Hey guys, I'm back! I promised you another story - and here it is! The atmosphere is pretty dark, similiar to "Patient 01649", but it will become better - you know that I love happy ends. It's about 30 pages long and split into three parts: Inferno, Purgatorio and Paradiso. These names weren't my idea, though. Master Dante used them for the three parts of his "Divine Comedy".
I don't own the characters either.
Now, without any further delay:
Vita atrox qui habemus, vita uncta qui volumus
Part I – Inferno
Adrian Crevan looked up from the ground he'd been staring at for quite a while now when he heard steps and men laughing. He was about to stand up in front of his little tent, but then realised it wasn't a possible customer, but...his bosses carrying a kicking and fighting red haired girl...or was it a boy? He couldn't tell from the distance. Sighting, he ran a hand through his hair. So they had found another victim...
The boy or girl had a gag in his mouth so it could make only muffled sounds, what caused the bosses to laugh loudly.
"Don't fight it, little one, you can't win anyway! Need a proof, hm?", one of them said cheery and Adrian watched as they forced the creature to one of the tents next to his own one. Now he could see it was a boy, with rather womanly features, though. He was older than most of the guys here, maybe sixteen and rather pretty. Poor thing, Adrian thought, this will give him a hard time here. He would pay the little thing a visit later and make sure he was okay...this was the least thing he could do.
He was snapped out of his thoughts again when a rather over-weighed man approached and showed him a little wooden sign with a 14 on it. His number. Sighting, he stood up and guided the man inside.
In the evening he rose and carefully stepped outside, hoping to not be seen by any guards, although they knew he wouldn't run away. He had stopped trying this many, many years ago. In front of the redhead's tent, he hesitated for some seconds, but then stepped in. He was used to this, after all. Comforting newbies.
He didn't even blink when he found the boy lying on the floor, eyes wide open in his wet face and hands firmly grabbing the thin comforter around his body. He was used to this too.
"D-Don't hurt me, please...", the little bundle muttered, clasping the comforter even tighter. Adrian gave him a small, comforting smile.
"Don't worry, I'm not here to hurt you. I'm like you. See?"
He turned around and pulled his shirt up to show the criss-cross of scars over his back, left by nasty whips. This always helped. The boy sat up slowly, wincing at his every move and with new tears running down his pale cheeks.
"I want home to my mommy and daddy..."
Now, this was new. Usually everyone who was brought here had lived on the street for years. This would make it even harder, he wasn't used to the tough life.
"We all do, believe me. What's your name?"
"...Grell."
"Interesting name. I'm Adrian."
Grell showed no reaction, he just laid down again on the side, hugging his body. He was small and thin.
"Hey, um...I don't know if it helps you, Grell, but it will get better. The first time is always the worst."
"C-Can you make the pain stop?"
"...I'm afraid not. I'm sorry." He earned a low sniff.
"Well...I'll go then. Try to relax a little, okay? I'm in the tent right next to yours, if you need anything. Breakfast is tomorrow at eight."
"...wait. What is happening here?"
Adrian knelt down in front of the redhead, looking at him with sad eyes.
"What the men did to you...this is your new life now. It's our life. Sorry."
Grell's widened even more, his nails boring int the fabric of the blanket. But it was better this way. Better knowing it from the beginning than being shocked when new men come and hurt you.
He wasn't even surprised when Grell didn't came to breakfast the next day. When he had made sure the younger ones had some food too, he walked to the tent with the number fifteen and carefully opened it, a piece of bread in his hand
"Grell? You have to eat something."
"Not hungry."
Adrian sighed and stepped in, noticing that the redhead was still in the exact same position as yesterday. He sat down in front of him with crossed legs.
"I have some bread for you."
"Still not hungry."
"I know...still, when you don't eat, they'll force it into you and this is not nice at all, so do yourself a favour and eat."
Really slowly Grell sat up and immediately new tears came to his eyes.
"It hurts so much..."
"Yeah...you know what? For dinner there is usually a piece of meat with much fat. Cut the fat off and put it into your pants, then come to me later."
"O...okay."
"Then please eat the bread now, mh?", the older one begged and handed him the bread, careful to not touch him. Nobody here liked to be touched, but at the beginning it was even more terrible. Grell took it and slowly started to eat.
"See? Not that bad."
When Grell had eaten up, Adrian went back to the others.
"Who is the new one?", a little girl asked. She was the youngest one with only six years.
"His name is Grell. Be nice to him, okay?"
A tall guy snorted and crossed his arms.
"Nice? Why?! We don't have it any better than him! Nobody is nice to us too!"
"We are to each other, Eric, don't forget that."
"Yeah, sure, dad."
"I mean it. It's hard enough already, we don't have to make it worse. Besides I remember quite good how you arrived here two years ago and were frightened as shit."
Now Eric looked down. He suddenly remembered how this older boy had taken care of him and tried to protect him by offering himself for...work.
When they had washed up, Adrian sat down in front of the tent again and waited for the first customer. After some minutes the first one appeared, but he headed straight to tent number 16...
"Oh shit..."
He watched how the man entered the tent, then quickly made a decision and followed him. The man was standing over Grell, pulling at the comforter.
"Now behave! I payed for you, so I will have you!"
"N-No...please not...no."
Adrian cleared his voice and when the man whirled around put on a sexy smile.
"Hello, handsome. You see, this one isn't experienced. Don't you rather want someone who...knows what he's doing?"
His voice was low and seductive when he played with the collar of the man's shirt. The man, skinny, tall and with a face full of pox scars, swallowed, thene nodded eagerly.
"Good...come with me then, sweetheart", he lured the disgusting guy out and into his own tent. There he started to kiss his neck, suppressing the urge to throw up.
Pull yourself together, he scolded himself, you have done this so often already. Still, it was horrible every time.
Grell peeked through the opening of the tent and waited until the sounds right next to him silenced and the man appeared again, then he carefully walked over to Adrian. The man was sitting on the ground, face buried in his hands.
"A-Adrian?"
The man with the white hair lifted his head. He looked old and weak, not like the tough young man Grell had met.
"Oh, hi Grell."
"Adrian...why did you do this for me?"
"Ah, well...you need some time to recover from yesterday."
He tried to smile, but failed miserably, what caused Grell to sit down next to him.
"...thank you."
"You're welcome..."
The redhead noticed he was shaking lightly and felt bad. It was him who should sit here now. Adrian seemed to notice the way he looked and sat up, doing his best to pull himself together.
"You should go back now and try to sleep, then it will heal faster. I still have work to do."
"But...you should rest too!"
"Grell, I can't. If I do, the bosses will punish me and this is worse than working."
"W-Worse? How can it be worse than...than..."
"You see, at some point you don't feel it anymore, you get numb. But when they hang you up by your ankles and whip you until you get unconscious...you never get used to that."
Grell's eyes widened. Both options seemed gruesome to him. He just wanted to go home, far away from the men who had hurt him yesterday, from the fear that it could happen again every second, that it will happen again.
"Go and sleep now, I'll make sure no one hurts you in the next days, okay?"
Without waiting for an answer, he shoved the other one out, not caring about his hard wincing. When he was alone again, he buried his face in his head again. He had said the truth, you get numb after some time, when your mind starts to escape to a beautiful, safe place. The really bad thing was the constant fear you felt and the disgust of yourself.
Grell really was safe for the day and he could sleep for some hours, peacefully now that he knew he didn't need to worry for today. When he awoke again, the sun had already set and he heard a familiar voice calling everyone for dinner. Following the voice, he came to a little fireplace surrounded by five children and young men. The youngest one was a girl, maybe six years old, and the oldest one Adrian. The redhead wondered how old he was. Eighteen or nineteen, but the look in his eyes made him seem older. Said man stood up when he saw the newbie.
"Guys, Alicia, this is Grell. Grell, Alicia, Alan, Eric and Will."
Grell waved at them carefully and sat down a little awkwardly. Sitting still hurt like hell, but he didn't want to seem to week. They all shared the same fate, after all.
Dinner was indeed a little piece of meat that was more fat than actual flesh and a few potatoes. As Adrian had said, he let some fat slip into his pocket while he ate silently with the others.
When the children went to bed after eating, Grell stayed with Adrian to help him clean the dishes.
"They seem to like you a lot."
"More or less, huh...we only have each other."
"Still it's...nice how you care about them. Not everyone would."
"Being alone just makes it worse. Happened to me when I just came here and I decided to change that."
"Since when are you here?"
"...ten years. So...do you have the fat?"
The redhead nodded and handed it to him.
"Good. Now we put it into this bowl and hang it over the fire until it melts."
"Why?"
"To make a salve. You can use it on your...hurt regions."
Grell looked down, biting his lips. Suddenly he felt ashamed. For being here, for what was done to him and for whining about it while this young man here 'worked' more to protect him.
"Thank you for your help."
"As I said, you are welcome."
He stared into the fire until the fat was hot enough and started to melt. Then he filled it into a small bowl and handed it to Grell.
"Here. Give the bowl back in the next days before the guards notice it's missing."
"They give you much freedom here, don't they?"
"Well, not really. They know that we know we can't run away anyway. And as long as everything works, they can spend their earned money on drinks."
His tone got hateful. The redhead nodded silently and walked to his bed, the bowl clasped in his hands. He needed to overcome himself to apply it and first it felt like everything was ripped open again, but then it spread soothing warmth. This was better than nothing. He had to thank the kind, caring man somehow. He had to be strong. The thought of Adrian getting tortured in one of the worst ways possible for his sake made him sick. It was the only thing he could do, after all...
The white haired man was relieved when Grell came to breakfast the next day and offered him some hard bread.
"Good morning. How...how do you feel?", he asked carefully.
"Better, the salve helped. Thank you."
"No problem."
Grell stared down while eating his bread. He didn't know what was going to happen today, but he did know it wouldn't be good. He had decided to not let Adrian suffer for him today. He wouldn't be that weak. Even the little girl...Alicia? Made it alone. The redhead felt really sorry for her, she was nothing but a little child. Still she wasn't a complete wreck, no, she giggled when the tall guy told her a joke.
When they had all eaten up, he walked to his tent with Adrian and sat down in front of it like the others, what caused the older one to frown.
"What are you doing there?"
"Work."
"Grell...go and rest, you don't need to do this. You should let it heal first"
"And let you do it instead? No."
The older one sighed. The little guy wanted to be strong, he could understand that, but...it was for his own good. Maybe he was lucky and there wouldn't be a customer for him because he was new...and technically too old already. He was only fancied himself because he was experienced.
The redhead swallowed when a man stopped in front of him in the late evening. Until then he had thought that maybe he would be spared today, but the man grinned at him and showed him the wooden sign. He stood up with shaky legs and looked at Adrian shortly who shook his head before walking in.
"You are new, aren't you?", the man asked.
"Yes..." His voice was hoarse. The man didn't seem to bother, though, when he took a closer look at his little victim and stroked his cheek. Grell felt like he was going to throw up.
"You're very pretty. Come here..."
He pulled Grell closer and ran his nose over the line of his neck, earning a hard wince.
"Hey, relax, sweet dear", he purred softly while pulling Grell's shirt over his head. He looked at the smooth, white skin with a little grin and ran his fingers over the ribs that shimmered beneath it. When he got a low sob as response, he let his hand wander down further and played with the waistband of the redhead's worn out pants. Grell wanted to push him away, do anything to get rid of him, but remembered the warning...if he misbehaved, they would hang him up and whip him until unconsciousness. Swallowing, he forced himself to stay silent, to not slap the man like he badly wanted.
"God, you are so sexy...I want you. Undress me."
Grell stared at him for a second in disbelief, but when the man started to stroke his bum quickly undressed him, hoping to fasten things up with that. It did more or less, when the man pushed him down and laid down on top of him. When he kissed down Grell's neck and chest, he could smell the man's hair. The dark, unkempt mess smelled like sebum and old dirt. He turned his head to the side and tried to block everything out when his pants were pulled down and hands wandered over his long, slender thighs and nearly breathed out loudly when the man reached up again to touch the sensitive parts of his chest, as if he wanted to give him pleasure too. Grell had no idea why he was doing that, it just made it worse. He wanted to throw up badly. No, rather die. Death would be welcome to him now.
He was kind of relieved when the man turned him around finally and stroked his hipbones with dirty nails, but this lasted only for a few seconds.
As soon as the man had left, Adrian stood up to check on the newbie. He found him lying on the ground, his pants still by his ankles and blood on his thighs. He swallowed, he had not wanted this, and pulled off his shirt to lay it around Grell's hips*
"Don't worry, it's just me. Adrian."
He knelt down next to the pathetic little bundle and carefully took his hand. He had always found that soothing and usually customers never touched you there. Grell winced shortly, but didn't pull it back.
They sat there in silence until Adrian reached over slowly and grabbed the bowl with the salve, then he leaned closer to Grell's face to talk to him in a soft, gentle voice.
"Can you hear me? The salve will help you, believe me. Would you allow me to clean you a little and apply it?"
The redhead immediately lifted his head a little, as this was the only part of his body that he could move without too much pain.
"NO!"
"Sure? It will help you, believe me."
Grell bit his lip. Maybe he was right and it couldn't get worse, after all...
"...okay."
Adrian nodded and slowly shoved his shirt around Grell's smalls hip up, swallowing at the sight. Even for his taste this was bad. He carefully wiped the blood away that started to dry already and then gently applied the salve to the torn flesh. The redhead let out a muffled moan and tensed up.
"Shh...it's alright, I'm done already. Calm down."
"I feel dirty...", Grell muttered barely audible.
"You aren't. It's not your fault."
"This...this was worse than two days ago. The man then only...it was over fast. But this one..he t-touched me so much. And still it hurt much more..."
"The men two days ago were the bosses. They usually...test their victims at the beginning, but they are rather careful to not damage their...articles too much."
His tone got hateful, but he held Grell's hand again and stroked it gently to make him feel better, although he didn't really know if it worked.
"Will it really get better?"
"Yes. You scar after some time, then the skin doesn't rip open that easily anymore. And you learn to dream yourself to a better place."
"How?"
"Close your eyes. Try to imagine a good place. It can either be something you were at already or a place where you would want to be. I don't know about you, but for me it's always an island. Did you hear about the Caribbean? It's a place far, far away from here. It's always warm there, in winter as well as in summer. No coldness anymore. The sky is not as gray as here, it's always a light blue. There is a rainy season, though, then it rains every day. But just for a few hours around noon and then there's sun again. The rain is warm too. They grow something called sugar cane there, you make sugar from it. The Caribbean is made from lots of islands, some of them bigger, some smaller. One of the biggest islands is Jamaica. It has beautiful beaches. I don't know if you have ever seen a beach. It's a a really big area entirely made out of soft sand. It parts the jungle – that's the kind of forest there – from the sea. The sea is like glass there, it sparkles in the most beautiful shades of turquoise and contains lots of little fish that swim around you when you bathe in it. And corals...animals that look like colourful stones. This is my secret place, where I always am when they want to hurt me."
He looked at Grell who had his eyes closed by now and breathed in and out calmly. Smiling gently, he laid down too, right now not caring about the punishment he would possibly get. All that mattered now was to make this little creature feel better.
Adrian had to admit that Grell impressed him. Usually the new guys accepted his help because they were happy to get spared in the first days and they didn't think about or didn't care that this wasn't his...favourite thing to do either. But the little redhead didn't. He rather did it himself than letting another one suffer for him. Until now he didn't complain about his fate and about how unfair life was. Besides he seemed to like the idea of the 'family feeling' between the victims.
The white haired man stroked the younger one's hand with his thumb, lips pursed. Maybe Grell could do his job when he wasn't there anymore? It was of course too soon to count on him already, but he knew he was running out of time. Usually they got...removed at the age of eighteen, because most of the customers preferred them young. He was nineteen now, an exception, because he looked special with his nearly white hair and golden eyes, but it was only a matter of time until he would lose too. Then someone had to care for everything.
He was ripped out of his thoughts when the tent was ripped open.
"Crevan, you bastard, where are you?"
"Here, sir."
He stood up, facing the ground, though.
"Why are you not at your workplace, damn it? Some guy asked for you, fucker and went away when you weren't there. You know what this costs me? But this time you will pay for it, I'm sick of your little games."
The man stomped in and grabbed Adrian's arm harshly to force him outside. At that, Grell opened his eyes and blinked at them.
"W-What's wrong?"
"Oh, your little darling here just misbehaved again." Saying this, the boss gave him a hard kick.
"Wanted to care for the others again, mh? Wanted to play the hero again. You are nothing but dirt, Crevan, and you know that. I'll show you what happens when you chisel me out of my money."
He dragged him outside and Grell's eyes widened . Carefully he stood up, clenching his hands at the unbearable pain that flooded through his body as he stumbled after them.
Adrian turned his head to see his fosterling walk after them and cursed lowly.
"Grell, stay back!"
"No, you little red devil, come with us. This will be a good example of what happens when you don't do what we want of you. Come!", the boss laughed and continued to pull the white haired to an old tree. He nodded at a guard who was standing aside and gave Adrian another kick to get him onto the ground.
"Get the others. They shall see it."
He placed a boot on his victim's back to hold him down and started to tie a rope around his legs. Grell watched in horror how the man and another guard threw the other end of the rope over one of the tree's branches and pulled him up.
"N-No, please don't do that! He hasn't done anything wrong!"
"Oh, little rose, he has! Always wants to save everyone. What did he do, huh? Stroke your hair and tell you everything will get better? How adorable. Let me tell you he is just a little fucker who will be punished now."
"Please...please don't hurt him! And...when you do, he can't work for quite some time. Wouldn't this be contra productive?"
The man burst into loud laughter, nodding in acknowledgement.
"You are a smart one, I like you! But first I don't think he won't be able to work. He's a strong one after all."
He petted Adrian's bum next to him, then tied the rope firmly, so that the young man dangled next to him.
"And second this is an example for you, as I already said."
"Boss here are the others", a voice next to them said. Grell lifted his head to see the guard from earlier push the children to them. Little Alicia looked at Adrian with teary eyes. She was barefoot and shaking in the October sun that lost more and more of it's power. Grell bit his lips and slowly walked over to her. She wrapped her little arms around Grell's hips and hid her face at his tummy. First he winced and then tensed up, but then told himself she was just a little girl, she wouldn't harm him. He placed a hand on her head, feeling the soft blonde hair under his fingers, and pulled her closer, hoping to comfort her.
The boss ripped Adrian's shirt open so that his back was bare. It already carried several scars that created a criss-cross of lines on his already pale skin. Some of them, the older ones, were barely to be seen, but others were light pink. The boss took the whip he was brought and lifted it, what caused Grell to swallow and turn the girl's head so she couldn't see it.
Still they all heard the wet sound when the whip crushed down on Adrian's back. He didn't let out any sound, but squeezed his eyes shut when the leather made contact to his skin again and again.
"Thirty times should be enough for you little fucker. When I catch you off your workplace again, it's fifty. Got that?"
The next strike was especially hard and ripped first pieces of skin off his back. Blood started to run down his back and into his unusual long, nearly white hair. Grell swallowed hard. That Adrian was in this situation was alone his fault. If he had told him to go...
At the seventeenth smack Adrian couldn't hold back anymore and let out pained sounds. His back was bloody by now, but the boss continued to grin and whipped him again, not caring about the tears that glistened in his victim's eyes.
When he was finally done, he cut the rope to let Adrian fall into the dirt.
"Go back to your work now, all. You, redhead, bring him back to his tent since you are best friends now. But hurry! And when he's there go back to work."
The guards shooed the children back to their workplaces, leaving Grell with Adrian alone. The younger one knelt down next to him and carefully made him sit up.
"I'm so sorry..."
"Not your fault", Adrian said weakly, the dirt on his face mixing with tears.
"If you wouldn't have stayed with me, this wouldn't have happened at all..."
"Grell...don't blame yourself. They...they would have punished me anyway."
The redhead breathed out shakingly.
"Can you stand up?"
"Y-Yeah, sure."
He pushed himself up, moaning at the pain his back caused him. Blood ran down and disappeared in the fabric of his pants. He laid an arm around Grell's shoulders, hoping to not scare him, to have a little support, although the small thing was way too weak to really carry him.
When they reached his tent, Grell guided him inside and helped him to lay down on his tummy. Adrian nearly collapsed, his eyes starting to flutter.
"Stay here, okay? I will get some water. Do you have more salve?"
"...pants."
The redhead swallowed and quickly went outside to get some water. When he was about to go back, a hand grabbed his arm.
"What do you think you are doing here, little rose?"
Grell swallowed as he turned around. The boss from earlier grinned at him with a nearly toothless mouth.
"I'm...I'm getting some water. For M-Mr. Crevan's beck."
"Oh, yes? I can't remember telling you to do so..."
"Please, sir. If he doesn't get treatment, his back will infect. I'm quite sure he doesn't benefit you dead", he said back, trying to make his voice sound firm. The man chuckled lowly.
"You are impressive indeed. Where did you learn this?"
"My...my father is a businessman. He taught me a lot"
"Yeah? Interesting...you know what? I have a liking in you. Not only pretty, but smart too. You can take care of him if you don't forget your other duties. Maybe I'll come myself later, two days ago wasn't that bad."
He grabbed Grell's chin.
"Now go and treat his back, I don't want him to die."
Grell nodded quickly and took the water, nearly running back to Adrian. The latter had his eyes closed. Unconscious. Grell sat down, hissing at the stinging pain at a certain region. This was not important now. He pulled the rest of Adrian's shirt off his body and dipped it into the small bowl of water. Pressing his lips together, he wrung it out over the back to get the dirt out of it.
It hurt. It hurt so damn much. He would like to say more than anything else before, but this would be a lie. He had had this kind of pain before. Slowly his eyes fluttered open. The first thing he could see was something red next to him...and there was something on his head. The red thing was stroking his hair.
"Finally you're awake again..."
His vision got a little better. The red was Grell's hair. It looked quite beautiful, flowing down until Grell's shoulder blade. It looked silky and at the same time soft. He closed his eyes again for a second, the corners of his mouth curling up, and enjoyed the feeling of Grell's small hands in his hair.
"Fee's goo'..."
He heard a light chuckle.
"Feels good? You just got whipped and were unconscious for nearly two hours."
"No' that. M' back 'urts. Bu' when ya stroke ma 'air", he muttered slurry, not being able to form adequate words already.
"Yeah? That's good. But don't fall asleep again.
"Don' worry. Ca' you 'elp me up?"
"Sure? Okay...you best turn to your side first and then let me pull you up. Yeah, like that. Now..."
He grabbed Adrian's shoulders carefully and helped him into a sitting position, then supported him by holding his arm.
"Better?"
"Yes, thanks."
The older one rubbed his eyes a little and shook his head to get the dizzy feeling out of it. He realized he was wearing some kind of bandage and felt a little better than when he had been awake the last time.
"Whazz that?", he asked, nodding at the bandage.
"The rest of your shirt. It was destroyed anyway and I needed something to wrap your back. I cleaned it and put the salve from your pants on it, then used your shirt as a bandage. I hope you don't mind it, but I didn't want the wounds to infect."
"Thanks...where di' you learn it?"
"My mom is a nurse."
"I see. Wait...you have to go back to your work! When the bosses see you're not there...!"
His mind was all clear from one second to another and his eyes widened, but he calmed down when Grell placed a hand on his arm.
"Don't worry, I talked to him and could convince him to take care of you."
"Wow...thank you."
"You're welcome. Still had some debs to pay, after all."
He looked down, feeling a little ashamed of the memory of yesterday night and the rather...private moment when Adrian had taken care of him.
"Hey, don't be shy now. I really appreciate your help."
"That's not it."
"What then?"
"Yesterday..."
"Grell...don't be ashamed. We all have the same fate here."
"Yeah, but...the way you had to see me..."
He earned a low chuckle.
"You just put me back together after I got whipped thirty times, I think we are even. Now don't think about it anymore, mh? You remember what I told you about the place you have to imagine? Try it next time. It really helps. And then forget that it happened at all and concentrate on the good things. Well, on the things that are less bad. That's why I try to hold us together. It's the only thing we have."
"That's...understandable...it's impressive how you work as an older brother for them. Alicia is still so young...how old is she, six?
"She's seven, but small for her age"
"Mh..."
"Grell?"
"Yeah?"
"I think you owe me something. I told you a story yesterday, now I want to hear something from you. How was your life until you came here?"
The redhead sighed, but peeked through the opening of the tent to make sure there was no customer ahead. Seemed like they were both lucky today.
"Okay...so...I come from a rather rich family. My mom is a nurse and my dad a famous businessman."
The thought of his parents made him sad. A few days ago he had been with them and from one second to another he was here, at the worst place he'd ever been without any hope to ever return home. He scolded himself immediately. He had promised himself to not wail, he would be strong.
"They were really good people. Kind and caring. I was their only child, so they gave me all their love. They...accepted me the way I was. Many people made fun of me, but they never did. They always supported me although I wasn't what they had dreamed their son to be like. They sometimes felt helpless, though. They never understood me and the way I was."
"I thought they accepted you?"
"They did, but there's a difference between accepting and understanding. I sometimes...thought I disappointed them. My dad had always hoped that I would lead his trading company one day."
"But you didn't want to?"
"No. I would have done it nonetheless to thank them, but it wouldn't have made me happy."
"What would you have liked?"
"I don't know...something else. I..."
"Yes?"
"I was supposed to marry too. There was a pretty girl and my parents hoped we would marry, lead the company and get lots of children who would do the same one day."
"Was she a stupid bitch?"
"Um...no she wasn't. She was actually very cute."
"But...?"
Grell bit his lips. He didn't feel comfortable talking about this, as he had never told anyone before, not even his parents. They had probably sensed it nonetheless, though.
"Well, I...I'm not...interested in girls...", he muttered after a while, voice low and unsure. Adrian gently took his hand.
"Don't worry, I don't think that's bad. So...men?"
"...yes. I always imagined myself with a man one day, but...never the way I...have here now."
"Of course not."
"So you...don't think I like it?"
"Why would I?"
"B-Because I like men. I was worried you would think I'd like this place because of that and...what they do..."
"I would never. There's a big difference between that."
"Okay, um...thanks. So you see my life wasn't perfect of course, but it was so much better than this. When you are suddenly thrown to the deepest pit of hell, you start to think, huh...now I regret every fight I had with my parents, every time when I couldn't worship what they did for me."
"You couldn't know it."
"Still...I was on my way to a friend when they got me two days ago and from one moment to another I was here..."
"We have to make the best out of it, mh?"
"Yeah...what about your life?"
"Oh, it wasn't that great. In a way this was good for me because I was used to a tough life. I was raised in an orphanage. It was a hard time and at the age of eight I ran away and lived on the street for a few weeks. Until they got me and I landed here."
"You were only eight? I'm sorry for that. That's the only good thing about it, I guess. I'm rather old already. I know what's happening and that it's not supposed to be that way."
"No, it's not good."
"...why? Better than being a little child when it happens, huh..."
"Yeah, but still it's not good. The customers prefer young children. And when you get too old..."
"Then what?"
"Then they get rid of you, because at some point you cost more than you benefit."
"They...get rid of us?"
"They kill you. Earlier they sold the ones that got too old, but usually they are thin and weak and don't bring much money. So they get rid of us like you get rid of straying cats."
Grell's eyes widened. They...?
"...at what age?"
"About eighteen."
He bit his lip.
"How old are you?"
"Nineteen."
The redhead swallowed. And swallowed again. He couldn't bare the thought that the man who had taken care of him, the only one he could trust here would maybe taken away from him soon. Of course it was a bit soon to really trust him, but he felt like he would get lost if there wasn't at least one person to not make him feel all alone in the world. He honestly didn't know what to say to this.
"I think I will stay here for a while, though. I still make enough money. They kinda like me because I look...weird. Besides I am experienced. Nearly no one makes it ten years and...you learn things, if you want it or not."
"Even...the younger ones? What about Alicia?"
"She too."
"Since when is she here?"
"A little more than one year. Since I'm here, she is the youngest who ever got brought here. At the beginning I thought she would break, but she's a strong little girl. Has lived on the street all her life, but she never gave up. She deserves a nice family. They all do."
"You too."
"Maybe. But I accepted my fate. The others are younger, there's still hope for them."
Grell sighed lowly. He wanted to believe that there was hope for all of them, especially for this good person. Maybe he could tell the bosses how rich his father was so that he'd consider blackmailing him. Still, probably only him would be freed then.
He peeked outside and cursed lowly. The sun was about to set and the boss made his way straight to his tent. So he had been serious earlier.
Grell squeezed his eyes shut and stood up carefully, the thought was enough to cause him new pain.
"What's wrong?", Adrian asked with a frown.
"Work."
"...oh."
"See you tomorrow then. I'll care for your back again in the morning."
He breathed out shakingly before walking outside, where he was greeted by a widely smiling boss.
"Hey, little rose. Were with the fucker, mh? I don't like troublemakers, so don't ever think of becoming one yourself. Now come."
The man gave Grell a little push into his tent.
"What was your name again, rose?"
"...Grell. And yours?"
"Hehehe, really, you are cute. You can call me Lau. On your knees now."
"W-What?"
"Do what I say. On your knees."
Grell blinked and slowly knelt down, not sure what the man wanted from him. The other men had wanted him to crouch on his hands and knees. That Lau opened his pants was not a good sign, though.
"What do you-"
"Shh. You'll need that pretty, little mouth for something else."
"But I don't know-"
"Shut up, rose. Don't worry, I'll tell you what to do."
He pushed his pants down and pulled the redhead closer by his hair.
Grell bent forward, supporting himself on his hands and knees as he coughed and threw up. He was shaking in disgust and kept telling himself that it at least hadn't hurt, not as much as the other things, that is. Still, his tummy hurt, but he wanted to get rid of everything Lau had left inside him. When his tummy was empty, he leaned back, still breathing hard and with tears on his cheeks.
Although it wasn't his fault, he felt dirty and guilty for doing what the boss had told him. He ran a hand through his wet hair and stood up carefully, then walked outside and to the small fountain to wash himself. He took a piece of soap and scrubbed his skin until it was all red and prickled unpleasantly, but at least he felt better, cleaner. They were always provided soap and water, no one liked bad smelling slaves under them. It at least was dark already, so he didn't need to worry about anyone seeing him naked. It was kind of ridiculous now in his situation, but he was happy about every little piece of privacy he could get. He washed his hair too, a tiny part of him hoping that he would catch a cold and die when he ran around with wet hair.
Grell thought about returning to his tent, but the thought of being alone now frightened him. He had had bad nightmares in the last two nights that showed him their rotten future, like a flower who had bloomed in the sunlight and suddenly got cut and put into a dark room, away from all sunlight to die slowly. First the petals would wrinkle, get brown and fall off and then, when she was nearly dead, she would be thrown into the next dustbin, removed like all the flowers before.
Biting his lip, he stepped over to Adrian's tent, not knowing whether to hope he was asleep or to hope he was still awake. He didn't want to seem weak, but at the same time wanted comfort by this tall, strong young man.
"Who is there?", a soft voice asked when he parted the entrance.
"...it's Grell. Do you mind if I come in?"
"Not at all. Is something wrong?"
"N-No, I just...don't want to be alone."
He slid closer in the darkness, feeling Adrian's warm body next to his own one.
"How is your back?"
"It doesn't hurt that much anymore. How did it look earlier?"
"Some skin was peeled of and it was all red, but it was a little better after I washed the dirt out of it. I don't know how long it will take to heal, a few weeks maybe."
"I was injured worse already."
"I can imagine. Um...Adrian?"
"Yes?"
"Can I sleep here tonight?"
"Of course. Was it that bad?"
"It...it was the boss. The one who whipped you, his name is Lau. He didn't hurt me like they usually do, but he wanted me to...do things. With my mouth."
"I see. I can understand that you came here."
Grell nodded although this couldn't be seen. He was getting cold, maybe washing his hair had been a bad idea. Adrian stretched an arm and gently took his hand, a frown creeping to his face.
"You are cold."
"I washed myself before I came here. Wanted to get him off me."
"Come here. Don't worry, it's just me."
"Physical contact is okay for you? I thought after..."
"Usually it's not, but you don't have to worry. I'm
feeling too warm anyway."
Grell pressed his lips together unsurely, but then slid closer and under the comforter. Adrian was lying on his tummy again, so he laid down on his side and rested his head on his arm, their bodies barely touching. The warmth of the other comforted him in a strange way. First he felt uncomfortable by being close to another human, but that feeling vanished quickly when nothing else happened, they were just lying there peacefully for some moments.
"Better?"
"Yes, thank you. Is it really okay?"
"Don't worry so much, it's alright."
In the first moment of waking up Adrian wanted to jump because he felt another body next to his own one, warm and touching his side. He forced himself to stay calm, with the pain in his back he wouldn't have been able to move quickly anyway. He opened his eyes carefully, expecting a fat, dirty man sleeping next to him, but it was a petite person, resting peacefully. It's face was surrounded by long, red hair. Grell...
He slowly leaned to the side until his nose was close to the long strands and he could smell their sweet scent; he breathed in and out a few times before turning to the side and sitting up with some trouble. The blanket slid off his chest and landed on top of Grell. He carefully pulled it of his face and wrapped it around the small body. Until now he hadn't noticed how thin the redhead was, as if he had been here for years already, only without scars.
He himself was the only one who wasn't bones and skin, because the bosses forced him to do workouts. At the beginning it had of course not worked, when he had been nothing but a little rugrat, but later he had built up muscles. The customers liked that.
Grell next to him stirred softly and Adrian smiled when his eyes fluttered open. They were of a dark green like a forest.
"Good morning."
"Mhh...morning."
"Did you sleep well?"
"Yes. How is your back?"
"I don't know. It feels better than yesterday, the skin starts to feel to tight already, then new skin will build soon."
"Let me have a look at it."
The redhead sat up and got his his knees to look at the other one's back. The bandage was a little bloody, but not as bad as he'd suspected. He carefully started to loosen it and when he noticed it didn't stick to the skin that much, he pulled it off. Adrian let out a low sound, but didn't wince. He didn't want to seem weak in front of the newbie, he wanted to seem as some kind of role model for him.
"Looks better than yesterday, but the skin around the wounds is a little swollen. Would you come to the fountain with me? Then I can wash everything properly, I didn't want to move you too much yesterday."
"Okay", Adrian nodded and hesitantly stood up, being supported again.
"It's okay, I can stand alone."
Wanting to keep the tiny little piece of dignity he still had, he raised his head and walked to the fountain, sitting down on the stone rim. He didn't protest, though, when Grell dug the slightly bloody bandage into the water, cleaned it and squeezed it over Adrian's back to wash it. He earned a soft, relieved sight and smiled a little, returning the action a few times.
"Fortunately the wounds aren't as deep as I thought", he said while getting some salve on his finger tips and gently rubbing it into the wounds.
"Mh...Adrian? This salve here, couldn't we use it for-"
"Don't even try it. I once did when I was younger and the man go angry because he liked it better when...the resistance was bigger."
"And he told it the bosses?"
"He complained about me. Whatever you do, never make them complain about you. You get forty whips for that."
"O-Okay. Understood."
"I'm sorry, this sounded harsh. I don't want you to get whipped too."
The redhead nodded while wrapping the bandages around him again.
"You need a new shirt."
"Yeah, I'll see what I can do about tha-shit. Customer is on the way."
"For whom?"
"...Alicia. I've seen him before, he comes every now and then. Sick bastard."
Grell sat up to have a look at him. Maybe he could help the little girl by...he suddenly got pale. Very pale. Adrian turned around to him when he didn't get an answer, a frown spread on his face.
"What's wrong?"
"I...I know this man."
"Who is it?"
"...my father."
When his voice came out, it was nothing but a whisper. The older one's eyes widened as he turned to look at the man again who disappeared in one of the tents now. Grell buried his face in his hands while starting to shake. His daddy, the man who had taken care of him, who had given him anything he wanted and used to play with him as a child. The man who had rocked him on his knees when he was sad and hunted him through the garden, playing hide and seek.
He barely noticed that Adrian placed a hand on his arm and stroked it gently. He sat there for a few more seconds, unable to say anything or even think. Then he stood up slowly and followed the man. Maybe he was someone else, maybe he just looked like his dad...
He stopped in front of his tent, Adrian close behind him, and waited for a few seconds until he stepped in. The man was lying on the ground, his eyes closed and with the little girl on top of him, kissing his pale chest.
"Mh...you know what I like, my little robin. Yes...mh...exactly there..."
Grell swallowed. This voice...
"D-Daddy?"
The man opened his eyes immediately. He gently shoved the girl off him when he saw someone standing in the entrance of the tent. His eyes widened, then a big smile spread on his face.
"Grell! My sweetheart! What are you doing here?"
He jumped up and pulled his son into a tight hug, not caring that Grell was totally stiff, his arms hanging on his sides loosely.
"Your mom and me were so worried when you didn't come home. So they got you? I'm so sorry, sweetheart. Everything is fine now, we finally have you back."
"W-What are you doing here?"
"Oh...um...you see, I..."
"What. Are. You. Doing. Here?"
"We...we all have our problems, your daddy too."
"So you have your fun with little girls?!"
"It's not my fault, I just..."
"How...how could you do this? You have a child too! How could you care for me and at the same time...you..."
"Grell, sweetheart, I would have never hurt you, I love you! I'm sorry you had to endure this, but you are safe now. We will go home now and buy you something nice. A dress, perhaps? Last summer you asked me if you could have one and I said no, remember? Because dresses are for girls. We could go right to the next shop and buy a pretty red dress for you, sweetheart, you just have to promise me to not tell your mom what you saw here, mh?"
The redhead looked down, his eyes getting wet. The man he had trusted and loved was nothing more than a sick bastard who wanted to buy him back now. He slowly shook his head.
"No."
"Come on, sweetheart, if your mom finds this out, I'll have big problems."
"She won't find out. You will go home now and never come back here again. Do you understand this?", he said back, voice sounding completely emotionless.
"O-okay. But what about you?"
"I'll stay here."
"You...?! Don't be stupid now, you can't possibly want to stay here! Come home with me."
"No. I rather get raped until the end of my days than staying with you."
His father's eyes widened.
"Grell!"
"Go, Aleister. I don't want to see you here again."
"Sweetheart, did you really think this through? Do you really want this?"
Grell nodded again, the tears that had been hiding in his eyes slowly rolled down his cheek, but he leaned down, pulled the frightened Alicia up and close to his body. Aleister sighed and lifted a hand to stroke Grell's hair, but let it fall down again when he saw his son's expression.
"Okay...I could buy you free nonetheless, though."
The redhead looked down to the little girl that hugged his waist tightly, head pressed against his thigh.
"No. You will buy her and talk to my boss so I have one day off. Then we will go to the family of Lord Barnett. His wife lost their child, as I remember. We will give Alicia to them, they will take good care of her."
Adrian behind him started to smile at the thought of the girl finally getting a good family. He stroked her hair softly when she looked up at him unsurely.
"Don't worry, princess, you can trust Grell."
Grell stumbled back to the 'camp' in the evening, this had been too much for them. His father had brought Alicia to her new family, he had never seen someone as happy as Angelina Durless when she hugged her new daughter for the first time. He had stayed in his father's carriage, but had made sure she was delivered safely. Now he was here again, in this hellhole, after he had had a little peek of heaven. Adrian awaited him when he got back and caught him when he collapsed, not caring that his back still caused him problems too. One customer hadn't cared about his injury and a few streaks, where a light crust was about to build, bled again.
He held Grell close for a few seconds, then they walked to his tent together. The redhead sat down, supporting his face with his hands.
"You are amazing", the other one muttered with a smile.
"Why?"
"You could have freed yourself and lived a happy life, but instead you cared for Alicia. Not many people would have done that."
"I didn't want to owe my...father anything. Besides she needed it more than me."
He leaned back, breathing shakingly. Adrian pursed his lips, then slowly started to stroke the long red hair.
"Is her new family good?"
"Yes. Angelina always wanted a little daughter, but she lost her own child due to an accident with her carriage and now she isn't able to have other children anymore. She was so happy when Alicia stood in front of her door..."
"Yeah? That's good. I really hope she can have a good life."
"Me too."
Grell kept silent now, it was still bothering him that his father was so despicable. He would have never though that this man could do this to a child. He was a father too, after all.
Adrian continued to stroke his hair until he slowly relaxed.
"You wanna know a secret?", he asked, hoping to distract the little redhead a little.
"Yeah."
"I gave myself a nickname."
"That is?"
"Promise me to not laugh? I never told it to anyone."
"Okay."
"Undertaker."
"Oh? Why that?"
"That's what I would like to be. If I ever get out of here, I want to be an undertaker. To bury all the dead people, you know? This kinda gives me a good feeling. Imagine you work there and suddenly you get delivered the corpse of one of the guys who always treated you bad and you can bury them with a smile."
"I like that idea. Undertaker. Undie."
"You wanna call me like that?"
"If you don't mind."
"I don't. It sounds good."
He smiled softly, leaning back a little and supporting himself on his hands. Grell ran a hand through his hair. He didn't regret his choice, but he kept thinking what would have been if he hadn't made it. He would be free now and without pain. He wouldn't have to be afraid of tomorrow and what would happen to him. But he would be alone. He at least had Adrian here and even if they knew each other only for a few days, he felt closer to this young man than to anyone before.
Said man grinned at him now, showing straight white teeth.
"So...you wanted to wear a dress, mh?"
Grell looked down, blushing.
"...yes. Please don't tell anyone, okay?"
"Of course not, why would I. But why would you want that?"
"Now it's your turn to not laugh."
"Deal."
"I...I never felt comfortable with being a...a man."
Adrian smiled softly.
"Don't be ashamed, I don't judge you. So you would rather be a woman?"
"...yes."
"Mh...that's interesting. I've heard that some people don't feel good in the body they got, but I don't think it's something bad."
"I always wanted to be a girl, but since I got here, it's worse."
"You start to hate your body when you get here, I know that feeling."
I hope you enjoyed it! The second part will be published soon. Please review.