This is the piece I wrote for the Haiti compilation. It is Jasper's POV of Renesmee's birth scene from my fic The Ties That Bind, which is an in canon Edward's POV of Bella's pregnancy, burning and awakening in BD. This story will pretty much stand on its own if you have read BD, except for a couple things referenced (such as the incident with Bella's IV) that are from TTTB. As you can imagine, given his gift, Renesmee's birth was a very difficult event for Jasper. But we will spend a few moments with a happier Jasper first…
A huge thank you to all my dedicated readers who have made TTTB such a great success. And, as always, Stephenie Meyer owns all things Twilight.
All publically recognizable characters, settings, etc are the property of Stephenie Meyer. The original character and plot are the property of Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.
Timeframe: Several minutes before the fateful moment Bella bends down to pick up her cup of spilled blood. Edward and Jacob are still outside, walking towards the house after their conversation in the garage. Jasper, Alice, Bella and Rosalie are in the Cullen house. Carlisle, Esme and Emmett are still out buying more blood for Bella.
JPOV:
It was a calm I hadn't experienced in days.
I closed my eyes, enjoying the cool feel of tranquility. There was still an underlying layer of tension, tight and restrictive, owed to the upcoming birth. Still, Edward's unexpected, and, frankly, sudden change of heart had lifted the constant, oppressive mood that had hung over the house during the last week.
Rosalie walked by, a cup in her hand, the scent of blood trailing over to where I sat on the stairs. I inhaled before I could stop myself. Damn. I tensed automatically, but then forced myself relax after a second, when I could tell my control was strong. Thank god for the recent feeding. After the others had hunted and then left to go to the hospital in search of blood for Bella, I had stayed alone in the forest, letting my instincts drive me into a wild frenzy that had practically decimated a small herd of deer. Amongst the Cullens, sometimes even the hunting seemed too civilized for me. It had felt good to let go.
The hunting trip was also a large part of my current peaceful mood. The thirst, and my weakness towards it, was a constant vice that separated me from the others. After the disaster with Bella's IV, Emmett and I had taken to isolating ourselves in an upstairs bedroom. Or, really, Emmett took pity on me and joined me in my self-imposed exile. He acted as though he needed to stay away as well, as if his thirst, like mine, was beginning to take over all his good sense, his impulses. But I knew he stayed with me to keep me company. He was very much in control, even in his worst moments. I had always thought the others underestimated Emmett's self-control, not only with his thirst but also with his sheer physical strength. I was able to sense the constant restraint he exercised. He had slipped up in the past, before Alice and I had come to the Cullens, but now – he was as strong as anyone here. Except for Edward and Carlisle. But he hadn't wanted me alone upstairs, feeling sorry for myself. That was Emmett.
But even with Emmett's companionship, as the thirst had advanced, it had begun to obscure my judgment, and the same damn old questions had begun to worm into my thoughts. Why do I deny myself? Why am I doing this? I needed only to look in Alice's eyes to find the answer, but she could not be at my side every moment. I could not, as I often wished, pull her to me and make us permanently one, a physical connection, no space ever between us. She was like a ray of light, reflecting, dancing, so full of life and energy and movement. It was cruel to cage her in because of my weaknesses.
But now, my thirst was sated, and the emotional atmosphere of the house was almost enjoyable. Edward's guilt and hate and hopelessness had been replaced, at least temporarily, with adoration and determination, and Bella exuded happiness and relief at Edward's acceptance. And then there was the ethereal child within Bella, its own distinct presence now, radiating contentment, and kindness, and love.
And, of course, Alice was happy. Alice. I reached out and grabbed her hand as she walked by, pulling her to me, rising up a step so she could sit in front of me. She protested weakly for a minute and then sat down, leaning back against my knees and sighing contentedly despite the ache in her head. I bent over a little and surreptitiously slid my hands under her shirt, encircling her small waist. I tried to wrap my hands completely around her, my fingers just touching. She wriggled a little within my grasp. I released her and then smoothed my hands up her back, feeling her skin beneath mine, warm and supple. I moved my hands around to her front, letting my thumb graze her sensitive skin. She shivered, and I grinned slightly at her reaction. Then I took a deep breath as I sensed her body's emotional response. I closed my eyes, and let her languid desire wash through me. I pressed my hand against her stomach, palm flat, and, opening my knees, pull her back between them. She nestled in, and then pressed against me, teasing, causing me instinctually to push back against her, betraying my reaction. She giggled, and I leaned over and blew in her ear, receiving another shiver in return.
I heard movement outside - Edward was approaching fast, with Jacob a little behind. I sat up and looked toward the door. Clearly their conversation had weighed on both of their moods. I moved my hands up onto Alice's shoulders and started kneading, feeling her smile.
Edward came through the door, moving straight to Bella. "Bella, love, I thought you were sleeping," he murmured. "I'm sorry, I wouldn't have left." I sensed his anxiety, and regret, at being away from her when she woke. Always burdening himself unnecessarily. Jacob was slower to come in, hesitant and sad. But I could feel the pain melt from Alice as he entered the room, flowing out of her mind and off her shoulders beneath my hands, and I appreciated his presence, however bitterly.
"Finally," Alice muttered, and I bit back a smile.
Bella was overwhelmed with guilt at the very sight of Jacob, thanks to the ridiculous outburst earlier by the female wolf. As they talked, I tried to concentrate on the feel of Alice's shoulders beneath my hands, as my fingers pressed and caressed her through the thin cloth of her shirt.
I felt Jacob experience a wave of sharp resignation. I glanced over and saw him meeting Edward's eyes, their expressions intent.
"Thank you," Edward whispered. I eyed him. What did he agree to? I thought. Is this to do with the treaty? But Edward just waved me off.
I had heard Edward ask Jacob outside for the permission to break the treaty, and had understood right away why it must be Jacob's decision. It had been an excellent move on Edward's part. But I had not been able hear Jacob's mental response. Of course, they could just not have a simple, straightforward, tactical discussion about it. This was Edward, so it had to be all wrapped up with guilt, and betrayal, and remorse. There was no question, in my mind, that it made the most sense for both parties to keep the treaty intact. Neither side wanted a protracted war. Not that I had any doubt who would prevail in such a battle, but we would soon have a newborn vampire and, apparently, a baby to contend with. Vengeful wolves would be an unnecessary complication. Their acceptance of the situation would also allow us a safer passage out of the area when we left, which would be soon, regardless of what Edward, and others, hoped. It was the only way.
"Can I walk?" I heard Bella asking. "My legs are so stiff." I looked over as Rose set her on her feet, standing close, protective. Her stomach was very large, and I wondered if she actually could safely walk. Alice stood up, wanting to help I was sure, pulling me to my feet next to her at the bottom of the staircase. I lifted her hand to my mouth, kissing her fingers. I heard the soft sound of liquid spilling and an exclamation from Bella. As I began to turn my head there was a bewildering tearing noise…
Blistering, unexpected panic suddenly ripped through me. I dropped Alice's hand, gasping in a loud breath. God dammit…
"Bella?" I heard Edward say.
And then pain exploded everywhere, piercing shafts of steel. It propelled me backwards until I hit the banister, stunning in its intensity. I heard a scream from somewhere far away, and, in a moment of blind confusion, wondered if it was mine.
But suddenly blood, blood now, the scent of it saturating the atmosphere in a violent gust, the tainted air racing down my throat before I could stop it, a scalding trail that left coiled muscles and acrid venom in its wake.
Panic, pain, thirst. What the hell is going on!!??
"He's got to come out now," Edward was yelling. I struggled to focus on the scene around me. Rosalie pushed past me, Bella in her arms, covered in blood, her body twitching and jerking wildly. Edward raced up behind them, Jacob following. I couldn't form the words to protest his presence.
"Alice, get Carlisle on the phone!" Rosalie screamed. Alice grabbed my hand, dragging me up the stairs behind them.
No! I mentally cried. I need to get away. I clutched her hand, concentrating on the feel of her skin against mine, trying to steady myself. Alice pulled me away from the office into Rosalie and Emmett's room. She shut the door and let go of my hand, going over to the dresser and picking up a phone and blue tooth. "I can't see her, I can't see her," she was whispering over and over to herself. She dialed and held the phone to her ear.
"Carlisle," she hissed. "Something's wrong with Bella, wrong with the baby." And then she was out the door, my hand stretched uselessly towards her. Don't leave me, Alice.
With Alice gone, the emotional tumult swirled menacingly around me.
"He's suffocating," Edward yelled.
"Get him out!" screamed Bella. "He can't breathe, do it now!" Panic erupted everywhere, stronger than before. Edward, Rosalie, Jacob, Bella, and, I realized now, strongest of all, the child within her.
And Alice. Alice. I searched for her emotional presence, but couldn't find it in the turmoil. Alice. I can't find her. And then I knew I was lost. Wild, uncontrolled emotion overwhelmed me, penetrating my last defenses, pushing me to my knees. I pressed my hands to my head, trying to force it out, to find a barrier within myself to fight it. I heard a low hissing sound, and realized it was coming from me.
"Oh, Jasper," I heard Alice gasp. And then she was on her knees in front of me, my face between her hands. "Jasper," she said urgently. I looked at her, but I couldn't feel her. There was only panic, and pain, and horror.
Her brow furrowed, and then she pressed her lips to mine, kissing me desperately, pressing her body against to give me something else to latch onto, to capture and redirect my emotions. That's the way. Only Alice truly knew how to pull me back when I was lost, how to help me find myself again.
She circled her arms around my shoulders, and I tried to respond, to feel her passion, but she was too upset, too distracted.
"He's dying," Rosalie cried urgently, and Alice pulled away, gasping, eyes glazed with horror. She stared at me for a moment, and then her face hardened.
"Enough Jasper!" She pulled back and shook my shoulders roughly. "That's enough. Snap out of it." Yes, that's right, try anger. "Come back to me! They need help. And I need you!" She shook me again, and I felt her anger rushing into me.
"Fine, all right," I snapped, and her eyes filled with relief. She'd found me. I stood and pulled her up with me. "But what can we…"
But suddenly I was hit with a fresh onslaught, and my words were lost to savage instinct. Bloodlust. "Thirst," I gasped out. Alice's eyes widened in alarm.
"No, Rose!" Edward bellowed from down the hall. Rosalie. And then Alice was pulling me, rushing towards the corridor. I jumped in front of her, uncertain what we might find. But then…
The blood. It hit me like a wrecking ball, an absolute gale of scent billowing from the office into the hall. It encircled me, raining down on me, blown even the stronger by Rosalie's out of control desire.
Alice's hands were suddenly on my chest. "Go," she cried, her voice laced with panic. "Go back." I wrenched my body around, literally dragging myself back to the sanctity of the bedroom, fighting every natural instinct to go back towards the scent that called me, not away from it.
In the bedroom, alone, without Alice, it started again. Bloodlust. Fury. Panic. My hands were at my head again. Alice, Alice, Alice, I chanted. I heard her outside in the hall, struggling.
"Ouch!" Alice muttered, and just that remote chance of danger towards her catapulted me back into my senses. I shot out and found her wrestling with Rosalie, one arm around her neck, the other trying to catch Rosalie's arms, which were trying to throw her off.
"Stop it, let me go!" Rosalie yelled, her emotions a tangle of thirst and fierce determination. I was there in a fraction of a second, my arm around Alice's waist, pulling her away and tossing her several feet to safety. I replaced my arm around Rosalie's neck, and swiftly caught both her arms in one hand and had them behind her back, elbows bent. She struggled for a second and then relaxed, growling. She knew well enough it was useless to fight against me. I pulled her the couple steps back into the bedroom
I leaned over close to her ear. "What's going on, Rose?" I said softly.
"Let me go," she snarled. "I'm okay now!"
"I don't think so," I said. Her emotions were raging, still not under her control. "Not yet." She pulled against me, furious.
"Edward said to keep her here," Alice said.
"Shut up!" Rosalie yelled. "You have to let me go!"
"Not until you are in control," I snapped.
"But I have to go back," she choked out. "I have to." Suddenly, her body slumped, and her head hung down. "I'm sorry. I promised. I promised to help her." She stilled, calmer now, repentant, and I didn't think she would run. And I would catch her if she did.
I let her go, sliding my arm from her neck and releasing her arms. She pulled her hands in front of her, rubbing her wrists.
There was a loud snap from the office, and we all looked quickly out the door.
"What was that?" gasped Rose.
"Her spine!" I heard Edward say.
"Oh, Bella," moaned Alice, her hand over her mouth. I reached out and pulled her to me.
"Get it out of her!" Jacob roared. There was the quiet sound of a knife slicing through skin and muscles, and then a familiar, loud, tearing noise, making me shudder, bringing back a million memories I didn't want, the sound of vampire skin being torn apart under my hands, over and over and over…
And then the panic left my body, funneling out of me, replaced by confusion, relief, and wonder. A new sound filled the house, a fluttering heartbeat, quick, light.
"Renesmee," Edward whispered, and we all stared at each other, thunderstruck.
"A girl," Alice mouthed. Rosalie's eyes began to gleam, intense desire raging through her.
"Let me go help," she said softly, intently, eyes on mine, midnight black. "They need me. It's just him and the dog. Let me go." I could feel her determination, her will. Her control.
There was a strangled heartbeat from within the office, and then a terrible silence. Bella's heart had stopped beating.
"Take the baby," Edward said desperately to Jacob.
"Go," I hissed, and Rosalie was gone, already down the hall.
"Give her to me," I heard her say.
I looked down at Alice, pulling her away slightly, holding her shoulders with her hands.
"I can't feel her," I whispered. There was only emptiness in the room down the hall, beyond Edward and Jacob's panic and determination.
"I can't see her," she choked out, and my hands were like a conduit for her pain and fear, and as she went down I went with her, until we were both on our knees again. We could hear Jacob forcing Bella's heart to beat, and the sound of skin being torn and the scent of venom. I could feel Edward's controlled thirst in the back of my throat, the fire, as he bit in, again and again. I burned along with him.
My phone rang, and Alice snatched it up from my pocket. "Carlisle," she breathed into the phone.
"What's going on, Alice? What happened?" His voice was strained, desperate.
"The baby was delivered," she said, her voice barely audible. "But Bella's heart has stopped beating." Carlisle sucked in a quick breath. "Edward and Jacob are working on her now."
And then I felt hopelessness, despair. Jacob. "Go, then," I heard Edward snap. "She's not dead. She's going to be fine." And I could hear him leaving the room, going down the stairs, heartache and agony. But he left the ghost of his emotions in the office, and I was drawn back to Edward, my friend, my brother, as determination and fight began to lose the battle, despite his words.
"Come on, Bella, love." Edward was pleading. "Come on, sweetheart."
Alice's eyes met mine. "I've got to go, Carlisle."
"Alice," Carlisle responded, his voice rough. "She will be all right. She's strong. She'll make it." Alice closed the phone and handed it back to me. We could hear Edward blowing a breath into Bella.
"Please, Bella," he begged. He was continuing to force her heart to beat. "I love you. We all love you. Your heart – you promised. You promised. Please, please, don't go, don't leave."
Her heart thudded on painfully, dead beneath his hands, no response. "Oh," moaned Alice. "Oh, no." She buried her face in her hands. "No, no…"
And the room began to spin and darken under Edward's encroaching anguish and despair. I felt the stinging waves of pain lapping up at me, and I closed my eyes, knowing there was no way to fight it.
"I love you, Bella," Edward whispered. "I love you. I'm waiting. I won't ever leave you."
And then he was lost, falling into some indescribable dark place, engulfed in an agony and black despair that tore through him and ripped into me. I could feel Alice's heartbreak and grief layered within it. And my own sense of loss. For if Bella was dead, he would never come back either. We had all known that. We will have lost them both.
I could hear Alice sobbing next to me, and I forced my eyes open. Her hands were clawing at her face, her eyes agonized, and I wanted to pull them away, to stop her from hurting herself, but the emotional wasteland was too oppressive, too vast. I couldn't move.
"Renesmee." It was Edward speaking, so softly. "Renesmee." He said her name again and again, as if to remind himself of her existence. As if, by clinging to her, he might draw strength, or hope, or just see a reason for it all. As if her very existence might deliver us from this inexplicably hell. "Renesmee."
There was a moment of complete silence, as Edward's hands paused the compressions, his emotions suddenly cautious, expectant. And as he waited Alice pulled her hands from her face, lifting her head, her eyes far away, glazed over with some vision of the future. Then they cleared, and found my face, and excitement and joy and relief burst out of her, shocking my system. She dragged me up to my feet.
"He did it," she cried. "He did it." She wrapped her arms around me.
Bella's heart began to beat.