-1A Day in the Life of The Marauders.
AN: This is a crack fic, so don't take it seriously. My brother and I wrote it VIA MSN. His penname is Twilight Preacher (nothing to do with Twilight).
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Be glad.
"We need to start with something EPIC." said James, jumping up and down in excitement and glaring around at the other three marauders to get his point across.
"How about... No, that won't work..." Remus said, crying since he couldn't think of anything to please the groups master. Sirius patted him on the back sympathetically;
"It's okay Cupcake." he said, but Remus wouldn't stop crying.
In fact, he kept crying so much that the others started getting a little worried. Actually, little was an understatement: Sirius was staring at him with a shocked expression, Pete was running around with a chicken on his head, and James was still jumping up and down, telling Remus that of course he was epic, there was no need to cry. Eventually, they had to take him to madam Pomfrey when the sheer amount of tears coming from their friend got drastic, and they were afraid that he might begin to suffer from dehydration.
Madam Pomfrey nodded thoughtfully at the boys, then;
"I'm afraid there's nothing we can do, Remus is suffering from mental aristocratical crying disorder, and will die in approximately 10 minutes"
All the boys were shocked in to silence, they knew Remus was a little odd, but...
"ISN'T THERE SOMETHING WE CAN DO????" screamed Sirius, grabbing Remus by the shoulders and shaking his vigorously, "SWEETCHEEKS? DON'T DIE!!!"
"There is something... a potion, in Aberdeen..." Trailed off Madam Pomfrey.
Peter ran from the room, grabbed his broom and began flying to the Scottish city, forgetting to ask what the potion actually was.
James watched after him, then saluted him;
"There goes a brave lad."
"Why is he brave?" Sirius asked, momentarily forgetting about his dying lover.
James shrugged.
Suddenly, a screaming sound could be heard from the mirror that connected to Peter's one, apparently, something hadn't gone quite right. James grabbed at his mirror frantically.
"Peter? PETER?"
The screaming abruptly stopped, and the boys all knew with a crushing finality that Peter was no longer among the living, he was dead! Silence fell over the room; and then Remus' form went limp and he fell from Sirius' arms, just as his parents smashed their way through the medical wing door.
"You destroyed my door!" Pomfrey yelled out.
"Ha-ha... sucker." Said Sirius.
"Yeah! Suck her!" James called from the sidelines.
"Shut up James." Replied Sirius, grabbing his broom and whacking his friend round the side of the head with it. However, he missed and hit Remus' dead body instead, causing great anguish to his late friends mother.
"MY BABY!!!!!!" The woman cried, clutching at her little boys limp form. Her husband watched in despair, as his wife cried over her little boy. Remus awoke, realised his mother was soaking his shirt and patted her head sympathetically.
"Mum.. I'm ok, I was just sleeping." He said, trying to calm his distraught mother down.
"BABY REMUS!!!! BABY!!!!" She cried and cried, while Sirius and James laughed at the sidelines. Peter joined in with the laughing, not saying anything as to why he was no longer dead in a ditch at the side of the road to Aberdeen. James looked round at Pete, then glanced back at Remus; shrugging. Remus, for his part, was a little confused, but decided Pete was just being Pete and gave up trying to decipher his young friend's eccentricities .
"Son?" asked Remus' father hesitantly, "Would you like to explain why exactly you just fell into a short sleep where everyone thought you were dead?"
"No thanks Dad, I'm a little tired right now..." He yawned in response, before promptly laying back down and going to sleep once more. The occupants of the room blinked in unison at the oddity of the situation, and Sirius said;
"Exploding Snap anyone?"
"NO!" They all yelled back in unison. Sirius shrank against the wall, and began to whimper, before changing into a dog and leaping out the window. James whistled, and Sirius came jumping back through the window, his canine instincts making him unable to resist.
"WHOZZAGOODBOY?!?!?" asked James, petting his friend. Sirius, still in dog form, promptly bit his friend's hand, 'playfully' of course.
James yelped in surprise.
"YOU GOD-DAMN MUTT!"
Sirius whimpered, afraid he'd really upset his master this time.
James smirked smugly down at him, and Sirius gave him the puppy eyes. Obvious, really, seeing as how he's a dog. James felt his resolve crumble, and he leant down, petting Sirius again;
"I'm sorry, here - have a treat."
As Sirius took the offered treat, a dragon suddenly attacked! It swept in through the broken window (Sirius broke it earlier), and landed on a bed, snapping it in two.
Jumping bravely to the rescue, Lupin awoke from his slumber and started casting spells of great destructive power at the foul beast! It dodged easily, because really, Remus wasn't that good at casting spells of great destructive power, and then, Hagrid stumbled in through the door, swearing loudly. Seeing the dragon, he got mighty pissed and punched it out the window with one of his ham-sized fists.
The Marauders jumped for joy and flying-tackle-hugged the half-giant;
"This calls for a celebration!" cried Remus' dad.
"No thanks Dad, I'm still a tad sleepy." Remus called, before dropping in the remaining bed and falling back in to a deep sleep.
The marauders, plus Remus' parents, and Hagrid, all blinked in unison again; then Sirius turned back into a human.
"Fishing!" Someone cried out, and so they all went down to the great lake, fishing equipment in hand, ready for more adventures to come their way.
The End