Title: 大袈裟に「愛してる」 (Let Me Brag and Say "I Love You")
Written by: ritachi and Sirvy-cat.
Genre: Romance/Drama/Family/Humour
Summary: You like him. You want him. But he has a girlfriend. And that girlfriend is your little sister. What do you do? Go.
Pairings: Naruto x Hinata, Naruto x Hanabi, Itachi x Shizune, implied Sasuke x Sakura, implied Shikamaru x Ino
Story Note: This story takes place 2-3 years after the story, きみのいる世界 (The World in Which You Exist), but it is not at all necessary to read that story before reading this one. It just presents some background on a few aspects of this story.
Disclaimer: Naruto belongs to its respective copyrighted owners.
I want to convey, convey this
so that you can know
Let me brag and say
"I love you"
-Angela Aki, "大袈裟に「愛してる」" (Let Me Brag and Say "I Love You")
Prologue: .what do you do?.
"All rise!" Sakura-san's voice boomed throughout the classroom. Standing still and grandly from her chair, the rest of the class stood up awkwardly in front of the teacher who appeared to be cleaning up his area in order to leave.
"Bow!" she commanded, and everyone obeyed.
I heard the familiar tap sound of books hitting a hard surface, and I could only assume the teacher had already finished organizing his things for the end of the school day. Though I could not see his eyes on me, I knew he was looking at me and only me. His concern was appreciated but needless…I hoped.
"Thank you very much!" the class said to the teacher as he left with a friendly wave of his hand. The usual sound of the door banging shut signalled to all of us to raise our heads and clean our desks to leave for the day. Chatter quickly rose to exponential levels where everyone just had to start talking to their friends, but I was left out of the loop. I could see all of my friends on the other side of the classroom, talking, bonding, having so much fun, but I…I couldn't reach them. Not now. Not in my state of mind.
With a sigh, I sat back in my chair, my heart heavy and my burdens not worth to anyone else. My eyes wandered to the blackboard, and I saw my name written underneath the heading "Clean-up Duty." Along with my name there was another name below it: Uzumaki Naruto.
My heart quickened slightly, out of nervousness or anxiousness, I could never guess. Truth be told, I didn't want to stay after school. I didn't want to stay alone with him. The heavy weight on my heart seemed to have grown heavier with that one glimpse.
"Hi-na-ta!" a voice sang cheerfully. It wasn't a voice I didn't know; it was a voice I did know. Everyone knew that voice. And with him coming to my side, I could feel my anxiousness increase and my agitation growing.
"Y-Yes?" I said, trying my best to put on a good face for him, but felt like I had ultimately failed. Fortunately, he didn't notice my awkwardness as I hurried to put away my things in my bag.
"Um, you see…" he began, sounding almost as nervous as I was feeling. His eyes shyly looked away from mine as he rubbed the back of his fondly or twiddled with his fingers anxiously. "I-I have this thing I have to go to right after school and I can't…really stay here to help you clean up," he explained weakly. "I'm sorry to ask this"- he clasped his hands together in a prayer to the heavens- "but can I leave the cleaning to you just for today? I promise on Kiba's grave"- I heard a loud "HEY!" from Kiba in the background- "that I'll help you the next time, so please, please let me go this time!"
I lowered my eyes. Was this really a fortunate event, or unfortunate? I didn't know, and didn't know what to think of this proposal. There wasn't much to clean up, and it was true that I could do it all by myself, but…
"What is this thing you have to go to?" I asked, much too harsh, much too accusingly. I didn't want to say it like that. I didn't want to say it at all, but my body took over me that instant, and all the frustration that lay at rest in my body was slowly trickling out.
"Um…" he let out a chuckle like it was appropriate at the time, "I promised…Hanabi-chan…"
I knew he was going to say that. I knew he was going to say those words I hated. Yet even knowing what he was going to say didn't prepare me enough for the painful blow to my chest. It ached even more like it was a hissing fire being extinguished by water.
"I see. In that case, please take good care of Hanabi-sama," I said with my best, protective-sister face. Yet in my heart, all I could hear was "liar."
"Really, Hinata? Are you sure?" Though he feigned consideration, I knew he was bouncing with joy at the prospect of skipping clean-up duty as well as spending time with his…girlfriend.
"Yes, I am," I said, smiling softly. "There's not much I have to do so it's fine." When did I get so talented at posing this way, I wonder. This fake smile, these fake eyes, this fake stance…I'm so…
"Thank you so much, Hinata!" he replied gratefully, abruptly pulling me into a tight, awkward embrace. I could feel my cheeks flame and burn at the closeness of it all. I could smell his sensual musk in his blazer, and the few soft pricks from his soft, yet messy hair. "I'll make it up to you, for sure," he whispered into my ear.
He released me, and I could only feel despair wrap itself around my body again. The warmth was gone. The feeling of ecstasy was nothing more than a fading rainbow lost to everyone.
"Y-You're welcome…" I stuttered, hiding my warm face.
"I'll see you tomorrow, okay, Hinata?" He turned away from me before I could nod any confirmation, and in his usual loud voice, he bade goodbye to the rest of our friends before running out the door. Through the window in the door, I caught a glimpse of my sister meeting him in the hallway. A few mute words were exchanged between the two lovers before I saw Naruto-kun grab my sister's hand and run off with her laughing behind him.
I turned my head away from the door, letting a soft sigh escape my lips. Buckling my bag tightly together, I stood up from my chair with the thought of cleaning the classroom before it got too dark outside. It was already wintertime, and I wasn't fond of walking in the pitch-black without anyone beside me.
"Hinata-san!" Sakura-san called me from the other side of the classroom. It became apparent to me that everyone had already left without my notice except save for a few. Sakura-san waved at me along with Ino-san where I caught Shikamaru-kun's smile and Sasuke-kun's nod, their hands tightly intertwined with their significant other. Kiba-kun was the only one there who didn't have someone special.
"We're leaving now, okay?" Sakura-san said.
"Y-Yes," I replied with a soft smile. I gave a small wave, wishing them a good night as they all left me by myself. Kiba-kun was the last one to leave, but as I returned his concerned look, I caught him looking away, a bitter frown on his face.
"Do y-you need any help, Hinata?" Kiba-kun offered weakly, and although I would've appreciated such a thing, I wasn't in any condition to be in the company of others. And I could tell he didn't really want to be in my company at the moment…especially after that incident.
"No thanks, Kiba-kun, but thank you. I can take care of everything."
"Oh…okay…" He turned to leave, casting me one last worried look before running out the door to catch up with the others. Feeling the heavy pain of guilt reside so closely to my heart, I let out a weary sigh before attending to my duties of sweeping the floor, wiping the blackboard, and writing down what I had done in the duties journal.
Time went by without a mutter as I did everything that I was supposed to do. My body reacted to everything while my mind went to sleep. I was left frustrated, weak-hearted, and angry at myself. Even the snow that fluttered down from the sky- the first snowfall of the year- wasn't enough to cheer up my cracked soul.
I knew what was wrong with me. I just wasn't there yet. I wasn't at the point where I could admit it, especially to myself. There were too many conflicted feelings, too many unresolved problems, and truthfully, I didn't believe I was worth much of the consideration of others at that moment. I had felt humiliated in front of the homeroom teacher who had only comforted me in my dire state; guilty because of the incident that involved me and one of my closest friends; and most of all, I felt…jealous. Of everyone.
"I didn't expect you here so late," a voice spoke out politely yet with a bit of familiarity.
I let out a high-pitched squeak as my hands automatically dropped the broom within its grasp. The handle banged against the ground as I slowly yet fearfully turned my head to the person standing by the door. In all his glory, he stood there with his bag held over his shoulder, his uniform consisting of a dark blazer, white blouse and dark trouser pants that hung off his body as if they had always fit him. He looked tired, but with the usual smile of an older brother, he entered the classroom and handed me back the broom before I had the chance to object.
"T-Thank you," I murmured, flushing with embarrassment at having him seen me in such a dazed state.
"No need," he answered coolly. "So I assume you were assigned to class duties…?" He took a glance over at the board, and I saw his eyebrows perk up slightly from reading the names.
"H-He went out with Hanabi-sama," I explained as I went around to busying myself again, once more in his presence. "H-He said he had something important to do with her, so…"
"So you let him off the hook," he ended the sentence for me. I could feel his strong eyes piercing through my back and creating a hole in its place. He always had that kind of gaze.
"I-It seemed like the right thing to do. I mean"- I had stopped sweeping- "Hanabi-sama works so hard, and she deserves to be around Naruto-kun because, you know, they're boyfriend and girlfriend, and well…I'm just trying to give Hanabi-sama a chance to…" I was fumbling with my words, and I knew I wasn't getting closer to answering his question. I didn't even know the answer myself. There really was no answer to what I had just done.
"I see…" he replied, swiftly cutting an end to my suffering. He looked around the spotless classroom and asked, "You're done, yes?"
"Uh…" I, too, glanced around my handiwork and nodded shyly. It became apparent to me that I had cleaned everything without even realizing it.
"Then I'll take the journal to Kakashi-sensei. He's your homeroom teacher, right?" He grabbed the blue notebook that sat innocently on top of my desk, showing it off to me as if to confirm his suspicions.
"T-Thank you, Neji-nii-san," I said softly. With those words, he left the classroom to accomplish his errand. With the silence and stillness in the air, I set about myself to put away the broom and prepare for my leave. It was then that I noticed the snow outside. It was still falling in large clumps, but none were sticking to the asphalt. They merely dissolved into nothingness as more continued to fall…and fall…and fall…
"Hinata-sama…" His voice was warm with the love and protection of an older brother. His presence was always silent and ghostly, but it breathed with life and compassion. I could never detect him like now, unlike Hanabi-sama who did it with ease and skill every time he was by her side. A sigh spilled through once more as I felt his hand rest comfortingly on my shoulder.
"We should go home now," he murmured to me.
I nodded numbly and followed his lead as I grabbed my bag and trailed him into the empty hallway. The lights were still glowing feverously as my eyes continued to watch the clumped snowflakes fall without the ability to stick and make some kind of existence onto the ground.
"Will you be like the snowflakes, Hinata-sama?" he asked, his voice pulling me out of my stupor.
"Hm…? What do you mean, Neji-nii-san?" My fingers tightened around the straps of my backpack instinctively as I studied my cousin's strong back intently. Neji-nii-san was never one for small talk. He was the type of person who went straight for the kill, never wasting any time.
"You know exactly what I mean, Hinata-sama," he said, his pace slowing down significantly to allow me to catch up to him. With a supportive smile, he asked, "Will you stick to the ground and let yourself be dissolved, Hinata-sama, or will you make your mark on this world no matter how many times you are brushed away?"
"Neji-nii-san…"
"What will you do, Hinata-sama? It's already been six months since then. There's no denying it. Although your friends may think you are past him and these feelings of yours, I believe differently. I see things differently. You cannot give up these frivolous feelings of yours, can you?"
I lowered my eyes, my lips pursed together tightly as I mulled over his words. His wise…truthful words. "I'm…not going to do anything," I answered as we entered the threshold of the school. "After all, I care much more about Hanabi-sama's happiness than my own."
Neji-nii-san gave me a look of that I could not decipher and with a glance elsewhere, he said softly, "Then you are a very good sister, Hinata-sama, to value Hanabi-sama that much. However, a part of me cannot help but ponder the credibility of those words."
"You think I'm lying?" I questioned.
Neji-nii-san said nothing as he replaced his indoor school shoes with his outdoor shoes and walked outside, waiting for me to do the same. The snow fell on top of him, nestled warmly in its predetermined shape on his clothes and hair. It didn't melt like the ones on the ground; rather, it stood its ground.
It existed.
And I wondered then as I joined him in the cold outdoors where the snow clumped onto my clothes and hair, was I really going to give up Naruto-kun once and for all?
-
It has been six months since Hanabi-sama and Naruto-kun have been dating. Six months of pain, frustration, desire, and feigned happiness. You've tried to move on with your life. You've tried to forget him and be happy for your little sister, but you can't.You like him. You want him. But he has a girlfriend. And that girlfriend is your little sister. What do you do? Go.
XXX
Prologue: .what do you do?.- Fin
XXX
Story Notes:
(1)- Sakura's role, if you could not tell from the indirect descriptions, is that she is the class president.
(2)- Like Hinata has stated, this prologue has taken place six months ahead of the story. Therefore, the next couple of chapters will take place, appropriately, in the beginning before Naruto and Hanabi become boyfriend and girlfriend. It will fill in everything Hinata hints at and states obviously in this chapter. However, another point is that only the prologue is written in first-person. The whole story is written in third-person.