"Those pills? No."
Her own words echoed in her mind from the last time she allowed herself to get so topsy turvy.
And here she was again;
the fog lifted and her mind running riot.
She was too fidgety, almost itchy with staying still, when she decided she could no longer remain locked up in her Belfrey's apartment.
She didn't remember quite how she ended up having such strong feelings for Ivy but she wasn't exactly herself at that moment in time. Tilly, with fresh clothes and new boots, exited the apartment building through her most preferred method;
The window.
She was searching for an answer to a specific question that had been plaguing her for several, long hours whilst her hands kept themselves busy with a broken cube puzzle. A small detour before moving swiftly through well-known back alleys and it wasn't long before Tilly had tracked down her boss to his usual locale.
"Weaver." She greeted as she haphazardly threw down a brown paper bag onto his lap as she welcomed herself to the passenger seat to his car.
He was parked up a few feet away from the steps that led down to Weavers hideout, a place in which the man enjoyed torturing people for information if Tilly wasn't able to get it for him. She was his best informant after all, and usually in return she would receive an orange marmalade sandwich for a good job. However, after the last sandwich was laced with her pills, the blonde didn't trust them anymore so instead, she was the one hoping to exchange information for a sandwich.
As weaver opened the brown bag containing the sandwich, he gave a short, low chuckle before holding it up and turning to Tilly.
"Tilly..." He paused as he looked at her, the blonde unable to stay still in her seat. She was clearly off her medication again and the detective knew that he was to handle this situation carefully.
"Usually it's the other way around..." He noted. "What do you want to know?"
He gathered very quickly that this was Tilly's strange little way of asking for his assistance. Placing the sandwich back in the bag in his lap, he leaned over his steering wheel to rest the sandwich upon the dashboard of the vehicle.
"You see," She began, "..ever since Rogers found that girl, its' got me thinking..." She all but jumped head-first into the conversation, since the questions had been bothering her all day.
"What do Gardeners do?" She questioned with her ever growing curiosity. "They tend to gardens and tame the overgrowth. They let those vines grow only as /they/ guide..." The blonde continued as she answered her own question, blue eyes focused on her hands as she began to pick at the edges of her nails with a nervous disposition. Weaver took that pause to interject.
"Tilly, what is this really about?" He cautiously probed. "If you're still angry about what I made you tell Rogers in regards to Eloise, I stick to what I said about it being in the best interests of Hyperion Heights.."
"Ha!" She jumped and moved in her seat.
"But that's just it! We all wanted Victoria to fall but it didn't happen. The masks are /still on/, Weaver, and one more has been added to the Masquerade."
Even with the small amount of input from Weaver, it was enough for the girls mind to go searching for her next move already and before Weaver could do or say anything to calm her down, she was out of the car and moving as fast as her feet would let her move.
She would confront Ivy about Eloise Gardener.
For a day that started like so many before it; there was nothing to foreshadow or indicate that Ivy's evening would be polar opposite of her relaxing and easy morning.
Set routines were followed, the brunette had fallen into an unshakeable cycle; of thinking about Tilly in every minute she had.
Maybe she'd been blinded; her senses dulled by the pure joy she felt with the girl in her life; but Ivy hadn't noticed that the blonde wasn't taking her pills.
She arrived at her apartment, a thinly amused grin hinting in the corners of her lips, unbeknownst and oblivious of what led inside. Upon arriving on her apartment building floor, Ivy very quickly noticed that her door was wide open.
"Tilly? I know you don't know how to use doors, but generally after you open one, you shut it," the brunette called out, pulling off her blazer as she stepped into her home.
Tilly was in the bedroom, throwing everything around in a frantic search for something, something that even she didn't quite know what was. When she heard the familiar voice, her feet were faster than her voice, Tilly was at Ivy within seconds and her hands moved all over her to check she wasn't plagued with even a single scratch.
A gentle grin had illuminated over Ivy's lips as Tilly ran to greet her; an expression that shortly died, only to be replaced with sudden grim concern.
"The rains a bit /drizzy/ today..."
The blonde spoke without even hearing herself, still moving around Ivy and checking over her for anything out of place, very particular with her movements. Although the Belfrey was used to the blondes dysfunctional sentences at times; nothing seemed to have relevance.
"I beg your pardon?" Ivy's words were supposed to come out in their usual neutral monotone, but a fevered whisper clung to her remark instead. Drizzy was far too different to be a genuine play on words. She had only just managed to tear her worried gaze away from the girl to study her apartment, hardly anything was where she had left it.
Tilly laughed and backed up to take in Ivy's form as a whole.
"Safe!... Vines not been trimmed..." She was talking to herself as she moved to the kitchen now, pulling each and every drawer out to look through the contents. She held a spoon up for a moment, frowned at it and then returned it to the drawer.
"Eloise...?" She peered up at Ivy.
"The missing girl... She should have stayed missing.." She spoke clearly, like she knew what she was talking about, but all the while she was a little wide-eyed and jittery.
"Are you... looking for something?" Belfrey enquired, not even sure if she wanted to know, the dedication that Tilly had for rummaging through her drawers was alarming. Physically feeling her heart miss a beat; Ivy strode into the kitchen, a frantic gaze adorning her dark eyes.
"Are you okay? Tilly, talk to me... have-" the brunette cut herself short before daring to continue. "Have you been taking your medication?"
The blonde laughed rather manically.
"Better... Never, Better." She replied as she began to climb the kitchen counter, appropriately ignoring the question about her medication.
"A different angle..." She explained to herself.
"The same, but from a different angle..."
Her eyebrows furrowed as she looked around then suddenly her gaze fell on Ivy and her eyes widened.
"You!" The blonde looked down from where she was.
"Ten feet tall and
I.
see.
you!"
She laughed again before jumping down.
The girl moved her face so close to Ivy, usually this would be where she would kiss the brunette.
But she was too busy, scrupulously gazing at every feature of the woman.
"Such a beautiful mask..." She jumped back and grinned. "Did you base it on the real thing?" The girl asked, a genuine question.
There was something frightening about the way Tilly was behaving; not scary as such, but the pit of Ivy's stomach felt like a ten foot drop. She was almost dizzy, still not knowing what was going on.
"Tilly, you're going insane..." the breath caught at the back of her throat; she didn't dare even breath at the blondes thorough examination.
Tilly was the only one who she had no control over when it came to her jumbled memories; and it was a sick, twisted joke and only she knew the punchline.
Delayed warning lights flashed in Belfrey's mind. Trust her to get so head over heels with the one unstable girl in Hyperion heights.
"... I don't wear masks any more Tilly... you know that," she tested the waters slowly; almost afraid. She wasn't a big fan of walking on cracked ice. The blonde was too worked up to notice how uneasy she had made her girlfriend, too far into her madness.
"Oh! but we all have masks on." A thought flashed through her and she backtracked. "Or do we?"
She reached her hand up and trailed her fingers down the brunettes jawline, dangerously close to giving in to her 'delusions' and attempting to rip the mask off she had grown to believe the Belfrey was wearing. She seemed to yank her own hand away from the petite woman in front of her, stepping back to distance herself.
Tilly was still in there,
somewhere.
"Crystal clear masks
for the chosen few...
But the Beast did it,
He broke through!"
She seemed rather excited about that last part.
Clenched teeth ground into each other; as for the very first time, Tilly's touch was not one Ivy wanted; It didn't evoke any pleasant feelings... only worry and trepidation. A solid frown controlled the brunettes features; rhyming, nonsence, riddles. She knew who she was dealing with; and it struck her like a blow to the gut; that Belfrey had come home to Alice.
"Tilly, stop that..." Ivy wouldn't give in to her panic; that sounded too simple, her pure fear that her girlfriend was going to look back at her... and remember how much she hated the brunette. With a petrified, fleeting glance, Ivy dodged the blonde like she could explode, back into the kitchen where she filled a glass with water, digging around for the girls prescriptions.
"Tilly... please, please take them... you have to wake up from this... this nightmare!" She was never one to plead; but Ivy would beg for Tilly. She'd worked to have a second chance, and she would fight to keep it.
The blonde laughed as she threw herself into the counter, leaning heavily across it. She kept the kitchen island between Ivy and herself now, a conflicted decision in the street rats mind to keep herself safe from Ivy and Ivy safe from herself.
"If pills could /really/ take you away from a nightmare,
why are we here?"
She tilted her head at the question, thinking about the answer herself.
"Tilly..."
She mumbled before speaking more clearly.
"Oh, I'm not myself.."
"You're not yourself..." the brunette agreed painfully; unable to tell which side of Tilly she was talking to.
The blue-eyed girl pointed to the blue pills.
"But those?
Oh, no.
Those won't fix anything.
Last time I got so close!"
She clapped for herself and grinned, climbing to sit upon one of the stools by the kitchen counter.
"You see;
The beast is free."
Fingertips drew patterns on the counter that only the blonde could follow.
She didn't know who or what she was talking about by this point.
"No!
Both of them are free!"
She looked up at Ivy with a sudden panic.
"She grew it all.
And now she's going to cut it all down.
I can't let her do that!
Not now!
Not now we've come so far!"
And with that, her head began to pound so hard, her eyes squinting as she hung her head down and grabbed at it. The conflicting worlds of Tilly and Alice in her head had begun to overwhelm her and she screamed in pain. Two worlds fighting to collide in her head, her frantic behaviour, it had worn her down enough for her to have a single second of clarity as the memory of shooting Detective Weaver with his own gun flashed in her minds-eye. She looked up at Ivy, /really/ looked at her now, and she felt fear form in the pit of her stomach as she tears began to pool in her eyes.
"I promised myself I wouldn't let this happen again.." The blonde spoke as she relived what she had done the last time she wasn't on her medication. She was lucky Weaver had lived that day, lucky that he didn't press charges on her or lock her away.
She didn't want to do anything like that to Ivy. To her girlfriend; the one who took her in and saw her like nobody else did. She began to cry as she just stared at Ivy, all of the absurd other worldly thoughts in her mind slowly settling into a silence as the curse won out. Her hand outstretched, ready for the bad dream to go away.
Destruction had always been beautiful for Ivy, when she was the one tearing it down... but Tilly was tearing herself down and it was a sight that Ivy just couldn't bare.
A long time ago; she'd promised herself that she would never cry over anybody again... But the warm wetness streaking down her cheeks was impossible to control.
As soon as she had heard the blondes cry of pain, Ivy ignored the want for distance, circling the kitchen island to take Tilly... or Alice... in her arms. It was a risk, but if there was one thing that the woman couldn't do, it would be to leave Tilly on her own.
She didn't care that the girl didn't make sense. Her words would haunt the brunette for nights to come but right now, Ivy knew she needed to protect Tilly from herself. After a moment of silent tears escaping the young Belfrey, she slowly let the girl go. Her heart was tearing, in a way that even Drizella had never known. Her digits trembled as she tentatively brushed her fingertips against Tilly's cheek, yearning for a flicker of recognition in those cerulean eyes she'd come to love.
"Please, Tilly, come back to me…" Tilly was half of the girl that actually cared about her. She was on the border line of losing her only love. And that frightened Ivy more than she dared to ever say.
"I need you,"
Barely a whisper, body shaking as ferocious anxiety gripped to the brunette.
She tried not to quiver as she placed two of the pills into Tilly's open palm, holding the glass with an unsteady hand.
Tilly's throat burned with her sobs, her head still pounding, but the comfort she gained from the close and affectionate proximity to her girlfriend calmed her like nothing else ever had. She took the pills in one swift movement, washing them down with the entire glass of water, not stopping for a breath until she had drunk all of the liquid. She placed the empty glass on the side and turned in her seat to bury her face in Ivy's chest.
Arms circling around the brunette, she cuddled into her and continued to cry. Continued to sob. She surrounded herself entirely in the woman's presence, even her scent something familiar and soothing to cling on to. She barely remembered what she had been going on about all this time but a few things did stick with her; That somebody was going to hurt her girlfriend and she needed to protect her from that at all costs.
Ivy had tried her hardest not to appear shaken by Tilly's words and actions. The girl needed someone there, and Ivy wasn't going to be weak in her time of need. She soothingly ran her fingers through Tilly's hair, holding her close.
She was still terrified, that Tilly would be ripped from her arms.
Was this the consequence of falling in love?
Would every day now be plagued with the idea that Tilly would never stay as soon as she remembered it all?
Ivy felt sick.
Still, she clung to her girlfriend, hiding a face of fear and sorrow she had never physically shown before.
"Tilly... don't do that again. Take those pills," Her voice was serious, almost commanding, as she eventually broke the silence. She couldn't let Tilly go so far from her reach again. The blonde sniffled and turned her head a little to grab at fresh air after having shoved her face into her girlfriends chest to cry. She wasn't sobbing any more; she was far too worn out for that by now, but she was still crying softly as her breath would catch in her throat every now and again. She really had worked herself up over it all.
"I never wanted to get like that again..." She replied, admitting that she had already done this once before. She didn't know whether Ivy would know that it was her that had been the one that had shot Detective Weaver, but she didn't want her to know at this point either. Especially not now, when Tilly had made the same mistake twice.
"You won't..." the brunette assured; her panic was still subsiding, cautious with the girl in her arms. She would make sure that Tilly was taking her pills, whatever it took to keep her girlfriend safe and there; not slipping off into another dimension.
A hard gulp and Tilly pulled away to look up at Ivy. The blondes eyes were red and puffy, cheeks stained with her tears, but she held her hand up to gently stroke Ivy's cheek. She wanted to soothe the brunette, for she could see and feel how shaken up she had caused her to be by witnessing Tilly's behaviour. Tilly frowned a little as she stared up at Ivy. It was then, and only then, she had the clearest mind she had experienced in a long time.
"I love you, Ivy."
"You... you frightened me to death! I thought I was losing you... you just can't say something like that after -" Ivy let her head fall back, biting harshly on her lip as she pushed back the tears that scolded her gaze. It was unfair to reprimand Tilly for this.
Returning her wounded yet adoring gaze to the blonde, Ivy inhaled deeply, pushing golden hair behind her ear. She took sweet care in affectionately brushing the tips of her fingers against her skin.
"I love you too, Tilly. I just can't bare to lose you."
Tilly lent into each tender touch Ivy gave her, an exhausted smile pulling lightly at her lips as she closed her eyes for a few short moments.
"I don't want to lose me either." It was a half-hearted attempt at being playful at the same time she was completely serious.
The tired blonde lifted her arm up to wipe her face with the sleeve on her jacket. Her breathing still a little all over the place, she went back to hugging Ivy tightly with her head resting on the Belfreys chest.
"I think I'm going to drink some tea and sleep it off." She spoke, her words muffled against her girlfriends blouse.
The petite brunette had already lost the few people who'd meant something to her but Ivy wasn't prepared to lose Tilly. Belfrey tightened her grip on her girlfriend, keeping her locked in an overwhelmingly protective embrace for a moment, taking the time to memorize how Tilly's body felt against her just in case. Truthfully... Tilly was all she had. It had been too close to chaos, to Ivy's world ending.
With a tired grin, the brunette pulled back, a lingering touch against Tilly's cheek.
"I'll sort the tea out... you should go rest," Belfrey nodded reassuringly.
However, Tilly didn't want to let go of Ivy. She didn't even like the idea of being in a different room from Ivy. Something in Tilly made her cling to the brunette completely, protectively as well as for her own comfort.
After such a bad episode, Tilly felt /afraid/ to be alone.
"I'll help you make the tea.." She suggested, only then did she let go of Ivy to move. She slipped her shoes off and took her jacket to hang it up before returning to the kitchen. The street urchin began to move all the knick-knacks she had taken out of the drawers back to their original places before moving to get two mugs ready for Ivy to fill with tea. A soft sigh descended Ivy's lips as the brunette finally nodded, letting Tilly work around her. She was inwardly glad... Ivy was able to be strong around the girl. All the while, the blonde was still a little snuffly and wiping her face with her forearms every now and then. She was beginning to slow down, every movement almost like her limbs were heavy.
"Tilly..." her name sounded before Belfrey even understood what she wanted to say. She let the water boil as she turned to her girlfriend, carefully taking her hands in her own, squeezing softly and assuringly.
"You're going to be okay... You're my everything, and I won't let anything like that happen to you again, I swear it..." a thick coat of sincerity laced her words, as she tried so hard for the genuine meaning to glaze her eyes instead of drying tears.
"I'll take care of you," Ivy promised, placing a feather light kiss against her lips.
Tilly stepped into Ivy when she took her hands, going back to embracing the brunette but with her face hid in the crook of the girls neck this time.
"I don't want anybody to hurt you, Ivy." She muttered, her mind slowing down with the mixture of her exhaustion and the pills slowly settling into her system once more. She wanted nothing more than to just sleep with Ivy close to her. She wanted the entire outside world to be locked away for a while. None of it felt safe to her any more, not with her mind as it was, feeling it still nag at her.
"Nobody's going to hurt me, Tilly; we're untouchable," The brunette assured, a hand tangling in golden locks as she held the girl close.
There was no way Ivy could let go of her now; she needed Tilly in a way that made her realise just how afraid she was of being alone.
Her other hand trailed soothingly up and down the girls back before Ivy stepped away, brushing the tear stains from sweet porcelain cheeks. She couldn't bear to see any mark on her girl.
"There's nothing for you to worry about, Okay? Nothing at all,"
Her Tilly was very visibly exhausted by now, the way she held herself as if her whole body was too heavy to keep holding it up for much longer. She did manage a small smile for Ivy, though. Even if she didn't believe that she would be alright.
If anything, Tilly knew nobody was untouchable. Not even a Belfrey at this point. Hyperion Heights had been shaken up too much ever since the day that Henry had come to town. It had been a downwards spiral for everything since then but at the same time, it led to Tilly and Ivy getting close.
For that, the blonde was grateful. But she couldn't wait for her tea, She was too drained. Tugging lightly at Ivy's hands, she silently begged to go to bed with her. Except she had forgotten already about the state of the bedroom from her frantic search earlier.
Once Ivy had finished up with the tea she carried two cups of hot tea as she followed behind a sleepy Tilly to the bedroom. Upon stepping into her room, Ivy began surveying the scene in slight shock; the kitchen hadn't even been that bad in comparison. Tilly climbed on top of the bed and lent against the headboard as tired eyes watched the brunette, remorse for her actions clear in blue eyes.
"Don't worry about it," the brunette set the tea on top of her rummaged draws, pushing scattered items from her bed; she would tidy it all away tomorrow.
Ivy offered a slim smile, pulling the quilt covers back as she shuffled into a comfy position on her bed.
"Relax... drink your tea," She urged. Sat up, the young blonde took the tea weakly and began to drink it. Her posture had relaxed the second Ivy had taken her spot upon the bed, her mere presence something that comforted Tilly by now. Slowly, she climbed under the quilts and finally she relaxed. Reaching her hand forward to take Ivy's, entangling their fingers as she drunk her tea, Tillys' eyes were almost stuck on the brunette's form as she lost herself in her now silent mind, the only thing keeping her awake was the need to drink the rest of the tea. She had Ivy beside her and that was all she really needed.. Tilly still couldn't quite comprehend what had happened that day to lead her into such a frenzied state. Most of it was melting away from her memories with each tick of the clock.
Ivy didn't hesitate to wrap a protective arm securely around Tilly, being careful not to spill her tea as she pulled her close to press a kiss to the blondes cheek. She pulled the covers further up around Tilly, tucking them in around her.
The events had been draining for the both of them.
"You should sleep this off, Tilly," Ivy spoke softly, although she was struggling to suppress a yawn of her own as the blonde placed a now empty mug on the side table. Slipping down to rest her head on a pillow, Tilly didn't have the strength to argue with Ivy. Still holding firmly onto the young Belfrey's hand, she tugged ever so lightly. Ivy knew this meant she wanted her to settle down, too. And after the events of that evening, she wasn't in the mood to resist sleep either. With limbs entangled, the two young women found a reasonable medium of cuddling that didn't interfere with their comfort.
The blonde was usually the one to have Ivy resting on her chest but tonight the roles were reversed. It was Ivy's nose that was buried in blonde locks as the golden haired beauty rested her head upon the petite woman's chest, the sound of each heartbeat soothing Tilly into a much needed sleep. Although her fears of losing the only real thing in her life had almost become a reality, Ivy managed to fall asleep not too long after Tilly's breathing had slowed.