My first ever angst fic…don't worry: just a one-shot. I honestly have no idea where this came from…at all. I normally don't write stuff like this, but…I don't know. Real life was hard on me once, I think it's hard on all of us at least once. So…here you go.

Drowning.

It's not as bad as you think…I think. Drowning. It doesn't feel as bad as you think it does. You think it would be a painful death, as you run out of air and you can't breathe…but you don't really notice that you're drowning until you're really, you know, drowning.

First, the fall. The initial pain.

You fall.

Hard. Down. Fast.

And at first, you don't notice that you're falling. You left that horrible feeling in your stomach and that prickling down your spine somewhere else. Because for one second, just one second, I was flying.

Not falling. Never falling.

Stars don't fall.

Of course, it's not like I jumped. I fell. I did not jump.

Not jumping. Never jumping.

Then, the impact. The second pain.

You hit the water.

Head-on. Direct. Face-to-face.

And the thing about hitting the water is that the water doesn't want you to drown either, at first. At first, the water tries to pull you out with all that buoyant force it's got. But then, something holds you down…under. You're frozen, you're trapped, and the water knows it, too. It's holding you down harder then it's pulling you out. It's a trickster. It deceived you. It never wanted to pull you out. It just tried to gain your trust, and guess what? It succeeded.

And then, you start to panic.

I know what you're thinking 'You? Panic? Never! Stars don't panic!'

I know.

Stars don't panic.

But I did.

The panicking part is probably the worst. Suddenly, that feeling in the pit of your stomach-the horrible one that you left somewhere else-is back. You start to, well, panic. You frail your arms and you try to swim. And that works in most cases.

But not this one.

Because the water's cold.

Really cold.

Oh yeah, you heard me. The water's cold. Like, really cold. Like in the negatives cold. And you kick and you fight, and you really do try.

You try to fight.

You really do.

You try to swim. You know how to swim, so this should be an easy situation to get out of. But remember, the water's cold…in the negatives cold. And now, you're fighting; you're really, really, really fighting…

But then, something else happens.

Something hits you.

Hard.

And…it doesn't just hit you.

It stabs you.

You look down the best you can at your numb body, and see that something stabbed right through that right arm of yours. What is it? I couldn't tell all that well, but I think it was a piece of debris. And you examine it as best you can, but you'd best remember, you're still trying to fight here, and then you see something that changes the whole situation.

Blood.

You're bleeding now.

That just adds to the panic.

You pull the pointy piece of debris out of your right arm, and you're still bleeding, and you wonder how this is possible because you are far under water by now.

And then, you start to think.

You're dying; you know that, so your brain, naturally, is whirling.

You think of all the people in your life that you'll miss, and you pause when a couple of names come up.

First, Shelby.

She was my mother.

My mother.

And I let her slip through my fingers, like sand.

I couldn't hold onto her.

But…I wanted to.

So, so much.

Then, Quinn.

Why was I so nasty to you?

Why were you so nasty to me?

Why were we so nasty to each other?

I still can't think of a reason.

And finally, Finn.

Finn.

He loved me, you know.

And I loved him too.

I would never have ever let him slip through my fingers, like sand…

…and like Shelby.

So many people, I'll never say goodbye to…

But the fact that I can't say goodbye to Finn…

That hurts more then drowning.

Oh yeah, I'm still drowning.

And I'm still bleeding.

See? I totally forgot for a second there.

So, there! It's not as bad as you think…I think.

Then…I feel something in me, just…stop.

I can almost feel my brain shutting down, and my heart stopping.

And I know that I have lost.

And drowning has won.

Then…then something remarkable happens. Something that you thought wasn't going to happen. Ever.

Something pulls you out.

Correction: Someone pulls you out.

Now you realize that you are freezing cold, because this person's skin feels so, so, so warm against yours.

You'll always remember that feeling.

Then, you hear a voice come from this person, and you realize that he is telling you that you're going to be okay, even though this whole time you thought you were a goner for sure.

Then, there's light all around you.

The light is really a bunch of people, and screaming, and sirens.

And that person, the one who pulled you out, is still holding your hand the whole time. He whispers to you that he loves you, and that it'll be okay.

And then, you know who saved you.

You're sure it's him; because of the way he said 'I love you'.

And now you are sure that you have won.

And drowning has lost.