Though This Be Madness

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise from the AIWL franchise.

If by chance you ever happen to be ambling about Central London (in 1875 mind you), you may just find yourself outside Saint Agnes School for Girls. A stately institution renowned across the country for its faultless reputation and impressive record. Should you then, by an even stranger twist of events begin to walk through the large, iron wrought gates you would next be confronted by a set of sturdy and somewhat imposing oak doors. Had you gathered the courage to trespass further through the entrance (or were perhaps just up for a bit more of a walk), you might then stroll across the well maintained courtyard and past the grand foyer into the main building. If after that the stairs took your fancy it would take you to the first floor school rooms. A left turn down the echoing corridor later would place you directly in front of a door with a shiny brass panelling labelled '1:2'. And should you step through the door and into the room beyond you would almost certainly find yourself face to face with one Alice Liddell, for her seat was in the front row.

Alice was always made to sit in the front row; ever since it became clear the young girl had an obvious problem keeping her mind from straying away from where her body sat. Within the first day of enrolling in the prestigious boarding school it became common knowledge amongst the school mistresses that if they intended to get a single word of wisdom through to the idealistic child they would have to keep a very close eye on her. Six years later and Alice had not moved a single seat backwards throughout her schooling and her many teachers were dismayed in their failure to cure the poor girl of such an abysmal attention span.

That is not to say Alice had not improved over the years. She had managed to grow past a good deal of her childish principles, improved her temperament, become almost graceful and had eventually accepted the popularity of books with no pictures.

However in the eyes of her superiors and many of her peers hers was a head that still drifted a few too many feet above the accepted height. Still prone to the occasional mild daydream, she lagged a little behind the other young girls and rather struggled to get a foothold in world she would soon be thrust upon.

Whereas Alice still had to remind herself each morning to put her stockings on straight, the other young ladies appeared to have it all sorted out. Some naive girls (such as herself) might have believed when first entering the well known establishment at the tender age of eleven that they were sent there to receive a fine academic education so as to become the equals of their male counterparts. The other, more world savvy ones knew the truth. The ones that on their first day arriving to the school ran straight to the north facing windows to take a peek at the boy's school across the road and to see if they recognised any from the more exclusive parties they had attended. Or the ones that instinctively knew that during etiquette class when the teachers said "To be presentable for society" to replace that with "To be presentable for your Husband and his guests".

In many respects Alice felt very young and short-sighted compared to her schoolmates. For many girls the rest of their entire lives had already been plotted out for them and it extended no further than a few miles from that very classroom. After finishing their educations they would have learnt all that a young woman of class needed to know in this world. They would then find it simplicity itself to produce a match with a suitable young gentleman, most likely from St. James the Greater School for boys, whose gates where just mere yards away from those of St. Agnes'. Next the well matched pair would move into one of the many elegant townhouses in one of the nicer, neighbouring boroughs. And after a life stylishly lived then would they find peace in neat, tidy churchyard near to the family home, amongst others of similar status and had also passed on. They would have had everything promised to them since birth having never left the confines of the Royal Borough of Kensington and Chelsea. The other girls didn't seem to have any problems breathing; in fact they looked as if they hardly thought of it at all. Then why did Alice feel as though she were suffocating at the very thought of her own future?

Increasingly Alice had been feeling out of sorts ever since returning from a Christmas spent at home with her family. It was now early spring and yet she still could not shake off the feelings from that evening her parents had sat her down for a talk. It had consisted of them reminding her of a number of things; that it was her last year of school, that her sister had married not long after her own graduation, of the benefits this brought their family and...Well many other things she would rather not think about.

With this in mind Alice turned her attentions back to her lesson, History- or was it English literature? Alice glanced at the book in front of her which was open on the chapter 'The Norman Conquest and the Battle of Hastings'. History it was then.

Alice attempted valiantly to absorb some of the information being taught to her but it was quite the uphill struggle. Alice might have previously attributed this to the fact that she had a long history of absolute loathing towards the subject, from the early days of with her sister on some grassy knoll back home; To the current times of this insipid school room and the aged school mistress reciting various dates and names with little variation.

But Alice knew it something else these past few months. It began upon her return as a faint whistling noise in the back of her mind. Like the scream of wind passing by outside a near window. Except it came to her on the quietist of days when all was still and not even the slightest breeze lifted the leaves missed by the gardeners. It was a most peculiar thing indeed; like an eye floater in that the more she tried to focus on the sound the less distinguishable it became until the noise blurred into an almost silent hum.

Despite these small reprieves the sound had gradually grown in intensity to a sharper whisper-like din that she had at first accredited to her dorm mates. Until one night she had had enough and risen to enquire just what exactly was so important that it need be discussed at so late an hour, only to find all of the other three girls in her room deeply sleeping. The noise alone remained active in the dark night and Alice began to become afraid.

In the bright, cold morning that followed Alice saw things a little calmer and resolved to investigate this curiosity. Subsequent trips to the school nurse had sent her back to her dorm with a tall glass bottle of pills for migraines. Confident that her concerns were about to be lifted Alice took them as directed only to find that the sound was worse than ever when under the influence of the strong medicine and that as her mind got duller the sound got stronger. Her mind felt incredibly foggy and heavy but the underneath that a now forceful current of sound resided. Of course this was all reflected on a number of hours after her mind had cleared from the pills, there's no thinking of anything when your mind feels as though packed with glue.

And so it came to be that its presence in her mind became something that she had just learned to put up with and ignore best she could for the present time. After all it was truly amazing what people could adapt to given the time, she mused. She quietly hoped this would readily apply to whatever she might face once her time in school came to an end.

It had been her last scheduled lesson of the day and the very moment permission to leave was given Alice shot out the room in a manner that made many wonder how such energy could have been roused so quickly. Considering that her form just minutes previously, had been seen almost slumped over her table in a near comatose state.

Alice didn't quite know where she was going, but just knew that she needed to walk and walk rather quickly. It was far easier to keep one's mind away from unpleasant thoughts when simultaneously attempting to participate in study. Now that she had time left unoccupied she feared how these thoughts would twist and turn themselves into horrifying, but likely predictions of her own future state.

As her feet finally found themselves on the right route to the library Alice shook her head at such negativity. She ought to be productive during these last few months, who knew when she might next get the chance. She recalled the time immediately after her sister had returned from school all those years ago. All those hours of dress fittings, entire days spent in the town seeking new patterns and the most recent fashions. Preparing for the many balls and events that high society had to offer a young woman of her age and standing. One of which eventually led to that fatal introduction to that man. Her husband.

Alice had to suppress a small shudder at the thought. She still found it odd to think of her sister as a married woman. It shouldn't have been that strange, after all her sister was the very epitome of all things good and proper. The very idea of her not following convention was both strange and abhorrent. But Alice just could not get to grips with the fact that she was now no longer a Liddell. That she belonged to another family and that she was no longer there when Alice came home, but somewhere else with other people.

Alice hated passing by her empty room even now, years later. It was as if a ghost resided there; haunting her memories with someone that no longer existed. She had been straight laced, formal and a little thorny even before she became a Wife, but it had been different. She may have sighed and shook her head, but she always sat through whatever story or image happened to be passing through Alice's head. She might have been trying to concentrate on her daily flower arrangement but she could always spare a few for Alice's daisy chain.

Things were different now.

As Alice slipped through the doors leading to the library she couldn't help but admire the picture before her despite visiting countless times before. It was easily the grandest room in St. Agnes'. The wood panelled walls reached high to the slightly domed ceiling, which was off-white in colour giving the room a well aged feel to it. Vast windows stretched across the east facing wall streaming dust mote filled light on to the bookshelves bellow which were lined in neat rows like dominoes, but looked far too sturdy to ever actually topple over.

Alice made her way to the back of the room, towards the shelves holding the library's collection of fiction books. She had long since lost the ability to create such vivid tales of her own, no she relished in other's and relied on their imaginings to occupy her.

She had carefully placed her foot on the first rung of the rolling ladder when she heard the voices of two girls floating to her from a dark corner near the back of the library. The shelves concealed Alice nicely, not that she had any interest in being hidden. She was not one for school girl gossip and she had been taught how to behave properly, sneaking around listening to others conversations was one of the first things one is taught is unacceptable.

Nevertheless Alice wished to reach up to the top row of unread volumes and simply could not help overhearing. As she climbed higher she saw through a gap in the books the two girls sitting at a desk filled with books open at pages Alice suspected were chosen at random, merely giving the illusion of work. She recognised the pair from a few of her classes, as she recalled, they were renowned for both being masters at the art of note passing during their lessons. Rumour had it the two had especially learned Morse code solely for the purpose of discussing other girls' posture during classes.

Still, Alice maintained that this was indeed none of her business and she continued on her was upwards. That was, of course until Alice heard her own family name mentioned in the garble of the young girl's chat, after which Alice stopped her assent and narrowed in to their conversation with renewed interest.

"I received a letter from my Aunt in town this morning, just updating me on all of news I miss being here at school...everyone's well...my sister has a cold...and she attended a party held by the Liddell's last evening."

"Oh really, anything of interest? It's as dull as ditchwater around here; I'm contemplating switching sides to St James' if things don't pick up soon."

"I'll join you." The girl scanned her letter from behind an upturned book, "hmm, well nothing too important I'm afraid. Wait, it looks as if my cousin William might be married not before long."

"William? Which one is that, should I be weeping at the loss or pleased he's out of the way?"

"There's nothing objectionable about William." The first girl answered sounding slightly offended, "But then again there's nothing particularly striking either."

"Ah, I remember him. Well then who's the blushing bride to be? A twenty-something inching her way to spinsterhood I assume."

"Didn't I just say there was nothing wrong with him? No, you'll never guess, it's Alice Liddell."

"Blond wavy hair? Blue, really unfocused eyes?"

"Mm-hmm, that's the one. It looks as if her parents have begun talks with my aunt and uncle. It will be a good match; my cousin is already quite established. My uncle set him up with quite a bit of land a few years ago."

"Well good for Miss Alice; let us just hope she manages to stay awake for the ceremony. Between her natural daydreaming and your cousin's wit she'll be lucky if she makes it halfway up the aisle before being distracted by something shiny."

"..."

As Alice heard the words uttered behind the wall of dusty tomes she remained perfectly still, her eyes widening in shock. Before she could even fully form any thoughts on what she had heard suddenly the whispering noise materialized, tenfold the volume of any previous incident. Alice clutched at her head trying to abate the sound drilling into her skull from the inside. It blared angrily in fast bursts of sound, as though a voice was screaming muffled words in her head.

Alice screwed up her eyes, shaking her head as it reached unbearable levels. She felt herself lose balance off the ladder, but had not the ability to process the sensation. She didn't feel any pain when her head made contact with the floor, though she felt it and her eyes opened momentarily.

The sensation of encroaching darkness was quite welcome, as all faded into black, noise and all.

.x

The light could be seen though Alice's eyelids and she squeezed them shut further in protest. She felt a soft mattress beneath her prone form and was quite comfortable. She had absolutely no desire to move, for she felt oddly well and her mind was still and peaceful.

It took her a moment to realize that the sound was gone and that she felt clearer headed than she had in a long time. She relished in the sensation a few moments before realising that she was not alone. Their voices were loud and obviously in very close proximity to her. Alice did not yet open her eyes as she tried to guess who her bedside visitors were.

"You know she hit her head awfully hard on that floor following that tumble off the ladder. It makes you wonder why she didn't think to fall upwards as opposed to downwards instead. She would have fared much better if she had done so."

"Ah, but then dear fellow, she would have simply banged her head against the ceiling in any case and you know that's just as bad, I've been in that position myself."

"Hmm, in that case it would have probably of been better if she just hadn't fallen at all. You know and just floated above the floor instead."

"I did wonder myself why that hadn't occurred to her, perhaps she's gotten a bit simple with age."

"That's a shame if true, she wasn't all that sharp to begin with either if I recall correctly."

Alice was utterly flummoxed. She couldn't think who she knew that could be so completely absurd and outright rude. There were two of them, both male and sound vaguely familiar, though she couldn't put a name to either. Curious and rather offended Alice's eyes snapped open to confront these strange men, wondering if she would indeed recognise remember them. From where though she couldn't say, she had never been to an insane asylum but she imagined this was the type of talk that went on there.

The sudden brightness momentarily blinded Alice and she blinked slowly building up a vision of the room. She was in the small clinic on one of the white painted mental framed beds. She lay on top of the starched bedspread in a bed facing the door to the nurse's office. But none of these things interested Alice, what did was the fact that she was completely alone in the room.

.x

Author's notes: Woo! AIWL fic! I've always wanted to do one of these and here it is. Just a couple of side notes-

Alice is 17 in this story, if I didn't make that clear (and I'm very sure that I didn't). For my choice of school names 'St. James the Greater' is the patron saint of milliners (hatmakers!) amongst other things. Just a little titbit. St Agnes was a rather dull choice- patron St. of girls.

Well I could go on with more fascinating morsels of info about how this story came to be but I won't so I'll stop. Now.

Second chapter may take time, goodness knows this one did. But reviews help immensely to speed up the process. Not to mention if you've got any questions you want answered (even I'm a tad confused reading the ch. back, but maybe it's just me. Or the fact that it's currently 3:43am).

Tell me what you thought, good, bad or ? Continue? I'll leave you alone now, I'm so sleepy.