Title: We're All Doomed
Rating: PG-13
Keywords: Sirius, Remus, Sirius/Remus, Marauders
Warnings: Slash - meaning two boys - TOGETHER! GAY GAY GAY GGGGAAAAYYYYY fairy boys. If you can't handle slash, don't read it.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter, or the characters. That privelage belongs to J.K. Rowling. Damn her.
Summary: A short 'realizations' fic revolving around Sirius and Remus. Sirius can never seem to get through to a dense Remus. But his luck is about to change.
Authors Notes: This is my first ever Sirius/Remus slash story. I've been wanting to write one for AGES, and some recent RP has shoved me in the right direction. I'm absolutely in love with this pairing and think that Remus is possibly one of the most complex characters in the whole Harry Potter universe. This story was actually inspired by an artist who drew one of the most amazing Remus/Sirius fanart I've ever seen, and ironically enough she drew it out of inspiration from another author's story. The link to that is - (Picture titled: Wolves Mate For Life) When I saw the picture the line, "We're all doomed, eventually" popped into my head and I realized that I had a story. I can see Sirius knowing that their future will end tragically but that doesn't stop him from taking the time he does have and being happy. I dedicate this to Nica and Ali. I don't think you two realize the inspiration you give me. (As small as it is. wink) Also, thank you to Jules who acted as beta for me. It's hard to find a good beta these days. Thanks!
It was another storm-driven afternoon at Hogwarts. Remus Lupin was spending his free Saturday in the library going over a mountain of notes. He hoped to remember something solid enough before his test on Monday over "The Treaty of 1604". It seemed though, that the more he tried to read, the harder it became. He had been sitting there for four hours already. Remus sighed. "I'm never going to get this right."
"Talking to yourself again, Lupin?" A drawling voice interrupted his thoughts.
He turned in his seat and looked up into the cold eyes of none other than Lucius Malfoy. Remus' shoulders slumped and he silently cursed the day he had met James Potter, and Sirius Black. Just because he hung around with those two troublemakers, the other students subjected him to his own sort of torture. He wasn't in the mood for dealing with any Slytherin's today. Biting his tongue Remus turned back around, forcing himself to try to get back into his studying. It seemed that Malfoy hadn't planned to give up though, for a second later, a soft chuckle erupted close to his ear. He jumped slightly, his hands reaching out to grip the edge of the wooden table he was working on. "Too busy to have a chat, Lupin? Is that it?" Malfoy pressed on, his long blonde hair brushing against Remus' neck, causing him to shudder in disgust.
"Think you're above everyone else, do you? Just because you hang about with those barbarians you call friends." Malfoy hissed and reached out to grab Remus' chin. Having had had enough of Malfoy's game, Remus roughly slapped the Slytherin's hand away and quickly slid out of his chair, standing to glare at his offender.
"Don't touch me." Remus growled, his eyes flashing dangerously.
Malfoy's eyes lit up, and Remus got the exact opposite of the reaction he had been hoping for. He suddenly felt a huge weight on his shoulders and chest and wished that he had never bothered to wake up that morning. "I didn't think you had it in you...my...you are a feisty one." Malfoy smirked and suddenly looked thoughtful.
"No wonder they keep you around." Malfoy licked his lips and was looking Remus up and down. "It's always the quiet ones."
Remus bore a look of pure disgust at Malfoy's blatantly sexual comment. He was just about to open his mouth to reply when - "Oi!"
He felt a large and inviting hand on his shoulder push him back. He blinked when he realized it was his fellow dorm mate, and good friend Sirius Black who had interrupted the squabble. "What do you think you're doing, Malfoy? Don't you have some first years to pick on? Get the hell out of here before I make you." Sirius spat in a deadly voice.
This only seemed to amuse Malfoy even more and Remus softly groaned, wishing the ground would swallow him up whole. "Sirius, let's just leave it and-" But Sirius held out a hand to silence him. Feeling indignant, Remus folded his arms and tensed, looking up at his good-looking friend, a firm and annoyed look adorning his face.
"Maybe you should listen to your little boyfriend, Black. It could do you some good for once." Malfoy gave them both a smug smile.
Remus raised both eyebrows, he though he heard Sirius growl, then before anyone knew what was happening Sirius had lunged for Malfoy, grabbing the lankier Slytherin around the shirt collar and gave him a good shake. Remus gasped and grabbed Sirius' sleeve to pull him off when a sharp voice ended it for all of them, which was just what Remus had feared. "Mr. Malfoy! Mr. Black! How dare you two fight in my library?" Madame Pince had spotted them and Remus wanted nothing more than to hide his face in shame. His mouth went dry when she caught his eye.
"Mr. Lupin, I expected such behavior from Mr. Malfoy and Mr. Black, but not from you!"
Remus' mouth dropped open in a small 'o' and he looked like a fish as he tried to form words in his defense. "No! Madame Pince, I...it wasn't Remus' fault. Malfoy was bugging him and I came in, and he wasn't-" Sirius had let go of Malfoy's shirt and was doing his best to sound convincing but the disgruntled librarian held up her hand in front of his face much the same way Sirius had just done to Remus.
"I don't want to hear it! I will be escorting the three of you to your Heads of House, and let them deal with you! I will make sure that you regret ever disrupting my library. Now, move it!" Remus was in a bit of shock. He had never heard Madame Pince speak more than a few words here and there, and now she was downright yelling at them. He didn't know who was scarier...her or a pack of wild grindylows.
It was awkwardly silent as they walked up to Professor McGonagall's office except for Madame Pince still lecturing them, and in-between the lecture she would mutter about 'disrespectful children.' Remus' own temper was rising as well, and it was directed at Sirius, who had the nerve to look indifferent about the whole mess. He wanted to give Sirius a lecture of his own, yell at his friend for getting him in trouble and for starting a fight in the library, and for just being all around stupid in general. When Sirius tried to catch his eye he let out a small 'hmph' and looked away, trying to think of what he was going to tell McGonagall. When they reached McGonagall's office, Madame Pince knocked on the door and waited until a faint voice called out for them to enter. "Well go on, open the door." Madame Pince ordered, waving a hand impatiently.
Sirius opened it and stepped through, Remus followed, leaving Malfoy and Madame Pince to trail in behind. Remus found that he couldn't look at Professor McGonagall, and decided he'd just let Sirius explain everything until his friend said something stupid, where he would then have to interject. McGonagall looked surprised to see them. Remus expected that it was rare for Madame Pince to be seen out of the library. "Alice?" Madame Pince stalked up to Professor McGonagall's desk grabbing both Remus' and Sirius' arms taking them with her as she walked by.
"These two, along with Mr. Malfoy were fighting in my library!" Professor McGonagall's surprised look melted into a deep frown.
"I see." McGonagall said.
"Professor! It wasn't our fault, Malfoy started it, and he was baiting Remus- "Sirius blurted out, but was once again interrupted when Professor McGonagall stood up and glared down at him
"I don't care whose fault it was! You know very well that reckless behavior like that is NOT allowed in Hogwarts! I'm ashamed to have two of my own students causing such a ruckus." McGonagall's voice was shrill and sharp and Remus was sure if Sirius was in his animagus form that his ears would have folded to save his precious eardrums.
"I apologize Madame Pince, and I promise you that these two will be dealt with, believe you me!" Professor McGonagall was now standing up straight, with her hands on her hips, looking all the more like their executioner. Remus gulped.
Madame Pince nodded her thanks. "I will leave the rest to you then. I am off to see Professor Alexia. Good day, Minerva." Remus watched Malfoy and Madame Pince walk out of the room and found that he'd much rather deal with Professor Alexia, a quiet and forlorn teacher, than deal with McGonagall, who no doubt was going to give them a painful amount of detention.
There was a drawn out silence in the room for a few moments after the door closed before McGonagall sat back down in her chair and carefully folded her hands together on her desk. She looked from both Remus to Sirius and than back again, as if surveying and thinking of what would be the worst possible punishment for them. "Let me guess." She began, her eyes fixating on Sirius. "Malfoy was harassing Mr. Lupin over here, and you decided Mr. Black, that you had to play the hero and butt in, am I right?"
Sirius looked shocked at the teacher's guess, but he shrugged his shoulders and nodded a bit in answer. "Mr. Black, everyone appreciates a good friend, but fighting and acting like a bunch of jackasses will NOT get you very far in this school, or very far out in the real world. You two have two more years here; I suggest that you be more careful."
Sirius looked like he wanted to speak, but wisely kept his mouth closed. Remus just stood there taking all of it in and waiting to hear their punishment. McGonagall turned her attention to him next. "Mr. Lupin, I'm sure you weren't directly involved and you're one of my most respectful students, despite...your choice in friends." McGonagall narrowed her eyes at Sirius. "But you were caught at the scene of the crime so I have no choice but to punish you. You'll have detention with me on Wednesday night." Remus colored and even though it was only one detention, it was another detention he didn't deserve on his record.
McGonagall turned back to Sirius. "And you..." She tapped her fingers against the desk, pausing before continuing. "You're already in a world of trouble Mr. Black for that stunt you pulled on Severus Snape last week. I suppose I'm just going to have to add another week's detention to your roster."
Sirius' jaw dropped and he slammed his hands down on Professor McGonagall's desk, his eyes wide with anger. "You can't do that, Professor! I already have a month, that's-"
McGonagall stood up again looking more furious than Remus had ever seen her. "And that'll be 50 points from Gryffindor for taking such a tone with a teacher! You're on dangerous ground Mr. Black, you're a bright student but don't push me!"
Sirius scoffed and it looked to Remus that he had forcibly bit his tongue to not say anything more. McGonagall's nostrils were flaring, but she seemed to collect herself enough to dismiss them. When they left her office, Sirius exploded. "That was completely mad! Can you believe that? Malfoy was being a total arse, and I'm SURE he didn't get a week's detention and 50 points off for it!" Sirius kicked the wall across from them.
"Argh, people here are so..." Sirius growled for real this time and threw a punch into the air.
"Well what do you expect Sirius?" Remus' tone was quiet as he walked closer to his friend. "You didn't have to grab him like that." He stated.
Sirius looked appalled at this comment. "Didn't have to- Did you hear what he said? He thinks he can just go around starting things with people, and Malfoy has a -" Sirius stopped in mid-sentence looking almost fearful to say anything more on the subject.
However, Remus wasn't going for that. "Malfoy has a what?" Remus demanded.
"Nothing." Sirius said.
"Nothing? Right, I believe that. Sure. Sirius, finish your sentence!" Remus' voice started to rise in pitch.
If he had cared, he would've seen that Sirius now looked a lot more unnerved at Remus' anger, than he had with McGonagall's. It was rare to see Remus Lupin get angry. "He has a crush on you alright!" Sirius exclaimed.
Remus looked surprised. 'What?' "What?" Remus echoed.
"The stupid git has a thing for you. It's obvious. Everyone knows what a slut Malfoy is. He's gone through half the school and he's had his eyes on you since the beginning of the year." Sirius explained, his expression full of loathing.
Lucius Malfoy had a crush on him? Now that was hard to believe. Remus shook his head and decided that Sirius was just talking crazy and he told him so.
"I'm not crazy! Everyone knows about it. But you're too dense to see it." Sirius retorted.
"I am not dense!" Remus gasped, though it was said only half-heartedly. He was...a bit dense. But it was only because he had more important things to think of. Like making sure that no one ever found out his secret.
Sirius gave him a weak smile and shook his head, which caused his long black hair to fall out of his ponytail. He looked at Remus through half-lidded eyes. "You are. You don't notice a lot of things." He said quietly.
Remus was taken aback. He could tell right away that that comment had a double meaning. "What do you mean?" Remus asked.
"Just...forget it. I'm gonna go do some History homework upstairs. You left your stuff in the library; you'd better go get it." With that said, Sirius ran off leaving Remus standing alone in the dank hallway.
He wanted to go after his best friend but he held back because he knew he couldn't leave his things in the library for much longer.
When Remus had returned from the library and had gone upstairs, he found that Sirius was in bed with his curtains drawn, so he assumed that Sirius was taking a nap. Remus couldn't help but feel confused and hurt, especially since he felt that he was the one that deserved to be upset. He knew he couldn't begin to understand the inner workings of Sirius' mind so he decided not to bother with it until he saw Sirius at dinner. But dinner came and Sirius still hadn't made himself known. When Remus asked James and Peter if they had seen him, they both shrugged their shoulders and continued eating. Remus knew right away that something wasn't right, it took something pretty big for Sirius to not come down for dinner, eating was Sirius' second favorite thing next to teasing Slytherins. With Sirius' well being in mind Remus left dinner early, he took an extra plate with him so he could give it to his friend. However, when he returned to the dormitory, he found that Sirius' curtains were still drawn. With a huff Remus set the plate down and walked over to the bed, throwing open the curtains ready to beat Sirius with pillows and order his friend to stop moping and eat something. But words seemed to have left him. With his hands still gripping the curtains, Remus stared down at the slumbering fifth year, who was lying crookedly, NAKED, on top of scarlet sheets. Remus' intake of breath was belated but it was enough to cause Sirius to stir. A moment later the black-haired boy's eyes fluttered open and Remus fell into a sea of dark blue.
"Remus?" Sirius' voice was hoarse and groggy, but for some odd reason it hit the right spot and went straight to Remus' loins.
Sirius, unaware of his friend's horrified state, sat up and tiredly rubbed at his eyes before running a long-fingered hand through his hair. Remus watched these simple actions like a man possessed and he wondered what it would feel like to touch Sirius' hair. Blushing at that thought, he let go of the curtains and slowly turned around and buried his face in his hands. "I...I-I'm sorry Sirius, I just came to bring you...you...you missed dinner, and I didn't mean to." Remus started shaking.
"Whoa...Hey, it's fine." Sirius stood and walked over to him.
Remus stiffened when he felt Sirius' presence VERY close to him. He turned around to take a quick peek and let out a small whimper when he saw that Sirius was still naked. "Sirius! Put some clothes on!" Remus ordered.
Sirius gave his friend a small smile and stretched ignoring Remus' request. "Why? We've seen each other starkers before."
He walked over to the dinner plate that Remus had brought for him, and picked up a slice of roast beef and bit into it. Sirius continued through a mouth full of food. "Remember that night we went skinny dipping?" He asked, chuckling at the memory. "It was brilliant! I had no idea James knew a spell to turn someone's skin orange."
Sirius sighed joyfully and shook his head. "Poor Peter."
Remus let out a forced laugh, covering the side of his face that was facing Sirius with his hand, feeling unbelievably shy all of a sudden. "Remus...What's the matter? Does my being naked really bother you that much?" Sirius wondered, gnawing on some bread.
"N-No...It's just...uncomfortable." Remus said.
It wasn't far from the truth. He actually didn't mind seeing Sirius naked, and that was the point. He had always found Sirius very attractive, and even though being bi-sexual in Hogwarts wasn't a new or bad thing, it still made him uneasy. He could recall his parents constantly telling him to meet a 'nice girl' at school. Every week they would write him and ask him if he had met any 'pretty witches,' or had a crush on any 'lucky females.' Moreover, there was also the fact that Sirius could be awfully intimidating. But anything that Remus desired was intimidating to him.
"Oi. Moony, it's all right. I've got pants on now, see?" Sirius waved a hand in front of Remus' face, interrupting the reserved wizards' thoughts.
Remus looked at his friend and he swallowed. Sirius had on a pair of silk pajama pants, black, Sirius' favorite color, and nothing else. He had forgotten how much Sirius had matured over the summer. When Remus met Sirius' gaze his friend looked amused by his reaction. Sirius took a small step towards him, which left only a few inches between them. "Thanks." Sirius said quietly.
"Huh?" Remus felt dazed all of a sudden.
"For bringing me dinner. I figured James would have woken me up, that prat, I can't believe he didn't. He knows how I hate to miss dinner." Sirius walked back over to his plate and sat up on the study desk in their dorm putting the warm plate in his lap. "It's all because he's so wrapped up in Evans. He barely spends any time with us anymore. He's always running after her." Sirius sounded upset as he said this, but he didn't look it when he met Remus' eyes.
Remus shivered. It was as if Sirius could see right through him. Something rumbled inside him. Sirius laughed. "Moony, are you okay? You seem out of it. I'm not that bad looking in the buff am I? Hope I didn't traumatize you or anything."
"No, no...You're not bad looking at all." It was momentary seconds before Remus realized what he had just said. He blushed more deeply this time and hung his head in embarrassment. 'Just shoot me now.' He wished.
Sirius raised an eyebrow and seemed...interested? Remus blinked and stayed quiet as he studied his friend's expression. "Did you just hit on me Remus?" Sirius was grinning.
'Great. Now I'm screwed.' Remus thought. He knew what that grin could mean. "No." He answered.
"See, I think you're lying." Sirius dropped the roll he had just been munching on and walked over to Remus, using his hand to lift Remus' chin up he forced his friend to look at him. "We're friends, Remus. You can tell me anything." Sirius moved far closer to him than before, so that Remus' robes tickled his bare chest.
Remus felt his heartbeat increase in speed at the close proximity of his gorgeous friend. He felt as if the air had been sucked out of the room and he shivered, wanting nothing more than to close the distance between them and throw himself into Sirius' arms. "Sirius..." Remus warned, his amber eyes forced to look up at Sirius, for the other boy was at least a foot taller than he was.
It looked to Remus that Sirius was fighting a losing battle of his own. He watched the conflict of emotions pass through those blue orbs, like a battle of fire against fire, his lower body started to heat up as he lost himself in the other boy. Without realizing what he was doing, Remus closed the distance between them, rising on his feet to reach Sirius. Then, not more than a second later, his lips brushed against Sirius'. It was a soft, brief kiss, which ended quickly because it didn't take long for Remus to come to his senses. He threw himself back as if he had been burned and clutched at his chest, realizing that he hadn't so much as let out a single breath. He felt another twinge inside of him, and his eyes widened as he concluded what it was. The wolf. The wolf inside him had recognized Sirius, and he could have cursed himself, because if there was one thing that the wolf knew above all...it was desire. Remus turned away from Sirius and pressed his head against the cool cherry wood of one of the bed's posts. He fought to keep his breathing steady as he tried to subdue the wolf inside of him. 'You can't have him.' He knew what the wolf wanted to do to Sirius, and he wasn't about to let that happen. Not to someone he cared about. Not to someone who cared about him.
"Remus?" Sirius' voice no longer sounded strong and controlled. It was feeble and confused.
"Sirius. Please, just...go away." Remus answered, holding back the frustrated tears that wanted to spill.
Sirius didn't though. Remus stiffened when he felt Sirius standing only a few inches behind him. "Why did...why did you..."
Sirius wanted to know why Remus had kissed him. Remus was too afraid to tell him. Too ashamed of himself. "Don't ask. Just leave, please." Remus shook his head a bit, pulling away from the bedpost sniffling. "Wait, no, I'll leave. I'll just go to the common room and do some more work-" But Sirius had grabbed Remus' hand before the werewolf could reach the door.
"Wait." Sirius didn't let go of his hand. "Don't go. I..." Sirius closed the distance between them and carefully brushed a few loose strands of Remus' golden hair out of his eyes.
When Remus allowed himself to catch Sirius' gaze he was shocked to find what was there. Lust. Want. Desire. Need. Remus opened his mouth to say something but didn't get a chance. Sirius took advantage of the opportunity and pulled Remus up against him, and Remus gasped when he felt the intense heat radiating off Sirius' bare skin. He felt like he was in a sauna pressed up against Sirius as he was. It wasn't a bad thing. "Sirius...what are you mmpf!" The heat of Sirius' mouth swallowed up Remus' words.
Remus instantly melted against the taller boy; both his delicate hands finding their home on Sirius' bare chest and he felt a slap of fire ignite in him at their first touch. Sirius tasted of mint and parsley from the dinner he had just been eating, with a hint of his very own 'Sirius' taste mixed in as well. His own lips relaxed against Sirius' soft ones, he let the other boy dominate him. He gave in completely to Sirius, which was something Remus Lupin could do, because he wasn't the wolf, and the wolf couldn't have Sirius. Remus couldn't help but moan pitifully when the kiss deepened, Sirius' tongue sweeping out to taste Remus' lips and Remus willingly parted his mouth so they could taste each other. Remus was lucky the other boy was holding onto him so tightly because not a moment later did his legs give out. Sirius smiled into the kiss and dragged the tip of his tongue over the roof of Remus' mouth. 'Where did he learn to kiss like this?' He wondered as a wave of jealousy hit him. Kissing this good was obviously a learned trait. He suddenly wanted to kill whoever had touched Sirius before him, and he tensed up when he realized that it was the wolf that was trying to take control. Sirius sensed this and reluctantly pulled out of the kiss, looking down at Remus with a mixed look of lust and worry. Remus throbbed with arousal from that look. "S-Sirius..." Remus whispered shakily before throwing himself against the other boy.
He buried his face in the crook of Sirius' neck, his whole body suddenly filled with need for the boy holding him. He had never wanted anything more. "I want you so much." He confessed, his lips moving against the soft skin of Sirius' collarbone. Sirius held him tighter.
"God...Remus." Sirius' said huskily, his voice strained.
Remus looked at him. "Why didn't you tell me before?" He asked, his hand shaking as he ran his fingers through Remus' hair.
"I didn't want it to be true. I didn't want to hurt you. I have a doomed future; I didn't want to give you that burden." Remus replied honestly.
Sirius gave him a wan smile and grasped Remus' chin between fingertips, lightly running his thumb over Remus' lips. "We're all doomed eventually. No one lives forever. And if I'm going to spend my life with anyone, it's going to be you." Sirius lowered his head and grazed his lips against Remus'. "I belong to you."
'He belongs to me. To us. He's ours.' Remus was unaware of the low rumble in his chest, or the growl that escaped him a second later. He closed the distance between the two of them and crushed his lips against Sirius', giving in...because Sirius was his.