Exiled

Title: Exiled

Rating: T, for some adult content/situations

Summary: It has been nearly a year since exiled Jedi came through the portal and entered a whole new existence. In their time, they have found comfort, friendship and have evolved into a New Order. This is their story…

Disclaimer: I own neither genre. Joss Whedon owns Buffy the Vampire Slayer. George Lucas owns the Star Wars franchise as well as the authors of the individual novels. And I owe SO much to Naitch03, or Andrew, for creating this universe. I feel honored for being chosen as one of his beta readers. I tell you people, he has created a monster. Most of these he has never seen, so most are posted without permission but with great respect.

Spoilers: Star Wars Episode IV: Hope Reborn and everything before it. I highly recommend reading this story and its ancestors before continuing on.

Notes: These are a group of drabbles following the four years in exile. I have no idea how many there will be, but there are five for certain. They all follow a chronological pattern. We begin in Year One, shortly after the trip through the portal…

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Lay Down Your Burdens

All she wanted to do was rest… what was so wrong about that?

Buffy Summers-Skywalker was tired.

After everything she had been through, she felt she had a right to be. Curled on the makeshift cot in what seemed like a closet, she could finally close her eyes and rest. Things had been happening so quickly – their frenzied escape through the portal, Dawn's sudden appearance with the gift of a Jedi, Darth Traya's descent into Willow… She felt so tired. There was nothing but the growing emptiness inside of her. Even as she longed to just close her eyes and sleep these problems away, she knew she would soon have to face everything, including Willow.

When she wasn't facing questions from Kennedy and Tara, she was dealing with Faith and the Slayer army, celebrating the return of their legend. But what she needed most of all was time.

Her friends understood. Obi-Wan had practically pushed her into her new room and took up with the constant bombardment from her so-called friends. Anakin and Padmé were gracious and understanding as always. They understood what she had just been through.

Their exile had only begun and she was already beginning to resent her former friends. Xander, who had always admired her, seemed more affable to Willow despite the fact that as Traya she had been responsible for the deaths of millions, including the Order Buffy had nearly died protecting. Traya had also ordered the death of Buffy's family, something Xander didn't seem to grasp. He hadn't been there so he knew nothing of the pain she had suffered for so long now. Bitterly, she held up her hand, glinting gold even in the dull light from the single bulb hovering inches above her body. Closing her fingers with a soft sigh, she turned on her side and buried her face in the pillow. Traya had killed her Jedi Master… Traya had magically doused Anakin until he was walking, talking Evil… Traya had killed her dear friend Nejaa… Traya had…

Groaning, she turned onto her back and glared at the ceiling. It hurt to think about these things. Even though she was a Jedi, it hurt to bury the memories of something so wonderful being ripped away so cruelly by someone wearing the face of her best friend.

A gentle knock sounded at the door. Turning her head, Buffy watched as the door cracked open and a head poked through. "Buffy?"

"Mm?" she mumbled, not really wanting the company. In her temperament, she wanted to hurt someone. She hoped she was giving off the vibe for the visitor to turn around and walk back out. But when she saw the familiar form of her former Watcher step through the door, she knew it would be impossible to get him away. "What do you want?"

"Your friends are worried about you," he said quietly, sitting on the end of her bed even as she made the effort to sit up. Seeing the bitter, dark look on her face, he hastily added, "I've been worried for you, too."

"Gee," Buffy said, feeling the anger in her voice, "I thought Willow was your biggest concern." At seeing him wince, she felt a small flutter of triumph. "Forgive me if I'm not on the whole 'let's join Willow in redemption' party because I just uninvited myself."

"Buffy, you have to understand—"

"I don't have to understand anything," she ground out, fixing him with her most pointed glare. "You have no idea what Willow put me through, what she did to me and my family." Even speaking was causing her pain. She forced herself to breathe as she continued. "How can you ask me to turn around and forgive her? That bitch did everything in her power to destroy me! She murdered my fiancé, his son and our daughter. Yes, Giles," she said as the shocked look spread across his face, "I had a girl. I named her Joyce."

"Buffy, I—"

"Do you know how I felt when I got back to that camp and found him lying there knowing that Willow… your precious Willow… had been the one to order his death?" She could hardly keep the tears from welling in her eyes now. "She took away my future. She murdered my daughter who was an innocent in all of this… she was only five months old. I had finally loved someone so far from home and Willow took it away."

Giles could feel the waves of anger resonating from his Slayer. "Buffy, please…"

"No," she said angrily, wiping the tears she hated herself for shedding. "You don't get a say in this. Just because Willow turned evil, you think you're so sympathetic to what she became? Why don't you look around at the people she hurt? The Jedi won't appreciate your 'yay Willow!' party… if you haven't noticed, she's made some enemies."

"You were once the closest of friends, Buffy. In the three years since you disappeared, it's hard for us to understand exactly what you've been through."

"Did I tell you she killed my mentor?" Buffy asked, her voice tight and filled with pain. "Yeah, she killed him. So what? I only felt like she had killed you, so it wasn't anything big for me at all. I mean, you're only like the only father I've ever known, so why should I let it bother me?"

Giles looked away, unable to look her in the eye.

"Did I mention she did some magic on my brother, got him to turn to her will? Yeah, that's Willow, always willing to help out. She turned my brother into a Dark Lord, something that you should know quite a bit about, Rupert. If I wasn't so busy trying to stay alive, I might have been able to save him. Thank God Obi-Wan just happened to be there."

"Buffy, I—"

"And speaking of which, how about the Jedi she killed? You know that Order out there, the one that pretty much hates her? Yeah, they have their reasons for that. She basically killed everyone that tried to protect our one temple in the capital. Including my friends. So you'll have to forgive me if I'm not so willing to forget that although she has the red hair and the simpering nature, she's still the same murderer." She couldn't stop herself now. Tears were pouring freely down her cheeks. But she felt as though a burden were being released, as though weight was lifted off of her shoulders. She had been holding this in for so long now… it was so painful to get it out, but she knew she couldn't stop. Not now.

"Oh, and this?" she continued, holding up her arm. "Willow decided to give me a souvenir. Maybe she wanted it to be like Anakin's and maybe she just wanted to kill me. She wanted us dead, Giles. She wanted me dead. She killed my family. She took away my Order. She turned my brother into a monster. And you forgave her." She lifted her chin and looked him dead in the eye. "You forgave her…"

"Buffy, forgiveness is not forgetting what she did to you," Giles said, glancing at her and reaching for her trembling hand. As his fingers closed around the metal, he felt something like contempt within himself. "It's letting go of the hurt."

"How can I let it go?" she asked, desperate to make him understand. "She took so much from me and you all expect me to just turn around and act like it never happened. You know what? It did happen. Unlike you, I'm willing to hold Willow responsible for what she did as Traya. You may overlook the fact she was going for galactic domination just because you got her back. To me… my friend is dead. Darth Sidious killed my friend and turned her into that monster and now you brought her back and welcomed her with open arms. How can I ever forgive you for that?" She pulled her hand back sharply as Giles sighed.

"I can't help but feel responsible for some of the changes Willow made, Buffy," Giles said quietly. "If it hadn't been for me, she may have been able to safely use magic."

"No, Giles, you couldn't have saved her," Buffy said coldly. "Nobody could have saved her. What she went through down there… what that freak did to her, I don't think it could have been avoided. You have no reason to feel guilty because you didn't do anything wrong."

"Buffy—"

"What do you want from me?" she asked, falling back against her pillows. "I know you did us a great service by taking us all in… but when you expect me to love my enemy, I'm sorry, but I can't do that."

"Buffy, I won't lie to you. We were greatly relieved when both you and Willow were discovered… despite the situation," he added, glancing at Buffy's dark scowl. "I know things are going to be difficult now with Willow's return. The Jedi are at best cautious and at most threatening towards her. And before you go off and explain to me what Willow has done to you, I will remind you that your friends, including your brother, have already done that. But we weren't there. I can't possibly begin to imagine the pain you're going through. You've always commanded my great respect because in the end, you will do what is right. Giving your life for your sister proved that. I have always loved you and when I hear of the Jedi Order speaking of you with such reverence, I feel proud because you are the woman I knew and to see what you've become is something of a dream come true." He smiled even as his Slayer peered at him through tear-filled eyes. "I know that this isn't home, Buffy. You spent a great deal of time in the other universe and coming back here must be something of a cultural shock. But we're both adults now and we have difficult choices to face in the future. I quite imagine that Lord Ambroise-Bellairs will expect you to take the lead and to assume your previous role."

He paused for a moment.

"I can't expect you to take on that role. You have a new destiny now and, until that time comes, you have to lay down your burdens and rest. You've earned that much, Buffy, if not more. How can I ask you to fight for a world you don't belong to? How can I ask you to become a Slayer when it has likely been years since you've seen a vampire, much less slain one? How can I ask you to forgive your best friend after she wronged you so greatly? It's simple – I can't. If you're looking for blame, Buffy, I can't help you. I'm not going to blame Willow for anything. If you want to blame me, you can. What you'll get from me is my support. You've always had it. My respect is something you've earned. There are difficult times ahead and, if what your Council has told me is true, a war to be fought. They'll need you before the end. Can I blame them? No. I know that when it comes down to it, you'll die to save them. You've already paid dearly for that." He gestured to her arm. "If you need anything, ever, you know where to find me."

"Thank you," Buffy said, managing a small smile as she closed her eyes and settled into her cot. She suddenly felt exhausted. Her thoughts were fading away to allow her time to sleep.

Even as Buffy drifted off to sleep, Giles watched over her. As he stood there, his thoughts dwelled onto the others. Obi-Wan had defended Buffy outright, saying she more than earned the utter despise she showed towards Willow. Anakin had coldly told the Watcher's Council he wanted nothing to do with Willow. Padmé couldn't even say anything but just trembled as Anakin spoke. The other Jedi had easily fallen into line. After he had heard the story from Buffy, he knew it was the truth. Feeling a sudden pang of anger towards Xander and Tara, he forced himself to breathe and stared once again at the small figure that lay on her cot, finally sleeping.

"How could someone so small endure so much?" he asked quietly, to no one in particular. After ensuring she was sleep, he sadly turned and left her room, closing the door softly behind him.

x-o-x

end