A/N: This is entirely alternate universe and takes place not long after season 2 starts
Detective John Munch groaned and grabbed a new shirt before standing and slipping it over his head. This was the second shirt he'd messed up with a nosebleed and it was starting to get on his nerves. Already he'd made the switch from carrying a white hankerchief to a black one so no one in the unit would notice. While he loved working closely with Elliot, Olivia, Fin, and Captain Cragen, it got tiring having to hide his health. Now though it was getting harder and harder to hide. He'd already started going out in the field less and opting to stay in the car if there was a lot of walking involved. In addition his skin had become pale and he was tired a lot of the time. His doctor had begged him to tell the others and take a leave of abscence, but like most things she wanted, he refused. Sighing once more he stood and made the short walk to the elevator already becoming tired.
Olivia and Elliot watched as John strolled into the unit looking like he hadn't slept in days. It had been Kathy who had noticed that John was sick at a company picnic one weekend a couple of months ago and ever since Elliot had kept a close eye on him. When Olivia noticed he'd confided in her and together they'd started noticing how sick he was getting. Almost a week ago John had started carrying a black hankerchief instead of a white one.
"Morning Munch." Elliot called and John looked up nodding and sliding into his seat.
"Morning." John parroted and closed his eyes for a moment.
"John, are you ok?" Olivia questioned John looked up suddenly.
"Of course, just a late night." John insisted and Olivia's eyes narrowed slightly. Before she could say anything though Cragen entered and started handing out daily assignments. The unit had been called in on a case that possibly had several underage abuse victims and a raid was going to be performed. John groaned and realized belatedly that it had been audible.
"You sure you're ok, Munch?" Olivia pressed and John nodded standing.
"I just would have liked to slept longer if we're going to do a raid." John griped and the others dropped it, or rather Fin and Cragen did. John took a deep breath and followed Fin to the elevator; something told him today was going to be the day everyone else found out.
Elliot saw it when it happened. John was running up the stairs behind Fin, gasping for air, when he fell backwards and was caught by a police officer behind him.
"John!" Olivia screamed and both Fin and Cragen paused as the rest of the officers continued on.
"John, can you hear me?" Elliot demanded and the man barely nodded his head, wheezing.
"Yes, I need an ambulance at my location, stat." Cragen was explaining and John was starting to slump against the officer. The last thing John saw was Olivia take his hand and start massaging his neck trying to give him some relief.
Hours later Elliot, Olivia, Kathy, Cragen, and Fin were sitting anxiously waiting for word on how John was doing. The doctor entered the waiting room and headed straight for them, face pulled tight.
"You're the ones that came in with John Munch, correct?" the doctor questioned and at the nods she grimaced and motioned them back.
"I'm not actually Mr. Munch's physcian, but I'm the doctor that was on call when Mr. Munch was brought in. I can't devulge anything about what caused this, but I can tell you that he's stable and in a room resting. Dr. Karne, his main physcian, would like to speak to you though before any of you leave." the doctor relayed and directed them to the second floor where John was being monitored extensively.
John opened his eyes to see Dr. Karne standing beside him with a disapproving glare on her face.
"John, what have I told you about over doing it? You can cause more damage to your lungs than you can handle. From what I understand you're lucky someone was behind you or you would have fallen down flights of stairs and been even worse. I can't help you, John, if you don't listen. Your team has been waiting to see how you're doing for hours and I sent the on-call doctor to fetch them for me. I know technically you could sue me for informing them that you're sick, but you need these people beside you during this, John." Dr. Karne insisted and John was too tired to argue so he simply nodded. In his heart he knew that Dr. Karne was right and that he was in for a very long and hard journey.
Olivia blinked back tears as she saw the state John was in; he'd been pale when it first happened, but not this bad. His face was ashen and his eyes looked to be pushed back into his head.
"Hey Munch." Olivia smiled as she got close enough for him to see her face. It was a testament to how sick he really was when he barely even acknowledger her presence.
"Hey." John murmured and looked at Dr. Karne giving a slight nod of his head.
"What I have to tell you is not something easy to hear, but John has finally given me permission. For a while now John has been sick with Myelodysplastic Syndrome and it's starting to get worse. I've tried to encourage him to allow for a blood transfusion, but he's refused every time. As it progresses he's going to get worse and worse; the best thing is for him to rest, stay out of the streets, and inside the unit as much as possible. He'll be in here for a while until he gets back on his feet. What he really needs though is to see his..." Dr. Karne explained only to be cut off.
"No! You are not allowed to tell them." John bellowed and sat up, eyes blazing. Even though he was sick he refused to allow this to happen.
"John, you need someone to be there for you during this." Dr. Karne insisted and John shook his head.
"This is my problem. There is no need to put the burden on anyone else." John argued and Dr. Karne narrowed her eyes before sitting down beside him.
"And how will she feel if you die and she had no idea?" Dr. Karne pressed and John pursed his lips glaring defiently.
"She'll be relieved that I'm not here to bother her any longer." John stated bluntly and Dr. Karne simply shook her head.
"I doubt that any daughter would be..." Dr. Karne retorted.
"Enough!" John yelled and Dr. Karne stood.
"They needed to know, John." Dr. Karne concluded and walked out. When John looked back up he noticed everyone staring at him in shock.
"You have a daughter?" Olivia questioned sitting down beside him. John clenched his eyes shut for a moment before wearily nodding his head.
"Yes, she's fifteen." John admitted and Elliot's eyebrows rose to the top of his hair line.
"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Elliot questioned leaning back against the wall, arms folded across his chest.
"It's complicated. I haven't seen her in almost three years." John mumbled and Cragen knelt down beside him.
"John, is she here? In New York?" Cragen probed and John nodded too tired to fight.
"She is." John confirmed and Cragen was about to ask her name when Fin spoke up.
"So you're a dead beat dad, is that it?" Fin snarled and John looked stricken towards the man that hadn't been his partner for long.
"That's enough, Fin." Cragen stated and glared at the man.
"What, can't take the truth? I'm sure his daughter would agree since he hasn't been around." Fin growled and Elliot forcibly took him by the arm.
"Captain said that's enough. I don't know who you think you are talking to John like that, but this isn't what he needs right now." Elliot growled and Fin jerked his arm loose and stormed out.
"John, I'm sorry. I don't know what's gotten into Fin." Cragen apologized and John just shook his head and closed his eyes.
"He's right." John croaked and it was easy to hear the tears in his voice.
"No, if there's one thing I know it's that John Munch is not a dead beat Dad." Cragen stated forcefully.
"Thank-you." John managed and Olivia gently squeezed his hand.
"It's ok, Munch. Everything is going to be ok." Olivia assured the older man and John squeezed her hand back in recognition.
"What's your daughter's name though, John?" Kathy inquired gently.
"Francis Munch." John answered and sighed deeply. There was no use in fighting it; maybe he would feel better if he could see Francis.