Fleeting Happiness
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot.
Summary: The casualties of war are too much for Ginny Weasley to handle. When her former professor rescues her from peril, she and Remus Lupin form an unlikely bond. Even happiness comes as a surprise, but they both know nothing lasts forever.
A/N: This is my answer to Elaana's "Angst" challenge posted on GROWL. For more information, please see the GROWL website.
"Nooooooo!" Ginny screamed as she watched Bill and Charlie fall at the hands of Death Eaters.
There was no mistaking that flash of green light; her brothers were dead, right before her eyes. She hid in some brush until the Death Eaters left; then she hurried to where her brothers' bodies were.
"Bill? Charlie?" she asked. "Please wake up; help me!" She started to cry just as rain started to fall from the sky. Not knowing what else to do, Ginny curled up between her brothers and passed out.
Remus Lupin had seen the three Weasleys dart into the forest, Bill and Charlie first. Ginny had followed them, so Remus doubted the Death Eaters knew she was there. He saw the hooded men Disapparate, but he didn't see anyone else come out of the forest.
Fraught with fear, Remus ran into the forest yelling all the way. To his horror, he saw three redheaded bodies lying together. The youngest Weasley was between her two eldest brothers.
"No," Remus pleaded to no one. "No, please!" He shook each Weasley, and to his dismay, he saw no indication of life… until Ginny let out a soft moan.
"Ginny!" he called. "Ginny, wake up!"
She groaned again. Remus knew other Death Eaters would be coming soon, so he grabbed her into his arms, holding her close, and Disapparated to his house.
The old house was empty, so Remus carried Ginny upstairs to his bedroom, laying her out on the bed. He checked her over for wounds, but he found none. Knowing she was just in shock, he conjured a cold, moist cloth and pressed it to her forehead. He held her small hand in his and waited.
Hours later, Ginny awoke. She didn't know where she was, but she knew the man sitting next to her.
"Remus?" she asked.
He jumped to life, having dozed off moments before. "Ginny," he breathed in relief. "You're awake. How are you? Are you hurt?"
Ignoring his questions, she asked one of her own. "Where are Bill and Charlie?"
Remus looked sadly at the twenty year old woman before him. "I'm sorry, Ginny," he said, his voice choking. "I didn't get there in time."
Quietly at first, Ginny began to sob, her wails growing louder with each passing moment. Remus reached for her and enveloped her into his arms.
"What can I do?" Remus asked helplessly.
"Just hold me, please," Ginny replied weakly. "And don't make me go back. I don't want to go back. Too many have died, and I can't take anymore."
"I know," Remus said, stroking her back as he held her.
For five years the wizarding world had been at war. The end was near; they both knew it. But Ginny couldn't take anymore fighting and losing family members and friends.
The next few weeks dragged on. Ginny still didn't want to return home, and Remus didn't try to force her. He wrote to her parents, explaining her turmoil and promising to take care of her until she was ready. Arthur and Molly didn't understand, but they agreed to give Ginny some space.
Remus took a job teaching history at a local Muggle school. He, too, had lost too much and went along with Ginny's wish to distance themselves from the wizarding world.
Ginny stayed in Remus' house, trying to take care of him, just as he'd done for her. Remus appreciated all she did to make their lives comfortable and happy; yet, he never could have expected what was to happen. He could never have expected his own heart to betray him.
One evening, as Remus was reading in his makeshift sofa bed, he heard Ginny scream from his bedroom, where she'd been sleeping. He ran upstairs to her, frantic with worry.
As he reached her, she sat straight up in the bed, covered in a cold sweat and trembling. He opened his arms, settling on the bed next to her, stroked her hair and whispered soothing words in her ear.
"I'm sorry," she said, her voice catching in her throat. "It was just a bad dream."
"I know," he said. "I have them too. Are yours…"
"About Bill and Charlie? Yes," she finished for him. "Yours?"
"Dumbledore and Sirius," he explained. He pulled back to kiss her forehead, sighing as he did so. "Ginny, do you think me a coward for not going back?"
She looked at him with wide, scornful eyes. "Remus Lupin, how could you think such a thing?" she asked angrily. "You've rescued me, taken care of me and protected me. You've selflessly given up everything because of me."
Remus said nothing, but nodded mutely. He stroked her hair once more before standing.
"Wait," Ginny said, pulling him back down. "Could you just hold me until I fall asleep, please?"
"Of course," he said, climbing onto the bed next to her. As a gentleman, he was careful to not climb under the covers with her.
Ginny snuggled against Remus as he instinctively tightened his arms around her. She sighed quietly.
"The full moon is tomorrow night," she said absently.
"Mm-hm," he replied. "I hope it doesn't rain."
"I don't want you to go to the forest, Remus," Ginny said softly. "I want you to stay with me."
Remus sat up a little in shock. "Ginny, no," he insisted. "Even with the Wolfsbane, I'm not guaranteed to be safe. I would never forgive myself if I hurt you."
"But you won't," she said firmly. "I trust you. Besides, I feel safer when I'm with you. I feel safe just like this."
"I'm glad," Remus said. "All I want is to protect you and keep all harm from you."
"I'm always afraid that I'm keeping you from what you want to do," Ginny admitted.
"I just want to be here with you," he replied softly. "That's all I want."
Ginny shifted slightly, turning her body to face him. She brought a hand up to brush across his cheek.
"That's all I want, too," she replied. "But please forgive me."
"For what?" Remus asked, confused.
"For this," she whispered before leaning up to press her lips to his.
She pulled back, expecting Remus to be appalled, but instead, he remained still, his eyes closed, as though he were in a state of content wonder. Slowly he opened his eyes and gazed at the woman next to him. His heart raced as he wondered when she had become a vibrant and beautiful woman, and why he hadn't noticed until then.
She timidly pulled away from him, but Remus kept his arms around her as he leaned down to kiss her again.
It was gentle at first, hesitant even, as if he were out of practice. He took her upper lip between his softly and briefly, before doing the same with her lower lip. As his instincts returned, he became more insistent, opening his mouth to let his tongue brush against her lips. Ginny opened her mouth to his and sighed as his tongue entered to caress hers tenderly.
Remus' hands slowly stroked her hair, her back and her sides as he continued to kiss her. He soon abandoned her lips and began to kiss her neck, eliciting a soft moan from the redhead.
Ginny had managed to pull the covers back to untie his dressing gown and push it off his shoulders. Her eyes opened and locked with his, which were laced with desire and adoration. She smiled at him, encouraging him to continue with his efforts.
He rolled onto his back, pulling her on top of him. She kissed him again, letting his hands slip under her nightdress. His hands were warm and needy as they roamed her body. He lifted her gown over her head and moaned in pleasure at the sight of her naked form before him.
He leaned forward, taking one breast into his mouth. Ginny gasped at the sensation of his tongue laving at her, and she clutched his head to her. Remus continued to suckle at her, abandoning her breast to bury his head into her neck as she began to writhe against him.
Ginny's hands drifted to Remus' waist, where she began untying his pajama pants. Remus raised up enough to pull them off, and Ginny settled back against him, groaning in satisfaction at his arousal now pressed against her.
Remus almost lost himself when he felt her flesh push against his, but he managed to retain some control.
"Wait," he said, panting. "Are you sure you want to do this?"
"I'm positive, Remus," she replied, kissing him slowly. "I've never been more sure."
Distracted by her kiss, Remus unconsciously began thrusting his hips up against her. Ginny raised her own hips as Remus reached down to position himself at her entrance. They both whimpered as she lowered herself onto him.
Remus gathered her thin upper-body flush against his, as they moved together. He caressed her back, as she kissed his shoulder, moaning as the pleasurable tension began to build in both their bodies.
Suddenly, Ginny sat up, bracing herself with her hands on his chest. She began fervently thrusting her hips against him as her moans became louder. Finally, she shrieked with pleasure, his name falling from her lips as she collapsed back onto him.
"Ginny?" Remus whispered, breathing hard.
"Mmm?"
"I… I think I… love you," he gasped out as he pushed into her one last time, his essence filling her.
Ginny raised her head and looked into his eyes. Just as hers did, his eyes conveyed the sated feeling they were both experiencing.
"I love you, too," she replied, kissing his cheek. "I don't know when or how, but I've fallen in love with you."
Remus sighed happily as he ran his hands down her back.
"Can we just stay like this?" she asked.
"I hope so," he replied. "I don't ever want to lose you. Promise me?"
"I promise," she replied, tracing a finger down his jaw. "I'll never leave you."
They were happy for a time. Remus continued teaching, and Ginny made their home happier each day. Both knew they were living in a fantasy though. They knew that somewhere in the magical world, fighting still went on.
Finally, the pair received word that Harry had defeated Voldemort, only to lose his own life in the process. This time, it was Ginny who held Remus as he cried. He'd lost the last link to his closest friends, and he felt like he'd lost his own son.
With the war over, Ginny felt ready to return to the wizarding world. Remus accepted this, fearing she would leave him and their love. But Ginny insisted he come back home with her to the Burrow, to share their happiness with her family.
It was difficult at first. Her family assumed she'd fallen in love with the older werewolf due to "lack of options," as Molly delicately put it. She wanted her daughter to date other wizards, younger wizards, but Ginny held firm to her love for Remus.
Anyone who spent time around either of them knew in just a moment's time that Remus and Ginny loved each other immensely. They hung on each other's every word; never stayed angry with each other for long; and always showed some kind of affection when they thought no one was watching.
Months after returning from their self-imposed exile, Remus bought a ring. He'd finally accepted that Ginny was never leaving him, and he desired to make their union permanent. While Ginny had gone to Hogsmeade, he went about planning the perfect scenario for his proposal.
Sadly, it was not meant to be…
Rain fell in perpetuity as Remus gathered with friends behind the small church near their home in Brighton. He didn't bother to cast an Impervius charm on himself. He knew he wouldn't feel the cold rain anyway.
This was nothing like the large, ornate services that had been held at Hogwarts for Harry Potter or Albus Dumbledore. Their funerals had been attended by hundreds upon hundreds of witches and wizards from all over Europe. The entire group present for this funeral was sixteen, and that included her large family.
Her parents led the small congregation out into the open air, shivering both with cold and sadness. Once the small crowd had assembled themselves around a freshly dug grave, they nodded to the Weasley twins, who stepped forward.
Once envied and admired by their younger classmates for their pranks and fun-loving personalities, Fred and George were solemn and grave this day as they stood before what was left of their family and few friends. George, the more reserved of the two, nodded at his brother. Fred stepped forward and addressed the group.
"When Ginny once asked me and George to speak at her funeral," he began with a cracking voice, "we knew it was a joke." He smiled wryly at his twin before continuing. "Little did she know that we'd actually have to honor her request. We loved her more than anyone else, and we were always proud of her, no matter what."
"All of you here love her and want to pay your respects, so before we continue with, what we hope would pay tribute to our sister, if anyone would like to say a word, here's your chance," George said sadly.
Remus stood off to the side of the group and barely listened as Hermione Granger, Severus Snape, and Neville Longbottom spoke of Ginny. Their words meant little to him. He knew that their intentions were nice, but nothing they could say and no story they could tell would lighten his heart or make him smile.
Once the service concluded, everyone hurried back to the Burrow, where it was warm and dry and home to Molly's excellent comfort foods. But Remus didn't want warmth or food. He wanted his Ginny back.
He remained in the small cold graveyard, staring at the ground where his beloved had just been buried. He stood there, dressed in his well-worn faded black robes, hands clasped behind him and head bowed in silent reverence. The mild-mannered former Professor was the epitome of quiet grief. Probably no one would have even noticed him, were it not for the loud angry growl, similar to that of a defeated animal that emitted from him finally.
He threw himself onto the ground, sobbing, wailing at the top of his lungs. His hands were balled into fists, which he beat into the muddy ground, causing large dollops of it to fly up into the air.
"How could you do this to me, Ginny?" he asked angrily into the ground. "How could you leave me all alone? You promised me after Harry died that I'd never have to be alone again. You lied to me! You said you loved me, and you'd always be with me. I loved you more than I ever thought I could love another person. And you left me!"
He broke down into sobs again and drew his knees up against his chest as he rocked in rhythm with his cries.
"I was going to propose to you, ask you to marry me, today," he exclaimed in frustration. "I've been wanting to do that for a long time, now, but I wanted to wait until the fighting was over. Why did you have to go into Hogsmeade alone? You knew that there were insurgents hiding out there. I told you not to go alone, to take one of your brothers with you. Why didn't you listen to me, Ginny? Why?"
He buried his face in his hands, as his sobbing changed into loud hiccups. He looked up sadly at the fresh mound of earth where Ginny lay.
"How could you leave me all alone? You were the one last bright spot in my life. I thought we would be together forever, have children, send them off to Hogwarts, and have grandchildren. What am I supposed to do now?" His voice rose to a yell. "Tell me, Ginny. What the hell am I supposed to do now?"
Remus' rants were interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. He turned and looked into the concerned eyes of George Weasley.
"You were going to propose?" George asked. "Did Ginny know?"
"No, it was going to be a surprise," Remus replied. "George, what are you doing here?"
George squatted down next to his former professor. "You didn't come back home after, and I was worried about you. So I thought I'd come look for you," he said quietly. "Remus, I honestly don't know what you're going through right now. But we're all here for you, and we all want to help you. Won't you let us?" He reclasped his hand on the older man's shoulder.
Remus shook his head vehemently and hastily wiped his tears, smearing mud across his face. "No, I don't want anyone. Please, George, just go. Leave me."
George looked unsure, but he squeezed Remus' shoulder and Apparated away nevertheless. Remus stood slowly and trudged back up through the muddy yard to the church where he could Floo home.
Back in his small cottage, Remus stumbled out of the fireplace. The first thing he saw in the drawing room was the book on the side table. It lay open with a quill marking the place where Ginny had left off. Remus quickly crossed the room and picked up the book, heaving it into the fireplace.
He walked down to the kitchen, intent on making a cup of tea. Perhaps that would help his nerves. However, when he opened the cupboard, he saw his Queen Mary tea sitting next to a box of Ginny's Earl Grey. He pulled the box from the shelf and inhaled the rich, citrus scent. Glancing down at the countertop, he saw her favorite teacup sitting there. She'd given it to him, actually, as a joke for his fortieth birthday the year before, but she was the one who always used it. It was stained and chipped, but the inscription was still visible: "Werewolves aren't bad, just misunderstood."
He laughed sardonically as he read it. Without thinking, he hurled it against the wall and watched the pieces of it shatter to the ground. He didn't bother to clean up the glass; he just turned and left the room. Walking back up to the main floor, he passed a photo of the two of them on the wall. Ginny and he smiled at him from inside the frame before turning and smiling at each other. Photo-Remus looked up at his actual self with a sad expression. Remus pulled the photo from the wall and dropped it on the stairs. His feet trampled the broken photo and frame as he climbed the remaining steps.
He trudged down the hallway, pausing at the sitting room where they spent many evenings on the sofa, listening to music. Entering the room, he found the old Muggle radio he'd charmed to play their favorite music. "Guess I won't be listening to you anymore," he grumbled. He ripped the back off and pulled the wires out, letting them hang loose from the box. He left the room and continued up to the next floor of the cold, dreary house.
He stopped just outside the loo when the fragrant scent of Ginny's white chocolate bubble bath wafted into the hallway. He entered the room and gripped the bottle tightly in his hand. It had been a Christmas present from him. He'd said it brought together the two things he loved most, chocolate and Ginny. An inner battle immediately raged within Remus, and his anger won out. He wrenched the faucet in the tub on and emptied the contents of the bottle down the drain.
Once that task was done, he proceeded to the bedroom. He instantly knew this was a mistake. For Ginny's scent hung in the air still. It was as if her ghost was still lurking in this room. Her clothes hung in the closet, and Remus grew angrier in the knowledge that she'd never wear them again. He yanked several robes from their hangers and ripped them into pieces, casting them all over the room.
Remus sank onto the bed. His memories began to haunt him as he thought back to the first time he and Ginny made love in this very bed for the first time after she'd moved in. He reached for her pillow and found several long, red hairs clinging to the white cotton fabric. He buried his face in the pillow and let out an anguished scream.
Without giving it a second thought, he ripped the pillowcase and sheets from the bed. He carried them back downstairs to the drawing room, tossing them into the fire. Remus finally noticed his sopping robes as they dripped across the floor.
Stifling his cries long enough, he slowly removed his robes and clothing until he was completely naked. He threw those into the fire, too, before noticing the small black velvet box atop the mantle. He reached for it and opened it to reveal the simple diamond ring inside. He pulled the ring from the box and gripped it in his hand.
As the sobs tore through his body again, he yelled in agony. "What's to become of me? Ginny, what am I without you? Your family, they all have each other. Who've I got? I had you, only you, and you left me.
"I can't stand to be in this house. Everywhere I look, you're here. I can't stand to be tormented like this! Is this your final punishment for me? To linger in the house where we would've raised our children?
"I'm sorry, Ginny. I should have gone with you that day, but I had to go pick up your ring in Diagon Alley. I knew you were disappointed, but I thought you'd take someone with you. I told you to take Percy. I knew you were upset, but now are you going to haunt me? Are you going to let this goddamned house with your spirit in it torture me forever? Because I can't take it, Ginny. I can't."
He opened his hand, the ring sitting on his palm, and looked up at the ceiling. "Can you see this ring, Ginny? Can you see it? It's was specially designed for you. It's perfect, just as you were. It took me a long time to find something worthy enough for you. I knew I couldn't give you the world, like you deserved, but I at least gave you my heart. You still have it, Gin. My heart went with you. So, I'm asking you. What do I do now?"
He cried hysterically and with a shaking hand, took the ring and placed it on the ground. He retrieved his wand from the side table and pointed it at the ring.
He shouted a Blasting Curse at the ring and watched as it exploded into a thousand fragments, some striking Remus' face and torso, inflicting small cuts into his skin.
He dropped his wand to the floor with a clatter as he sunk to his knees, tears still streaming down his face. He covered his head with his arms and yelled incoherently as the physical pain of his crying swept over his naked body. He curled into a ball and sobbed himself to sleep.
That was how Percy, Fred and George found him the next morning. He wasn't breathing, and his heart wasn't beating. He just couldn't be strong anymore. He'd been strong when James and Lily had died. He'd been strong through Sirius' imprisonment and Peter's betrayal. But Ginny's death had left him all alone, and Remus Lupin died of a broken heart.