Deliver Him unto Your Forgiveness
"Eren did not share the same future as most young men. Today, Eren was sentenced to die."
She hated him.
She hated the way people looked at him, so sorrowfully, so pitifully. She hated the way he held his head high among them, as if proud of himself. She hated that Eren always got his way in the end, no matter the consequences.
Clutching her swollen belly, Mikasa watched as Eren was marched onto the cliff, wrists and ankles chained together. He was accompanied by Captain Levi Ackerman, their close friend and superior. Levi's face was sporting its usual cold, dull expression, but his body language spoke differently. He had one hand on Eren's shoulder; he was not gripping the young man tightly, but gently leading him to his destination, knowing Eren would not try to run.
As Eren reached the middle of the cliff, which had been fashioned into a pedestal where he would kneel on, Mikasa found herself worrying that his trousers might be ruined. A small, whimper of a laugh left her mouth suddenly, and her hand flew to her lips.
She immediately quieted herself and thought, "Get a hold of yourself. You're losing your mind!"
Mikasa was indeed losing her mind. She had been for many years. It only got worse after learning the truth of Eren's titan nature, and upon discovering that he was going to die because of it sent her into a depression like no other. She had starved and purged herself because now she had nothing left to lose. After all, how would one feel knowing the person they loved was doomed to die so soon? No, sentenced to die. Her pain had been unfathomable. Mikasa had felt that she was doomed as well, to know only loss wherever she went.
She could count the number of times she beat herself up for not being able to save Eren from himself. One of the most harrowing moments that she could recall was the day he was abducted by Reiner and Bertholdt. She'd been hit in the head rather hard, and was unconscious for several hours. When she awoke to Armin caressing her hand, her first thought was Eren. Due to her injuries, she was unable to go after him, though it took some convincing on Armin's part to keep her from going on a suicide mission.
"I just want to be near him," she remembered saying, referring to the brown haired boy. She recalled asking Armin why Eren was always leaving them. In that moment, she'd finally recognized his selfishness and nearly given up on him.
Plenty of times she had overlooked his passion as aggression, but as the years progressed, Mikasa watched Eren steadily tame himself and use his furor as a fuel for rebuilding the lives they'd lost. He'd become the hero people doubted he would be. He was the backbone of the weapons they'd used to fight the titans, literally, and because of his skill, humanity was able to see beyond the walls for the first time in ages.
However, Mikasa was very aware of the young man's struggles to control himself and his devastating titan abilities. Shouldering the dependence of thousands weighed on him significantly. At twenty two, Eren had the appearance of someone much older than himself. His lustrous brown hair was showing signs of gray, dark circles hung under his eyes, and his wiry frame was constantly bent into a tense form. No virile, young man could ever dream of looking like that. But Eren did not share the same future as most young men.
Today, Eren was sentenced to die.
It was March 30th, year 857—his twenty second birthday and approximately thirteen years since inheriting the titan serum from his father. According to Dr. Jaeger, when a person acquires titan abilities, they live for thirteen years before their bodies begin to tire, like the original titan Ymir. While it was unknown as to what would happen to them exactly, it was common knowledge that their titan abilities needed to be passed on through death. He was to be devoured by another human, who would then receive his titan powers and memories.
Mikasa recounted several heated, emotional, and downright violent debates of who would inherit Eren's coveted abilities, as he possessed not one, but two of the Nine Titans. The more important of the two was the Founding Titan. This titan gave Eren the ability to control titans, erase a person's memories and maintain the order of all people. Possessing this power was considered akin to being God, which made Eren all the more valuable.
However, there lay a valid argument that this function was not his to keep. The Founding Titan originally belonged to the royal family, and many argued that it should return to its rightful home.
A hand touched Mikasa's lower back and it caused her to jump, snapping her out of it.
"It's just me," a soft, deep voice whispered into her ear.
The warm air from his breath onto her cold skin caused Mikasa to melt backwards into her husband's chest. He smirked and circled his arms around her.
"Jean," Mikasa sighed. "Where have you been?"
The man stroked one of his wife's arms, saying, "I was with Historia."
Mikasa turned to look at him. Not suspiciously, but curiously. "How is she?" She asked. Or growled. Both, really.
Knowing his wife was angry with the queen, Jean tried to placate her. "She's a wreck, Mikasa. Scared out of her mind, hasn't slept for days."
Pleased, Mikasa turned back around to gaze at Eren, who was now chained down and on his knees. Levi was kneeling beside him, and much to Mikasa's surprise, he was cupping Eren's cheeks and speaking to him.
Mikasa pulled away from Jean and marched closer to the cliff, straining to hear what the older Ackerman was saying. It was difficult though, with them being so high up. There were also others in the room making noise, including the entirety of the Special Operations Squad, and members of the Survey Corps, the Garrison and the Military Police. Many were friends to Eren, and had come to pay their respects. Mikasa glared in their direction, angry that they had the nerve to show up and make light conversation, as if this was some sort of party. No one seemed to notice her, though. Jean did, of course, and he approached the woman with a sad look on his face.
"Honey, look at me," he said, reaching out to grab her hand.
Furiously blinking back tears, Mikasa refused to take his hand, instead storming past him. "How dare they?!" She muttered. "All the things Eren did for them, and they're only here to watch him be… devoured!"
Immediately, Jean swarmed around her and held her shaking frame as she sobbed. This wasn't the first time Mikasa had cried over Eren, but she hadn't truly come to terms with his fate until what appeared to be now.
"I-I-I hate him!" She bawled, "Why is he doing this?!"
After discovering the truth about his lifespan, Mikasa made an increased effort to enjoy her time with him. She never wanted to miss another minute. She shared her greatest joys with him, including her wedding, and the birth of her children. And soon, those memories of him would be wiped away with the blood that would be cleansed from the walls of the castle when this was over.
"I don't…I don't want him t-to go," Mikasa sniveled, face buried in Jean's chest.
"Me either, baby," he responded gently, stroking her black hair. "He's gonna be gone, and we're all gonna miss him. But you know what? We're gonna remember him, too. He won't really be gone if we remember him, Mikasa. He'll always be a part of us."
Gray eyes looked up at him, filled with surprise and realization. Jean's eyes were also red, glazed over like a man who'd cried his heart out behind closed doors. Mikasa stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips over Jean's for a moment, drowning in his comforting taste, before pulling away.
She raised her head to look at Eren again. This time, he was watching her. His eyes were half lidded and filled with something Mikasa thought she'd never see again.
It was hope.