He opens his eyes to a world of pain. He's hanging bound by his wrists and neck and ankles. His body aches all over. The world spins around him and a voice begins to speak in his head. "I'm Shadow."
The world finally snaps into focus and below him the man called Shadow paces with a hungry look in his eyes. "Next time you wake up, it'll be you and me going at it."
Pain explodes all over but he can't scream. Then everything goes black.
When he wakes up he's stretched out on his stomach and bound to a wooden table in only his boxers. "That Detective Esposito of yours ever do this to you? Have you ever wanted him to? Wanted him so bad it hurts?" Shadow climbs onto the table and straddles him, he sits on his heels which are locked with Ryan's.
He lays his body flush against Ryan's, whispering in his ear. "No partner here to save you, he doesn't care about you. I know you want this with him but he'll never go for it, you disgust him. You might as well enjoy this because I'm the closest thing you're ever going to get to your partner. Now I want to hear you say it, out loud. Tell me you want him."
Shadow presses down on Ryan's crotch. "Tell him, Irish. Tell him how much it hurts, tell him how much you want him. Tell him how much you love him."
Ryan presses his lips together as Shadow presses harder against every part of his exposed body. It was true he wanted Javier as his own but not like this. Never like this.
Shadow loses his patience and with one quick movement cuts the bottom away from Ryan's boxers before he drops the knife and leans all the way up to whisper in Ryan's ear. "Tell him," he presses down hard on Ryan's very exposed crotch as he says this.
Shadow finishes the deed, taking the final intrusive step inside Ryan's body faster than his mind can even process. Ryan can't help himself he screams before everything goes black.
Kevin Ryan shoots up like a rocket in bed. Panic running wild in his eyes. A sharp pinch and pull in his arm draws his attention to an I.V and he grabs it, prepared to rip it out when another hand closes around his wrist pulling his hand away.
Thrashing he swings wildly with his free arm but it's caught as well. He kicks out but, several strong hands have already captured his ankles. A body lays itself on his chest holding him down. He screams for all he's worth and thrashes in the bed violently. It's no use. "NO! Stay the hell away from me! Esposito! Javier! Please! Where are you?"
Before he knows what's happening his legs are spread wide and bound by his ankles. His arms are pulled to their respective sides and bound down at his wrists. The I.V, which had come out in the struggle is put back in. A mask comes down over his face and everything grows blurry. "No, Javi, please, no…"
The last thing he hears is Javier's cry of alarm before everything goes away.
-
Ryan wakes more slowly this time. Keeping his eyes closed and breathing as steady as possible he tries to lift each of his ankles and wrists but finds all four bound.
The shifting of a chair draws his attention and he concentrates on appearing unconscious while fighting off panic. A hand grabs his and rubs the back of it. Ryan fights the feeling of comfort it gives him. It's just a trick.
That's when he hears the singing. "Tenme en tus brazos esta noche. Puedo ser su bebé del héroe. Puedo alejar el dolor con un beso. Yo estaré contigo para siempre mi. Usted puede tomar mi aliento."
Opening his eyes he squeezes down on the hand holding his turning to face the man besides him he whispers. "Ar mhaith leat swear go mbainfidh tú a bheith i gcónaí mianach? Ar mhaith leat a bréag? Ar mhaith leat a rith amach? Tá mé i ró-domhain? An bhfuil Chaill mé mo intinn go hiomlán? Is cuma liom, tá tú anseo anocht."
Javier falls silent the moment he feels Kevin squeeze his hand but when Kevin opens his mouth and sings back to him his heart nearly breaks in two. "Mí corázon, you came back to me."
Sitting up as much as he can, Kevin realizes he's in the hospital but for some reason he can't move. "Javi, why am I restrained?"
Javier's face darkens and the lightness in his voice vanishes. "Kev, you've been unconscious for five days. You took a turn for the worse, something about a hidden infection, you had to go on life support af-…" his voice breaks. "After your heart stopped. Then just yesterday you woke up with an incredibly high fever and you were all panicky, trying to get out of bed, take your I.V out, kick and punch people and you were screaming…" He breaks off abruptly.
"How long?"
"When I found you, they lost you in the ambulance for five minutes. Then in surgery, twice for about a minute each time. And when the infection hit, three minutes. Kevin, you were dead ten whole minutes. Ten whole freaking minutes." Javier stands and touches his forehead to Kevin's. "You can never, never do that to me again. You understand? Never. Kevin, I, I can't lose you. You're my best friend and more than my p-." Kevin silences him with a kiss.
"Shut up and kiss me, Javi," he mumbles against his lips.
Javier is more than happy to oblige. "Your wish? My command," he kisses Kevin's lips softly, his hands working to undo the restraints on his wrists.
Now that his hands are free of the restraints Kevin wraps an arm around Javier's head bringing him in closer. They keep the kisses soft and sweet. Although Javier desperately wants more, the doctor's words keep echoing in his mind, reminding him to take things slow.
"It appears that Detective Ryan was sexually assaulted and raped several times in a way that was also physically abusive. There may be mental effects as well."
Someone clears their throat behind them and they break apart eyes darting to the door. "Now that you've said hello let the rest of us have a turn."
Laughing, Javier sits back down in his chair as Castle and Beckett enter.
Beckett approaches the bed first and gives Kevin a long hug, being careful herself. She kisses his forehead and whispers, "Don't do that to me again, understood mister?" Kevin nods a small smile on his face. "Seriously though, you're going to make me old before my time."
Castle impatiently hums loudly behind her and Beckett steps aside smacking him lightly upside the head as she does so.
Flashing Beckett a faux hurt smile, he gives Kevin a good long bear hug. "You scared me there, buddy, you really had me scared."
Kevin turns on his charm, making big blue puppy dog eyes up at the writer he whispers, "Sorry."
Castle grins and hugs him once more before stepping back. "Good news, Kevin, we spoke to the doc on our way in and he says as soon as you're awake you can be reevaluated for release. We told him that we'd received word you were awake and told him to give us a quick minute before he came in."
As if on cue, there's a knock on the doorframe. "Hello, everyone. Hello, Kevin. Let's see what we can do about getting you home, shall we?"
A short while later despite using every protest and technique he knew Javier is wheeling Kevin out the door in a wheelchair to the car waiting to take them to Javier's apartment. Kevin was going home as long as someone was with him 24/7 the next few days.
A while later, Castle leads the way into Javier's apartment as all four of them take Kevin home.
A huge 'Welcome Home Kevin!'banner hangs in the kitchen where Martha, Alexis, Captain Montgomery and Lanie wait.
About an hour later, Javier closes the door behind everyone leaving him and Kevin alone. They'd unanimously decided to get Kevin's statement about his abduction once he returned to work in a few weeks. However if the topic came up by itself Javier wouldn't be opposed to it.
Javier hands Kevin a bottle of water and a couple of pills before wheeling his partner into the master bedroom. "Time for bed, Kevin."
Kevin swallows the pills and yawns ruining any plan of protest.
Javier hands Kevin a pair of pajama pants and a fresh t-shirt from the stuff Castle had brought from Kevin's apartment before he grabs his clothes and closes himself in the bathroom after Kevin promises him he can change himself.
After they're both ready for bed, Javier helps Kevin into the king sized bed before climbing in on the opposite side. "Buenas Noches," he whispers leaning in to kiss Kevin.
Kevin accepts the gentle kiss for a few seconds before pulling away to slide towards the opposite edge of the bed. "Javi, can we just leave it at that for tonight, I mean no cuddling please."
Although all Javier wants to do is hold onto Kevin forever and never let go he understands why Kevin is reluctant about being held. "No problem, bro."
Exhausted both men are asleep within minutes.
Javier finds himself being jolted awake by a strong kick to his backside. Groaning, he rolls over to face his partner, eyes still closed. His complaint about the kick dies in his throat.
Kevin is shifting uncomfortably in his sleep and he moans loudly. "Go to hell." It's barely a whisper, he nearly misses it.
Javier is about to reach over and wake his partner when Kevin screams, jolting upright, panic wild in his eyes as he glances about.
"Kevin, shh, it was just a dream," soothes Javier when Kevin's teary eyes lock with his.
"No, it wasn't, Javi, it was real," he protests in a scared whisper.
Slowly reaching out an arm, Javier slides closer and once he's decided Kevin will be okay with it, he wraps a strong arm around the Irishman's back pulling him gently down on his chest. "It's okay, Kevin, I've got you now."
Kevin grabs a fistful of Javier's shirt, balling it in his fist as Javier runs his free hand through Kevin's hair. "Tell me it's gonna be okay, Javi, tell me that they'll never touch anyone again," he whispers.
Javier's hand freezes in Kevin's hair and Kevin pulls away to look at him. "What? What's wrong"
Javier swallows hard. "Kevin, there's something you don't know. We were planning on telling you when you went back to work I swear-."
"What don't I know, Javi?" Kevin asks, reminding himself not to get worked up until he knew what was up despite the feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach.
Javier swallows hard again. "Uh, we don't exactly know who the assholes are that did this to you, so we, um, haven't made any arrests or, um… any progress at all really."
Silence. "What? What do you mean you don't know who they are? How the hell not? You rescued me didn't you?" Kevin asks, fighting to keep his cool.
"Rescued you? Kevin, I found you in your own bed, in your apartment, don't you remember?"
Kevin's face slowly contorts from a look of disbelief and anger into a look of confusion and slight panic. He scrunches his face up in concentration, had it not been for the current circumstances Javier would've found it adorable.
After a long minute or so Kevin finally replies, "I vaguely remember being in my apartment and I think you were too, but I thought that was all in my head." Kevin lays his head back down on Javi's chest, finally losing his internal battle tears begin to slip out of his eyes. "So they're still out there, they could find me again-."
Javier turns Kevin's tear streaked face to look him right in the eyes. "No. They're never going to touch you again. You hear me? I'm never going to let them or anyone else hurt you ever again." He pulls Kevin's head back against his chest in an awkward hug.
They fall asleep like that, Javier leaning against the headboard, Kevin lying across one arm, head on his chest, Javier's t-shirt still bunched in his hand, his other arm around Kevin's back.
The following morning finds Javier stirring into consciousness first. He smiles fondly down at the man in his arms before, he gently pulls his shirt out of Kevin's grip, ignoring the feeling he gets when his skin touches Kevin's. He carefully slides out of bed, his feet sinking into the carpet silently. He grabs his black robe off the end of the bed and he slips it on with a slight shiver. He glances back at Kevin and his heart pangs with sadness. Kevin looks so small and broken in that bed all alone, bruising and bandages making a patchwork quilt out of his body.
Javier pads barefoot into the kitchen and starts quietly on making pancakes. He wants Kevin to know how much he means. Holding him in his arms last night and waking up to him was enough to warrant the thanks one delivered with pancakes for breakfast. He'd been going back in forth in his head about it for months, long before this all happened.
He'd realized all the signs they'd been sent at once… that night they'd ended up in bed together, the night Kevin had shown up on Javier's doorstep…
- Javier closes the bathroom door silently with one last glance at the man sleeping in his bed, his partner: Kevin Ryan. He feels himself grow hard and he freezes. Stumbling back he slides down the counter collapsing to the cool tile. Kevin looks so innocent, so young and peaceful and beautiful when he's sleeping and after everything else that night…
'I love him,' it hits him all at once. The heart attacks he'd nearly had that night: first when Kevin finished his shower. Second, when a mostly naked Kevin sat down on his bed. Third, when Kevin came out wearing his clothes, a shirt 2 sizes too small and boxers a size or two too big. Fourth right now, watching his partner sleep in those clothes, in his bed, right when he felt himself grow hard.
He's truly, unconditionally, irrevocably in love with his very straight partner Kevin Ryan. He's not gay either, but around Kevin… he feels different, it feels good.
Memories flash into focus, little details, feelings. When Lockwood had them or more recently when he pulled up to that seedy motel with Beckett unsure of what they'd find. When they kicked in the door and saw Castle unharmed and tied to a chair. He'd said something at the same time Javier had seen something. His blood froze and he saw red. "Ryan needs an ambulance." Kevin Ryan lay on his side a few feet away, his arms cuffed behind his back by his own cuffs, blood running down the side of his face, unmoving, pale as ever. Time froze.
"No, I don't," he almost missed it, he was on the verge of passing out himself when he heard Kevin's groan. Everything hadi zoomed back into focus as he rushes to fall to his knees besides his now barely conscious partner.
He'd pulled Kevin into a tight hug, whispering, "I thought I'd lost you."
Everything made sense now, his reluctance to fully commit to Lanie. Jenny up and leaving Kevin. The way he sometimes felt. 'I'm in love with him. I'm in love with Kevin Ryan.'
Javier shakes himself out of his memories and curses. He'd burned the pancakes he'd had on the griddle. He finishes the last of the pancakes while simultaneously frying the bacon which is also soon done. He places the stack of pancakes on the table with the plate of bacon along with the syrup, two empty mugs and the necessities for coffee, pot of fresh brewed included.
"Javi?" Kevin's voice is blurred with sleep as he calls from the bedroom.
Javier inhales sharply, the sound of Kevin calling his name intoxicating. "I'll be right there, Kevin. Don't even think about trying to get out of bed by yourself."
Javier walks into the bedroom to find Kevin sitting up in bed, leaning heavily on the headboard. Javier grabs Kevin's light grey robe off the end of the bed and once he helps Kevin slip it on he helps him into the wheelchair. He parks the wheelchair next to the table and Kevin eases himself into the kitchen chair, glaring lightly at Javier who insists on hovering over him while he does so.
Javier brings Kevin a glass of water and a handful of pills, Kevin obediently swallows all of them before Javier sits down in the chair next to Kevin's.
Kevin allows Javier to pour and prep a coffee for him, eyeing the stack of pancakes. "Pancakes, huh?"
Javier momentarily freezes imperceptibly before continuing with the task of preparing his own coffee. "Yeah, what about it?"
Kevin gives Javier a look. "You and I both know very well, pancakes are not just breakfast."
Javier remains nonchalant. "Yeah, I know."
Kevin appears thoughtful for a second. "What? Are you saying last night was worth thanks via pancake express?"
Javier puts his fork down and looks Kevin right in his bright blue questioning eyes. "Yes. Last night, the night about a month ago, tonight, tomorrow night, the night after that. Every night, no matter what goes on, every day, every moment with you is worth all the thanks I can give."
Kevin swallows the bite of pancake he has, staring at Javier silently. "Javi, what-?"
Javier pushes his chair away from the table and turns Kevin's chair all the way to face him, taking both of Kevin's hands in his. "It's taken me way too long to realize this, but, I'm in love. Unconditionally, irrevocably, head over heels, stupid in love, with you. I'm just sorry it's taken me this long to realize it. There have been so many clues and signs and part of me was scared to admit it. I was scared that you wouldn't feel the same and I'd lose you forever. I don't think I could've survived that, but these last few days have opened my eyes and shown me the truth. I can't risk losing you or my life without you knowing the truth. When you left the precinct last week I couldn't stop thinking of you, worrying about you and if you were mad at me. Beckett sent me home early too, I kept zoning out, all my focus was on you. I'm so sorry I didn't come by but I was so scared you'd be mad at me and for that I'll never be able to forgive myself." Javier takes a deep breath, wiping away a tear.
"Kevin, I've loved you since the day we first met, maybe even before, I certainly didn't know then or even a year after that but that first day was the best day of my life. You've changed me, Kevin, my life, who I am, my future, everything about me. I can't begin to fathom what I did to deserve you in my life but you are and now I can't imagine a day without you. I'm forever inspired by your strength, your courage and your wisdom. Seeing you so hurt, so broken, kills me in a way you wouldn't believe and I want to be the one who heals you." Javier takes another deep breath, steadying himself.
"I want to be your strength when you're weak, your courage when you're scared, your friend and partner in crime and in life, just as you are mine. I want you forever in my life, because nobody's ever loved anyone as much as I love you." Javier bends down on one knee, one hand still holding Kevin's he reaches into the pocket of his robe and pulls out a small box. "Kevin Patrick Ryan, will you make me the happiest guy in the world, and marry me?" he opens the box revealing the ring.
Kevin's hands impulsively reach up to cover his mouth in a silent gasp. After an agonizing few seconds Kevin pulls his hands away from his mouth and grabs Javier's hands. "There's one exception." Javier feels his heart cracking before Kevin continues. "I love you more than anything, more than anyone has ever loved anyone including you. I'm with you till the wheels fall off. It would be my honor and my greatest joy to marry you."
Javier is filled with so much indescribable emotion as he slips the ring on Kevin's finger. He rises to sit back in his chair and Kevin grabs his face pulling him into a short, sweet kiss. They pull apart, foreheads brushing, breathing heavily, everything else fades into the background. Kevin holds up his hand, slips the ring off and examines it. It's a white gold claddagh ring with a trinity knot. The heart is split into three pieces with a crown on top, a pale blue sapphire and a light chocolate diamond make up the top half while the bottom half of the heart is a white diamond. The trinity knot is set above it, two hands hold the heart and connect it to the rest of the ring.
Kevin gazes at it in admiration. "It's absolutely beautiful Javi," he breathes. The morning light makes it sparkle in its warm glow and the inscription catches Kevin's eye. "Mo ghrá, mo shaol, mo pháirtí, mo gcónaí. My love, my life, my partner, my always."
Kevin slips the ring back on and pulls Javier into another short, sweet kiss. "Is breá liom tú Javi, i gcónaí."
"Yo te amo también, mi corazón, siempre."
-