Prologue

Time stands still.

I've heard of one's life flashing before their eyes, but this is something else. This is something more.

The images of my life are presented to me in a prolonged, leisurely pace.

Only moments ago I witnessed the truck speed through the red light into the intersection. The intersection I'm currently occupying. But now the image of the rig is replaced by that of my mother.

When I was a child she would constantly become consumed by nonsensical obsessions.

I remember one year in particular when she was determined to make my Halloween costume instead of purchasing one the week before at our local thrift store. She tried to make me into an angel using pipe cleaners, garland, and an old worn-out sheet she had cut up. It took a few weeks before she was satisfied with the result.

I was only five at the time so I thought it was the most beautiful costume I had ever seen. However, I have since seen pictures of that costume and I can attest to my dad's claims that the costume was a catastrophe. One wing was larger than the other and my halo was weighted down by an overabundance of garland, which made it difficult for me to see. And to top it off, the white gown my mom had purchased for me was three sizes too big and the hem was coated in six inches of mud by the end of the night.

And yet this was, without a doubt, my favorite Halloween.

The impact knocks the breath out of me. I can feel my head hit the window beside me. My seatbelt is the only stability I have now.

The next image is of my dad.

I went out on my first date the weekend before I started high school. The boy's name was Jacob Black. He was the son of a family friend and I know my dad was rooting for us to fall in love and get married someday. His mindset was that Jacob would never leave our little town; and if Jacob didn't leave, I wouldn't leave either. Unlike my mom.

I remember Jacob knocking on my front door at the precise moment we had agreed on. He was dressed in button down shirt and dark jeans. He looked so nervous as he presented me with a single rose. He and my dad shook hands and I swear Jacob was about to pass out from nervousness. We were about to make our way out to the car when my dad grabbed my shoulder holding me back. He told Jake to wait in the car, I would be out in a minute.

When we were alone my dad looked me directly in the eyes and told me that my world was about to become much larger. I would soon be entering high school and I would be making new friends. I would be entering the dating scene. He rubbed his thumb across my cheek and told me that from here on out my choices were my own. He said life is too short to do anything less than what makes me happy. He pulled me into a hug and told me no matter the outcome of my date with Jake he would always love me.

I'm spinning now. One rotation. Two rotations. Three rotations. I don't know where I am.

Sophomore year of college was my favorite for many reasons.

First, I had figured out my major. I had always loved to read even as a child. Most of my friends thought of reading as a chore to be completed. I thought of it as an escape from my own reality. No matter the genre or author, I was never happy until my eyes were skimming the words printed in the pages of my books. When I decided to be an English major, it was like the world finally made sense.

The second reason sophomore year was my favorite was Alice. Freshman year I felt lost. I wasn't really sure where I belonged. I had made a few friends but we were by no means close. Sophomore year, however, Alice transferred from her school in California and we were paired as roommates. Alice, while sometimes domineering, is the best friend I could ever ask for. She knows when to push my limits to get me to try new things and when to leave me to my own devices. She challenges me everyday and I love her for it.

And thirdly, I finally stopped blaming myself for my mom leaving. I had to meet with a psychologist regularly for nearly eight years before I could forgive myself for what I had done. I recall the day of my breakthrough as though it were yesterday. I was sitting on the overstuffed couch in my psychologist's office holding a half empty box of tissues in my hands. I began to hyperventilate as I came to terms with my mom's abrupt departure. I sat there shaking for what felt like hours before I began to calm down.

I looked down at the locket around my neck. My mother had left it sitting on top of the note she had written before she disappeared. I had worn it since that day as punishment. I had felt personally responsible for her leaving so I wore it as a constant reminder. I remember reaching behind my neck to the clasp. I took the locket off with trembling fingers and laid it on the coffee table in front of me. Then I got up and left. I never even looked back.

It's starting to rain now. I can see the sky growing darker. The car flips one more time. I can hear the grinding of metal as the car slides across the pavement. I'm lost.

The last picture is of Edward.

I can still recall my surprise when he appeared out of nowhere on my rooftop. It had been a long day at work; unusually stressful. I just wanted to escape for an hour or two.

I discovered the rooftop the same week I moved into my apartment. It was late at night and I couldn't fall asleep. I thought it might help to walk around the building for a few minutes. It didn't take long before I found the door leading to the outside. I placed my hand on the door knob certain that it would not turn. Surely it would be some sort of violation to leave this particular door unlocked.

The knob turned.

I walked up to the roof looking around, worried that someone would discover where I was going. When I reached the top I was amazed by what I saw.

Lights.

Lights everywhere. I was standing several stories above the humming traffic below. I could feel a cool breeze blowing my hair away from my face. I could see far into the distance and I was taken aback by how beautiful the city looked at night.

I sat down a few feet from the edge and wrapped my arms around my legs. I had never felt so at peace.

I returned to the rooftop almost everyday after that night. I would take my manuscripts up there as the sun set over the horizon. It was the perfect escape. The escape I had been searching for. I made myself quite comfortable on that rooftop. I purchased a sleeping bag and a lantern to spend the nights reading up there. And without fail, for several weeks, that door remained unlocked.

I was always alone on my rooftop.

Until Edward came along.

It was early in the morning. I think I had fallen asleep on the roof that night. That was the first time I had spent the whole night out there. I had just awoken when I heard footsteps approaching. I quickly ran a hand through my hair and gathered my belongings, prepared to defend myself from whomever was advancing.

He came out of nowhere. He was dressed in a well tailored suit with a wire protruding from his left ear. His bronze hair looked wind blown or maybe he was in the habit of running his hands through it. His tall, muscular frame signified that he was not a stranger to the gym. His very presence indicated that he was a man of power; not to be messed with. His sharp green eyes met mine as soon as he stepped onto my rooftop.

Our first meeting was by no means divine intervention or fate bringing us together. If it had been, I'd like to think he'd have been a bit happier to see me. When he saw me standing up there he stated that he was Agent Cullen with the United States Secret Service. He was conducting surveillance of this building because there was going to be a conference of some pretty powerful people in a few weeks. It was his job to ensure all the nearby buildings would be secure from any possible threats to the conference.

He questioned me non stop for nearly an hour on that rooftop. He wanted to know everything about me: name, date of birth, schooling, occupation, relationship status, and hobbies. He wanted to know the reason for my being up on the roof. He wanted to know if the door was always unlocked. He wanted to know how often I went up there.

I answered his questions honestly. When he was satisfied with my answers he dismissed me. Before I left, however, he stopped me and assured me that the door would from now on be locked and I would no longer be permitted to access the roof. I left feeling hollow. I lost my escape.

My body is torn. Half of it is numb. The other half is in excruciating pain. The car landed upside down. My windshield has metamorphosed into a long spider web, stretching across from one end to the other. My seat belt is preventing me from falling into the pile of broken glass underneath me. I can see the rain falling onto the ground around my car.

I smell gas.

This is it. I know it is. I wish I could at least tell my dad I love him one last time. I wish I could hug Alice goodbye and thank her for being my friend these past few years. Most importantly, I wish I could tell Edward that I'm sorry; for everything. I can't do any of these things though. Dad is thousands of miles back home. Alice went away for the weekend with her boyfriend. And Edward is in London. He left early this morning.

We were supposed to spend last night together. It was my fault that we didn't. I shouldn't have said those things. But I did. He left the country this morning because it was his job. A job he worked very hard to acquire. He left and I never even got the chance to say I'm sorry. Now he'll never know.

The sound of screeching tires causes me to look to my side. The driver attempts to swerve but it's futile. It's going to hit me.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I am nothing. I am gone.