Title: Broken Open
Season: Set immediately After Mayhem on a Cross
Summary: Booth and Brennan are both feeling emotionally raw after the events of Mayhem on a Cross and turn to each other for support.
It was well past midnight and Sweets and Gordon-Gordon had long since left Special Agent Seeley Booth's downtown DC apartment. The night had been, well, interesting. They'd all made rather unpleasant trips down memory lane. With the exception of Gordon, that was, he had entertained them all with stories of the scandalous life of a 70's rocker. Booth knew, however, that he, Bones, and Sweets, as well as they hid it, were too distracted by thoughts of their own wretched childhoods to fully appreciate the tales of sex, drugs, and the heady combo of both.
Just as he had stacked the last plate in the dishwasher, there was a noise behind him. Turning he found himself staring at the ever remarkable Temperance Brennan. She smiled at him, but somehow the gesture didn't reach her eyes, which were marked with a redness that Booth immediately recognized. This was exactly the reason that he'd just wanted to grab Sweets for dinner to show him a little friendship, he'd wanted to skip the whole 'comparing scars' bit.
"Hey," he greeted softly, giving her his own worn smile. The way she was looking at him, like a lost puppy, had him at a loss for words. They'd both admitted more than they would have liked tonight. He wasn't sure that he was ready for any more revelations. Thankfully, it seemed neither was Bones.
"I was coming to see if you needed help cleaning up, but it looks like you took care of it." She gestured at the full dishwasher.
"Uh yeah," he rubbed the back of his neck to give himself something to do. "So Gordon-Gordon had some great stories from the old days, didn't he? Looking at him now you'd never guess what kinds of clothes that body used to fit into."
"Actually, given his age and stature one might surmise that thirty years ago he may have been quite the hunk." The scientist stated and if it hadn't been for her increasingly reddening eyes Booth may have been annoyed with her. His partner now looked truly on the verge of tears, and just as he was weighing his options to either try to distract her or let her talk about it, Bones made the decision for him.
"I didn't think bringing up that certain incident in my past would make it difficult for me to once again repress any objectionable memories associated with that time period." She shook her head, "Rationally speaking, however, I have found that forgetting something unpleasant is very difficult once you are made to face it. Even after many years." Her lower lip twitched and before he knew it, there were tears streaming down her face.
"Oh, Bones." Seeley moved towards her and grabbing her hand led her back into the living room where he sat her down on the couch. He then proceeded to make pour them both drinks from the nearly empty Scotch bottle which they had mostly depleted last week. This caused Booth to remember why Bones had come over that night in the first place and immediately he realized that both of these impromptu drinking sessions had started because of Sweets. Cursing his name, Seeley returned to the slightly drier eyed woman on his couch.
"Here." He offered the glass which she took willingly. "Do you want to talk about it?" Part of him was hoping that she said 'no' as much he wanted to help her in any way possible, he was sure that no good could come out of it, at least not on his end. Hearing about people abusing this kind and sensitive woman would only make him angry, not to mention the fact that it wasn't likely he would be able to remain completely silent and thoughts of his own past would inevitably come to the surface.
Temperance swiped a strand of wayward hair behind her ear before answering. "I'm not sure that it would make me feel any more comfortable with the events I am reliving."
"Sometimes it helps to get things out in the open and let someone else know your pain…" pausing he took a breath, "especially if that person can relate." What the hell was he doing? Hadn't he wanted to steer away from that particular topic?
"I think that…" She stopped and Booth was quite sure she was rationalizing every word before she spoke, "under the circumstances discussing it would only make it more difficult. But if there is something that you would like to vocalize I am a very adept listener." Her green eyes were focused steadily on his face and Booth wondered if she could see the warmth that was spreading to his cheeks.
"I um, I think I'll pass…" His voice was firmer than usual despite the stutter and he could tell by the look on Bones' face that he'd come off as harsher than he'd intended.
"You said that you didn't want to discuss your attempted suicide, but I thought maybe your reluctance was due to Sweets' presence and maybe you would feel more comfortable talking to me."
He knew that she hadn't meant to be insensitive but he was taken aback by her blunt phrasing and before he could stop himself he blurted, "I didn't say I actually tried to kill myself."
"No, you said that if it weren't for your grandfather that you would have killed yourself as a child. I assumed that you meant that he was successful in preventing that eventuality."
"Yeah, Bones. I did try once." He was willing himself to remain quiet, but the task was proven impossible as he continued. "I took a whole bottle of pills from my parent's medicine cabinet. But before I'd even taken the first one, my granddad found me and told me something I'll never forgot. He told me," he grinned at the memory, "he told me that if I'd really meant it then I would have grabbed something stronger than aspirin. Then he reminded me that I had a younger brother to look out for and that I had to take care of him."
"That's why you are so protective of your brother." Bones laid a slender hand on his knee. It was small gesture, but coming from the awkward squint Booth appreciated it. He laid his own hand over hers briefly before getting up to pour them both another drink. "Do you feel better?" She asked him.
Booth was thankful that he had the excuse of recapping the bottle so that he could turn his back to her. There was a strange stinging at the back of his eyes and he wondered how he had suddenly become the unstable one. Recovering, he turned back to her, glass outstretched. "Not at all." And for once Bones seemed aware enough to keep her mouth shut.
"It's not fair." Temperance remarked, seemingly out of the blue, a few minutes later. They had both been so deeply absorbed in their own thoughts that conversation had ceased entirely and Booth found himself being pulled from a particularly horrible reminiscence.
All he could do was agree and dumbly repeat the phrase. "No, it's not fair." It was the exact thing that Sweets had said. He hoped that this didn't mean the psychologist was actually starting to wear off on him. Booth wished there was more he could say, more he could do to make things right, for Bones, for Sweets, for himself. Unfortunately, there wasn't a lot one could say in a situation like this. What would he want people to say? Nothing. So he remained silent.
It was few more silent minutes later when Temperance said, "It's late. I should get home." She started to stand, but Booth grabbed her arm.
"Wait." He didn't want his partner to be alone right now. Hell, he didn't want to be alone right now.
The touch seemed to startle her and she was wearing a look of confusion rarely seen unless it was in reaction to a pop culture reference.
"Booth?" Her eyebrows were raised and the FBI agent found himself drawn in by her deep green eyes.
What could he tell her that would make her understand why he didn't want her to leave? That if left to his own devices he would drink himself into a stupor? That he would wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat? That there wasn't anyone else he would allow to see him vulnerable, just as he was right now?
"You've already had three drinks. I don't think you should be driving anywhere tonight." He was counting the glass of wine she'd had at dinner nearly four hours ago now. She knew he was scraping.
"Booth, I have an extremely high alcohol tolerance. See?" She leaned back with her arms spread and proceeded to touch her finger to her nose.
He smiled his first real smile that day. "Why does everyone think that is a fool proof drunk test?"
"Because it demonstrates coordination and balance." She said it so honestly Booth couldn't help but grin again.
"Fine, but I still don't want you driving."
The ever stubborn scientist walked towards the kitchen. "I'll call a cab then, which is what I did last week. And I don't think I have to testify that I'm not too drunk to ride in a car."
She had made it to the phone before Seeley jumped up, mind set. She was about to begin dialing when he removed the phone from her hand.
"Hey! What now I'm incapable of using a telephone?"
"No Bones, it's not that." He sighed, exasperated at how defensive the woman was getting. That only made his next admission even harder. "I don't want you to leave." It came out so quietly he wasn't even sure she had heard him.
"You could have just said that." She had progressed from angry to merely annoyed. "Why can't you just say what you mean?"
Taking extra care not to show how relieved he was that she didn't ask any questions about the strange request, Booth wondered for the millionth time when he would figure her out. Probably never. Opening the fridge he stared at the contents before finally grabbing a bottle of water.
"I'd like to go to sleep soon. I've got a lot of work to do in the morning."
Booth was sure this was not entirely true because they had just wrapped up a case. He didn't push it though, too scared that he would make her angry again.
"Yeah, me too. You can take the bed. I'll sleep on the couch." Moving off towards the living room he was surprised to hear the sharp protest from behind him.
"No." Turning around he could tell that Bones meant business from the way her hands sat on her hips and the stubborn glint in her eye. "The couch has inferior back support. I think that we should share the bed."
Nearly choking on the water, Booth stared at her wide-eyed. "I don't think that's a good idea."
"Are you suggesting that one of us would act inappropriately?" She looked serious enough so he figured he had to answer the question. Even if it was a ridiculous one.
"Of course not. It's just that it's a small bed." He illustrated a small space with his arms. "Very small." It wasn't of course a small bed at all being a perfectly normal queen sized mattress. He was just very aware of how cramped a bed could get once there was an attractive woman in it. Not that he would ever think of… He left off the thought, too frazzled to even finish it in his mind.
Bones wasn't convinced however. "I can not let you sleep on that," she pointed disdainfully in the direction of his living room. "I am convinced that is how you hurt your back in the first place. And since I will not consent to sleep on it either; we share the bed or I go home."
Well, he had taught her one thing right, how to make an ultimatum. Booth rolled his eyes, knowing that he was going to severely regret this in the morning. "Okay, we share."
"Good." She now seemed quite happy with herself and content she made off in the direction of the bathroom. Watching her leave Booth had only one thought. That woman was going to be the death of him.
When Bones emerged from the bathroom, Seeley was waiting to throw her a pair of old sweatpants and a t-shirt. Knowing she couldn't sleep in a skirt he had dug out the smallest and most comfortable clothes he could find. But when she caught them with a grateful look and proceeded into his room to change so that he could have the bathroom, Booth began to reconsider this whole arrangement. It wasn't that they hadn't shared a bed before. They'd made it through the entire undercover operation as circus folk without a single incident. The problem was that they hadn't been in his house and she hadn't been wearing his clothes.
He took as much time as possible in the bathroom. Maybe Bones would be asleep before he got out. No such luck.
Bones was seated at the foot of the bed flipping through one of his mystery novels. How could someone look so good in sweatpants? If they were any two other people…
"You were in there a long time, if you are having intestinal issues maybe you should see a doctor."
And the thought was gone. "No, I'm not having- Would you just get in bed. I thought you wanted to get up early." Thankfully she complied good-naturedly. She got under the covers and curled up, catlike. He admired how her shiny dark hair furled over the pillow. Yeah, it was going to be a long night.
"Are you coming?" She asked and while she sounded slightly irked it was in a mostly sleepy voice.
Realizing that he was staring, Booth busied himself with trivial matters such as turning off the lights, trying to put as much time as possible between that moment and climbing into bed with Temperance Brennan. Eventually, however, he was out of things to do. Reminding himself that this was no different from the nights they had shared on the circus RV he slid carefully under the sheets. It didn't help that Bones' body had already warmed the bed, so that it was even harder to ignore the person next to him. He made sure that is back was to her; at least his eyes weren't going to betray him.
"Good night, Booth."
"Night, Bones."
Sometime much later Booth heard a muffled noise. It was so soft that he probably wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't already been awake. He had woken after a dream about being chased, yet not being able to run, and since then hadn't fallen back asleep. The noise set him on alert and automatically he tensed, ready to defend himself if necessary. Then he remembered that he wasn't alone in the room.
Flipping to his other side, he reached out slowly into the darkness. "Bones?"
"I'm sorry. Did I wake you up?" Her voice was clogged with emotion. Suddenly making her stay didn't seem like such a bad idea after all.
"No." There was another silent sob. "Are you okay?" He asked merely out of habit, clearly she wasn't. Reaching across her for the tissue box, his arm brush across her shoulder and he noticed that she was shivering. He knew it had nothing to do with temperature as it was a warm spring night. Instinctively he shuffled over to within inches of her shaking form.
"I just had a bad dream." She responded, trying to infuse confidence into her voice but the words still came out thickly. "I was back in that trunk. I was so thirsty. My voice was dry because I yelled so loudly. No one heard me though. And my fists were bruised from punching the sides. No one heard me."
Booth was thankful that it was so dark. He didn't want Temperance to see the pain in his own features. Without a thought he wrapped his strong arms around her. Making sure that he didn't pull her hair, he shifted her closer into him so that her head was cushioned under his chin. She responded willingly, which surprised him. She was usually so hesitant about physical contact. Rubbing small circles on her back he made shushing noises just like did with Parker when he had a nightmare.
He didn't know how long they lay like that. His arms wrapped around her, one hand soothing her while the other dug into the fabric of the t-shirt as if he was afraid she would leave if he let go. At some point she must have fallen asleep as the shivering subsided. Booth stayed awake, far too on edge to fall back asleep.
Eventually, the body in his arms began shifting. He was suddenly very aware of the soft legs wrapped around his own. He wriggled so that he could see the clock. 3:52 gleamed softly red from over Bones' shoulder.
"Why are you moving so much?" The woman in his arms asked him, although it was more like an accusation. "You woke me up."
"You're the one who started moving first." He quipped, thankful for the normal banter. She must have realized their position by now, yet she hadn't made to extricate herself from his hold. This pleased Booth more than it should have.
"What time is it?"
"Nearly four."
"Thank you." She noted matter-of-factly as she moved to distance herself from him. Well, it had been too good to last. He didn't ask why she was thanking him, but simply nodded even though he knew Bones couldn't see it. "Don't mention it."
"Is that why you wanted me to stay?"
The question caught him off guard. He wasn't sure how he should answer it; worried that she may think that he thought of her as weak. He settled on the truth. "Partly. I just thought it might be a bad night… for both of us."
"It appears that you were correct as you usually are when it comes to personal situations."
The statement was far too analytical for his taste and he was afraid that Temperance was once again distancing herself from her feelings as she had distanced herself from him. This was why he was surprised when she spoke again.
"I'm glad that you are here Booth."
"Me too."