owe it to Fenris to tell him in person. That, and I should probably witness the heroic end to the Inquisitor."
The corner of Trevelyan's mouth twitched. "You truly believe he would be able to defeat me?"
"I truly believe he will try," Varric replied.
Fenris sat in the tavern, the Gull and Lantern, idly swirling a finger around the rim of a mug of bad tasting beer. Redcliffe smelled of damp, rotting fish, and wet dog. He was not impressed. But at least the tavern was relatively empty this time of day.
Varric's reply had said little more than 'We need to talk' and a time and place that was here and now. Already he had a sinking feeling in his gut; he had heard nothing about the Champion of Kirkwall anywhere around here, or even anyone matching her description. He hoped that didn't mean she had been killed before she got here but instead had taken some effort to hide who she was. Knowing Hawke, though, that was doubtful.
The Inquisitor however, oh there was plenty to say about her. How she was a mage who had saved all the mages from exile when the King himself visited to deal with them. How she had buried Haven under ten foot of snow to defeat an army of red templars, all single handed of course, and then popped up out of the snow like a daisy, alive and unharmed. How she was sent from the Fade by Andraste herself to save them in their hour of need.
And there was the miracle worker now, striding into the tavern as though she owned the place, Varric by her side. And a Seeker and a Qunari of all things. Fenris didn't care about that, what he did care about was the fact that it was only those four, no sign of Hawke with them.
Fenris pushed his drink aside and stood. He had crossed the tavern floor in a few long strides, the Inquisitor only noticing him when he was close. Too late. Fenris had a hand around her throat and held her against the wall, the other hand poised over her heart, his lyrium glowing.
"Where is she?" he demanded.
Her companions reacted by trying to draw their weapons but Varric put himself between Fenris and the Seeker. Without even looking at the Qunari, Fenris said in Tevene, "Non impediturum. Ut ego mihi hoc volui diligenter discere est." If the Qunari had spent any time around Tevinter - which seemed likely - he would have understood that Fenris had said 'Do not interfere. I would know the truth and this is to ensure I get it.'
"Not happening," the Qunari said as he pulled the huge sword he was wearing off his back.
"Bull, stand down," the Inquisitor said. She seemed calm in the face of death, Fenris would give her that. But it wouldn't stop it if that's what it came to. "Fenris, I take it? I do need to talk to you about what happened to Hawke, but it's a long story and not one I can tell with my life threatened like this. Even less so once the guard arrived that will have been summoned by the patron that just ran out to get them."
"Come on, Broody, at least hear us out," Varric tried.
In truth, it was only the fact that Fenris had no real desire to fight the whole of Redcliffe Guard that convinced him to step away, though his lyrium marks were still glowing slightly.
"Do you have somewhere private we can speak?" the Inquisitor asked.
Fenris gave a nod. "A room. Top floor, door on the right."
The Inquisitor nodded, then said, "Cassandra, could you please stay here and make sure the guard is handled? And Bull, I'd appreciate it if you could wait outside the door just to make sure we're not disturbed. I think this is something Varric and I need to do alone."
Both agreed to her request, though neither looked happy about it. Fenris waited until the three of them led the way before following; no way he was trusting any of them not to stick a knife in his back.
"Boss," the Qunari said as they reached the door. The Inquisitor paused. "I don't like this. You call out if you need me, ok?"
The Inquisitor smiled and placed a reassuring hand on the Qunari's forearm. "I'll be fine Bull. But yes, I'll call out if I need you."
Entering the room, the Inquisitor closed the door behind them, then sighed. "Where to begin..."
"You can begin by telling me where Hawke is," Fenris growled.
"Hawke is... in the Fade," she said.
"What?" Fenris growled.
"Hey Broody, got any of that good wine you like?" Varric said. "I think we're all gonna need it for this."
Fenris's jaw was starting to ache from being clenched so tight and he forced himself to relax it to answer. "Top drawer of the desk," he said. He then pulled his gauntlets off and tossed them on the bed; he didn't trust himself not to kill both Varric and the Inquisitor in anger at the moment and Hawke had been trying to get him to not react without thinking, at least not as often.
"Have you heard of the siege at Adamant?" the Inquisior asked.
"Only what the locals here talk of. That the Grey Wardens went mad and so the Inquisition dealt with them," Fenris said.
"I asked Hawke to come after we found out that it was Corypheus behind the attack on Haven. And I'm guessing she didn't tell you that part either," Varric said.
Fenris, for his part, was trying his best to control himself. He started pacing back and forth across the room if only for the need to be doing something that wasn't ripping anyone's throat out. "No, she did not," he growled. Probably because she knew that he would insist even more strongly on going with her; dealing with that demon once was bad enough, but a second time?
"When Hawke arrived, she helped us get in contact with a grey warden, Stroud, who was hunted for disagreeing with his fellows. With both of their help we were able to find out that Corypheus was the one controlling the Grey Wardens, and that they were planning on using blood magic to summon a huge demon at Adamant," the Inquisitor said. She took a sip of the wine that Varric poured and hummed in appreciation. "This is good," she said.
Fenris strode over and took the bottle, taking several large mouthfuls from it before replacing it.
"They're called glasses, broody," Varric said. Fenris glared at him. "Right. Moving on."
"The siege was... well officially it was a success. But it almost wasn't. There was a darkspawn dragon making things difficult and it collapsed part of the keep, the part we were standing on. I... ah... opened a rift in the fade and we all fell through. Hawke included."
"And yet you're here and she is not."
"No. There was a demon, a big one. And... someone had to stay behind to distract it so the others could leave. Both Stroud and Hawke volunteered and... and I asked Hawke to stay. Stroud was needed to rebuild the Grey Wardens. Hawke was... not. I'm sorry, Fenris."
Fenris had stopped pacing by the window and turned to face it, his hands holding on to the sill, digging into it. His eyes were hot but there were not tears in them, never that! "Tell me. Everything that happened. Please," he got out.
They spent most of the day recounting what had happened, Varric and the Inquisitor taking turns. It not only told Fenris as much as possible about what had happened, but gave him the chance to gain control over his emotions. Food was delivered, and more drink, though Fenris mostly ignored both.
"So there is a chance she's still alive?" Fenris asked once they had finished.
"Broody..."
"A chance, perhaps," the Inquisitor said. "But I think it unlikely in the extreme."
Fenris pushed himself away from the window. He went over to the bed and pulled his gauntlets back on then strapped his sword to his back. "Then you need to open another rift so we can look for her."
The Inquisitor shook her head sadly. "I can't do that, Fenris. Not while Corypheus still lives. If I survive defeating him then I'll do all I can to locate Hawke, to find out what happened to her, but until then I can't risk it. Divine providence or unlucky coincidence, I'm the only one with this mark who can close the rifts," she said, holding out her hand to show him the green slash across her palm. Fenris felt a twinge of sympathy for her; it looked painful and he wondered if it was as painful as his own markings had been when they were first created.
"And every moment we delay means less chance that we find her alive. It needs to be done now!" Fenris said.
"I feel the loss as much as you do, but we-"
"Clearly you don't!" Fenris snapped, cutting Varric off. "If you did you would be agreeing with me, not sitting back claiming that nothing can be done."
Silence met his words at first, then the Inquisitor said, "There is a mage at Skyhold, one who is well versed in the Fade and traverses it often. He wasn't with us when we were there at Adamant but perhaps he can still help us, ask some of his spirit friends to help us. I know you won't find anything, there is no way Hawke could have survived that on her own. But if it will give you some peace of mind we can speak to him."
Of course they would have to rely on a mage. It was always a mage. And if it were anyone else but Hawke, Fenris would have walked away right then. But if the only chance of getting Hawke back was through the assistance of this mage, then Fenris would just have to deal with it.
"Fine," he said. He moved around the room gathering the few belongings he had taken with him. "Let's go."
"What, now? It'll be dark soon, why not wait until morning, when we're all rested," Varric said.
"The longer we delay the longer Hawke is trapped in that place," Fenris said.
"I'm actually inclined to agree with him," the Inquisitor said. "At least then we can know what Solas thinks, see if he knows of any spirits willing to help."
Varric gave a dramatic sigh. "No rest for the wicked, huh?"
"Considering that what's been done to Hawke definitely counts as wicked, no," Fenris said darkly. His comment was met with silence which suited him just fine.
They gathered the Inquisitor's party and brief introductions were made to the seeker Cassandra, and the Qunari who went by The Iron Bull.
"The Iron Bull?" Fenris repeated. "But your horns look more like a dragon's horns than bull horns."
"I know," The Iron Bull said, sounding despondent even as the Inquisitor smiled and Varric started laughing. Fenris got the feeling he was missing some kind of joke but as no one explained it to him, he didn't push the issue.
"I hope you can do more than threaten people with your... skills," Cassandra said.
Fenris looked at the woman, his eyes sweeping over her, sizing her up. She wouldn't be a challenge, he decided, but then as though from the Fade itself, he heard Hawke's voice in his mind. "Think before you act, Fenris. You can always fight later if it comes to that." "Only to those who are worth the trouble," he said aloud.
The Inquisition members soon got to see his fighting skills first hand as, not far out of Redcliffe they came across a wandering band of red templars. It was their unlucky day as Fenris had plenty of anger to work out on them, his sword swinging as though it weighed nothing, his own body fade stepping through his enemies, taking various vital organs with him as he went. Once they were dispatched with, Fenris found the Iron Bull watching him strangely. "What?" he demanded.
"I've seen that fighting style before, in Saheron," he said.
"What of it?"
"You're one of them Fog Warriors," he said. "Though never thought I would find one of your kind this far south."
The corner of Fenris's mouth twitched, almost a smile. "And you're Ben Hassrath, to have noticed that," he said. He wondered if the Inquisitor realised she had a Qunari spy in her midst. She didn't react to what he said so he figured she either didn't know the term or had already been informed of it and, for some reason, didn't mind. "I'm not a Fog Warrior," he said. "I only trained with and lived with them for a time."
That seemed to satisfy the Qunari and they fell into silence once more north west. The Inquisition party seemed very familiar with the land and they way so Fenris was content to let them lead. The further they got from Redcliffe and away from the stink of fish, the more Fenris was able to enjoy the peaceful beauty of the landscape, even if it was marred by the scars of recent and bloody conflict. He just wished Hawke was here to see it. Lothering was supposed to be near here, he realized, Hawke's hometown. Or was before the blight destroyed it apparently. He wondered if anyone had started to rebuild it and wondered also if, no when he managed to get Hawke back, if she would like to go there.
He was pulled from his musings by a flash of green light ahead of him, coming from the Inquisitor's hand. "Look alive!" she shouted at nearly the same time and, as he watched, a green slash appeared in the sky. That slash expanded and became a ripple, one of the rifts he had skirted around on his way to Redcliffe. No one here was moving to avoid it though, they were readying for battle so he could only assume that the stories about how the Inquisitor could close the rifts were true. Demons and wraiths shot from the rift and Fenris drew his sword once more; he had no problems letting it drink some demon blood, it was the demon's fault that Hawke was stuck where she was! Fenris sped around the battlefield, his gauntlets and fade skills destroying any that got past his sword.
Once they were all defeated and sent back through the rift, Fenris thought that would be the end of them, but the Inquisitor made no move to close the rift and the others around him still kept their weapons at the ready, as though expecting another wave. Fenris turned back to the rift and it was then that he saw it. A figure standing there, watching. With the setting sun behind the rift, painting the battlefield in greens and golds, Fenris thought he could actually see through the rift into the fade itself. He took one step towards it, then another, trying to make out what it was he saw.
"What are you doing? Get away from there!"
Fenris heard the shout, but he couldn't have said who it came from, he wasn't paying attention to that. The figure in the rift was slumped slightly, exhausted looking, but...
"Hawke!" Fenris shouted, making her out. It was the armour and the bow he recognised first. She had always sat by their hearth fire at whatever tavern they were staying at, cleaning all the intricacies and oiling down her armour, cleaning the bow and waxing the string, making sure it was all in perfect order. It was soothing, she said, and Fenris had found a soothing calm in watching her. He was running towards the rift, dodging around and ignoring the demons that continued to spew from it, eyes only for the human figure he could see. The figure looked up and seemed to see Fenris, mouthing something but no sound was heard. He was right in front of it now and would have leapt through had not a hand on the back of his armour held him back. As it was he thrust his arms through the rift, screaming as the lyrium in his skin seemed to catch fire, or so it seemed for the agony that erupted. His hands were moving through the figure in the rift, seemingly unable to make contact.
"Let go of me!" he growled at the Qunari holding him away. He didn't wait to see if he was obeyed but fade shifted to move away.
"Tiny, a little help over here!" Varric called, a constant thunk sounding as his crossbow let off bolt after bolt.
With a growl, the Qunari left off trying to stop Fenris from doing anything foolish in order to help out his friends.
Fenris was aware of none of this, focussed entirely on the rift in front of him. As he fade shifted, the half of him that was in the real world became insubstantial, but the opposite was true for his arms inside the fade rift. They became solid and, for the first time in months, he felt Hawke's armour under his hands. Vaguely he was aware of the fight going on around him, of the others trying to keep the demons from him but he ignored all that in favour of grabbing hold of the shoulder straps of Hawke's armour and pulling.
He fell back even as, upon all of him leaving the rift, he became substantial in the real world again, and felt the heavy weight of Hawke landing on top of him. The demons continued to attack but the Inquisition members finished off the last of them and, with a blast of bright green light, the Inquisitor closed the rift. Fenris lay back on the grass for a few moments, panting and trying to get the lingering agony in his arms under control. He was comforted by the heavy feel of Hawke's body on him, but concerned by the fact that it wasn't moving, or even stirring.
Sitting up, he rolled Hawke over and gritted his teeth at what he saw. Hawke's face was covered in half dried blood and one eye was a mangled mess. She still gripped her prized bow, but Fenris couldn't help but wonder how well she would be able to shoot now. "Keep both eyes open. You'll shoot twice as well," she had said to him once, when she had playfully started to teach him to shoot. Now she wouldn't be able to follow her own advice. Her other arm was bent at a bad angle too, broken, and a whole section of her armour at her side was just missing. She had obviously tried to stop the bleeding from that wound as she had made a makeshift bandage torn from the legs of her pants. But for all that, what Fenris was most relieved to see was the slight rise and fall of her chest as she breathed; she was still alive. While she was alive, she would recover, Fenris would see to that.
"Maker," the Inquisitor breathed as she knelt down beside him. Her hands hovered over Hawke and glowed with a gentle green light. "I'm not a particularly skilled healer, but I can stop the bleeding and ease her pain at least," she said. "I... don't think even a spirit healer would be able to repair her eye. I'm sorry."
"Just do what you can," Fenris said.
After several minutes, the glow died down and the Inquisitor sat back, sweat beading her brow. "I've done what I can for now. How she survived all that and managed to travel so far from Adamant..." she shook her head in wonder. She looked to Fenris. "Do you need any healing? The way you screamed when you reached into that rift..."
"No, I'm fine. It's nothing I'm not used to," he said. "I'd rather you focus on Hawke."
"We should set up camp. There is a lake just over the way we can use for water," Cassandra said, and the Inquisitor nodded, standing.
"Bull, could you carry Hawke for us?" she asked
Before the Qurnari could respond, Fenris had slipped his arms under Hawke's knees and shoulders and, making sure that her broken arm and her bow were carefully tucked against her chest, lifted her.
"The little guy's stronger than he looks," The Iron Bull said. Varric gave a snort of laughter at that but Fenris just rose an eyebrow and left it at that.
They walked a short way towards the shore of a lake. Fenris let the others set up the campsite, more interested in simply watching Hawke. She seemed to be breathing easier at least, and her expression had eased to one more like normal sleep rather than pained unconsciousness. "Bring her in here," Varric said to him once the tents were set up and Fenris gave a single nod, following him. Inside the tent a cot had been set up, and a camp stool next to it. Fenris rose an eyebrow to Varric. "The Inquisitor's gotten skilled at bringing everything she needs and packing it all small like," the dwarf explained. "You'd like her, I think, if she weren't a mage."
"I doubt that," Fenris said as he gently laid Hawke on the cot. He started to take her bow, but her hand tightened around it so he let her keep hold of it for now; if it brought her comfort to know it was close he wasn't going to remove it. "People I like don't abandon people like Hawke in the Fade," he said shortly.
Varric sighed even as he helped Fenris start to remove her boots and armour. What was left of it anyway. "You weren't there, you didn't know what we were faced with. If it wasn't Hawke it would have been someone else who had to stay behind so the others could escape, and you know Hawke; she would never have allowed that."
Even Fenris, angry as he was, had to acknowledge that; even if she had been forced to leave someone there she would have ranted and raved about it for weeks if not months. "Even so, no attempt was made to find her," he said.
"No one expected you to be able to do what you did. I would be surprised if even you knew that was possible."
"No, but at least I tried it."
"Was it your lyrium markings that allowed you to do it, do you think?" the Inquisitor asked as she ducked through the tent. She was carrying a bucket of water and several cloths and blankets. Putting the bucket on the ground and the blankets on the stool, she put her hands in the water and before long the water was steaming, warmed by her magic.
Fenris gave a shrug to her question. "Probably," he said. "How did you know that's what they were?"
"Lyrium sings to me, I hear it. Varric reckons I have some dwarf in my ancestry or something, but I could hear it every time you activated your marks. Your lyrium screamed at the same time as you did," she said.
"Where did you get those from?" Varric asked, nodding his head towards the blankets.
"There's an Inquisition camp not far off. One of their scouts saw us and let us know where they were camped, asked if we wanted to join them," she said.
"No," Fenris immediately cut in.
"That's what I told them. I said we had someone injured who just needed peace and quiet, but we would welcome some of their supplies. I'll bring in some food for you later. Bull's cooking so it will probably be something spicy. Come on, Varric."
"But-"
"Leave them be," the Inquisitor said.
"I'll call you if she wakes up enough to talk," Fenris said. Varric still seemed to hesitate but in the end allowed the Inquisitor to steer him out.
"Call if you need me, or if she wakes and is still in pain," the woman said as she left.
Alone. Fenris gazed at Hawke's sleeping face as he felt a turmoil of emotions. The anger and hurt that she had lied about where she was going was still there, but there was also the undeniable relief that she was alive, that she was here, before him, and he no longer had to search and wonder and hope. She was here, real and while nowhere near well she could be again. Gently, carefully, he reached out and brushed a lock of her black hair from her face, tugging a few strands free of the dried blood. Wetting a cloth with the warm water, he wrung it out and started softly wiping it over her face, cleaning it of the grime and blood, being especially careful around her injuries there. Dipping it in the water again, he moved on to clean her hands. As though sensing that she was safe now, or perhaps simply too deeply unconscious to notice, she allowed her bow to be moved, though Fenris didn't move it far, just laid it beside her. Having a clean face and hands had always been important to Hawke; many times while travelling and they had been unable to wash properly the woman had been content so long as she could clean her face and hands before crawling into bed. And Fenris had always admired her long fingers. The nails were torn ragged now and the knuckles grazed, the fingers on her right hand bloody from drawing the bow so many times, the callouses that normally protected them torn off. Varric had left clean bandages and an elfroot salve and he used that to lightly wrap her fingers to keep them clean.
From there, he began methodically cutting away her clothes (they weren't worth saving) and cleaning and tending to what injuries he found. There were many, too many to survive he would have said, except here she was, continuing to breath, continuing to fight for life. And the Inquisitor was just going to leave her there, abandon her.
Fenris closed his eyes and forced himself to breathe; he couldn't afford to get angry, not yet, not while Hawke needed him and for now at least she was his first priority.
Carefully, ever so carefully, Fenris lifted the woman he loved and pulled her ragged clothes out from under her and gently washed her back. More of her body was bruised than wasn't, but bruises would heal. Her broken arm would heal. Her face would heal also even if her sight never did. Laying her back down, he tucked a blanket around her then just sat next to the cot and watched over her.
For three days Hawke slept. They managed to coax her to drink water and a little watery broth but not too much; after being in the Fade for so long, no one knew what kind of affect that would have on her body, or even what she had eaten or drank to sustain herself since no one could survive that long without at least some kind of water. A healer had come from the Crossroads and Fenris had allowed them to tend to Hawke if only because they could tend to injuries that he could not.
It was night when he heard her and the rest of the camp was asleep. Even Fenris had rested his head on his arms on the side of the cot and was dozing. Nonetheless he came awake instantly at the whispered voice. "Fenris? No. Get out of my head demon." The words were little more than a croak but Fenris felt his heart soar hearing them.
"No, love, it's me," he said, one hand taking hold of Hawke's uninjured one, the other gently stroking her forehead the way he knew she liked. "You're not in the Fade any more."
"That's what a demon would say..." she murmured before unconsciousness claimed her once more.
Fenris didn't know what he could say that would convince her but he didn't really care at that point. She had woken up, she had spoken and she had recognised him. After everything that had happened to her that was enough for now.
Twice more Hawke woke, once when Varric was in the tent as well. Both times she had believed she was still in the Fade but Fenris thought that the latest time her resolve might be wavering. The next time she woke, she just stared at Fenris for a long time.
"You're still here," she said quietly, as though struggling to figure it out.
"Of course," Fenris said. He took the waterskin sitting nearby and brought it to her lips, lifting her head slightly with one hand cupped behind it. She drank several mouthfuls before she turned her face away slightly, signally she had had enough, though she stared at the waterskin avidly as Fenris brought it away.
"That was real," she said, as though shocked by the fact. Fenris just smiled and nodded. "Then this is real also, I'm not in the Fade." Another nod. "Where am I?"
"In the Hinterlands, just south of Redcliffe. I saw you in a fade rift and I... pulled you through," Fenris said.
"I thought that was just a dream, another mirage to torment me."
"Hawke! You're awake!" Varric said, loudly announcing his presence as he entered the tent, drawn by the sound of talking.
Hawke smiled seeing her old friend. "So it seems, Varric."
"Andraste's arse how did you survive that thing?"
"I'm afraid you won't be able to get a good story out of me, my friend. Not this time anyway. I don't really remember much of the fight. I must have gotten knocked out at some point, though I'm assuming I was successful enough at distracting the thing for everyone else to escape?" There was an edge of desperateness to her question.
"Everyone got out. Everyone, but you," Varric said, his voice heavy with emotion.
"Thank the Maker," Hawke breathed, closing her eyes in relief. "After I came to and the rift was closed I just... wandered I guess. Little else to do in the Fade but wander and fight," she said, her eyes remaining closed. Fenris could tell that she remembered more than that by the way the corners of her mouth pressed tight closed. It was the same reaction she had whenever she was recalling something unpleasant and the same she had worn for months after her mother had been murdered. If Varric also knew that expression he had the good sense not to press the matter.
"That seems to be a common thread for those who get stuck in the Fade," Varric said. At Fenris's confused look he elaborated, "The Inquisitor also didn't remember anything about how she survived the conclave and fell out of a Fade rift until just recently." Fenris nodded.
As though summoned by their talking about her, the Inquisitor chose that moment to enter the tent and she smiled seeing Hawke awake and coherent. "Hawke..." The smile on her face faltered and she hurried to the bedside and knelt beside it, taking one of Hawke's hands in her own. "I'm so sorry. I thought you were definitely dead or I would have..."
"It's fine, Trevelyan. I would likely have assumed the same thing in your shoes. Varric tells me everyone got out alright so it was not for nothing," Hawke said, which a lot more gracious than anything Fenris would have said in her place.
"Are you in any pain? My healing can help with that at least."
Hawke seemed to hesitate and glanced to Fenris. Fenris gave a small nod; he may hate and distrust all mages but if healing would help ease some of Hawke's pain he could not deny her that. "My face hurts a little," she eventually admitted. Trevelyan nodded and the pale green glow once more suffused her hands as she let them hover above Hawke's damaged face. As the healing magic worked, Hawke let out a grateful sigh. "That's better," she breathed.
"Is there anything else we can do?" the Inquisitor asked once she was done.
"Leave," Fenris said shortly.
"What?" Trevelyan asked.
"Fenris," Hawke warned.
Fenris ignored her. "Leave us. And tell no one of this. As far as the rest of the world is concerned the Champion of Kirkwall died in the Fade to get your sorry arses out. She died a hero's death. Leave it at that, and leave us in peace. She has sacrificed enough. You owe us that much."
Both Varric and the Inquisitor looked hurt by that but Fenris really didn't care; they had brought that on themselves by abandoning Hawke. Eventually when Hawke didn't speak up to disagree, the Inquisitor gave a single nod. "Very well. We came to Redcliffe to inform you of Hawke's unfortunate demise and you then took your leave. I'll leave it at that. And I'll tell Bull to report the same to the Qunari; I don't think he'll mind." She paused then, "Thank you Hawke. For everything," she said before ducking out.
"I'll write, Varric," Hawke promised and that seemed to lift the sorrowful look of the dwarf's face, at least a little.
"I'll look forward to it," he said before he too left the two of them alone.
The Inquisition left the following morning, though they left behind two weeks worth of supplies, a bag full of healing potions to ease Hawke's pain along with clean bandages and salves, and the tent they were using. A week later saw Hawke able to sit up and move about on her own at least a little ways. Fenris had been sleeping on the floor of the tent right beside her cot, close by if she needed anything in the night but this morning he woke to find her already up. She had taken the bandages off her head and was staring at the reflection of her scarred face in the bucket of water.
"It's hideous," she said seeing Fenris get up, her voice tight with emotion.
"You never had a courtesan's face, Hawke," Fenris teased.
Hawke gave a choked half laugh half sob at that and Fenris crossed the tent in three steps and knelt beside her, gathering her in his arms. He studied her new face and smiled, brushing a strand of hair away from the still-healing wounds. "There," he said. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead.
"How can you even bare to look at me?"
Fenris simply smiled softly. "Scars or no scars, you are beautiful to me. Besides, I think it adds something, a kind of ragged charm. It suits you. And think of all the fancy patches and ridiculous masks you can get for it in Val Rouyeaux."
Hawke smirked at the image. "I'd be the belle of the ball with my half face mask, all gold filigree." She sighed and leaned against Fenris, closing her eyes, taking comfort in his presence. "So long as I can still shoot," she said quietly. "I'd feel less than useless if I had to rely on your hunting skills."
"I'm sure it won't take you long to adjust. That big Qunari had only one eye and I saw how he fought. I wouldn't have wanted to meet him in Saheron that's for sure."
Hawke hummed a little and nuzzled against Fenris's shoulder. She was silent for a minute or two then said, "I was afraid you would be angry with me. I think that's why I thought you were a demon for so long."
"Oh, I am angry with you. Furious in fact. You had me traipsing halfway across Thedas in the wrong direction looking for you. But settling that score can wait until you're healed," Fenris said, and he meant that physically and mentally, fully aware of the nightmares that woke Hawke at night. "Just promise me you won't leave me like that again. I was nearly arrested half a dozen times for trying to find out where you were. Even if you fear it means my death, I would rather that than know nothing of where you are or what may have befallen you."
"I promise," Hawke said. "It was cruel what I did, I know that, I just couldn't bare... No. No excuses. I swear to you, by Andraste, I will never seek to deceive you about something like that again."
Fenris nodded, content with that. For a time they just sat there quietly, soaking in each other's presence, the rising sun turning the inside of the tent a to a red glow. And Fenris realised, he was comfortable and content. Hawke wouldn't go off trying to save the world again, at least not any time soon, and they could just be together. In peace.