Welcome! My first Zelda story, it has humor in it that I hope you will enjoy. This chapter has just been remade.
I don't own Zelda. Yet. Muahahahahahahahaha!
P.S. If you are one of those lazy people, like me, you can skip ahead a few chapters, you don't miss much, just that Link grabs Navi.
I reply to your reviews in the newest chapter. Make sure you check the newest chapter and look for your name if you reviewed!
The Great Deku Tree thought silently. The time had come...the time for Mido to come and give him a backrub. According to his dozens of Kokiri spies, Mido was quite good at rubbing.
"Navi! Where art thou? I require Mido to give me a backrub! I've been itchy lately."
Navi the fairy flew up to the Great Deku Tree. "Another? But he just gave you one a few minutes ago!"
"He did? Ah, I'm getting old, Navi..."
Crack.
A branch snapped off abruptly and fell right on top of Navi.
Navi, her voice muffled, shouted at the Great Deku Tree.
"I told you to stop dropping branches!" Navi flew out to the Deku Tree, staring at him accusingly.
A huge teardrop fell on Navi and drowned her. "I'm sorry...I just can't help it...the doctor said I couldn't be helped…"
The Deku Tree started sobbing, nearly flooding the whole place.
A nearby Kokiri started cheering and then jumped in, shouting, "Hallelujah!"
Eye twitching violently, Navi shook off the water and backed away a far distance. The Deku Tree stopped crying and watched the swimming Kokiri with amusement.
"Ah, well, go wake up that boy that lives in the treehouse. Honestly, his stench is getting too smelly for me to bear. What's his name again? Um...Lank?"
"His name is Link, Great Deku Tree." Navi corrected grumpily. "I know the Kokiri better than you do. And you're the tree who created them!"
"I told you never to mention that! Now fly away and bring him here right now or I'll drop a heavier branch!"
"No you can't, I'm floating too far away from you." Navi pointed out, yawning. The Great Deku Tree rustled around, and a shower of Deku Nuts fell on Navi.
"Ok, ok, I'm going!" Navi yelled over the falling Deku Nuts. Navi zoomed off, muttering under her breath. "Navi, go wake up Link," Navi mimicked, bumping into a tree on her way to the treehouse.
"I heard that, you know!" The Deku Tree shouted. "I'm not deaf!"
"Stupid...hearing aids..." Navi cursed as she flew into Link's treehouse. Link was snoring loudly, making everything vibrate.
"Link! Wake up!" Navi screamed over the shaking treehouse. Link continued to snore.
"I really hate doing this...but he doesn't give me any other options."
Navi zoomed really close to Link and whispered into his ear. "You've got the cooties from Mido!"
A scream broke the peaceful silence of the forest. Every single window cracked.
"Link's at it again," the Kokiri shouted amongst each other. "Who woke him up?"
The screaming stopped abruptly, and Link yawned and got up, like nothing happened. Link noticed the cracked windows and sighed. "I told Mido to stop throwing rocks at my windows." Link stuck his head out and screamed with all his might. "Mido!"
Navi flew out of the pot she was hiding in.
"Stop it!" Navi hissed urgently. "What are you doing?"
Link turned around, only to find Navi there. His sapphire eyes grew wide.
"A fairy! A cute, flying blue blob!" Link grabbed Navi and cuddled her. "You're so cute!"
Navi started to suffocate, and turned a light red.
Link gasped. "A multi-changing colour fairy!" He started to squeeze Navi some more.
Navi changed to a yellow, and then a green. "Stop it!" she choked.
Link let Navi fall to the floor. Navi twitched, and then remained still.
Maybe if I stay still and pretend I'm dead, he won't hurt me, Navi thought. I really underestimated his grip.
Link began to cry. "My fairy is dead! No!"
Navi started to smile. My plan's working! Navi thought excitedly.
"I'll bury her. It's the only proper thing to do." Link reasoned, picking up Navi. Navi immediately started to fly away.
"Yay! She's alive!"
"Don't even think about touching me!" Navi cried out, backing away. Link nodded, watching Navi's every move.
Navi started to relax. "Ok, kid, you're going to follow me to the Deku Tree. Right now!"
"The Great Deku Tree? Why? I want to show you off first! Nobody's ever had a multi-coloured fairy!" Link whined.
"I'm not multi-coloured!" Navi yelled. "I changed colour because you were suffocating me!"
Link "humphed", and climbed out of the treehouse ladder. Saria was running slowly, taking huge gasps of air.
Saria collapsed dramatically in front the treehouse. Link shrugged and started to walk past Saria, but she grabbed his leg and gots up.
"You're supposed to ask me if I'm okay!" Saria said indignantly, turning an angry red.
Once again, Link ignored Saria, shook off her grip and continued walking.
"Ok," Link said finally, "where am I supposed to go?"
"You dummy, haven't you ever talked to the Great Deku Tree?"
There was a short silence, and then an answer. "No."
"Follow me!" Navi commanded before floating off.
"Yeesh," Link muttered, "-the way she talks, it's like I'm young."
A few hours later, after Link visited the house of the Know-It-All-Brothers, dropped by the store, took a dip in the small pool of water, and skipped a few stones, he finally ended up beside Navi, who was glaring at Link impatiently.
"What? I'm not young anymore, you know! I can't run as fast."
"You are a KOKIRI! You don't grow up!" Navi screamed.
Link smoothed his hair back to the front and gazed at Nav coolly. "Your wasting time here, y'know."
Navi turned round, only to find Mido staring at Link with the utmost distaste.
"You can pass, Navi, but this so-called Kokiri can't." Mido said coldly, his fingers closing into a fist.
"Mido, I completely agree with you, so I'll leave you to deal with him while I go on ahead."
"Navi!" Link cried out angrily. "You're supposed to stay with me!"
Navi rolled her eyes but floated back to Link. "Mido, we have to pass, the Great Deku Tree insisted it."
Mido threw Link his coldest look. "You need a shield and a sword to pass." Mido said, his lips curling into a grin. "And I'm afraid I have the only sword in Kokiri Forest."
"Well, I bought a shield on my way over here, so no problem."
"What about the sword?" Navi hissed in Link's ear.
"Oh, no problem." Link coughed and then leaned close to Mido.
Mido started to scream. "Ahhhh! No! I got the cooties from Navi!" Mido started to run and drops the Kokiri sword.
"Easy," Link commented, picking up the sword and dropping it in his scabbard.
"Well, I've got to confess, that was good," Navi admitted, flying along with Link as they headed towards the Great Deku Tree. "But I don't have cooties!