August 5, 2014
Sometimes it's nice that Gilbert isn't really a fan of Beck Quebec. Other times, it puts a damper on my mood. Like today. Beck had released a new single yesterday and it had blown up on the internet and Gilbert was already sick and tired of listening to it and doubly done with hearing and seeing Beck Quebec plastered just about everywhere. And then he caught me humming the tune under my breath.
Sue me! I couldn't help it and it's catchy. But Gilbert didn't seem to think so, so after complaining to me about me humming for a good twenty minutes, he proceeded to sing every song in his repertoire to get the new single out of my head.
It didn't work, but I told him it did.
(So do you wanna DAAAAAANCE
Dance with me tonight, yea—aaah
Underneath the maaaaaaple leaves
Leaving your cares behind~)
True genius lyrics, right? I mean, they're only like what? Eight pages back? Yep. Eight. Entry titled: July 18, 2014. Alfred liked the lyrics, like always, and made a tune. People find it catchy. Gilbert doesn't. That butt.
Totally makes it easier keeping my secret, of course, but then again what if he finds out? And I know you've listened to this rant dozens of times before, but he's my best friend! The longer he doesn't know the angrier he'll be! (And on top of that I like him, but I'm definitely not telling him that. Especially before I tell him my secret.)
As a final note, "Underneath Maple Leaves" is well on its way to becoming number one on the charts. And Gilbert sounded so cute when he ranted.
- Matthew
August 9, 2014
I had to decline a hang out with Gilbert again for a show. Told him I was going to go visit Grand-Mère. Which I guess we should do sometime – she deserves to be visited. And anyway, I wish I could tell him so I could bring him along, but everyone knows that Gilbert can only keep secrets for so long. Telling Alfred was a risk, but he's my brother, but he still has gotten us in some sticky situations. Frickin Albert Smith. Why do I even have a lame best friend named Albert Smith anyway? Seriously? Can't Alfred be better at making up names?! At least he's hardly recognizable in the suits Albert wears, 'cause all Alfred wears is baggy stuff that makes him look like a hobo. And even still Alfred gets mistaken for frickin Beck Quebec! God! I hate that! I'M Beck Quebec!
Ahem. Right. Well. I'm going to be on the Ellen show tomorrow. Or rather, Beck and stuff and… well, you know. Going to talk about my lack of romantic/ sex/ party/ friend/ home/ actual life or something like that. Just a little friendly reminder by the media that they never see me out and about. Should probably do something about that. Don't really want to, though.
Especially when I can go see The Hundred Foot Journey with Gilbert tomorrow. One never misses a movie sponsored by Oprah. Stupid Ellen will never be Oprah.
(Sorry, Ellen, you really aren't stupid. It's just that your show gets in the way of plans to hang out my best friend/ secret crush. Really not your fault. Just mine, really.)
So I'm going to go do the dishes now like Papa ordered me to an hour ago. Yep.
- Matthew
August 10, 2014
Just got back from the Ellen DeGeneres show. Naturally, there were a bunch of my fans there all screaming their dumb fan-slogan. "We're at your beck and call!" Jeez and cheese that thing's so dumb. God. No matter how many times I say I don't need any maids, there's still porn out there of me doing my fans dressed as maids. Which is another reason why Gilbert doesn't like Beck Quebec. If only he knew just how much I hated it, too.
So the interview went just as I thought it would. Something like this, actually:
E:Hey there, Becky!
M:*grimaces due to the stupid nickname and has half a mind to call her Allan* Hi there, too, Ellen
E:How ya doin'? Makin' any more awesome singles like Underneath Maple Leaves?
M:Oh, I'm fine, thanks. And I sure hope I am.
(audience laughs)
E:So there's been some rumors where people are saying you wrote that darling song for a girl? Are those true? And if you don't wanna tell, that's okay, just know we all will hold it against you later.
(audience laughs again)
M:*thinks about how the song was minutely related to me liking Gilbert* No, not at all. It was mostly meant to be friendly, but I can see how you might have thought otherwise. *thinks "or maybe I'm just as gay as you" and tries to suppress my smirk because smirking at your own jokes that you don't share with everyone else is lame*
Then she dropped the subject but still went on to ask more questions that I deflected while throwing in her little Ellen jokes every once in a while. And then I sang Underneath Maple Leaves for like the billionth time this week 'cause God knows I try and fail each time it comes on the radio.
Me and Gilbert are going to go see that movie tomorrow. I can't wait!
- Matthew
August 13, 2014
Six days until school starts. I don't want to. To express how much I don't want to, here is a song:
I don't want to go back to school
School is so not cool
I'd rather be in a pool
Or sleeping with a pillow soaked in drool
Well maybe not that cause that's gross
But not as gross as toast
Toast tastes like wooden posts
And that's really gross
Yeah. It's a work in progress but I think it's coming along well. Gilbert isn't really happy about going back, either. I really do hope he graduates, but I guess we'll see.
Other than that, we're getting ready to release an album next month. It's gonna be called Underneath Maple Leaves, of course. So far the tracks are going to be the namesake, I Won't Tell (entry entitled: August 8, 2014), Crossed (entry entitled: March 14, 2014), When Summer Ends (entry entitled: July 27, 2014), and Lovely Birds (written by Alfred). Musical Scarf Records is also running some of their own songs by me, which I'm currently listening to. I kind like a couple of them, especially this one called Fun Times. It has a nice beat.
-.-.-
Back. Gilbert called. Feli was over at his house with Ludwig and Alfred popped in and anyway, the conversation went like this:
M:Hello?
G:Hey, Matt, I was wondering if –
F:Oooh! Gilbert! Are you finally going to ask him –
L:Feliciano! Be quiet; he's on the phone.
F:But –
G:It's fine, West. Anyway, Matt, as I was saying. So, um….
M:Yeah?
G:Well, see, there's this… thing and….
M:Yeah? What d'you need me to do? Go with you or baby sit Feli?
G:*laughs*
F:Giiiilbeeert! Do you want some pasta?
L:*sighs* Are you honestly making more pasta?
F:There's never enough pasta, Luddy!
G:Well, um, go with me. To this party. Y'know Antonio's party?
M:*blushes* Oh, uh, you mean–?
A:*walks into my room wearing only underpants and socks* Hey, Mattie? Have you seen my Captain Underpants cape?
F:Oh, my gosh, Gilly, you're blushing! Did you ask him? Oh, my gosh, you did, didn't you! Oh, yay! Do you want pasta to celebrate?
L:Feli, he's still on the phone.
A:*laughs his damn obnoxious laugh* Ma-Ma-hah-ha – Matt, you're as red as my cape! Aha-hahaha! *drops to his knees in laughter*
M:Um, yeah, Gilbert, I'll go with you. *hangs up before I can say anything embarrassing*
So basically, my best friend just asked me to go with him to Antonio Fernandez Carriedo's before school party, which is infamous for couples only going because his place is damn romantic (cause, you know, his parents are from Spain or whatever). I'd gone before because Feli's brother is dating him, but I'd only ever showed up alone, as people without a date did usually. But holy hell – Gilbert asked me to go with him!
Gilbert asked me to go with him.
GILBERT FREAKING BEILSCHMIDT JUST ASKED ME TO GO TO THE PARTY DESIGNED FOR COUPLES WITH HIM HOLY SHIT.
Excuse me while I go insane with happiness and kick my still laughing brother out of my room.
- Matthew
August 15, 2014
So I'm not entirely sure how this happened, but I guess since I was (and still am) hyped up with the fact that Gilbert actually asked me on a date (oh my God I'm going on a date with him), I was lazy and not paying attention and so now the media is convinced I'm gay and that I'm dating Alfred.
Well, they're not entirely wrong. But ew. Who would ever date Alfred? Well, besides his boyfriend, of course.
Which brings me to: Arthur is pissed. Apparently, he's been a closet fan of Beck Quebec because he knew Alfred liked Beck Quebec, but now he hates them both. We have some major 'splainin' to do. Not sure if he'll listen, or if I really want to tell Arthur, but Alfred will never talk to me again if I don't, and, besides, Arthur is more trustworthy than Alfred.
And it's not like we didn't deny being boyfriends, because we did, and we still are, but the media doesn't care. They only want their dumb stories.
Right. Well. Arthur just agreed to come over, so I'll be back.
-.-.-
That was not easy. That was ssssoooo not easy. But at least Arthur helped us come up with a plan.
First, however, Arthur slapped Alfred upon entering. Of course, then he saw me in my stupid Beck Quebec get up. Which is just better clothes, nicer hair, and sunglasses, rather than my wire frame glasses. Which, admittedly, might not have been the best idea, since he freaked the frick out. Then he slapped me, too. Which knocked my sunglasses off and ruffled my hair a bit. That was when he noticed it was me, Matt.
The next bit went kind like this:
Art:Marcus?
M:Matthew.
Art:Right, what?
M:Arthur, I'm Beck Quebec. And trust me when I say that I am not dating Alfred.
Alf:Yeah, seriously, Artie. Did you really think that I would cheat on you?
Art:Well, sorry for freaking out when I woke up and there were a load of notifications about Beck Quebec's surprise boyfriend, who ended up being you. How did that even happen?
Alf:…Yeah, we don't really know.
M:A few pictures is all it takes.
Art:And you! You're mothereffing Beck Quebec! And nobody knows! You just thought bugger all and became a celebrity didn't you!
M:Well, yeah, but it wasn't that easy. I mean, it took a while for my career to take off.
Art:That was two bloody years ago! Who else knows?
Alf:Just the family.
Art:… What about Gilbert?
M&Alf:*averts eyes*
Art:You haven't told your own best friend?
M:Ah, you see –
Art:Eight years! You two have been friends for eight years and you never told him?!
M:No, but – you know what? Not exactly important this second. We need to figure out how to get this boyfriend thing out of the way.
And that's when we made the plan. And even though it makes me feel better knowing how to get rid of the Alfred-boyfriend thing, I still feel horrible about not telling Gilbert. When Arthur knows. And Arthur had to point that out.
Gilbert called to ask about Alfreck problem (or so the fans who aren't totally torn up about it are calling it). We told him it was just a misunderstanding, wrong place at wrong time deal. He bought it.
I feel horrible. I'm a bad friend and don't deserve to go to that party, or on any date, with him until I tell him the truth.
I'm a bad person.
- Matthew
August 16, 2014
I just got done from publicly humiliating Alfred. He's no longer my boyfriend. Score.
- Matthew
p.s. the party is tomorrow; I'm nervous and the guilt of the secret is really weighing me down; what if the date goes sour? I hope our friendship won't be ruined, but it probably will be. I like being friends with Gilbert. Oh, God, why did I agree?
August 18, 2014
School starts tomorrow. I don't think I'm prepared. Especially when I'm releasing an album a month after it starts. Still working on that.
In other news, I have a boyfriend. I mean, he's still technically my best friend, but he kinda kissed me. At the party. Last night. And there were a bunch of people around. I didn't mind at all. His lips were soft and it was sweet and he didn't mind that Underneath Maple Leaves was playing in the background and I'm getting butterflies from just remembering. Oh, my gosh he kissed me and it was perfect. And he still doesn't know my Hannah secret. Godammit. Miley Cyrus made this look so easy.
Wait. No. That's a lie. Jake Ryan was a problem-making douche canoe. Miley should have dumped his ass when she had the chance. Jesse was a way better choice anyway and she should have just gone with him when he first showed up in season three. Jesse should have been there since season one. He was cute. And a guitar player.
Gilbert is way cuter though. And he's a video game player.
We've made plans for an actual date on Friday. Dinner. I am so freaking excited! And if I didn't have to go in and record the next day, I'd be better.
I think I'm going to write a song now. I feel the urge to write.
- Matthew
August 19, 2014
The first day wasn't too bad. I'm officially a senior. The freshmen are kind of annoying, but I know I was when I was their age, too. A lot of the girls (and some guys) are big Beck Quebec fans. I'm a bit overwhelmed. Not to mention, most of the senior class are aware that Gilbert and I are an item now. We got a bunch of congratulations and apparently Elizabeta had started a bet a few years ago on when we would get together – Kiku won, as he bet that we would get together right before senior year began. I don't know how they remembered about it from years back, but they did, and it was kind of embarrassing.
Alfred saw the song I wrote the other day and is currently trying to figure out a suitable tune for it. He's convinced it'll be my next hit, but, honestly, I never meant to share it with Alfred. I wanted it to stay between myself and you, journal. Well, maybe I might've shared it with Gilbert, but that would've been soppy and surely awkward and weird. But I guess now this way Gilbert can hear it and it won't be awkward and weird and soppy. He'll just find it a tad annoying. Because everyone will love it. Like they always do.
And it's clearly written for someone – Alfred knows this, too, and he jokes that they'll think it's about him. He especially likes to point out the lines "Your powerful disposition/Such entrancing captivation/ I'm in endless fascination/You're beyond imagination/This is my admission" because he feels it describes him. Ironically, of course. He knows I'm talking about Gilbert.
Besides this, I have to decide on which song I'll release as a new single to keep up the hype for my album. Why did everything always have to be rushed? Why can't it be spread out like what 1D does? Releasing all year long until their new album, but no, I write my own songs so there has to be a new one all the time. God. Annoying.
- Matthew
August 23, 2014
Just got back from recording. Same old same old.
Anyway, first week of school over. It was okay.
Gilbert took me out on a date last night. Oh, God, I loved it. It was perfect! Why didn't we do this before? I mean, it's kind of exactly like before, but we get to hold hands and look at each other more often and this time I kissed him.
Oh my God I kissed him. And he kissed back. Well why wouldn't he? And he smiled afterwards and so did I and he looked so cute but he said I looked cute and oh my God.
he said i looked cute omg
Trying to keep my cool. Can you tell?
Alfred is still trying to find a suitable tune for my Gilbert song (that's what I call it affectionately because I couldn't think of a good enough title). I'm kinda happy it's taking him some time to figure it out because that means it stays away from the record company. Currently he's stuck on the lines "And here's to all the good times/Which really should have been signs/Of us becoming closer" because "bridges are hard and you know it."
But oh my God we've kissed twice. *squeals*
Wait. Shit. Was that too gay? Eh, whatever.
Speaking of gay, did I ever tell you that while most people believe that Beck Quebec's gay thing was a misunderstanding like we made them believe, other people aren't too sure? A lot of people consider me bi now. I wonder what would happen if I really did come out as gay? And what if Gilbert liked Beck better?
What would Gilbert think if he knew he's technically kissed Beck twice? God, I should tell him. Arthur likes to drop subtle hints that I should from time to time. Only, he drops them right in front of Gilbert, which kind of leaves him confused and me with a dampened mood. Also speaking of Arthur, Beck has another new best friend. Albert's boyfriend, James Austen, a writing sort of man who dresses like a freaking punk.
I need new friends.
- Matthew
August 25, 2014
So I had a concert yesterday. I was practically falling asleep during class today. And my voice is kind of losing itself. Which is kind of bad. I'm recording tomorrow after school. I think I'm going to take a nap.
- Matthew
August 31, 2014
Gilbert took me on a walk through the park today and then out for lunch. It was nice and kind of romantic. I really enjoyed it and totally would not mind if we did it again sometime. I kind of wished it would never end. On the down side, he suggested we should hang out after school Thursday, but, again, I had to decline for stupid recording. I told him Papa wanted us to go grocery shopping with him. And then Gilbert tried to reschedule for Saturday, but I'm on the Jimmy Fallon show that day. And Gilbert can't do Friday or Sunday, so we rain checked.
I feel bad for not being able to tell him the real reason. At least he could've went to the recording like Alfred always does.
- Matthew
September 4, 2014
Okay awkward. Today at Musical Scarf, almost immediately after I finished recording, I ran into Lars Morgens, or Tulips to his fans. He had been there recording, too, and he was all like:
T:Ah – it's Beck Quebec. Pleasure to meet you.
M:Um, hi, nice to meet you, too. I hear a lot of great things about you.
T:Same. Listen, if you're not busy, we could go out for-
Papa:Not tonight. Beck needs his sleep on weekdays.
T:*a bit frazzled from Papa's interruption* Oh, okay. How about Saturday?
Alfred:He's on Fallon's that night, sooo….
M:Sorry, Tulips.
T:Lars, please. And that's all right. I was just hoping to get to know someone as cute as you better.
Lars "Tulips" Morgens freaking hit on me. He walked off with a "some other time then." Holy shit. Yep. Totally grateful that I haven't spilled my secret to Gilbert because he would have been there and he would have flipped.
Does nobody in the business truly want to be my friend? Because the last time an artist spoke to me, it was Justin Bieber and he was just trying to see that if I, a fellow Canadian (though truly I'm an American citizen now so that I could further my career here in LA) had any dope he could borrow.
What a nub. Never talked to him again. But you remember that day, don't you.
Anyway, school has started to get not easy again. Frickin senior year with its senior responsibilities. I swear I'll be a legal senior citizen by the end of it. Kind of don't like my English teacher. She "can't stand" Beck Quebec. And she thinks she's funny when she's really not. I should senior prank her with Beck Quebec merchandise all over her room. That'd be totally funny.
- Matthew
September 7, 2014
My album drops in like two weeks. We've pushed back my single release because I haven't made a decision on it. But I'm still as busy as ever.
Yesterday on Jimmy Fallon was kind of fun. He's a hilarious dude and I felt I wasn't funny enough but whatever.
Alfred finally finished his tune making for my Gilbert song. He says it's his accomplishment of the decade. And I must say, I like the song much better now that I can hum to it. Alfred also helped me think of a title for it. Other than "my Gilbert song," which will always be its true title. We call it Infatuation. Which is simple, but it fits.
- Matthew
September 8, 2014
Bad news. Papa heard me singing my Gilbert song. Instantly, he went "That's it!" I wanted to tell him that, no, this song was not up for being my new single, but now it's going to be my new single. It's going to be put on my album and a million girls will think it's about them when really Gilbert won't give two shits about it, even if it's about him.
I've already cried. We're going to record it tomorrow and I know the record company will want to pop it up and make it totally and completely shitty, but I am sure as hell not going to allow that. Gilbert's song is going to sound exactly as I want it to; to hell with what sells. This is going to be perfect.
Good news, however, I have a date with Gilbert on Wednesday. On Friday, the single will be released and he'll probably be tired of hearing it by Saturday.
Why can't he be a fan and find some of my music not annoying? Why don't I just get up my courage and tell him?!
I think I'm going to go back to crying now.
- Matthew
September 12, 2014
So even though my Gilbert song turned out how I wanted with just a freaking guitar and drums instead of the full ensemble of practically every instrument imaginable like Musical Scarf wanted and even though every single one of my freaking fans freaking loves it and even though everyone is praising it as the greatest song I've ever written and even though it's going to be my highest grossing song and even though it's predicted to be number one on the charts for weeks and even though I don't care about all of that, Gilbert just freaking freaking
WVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVVWVWVWVWVWVVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVVWVWVWVVWVWVWVVW SHIT FUCKING SHIT HE HATES IT HE HATES AUGHHHHHH WVWVWVVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVVWVWWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWVWWVWVWWVWVWWVW
September 13, 2014
Now that I am a bit more calm, I feel like I owe you an explanation. On Tuesday, I recorded Infatuation the way I had wanted to. On Wednesday, I went ice skating with Gilbert. Thursday, focused on school work. Yesterday, my single was released and Gilbert and I had our second big fight.
Our first serious fight had happened in eighth grade when Gilbert had wanted to go sneak into a movie. I hadn't wanted to because that was wrong, he called me a sissy, and it went downhill from there. Thirteen year old boys are stupid.
This fight, however, is much more serious. I'm still so very angry at him.
My prediction of him getting tired of the song on Saturday was off by a few hours. He was hanging out with me and my brother at our house yesterday night and while I was switching the DVDs about (we weren't really watching them, it was just nice to have background noise), Alfred thought it would be prime time to start singing the song. He liked it, to him it was catchy, and had been stuck in his head since Tuesday. It was quiet and Alfred always needed noise so the opening lines were sung:
A: Will you stand by my side/Help me not to hide/Clear my tears when I've-
G: Oh, just shut up.
A: What? Don't like my voice?
G: Don't like the song.
And okay, normally he doesn't. But that was mostly because it was "too showy" as he liked to say. And this one wasn't. So, naturally, I asked him why not.
He went on to tell me why he didn't like the song. Because it was an "obvious I have a heart, too" ploy. Because it was an "I can do other types of music" ploy. Because it was an "I need more publicity and this will do it" ploy. And on top of that, he called the song itself dumb.
This angered me, of course. I wrote the song for him, after all. So, I tried explaining to him what he called "counter arguments" that were "null and void" due to the "fact" that Beck Quebec "didn't give a shit for his music," or any other person like a "love interest" seeing as he "stole lyrics" from one of his "friends" who wouldn't "stand up for themselves" and take credit, as well as "only caring about fame, sex, and looking good."
Not only did he hate the song, he hated me as well. At the time, it seemed like a good idea to hate him, too. And that's what I did. I snapped at him and we got in an argument that Alfred was forced to break up when we were both red in the face. Gilbert left with a flourish and a slammed door.
That was the end of that and we have yet to speak. I don't want to speak with him anyway. Not at this time. Maybe in a week or two. Or before, if my predictions are wrong again.
- Matthew
September 18, 2014
Gilbert and I still haven't spoken. Mostly because of me, partly because of him. A third of it due to my album being released in two days and I'm doing promotions. Also because I'm still not sure if I want to speak with him. Back in eighth grade, we went three whole days without speaking because of the fight. It's almost been a week.
Infatuation has been doing phenomenally well, as expected. Every girl in the nation supposedly knows all the lyrics. I only ever wanted myself and Gilbert to know them. And Alfred just because. But no. All these extra people who mean nothing to me know them, and Gilbert hates them, and in turn, I can't help but feel hate for the entire album. Even Underneath Maple Leaves, which Gilbert had basically been okay with. I suspect he hates that song, too, now.
School seems like an insignificant little bitch, but it's always looming in the background like a ghost wiener. I want to slap its face and tell it to disintegrate. School's always been lame anyway. Classes with Gilbert and pure torture, especially when everyone knew we weren't talking.
And it seems like everyone in school is excited for Underneath Maple Leaves the album to be released. I want to tell them all to shut up about it. I'm sick of it already.
- Matthew
New Note: Alfred has told me to just tell Gilbert the truth. Doesn't he understand that that is hard and could potentially make things worse?
September 20, 2014
iTunes was in a tizzy this morning apparently. Nearly all CDs have been sold out. Gilbert and I still haven't talked. Alfred and Arthur have been together for a year as of yesterday. Beck Quebec is still a number one heartthrob. And I am still a loser.
Gilbert keeps calling. I never answer. I fear that if I do, every secret I've ever had will come spilling out. He must hate me.
Papa's trying to get me out of the house for the big release party. I don't want to go. I'm going to be bored and expected to sing. Albert and James aren't enough motivation to act like Beck. I just want to act like Matthew right now.
But I guess I can see it now. "Beck Quebec Doesn't Show Up to His Own Album Release Party." Yeah. I'll go get ready now.
- Matthew
Late Night Note: The party sucked ass. I miss Gilbert. I think I might answer when he calls next; if he calls again. Screw it if I tell him.
September 22, 2014
He never really did call again. He just showed up to my house yesterday morning with his ukulele (which he learned to play when we were sophomores because he thought it'd be awesome) and he serenaded me. He sang me my freaking Gilbert song. And he didn't even grimace. He told me he was sorry and that the fight was stupid and "don't cry!" which I really wasn't I was just tearing up because goddamn he was as awesome as he always claimed he was.
I ended up taking him to my room and showing him the closet behind my closet. No way was I going to continue to keep that secret from him.
To put it frankly, he was shocked. And really confused. And hurt that I hadn't told him before. So I apologized for that, as well as the fight. But he didn't become angry because he said he never wanted to be angry with me again because it was really unawesome. I agreed with him. But then he exploded about how awesome this was.
Then, of course, he asked if he could be Beck Quebec's awesome boyfriend.
So, basically, I feel really kinda happy right now.
- Matthew