Song: Smile
Artist: Scarface/2pac/Johnny P
I do not own the song nor The Outsiders, so I don't know why this is necessary if you already know that
Ponyboy's P.O.V.
Intro: 2Pac (talking)
There's gon' be some stuff you gon' see
that's gon' make it hard to smile in the future.
"Damn Johnny, why?!!"
I was screaming at the top of my lungs in the safe haven of my room. Darry and Soda went to work, and 2-bit hadn't showed up for his usual chocolate-cake-in-the-morning yet, so I wasn't worried about him walking in on me. As a matter of fact, I couldn't give a shit at that moment. I needed to let it all out. I wanted to cry so badly over Johnny. The fact is it's been about a week since he died, but it still hits me harder every time I think about him…every time I think about his harmless, puppy-dog eyes…every time I read the letter he left me…
But through whatever you see,
through all the rain and the pain,
you gotta keep your sense of humor.
You gotta be able to smile through all this bullshit.
Remember that.
Mmm, yeah.
Keep ya head .
I couldn't take it anymore. This is the 3rd time this week I've broken down like a bitch over Johnny dying, and I just wanted to see him one last time. Just last night I had a dream about us back at the church. Nobody else; not Curly, not Steve, not 2-bit, not even Dally or Darry or Soda or Cherry, who are the only people who I ever came close to loving as much as I love Johnny. I had to escape and see him. I wasn't gonna let him get away this easily. "Make some room up there for me, Johnny," I whispered with a sly smile on my face.
Verse One: 2Pac
Our lifestyles be close captioned
addicted to fatal attractions
Pictures of actions be played back
in the midst of mashin'
No fairy tales for this young black male
Some see me stranded in this land of hell, jail, and crack sales
Hustlin' at heart be a nigga's culture
or the repercussions while bustin' on backstabbin' vultures
Sellin' my soul for material wishes, fast cars and bitches
Wishin' I live my life a legend, immortalized in pictures
I went into the bathroom and got in the shower. I wanted to look my best before I was gonna see Johnny. To be honest, I think I had lost my mind. The regular Pony would have thought things through, took a breather, and cry it all out. But now…now I'm a different person. Pony is a new man now…
Why shed tears? Save your sympathy
My childhood years were spent buryin' my peers in the cemetary
Here's a message to the newborns, waitin' to breathe
If you believe then you can achieve
Just look at me
Against all odds, though life is hard we carry on
Livin' in the projects, broke with no lights on
I was crying my eyes out in there. I couldn't tell if it was pipe water or tears rolling down my body. I just couldn't live without Johnny. I washed the rest of the soap off of me and hopped out of the shower. I quickly dried off and slipped on my best clothes: a 3 piece suit that Dally bought me with his horse-racing money. Dal and I have gotten so much closer since Johnny died. He had almost died that night, but he was able to escape those cops at the last minute. I remember the night as if it was yesterday:
To all the seeds that follow me
protect your essence
Born with less, but you still precious
Just smile for me now
Chours: Johnny P, 2Pac
Smiiiiiile for me , won't you smile (smile for me now)
Just smiiiile (smile), smile for me
(What cha lookin' all sad for, nigga you black, smile for me now!)
Smiiiiiile for me (nigga you ain't got nothin' to be worried about)
Won't you smile (no doubt, smile for me now) just smiiiiile
(And the next generation)
(Flashback)
"Dal, are you mad?! Johnny wouldn't want you to die too?"
"But Pony, I-"
"Don't do that ever again, the gang can't risk another loss…" and then I broke down crying again over Johnny
He stared at me with the most confused look on his face from his hospital bed. He took a few shots to the shoulder before he escaped. I studied him up and down until I just stopped crying for some reason. For the next 2 or 3 minutes, me and Dally were just looking into each other's eyes. One set of eyes were pleading to the other, and the other were wondering if they should listen. Then he finally spoke up.
Verse Two: Scarface
Now as I open up my story
with the blaze a your blunts
And you can picture thoughts slowly
up on phrases I wrote
And I can walk you through the days that I done
I often wish that I could save everyone
but I'm a dreamer
Have you ever seen a nigga who was strong in the game
overlookin' his tomorrows and they finally came?
Look back on childhood memories and I'm still feelin' the pain
Turnin' circles in my life came to dealin' cocaine
"Pony, come closer to me."
"…What? Dally, what are you-"
"Please, just come over here for a second."
I cautiously moved over to him. It's not like I was afraid of him, I just still had an overactive sense of anxiety ever since Johnny died. I kept on moving, and every time I would stop, he would motion me over closer, his expression not changing even for a second. And then, when I was as close to his face as I could get, he pulled me into a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him back. I knew I was starting to cry again. To may surprise, I felt one of Dally's tears roll down to my shoulders before the tear was out of my eye.
"Pony, Johnny-"
"I know, Dal," I said with my voice creaky from my emotions.
"Pony, you're the closest thing I have to Johnny now, I'm never gonna leave you."
"Okay, then Dal. Promise me somethin', will ya?"
"Whatever it is."
"Don't ever leave me. I already (sniff) I already lost Johnny… and I couldn't-"
I broke down into a furious case of tears before I could even finish. I even heard Dally wail a little bit.
To many hassles in my local life, survivin' the strain
And a man without a focus, life could drive him insane
Stuck inside a ghetto fantasy hopin' it'd change
But when I focus on reality we broke and in chains
Had a dream of livin' wealthy and makin' it big
Over foot broad chose to cook raw, wouldnt take but I did
And after all my momma's thankin' God for blessin' the child
All my momma gots to do now is collect it and smile
Smile
Chorus (without 2pac)
Smiiiiiile for me , won't you smile
Just smiiiile , smile for me
Smiiiiiile for me
Won't you smile just smiiiiile
(Flashback end)
I walked over to the desk in my room and wrote my suicide note. I thought to myself "I'm really going to do it. I'm finally gonna see him again…"
Verse Three: 2Pac
Fuck the world as we elope and witness furious speeds,
Unanswered questions keep us all stressin', curious G's
Backstabbed and bleedin', crooked thoughts laced with weed
Learnin', duckin' stray shots, bullets be hot, they burnin'
Inhalin' sherm smoke, visualized the flames
Will I be smothered by my own pain?
I walked over with the note to the kitchen and picked up the biggest knife we had out of the dishwasher. I wanted to die quickly, so I held the knife to my heart, and I thrusted it with what would've been my final shout, if it wasn't for Dally…
Strange whispers, cowards conversate, so quick to dis us
Takin' pictures for the feds, and desperate hopes they'd get us
Hit us off, give us plenty centuries, forgive my sins
Since I ain't in many penitentaries the best revenge is fuck friends
We military minded soldiers, bustin' shots blindly
Tryin' to find Jehovah to help me
Somebody save me
Lost and crazy, scared to drop a seed hopin' I ain't cursed my babies
Maybe now niggas feel me now, picture my pain
embrace my words make the world change
And still I smile nigga
"AHHHHHH!!!" I screamed and dropped the knife out of my hands. Once again, thanks to my fucking anxiety, I fucking missed and stabbed the lower left side of my ribs. I dropped to the floor, clutching my ribs. I honestly thought I was gonna die anyway, out of blood loss, until Dally cam bursting into the house.
"PONYBOY!! PONYBOY!!"
"I'm in the… (I winced in pain violently before I could finish)…the kitchen…Soda…"
Dally came running to me and didn't even survey the scene before he attended to me.
"Not Soda, pal, it's me, Dally."
"Dally, I… I…"
"It's okay, buddy," he said, choking on his words. He was crying profusely. "I'm here, baby… just stay with me…I don't wanna lose you too, Pony…don't-"
I could barely hear him anymore. I was fazing out. Blood was turning into puddles on the floor. I finally passed out and let go.
(Scarface talking)
And now a moment of silence, let us pray
And as you journey into outerspace
may the angels help to lead the way
may the prayers that our families make
"…Pony…"
"…Pony…"
I woke up to see Dally standing over me in my bed. The second I opened my eyes, he hugged me and wouldn't let me go.
"I thought I lost you… I thought I lot you like I lost Johnny…"
"Dally."
"Yeah?"
"How long's it been?"
"You passed out like 2 hours ago. I thought you were dead, but I waited a good 30 seconds and you started breathing again."
"You waited for me?"
shine up on your soul and keep you safe
And all the homies that have passed away
Be there to greet you as you pass the gates
And as you headed to the tunnel's light
I hope it leads to eternal life
We say the prayers for our homie 'Pac [Writer's note: In this case, for our homie Johnny )
Smile
"I didn't really wait, I just was paralyzed by fear. And I… Why Ponyboy?!"
"Why what?"
"I read your note…"
And then there was an awkward silence. We were still in the hug, but nobody was talking. Minutes pass until I finally came up with an answer.
" I didn't want to cry anymore, Dal."
"Pony, if you died, I probably would've killed myself."
"…"
"Pony?"
"You mean that, Dal?"
"…"
"Dal?"
"Of course I mean it Pony. Promise me something, will ya?" I saw what he was doing. He remembers that night just as much as I do. I put a smile on my face. A genuine smile, not the evil smile that I was almost killed over.
"Whatever it is, Dal."
"Never do this again. Never leave me Pony."
We broke the hug and looked at each other. We were both smiling. It was the best I ever felt since Johnny died. Just me and Dally. Smiling. As a matter of fact, the 3 of us were smiling. Me, Dal, and Johnny. I know for a fact that Johnny is looking down on us right now, I can feel it, and he's smiling.
Johnny P
(Smile for me)
(All ya need to do is smile)
(Woooo smile for me)
(Come on smile for me)