Victoire always says she remembers the day I was born really clearly because it was the first day the family was all together and not appearing totally dysfunctional- apparently James even stopped teasing two-year-old Albus. She tells me that she kept pacing and worrying in the waiting room because it was taking so long, while Teddy flipped through Quidditch magazines and ate her ice cream. Yup- even then, Teddy was stealing her food. Gran says when Vic saw me, she ran to me, tried to hug me, and said she would be the best big cousin in the world for me.
Looking back, she was perfectly right. When I was two and all the boys went out to play Quidditch and most of the girls didn't want a little baby following them everywhere, she was right there for me. She even payed Roxy ten bucks to play dress-up with her and me. Okay, so most people hated dress-up by the time they were 10, but Vic's just different that way.
On one hand, she's girly, caring, hardworking, and always smiling- sharp too, a Ravenclaw, but never flaunting it. Another side she's only ever revealed to people really close to her is her self-conscious side: nervous, worrying a lot, with too much on her shoulders and a low self esteem. Yet another side is her flaws- she's prissy, sometimes, and a dreamer, takes too much responsibility and has too little fun, never really lets herself go wild like I do.
And yet as far as our personalities are apart, she's one of my best friends. Me- boisterous, loud, opinionated, wild; always trying to be nice, though never quite succeeding, never satisfied with myself. Vic praises me to no end, but I never could.
When she went to Hogwarts we'd always owl each other, and she'd come over all summer. We could never agree on what to do, but she'd get a little dirty just to make me happy. As she got older she realized that dress-up wasn't my favorite game, and so we had fun, playing on the beach, coloring, doing whatever we felt like, making huge doggy piles with all the other cousins.
When I came to Hogwarts she'd gone to train for healing, but always supported me- and, older now, I learned to support her too. As she trained, I went through Hogwarts, always having her there to give me advice on friends, school, boys, dreams. And I urged her to have fun as she studied to become a Healer. When she was done with her first four years of study and ready to begin her years of training in the field, I was only in 2nd year. Time ran on and she was a full-blown Healer, with me in sixth year and wondering about my future.
But there was already something, almost intangible, between us. When I was nine and Vic started dating 19-year-old Teddy, I hadn't thought twice about it. Teddy and I were close, but all I could think about was Vic finally getting her happily-ever-after. But Teddy started teaching at Hogwarts and as the years went by, their relationship was on-and-off and I started to notice just how hot Teddy was. I started to resent Victoire sometimes, and she'd be confused. I'm surprised she never noticed the way I looked at him; Emily, my friend, always said it was obvious. And then something more happened- I started to fall in love. Once I was seventeen and Teddy twenty-seven, we started to go out together, always as friends. But there was something between us, and even though Teddy felt guilty, he could feel us too. It took two years for me to finally realize I couldn't let him go.
Teddy broke everything off with me, cried and wouldn't look me in the eye, proposed to Victoire. He tried to escape, tried to escape his love for me by hurting me, hurting himself, hurting Victoire- and all my screaming wouldn't do anything. He would break my heart, he would ruin his life, he would ruin Victoire's life (because the sadness in her eyes would deepen if he didn't truly love her)- just because of what society said. For the first time in my life, I hated this man- my true love, my Teddy.
He came around, and I did too. I felt like my heart would burst with joy, at how perfect everything was. Finally climbing into Quidditch stardom, having the best friends, being with the man I loved. But then I realized... everyone would know. Victoire would know. How could I stand the look in Victoire's eyes? But I let him. I told him to tell her. So we could marry, live happily while she died inside. Because she loved him too.
Teddy's gone to tell Victoire, and the house is empty. All I can think of is how my best friend, my favorite cousin, the girl who was always there for me- will be broken-hearted. Because I was selfish enough to take what was hers. And I know she'll pretend she's okay, take my hand in hers and love her little cousin like always. But we'll never be the same again- I'll never be able to look her in the eyes again, she'll never be truly happy seeing me in Teddy's arms. We will never be the same.
It's dark outside, and in my flat, I feel so alone.