Warning: Mention of rape.
Spoiler: 4x20 - Cover Story
Disclaimer: I do not own NCIS

Why do I write? Why do I bother? What on heaven and earth inspired me to write about my colleagues and, if that wasn't dumb enough, to go and try and get it published? I don't know how many times I have asked myself those questions. Honestly, I know exactly why.

The case had hit us hard and I needed an out. Tony had gone home to drink himself into oblivion while listening to soft music. I could not believe it when I saw the music at his apartment. He still doesn't know that I know.

Ziva would most likely, settle down with a few glasses of wine and clean her gun. Or maybe not, she keeps everything pretty close to the chest so I don't really know what she does when a case is hitting her hard.

Gibbs would be drinking bourbon till he either couldn't see the bottle or collapsed on the floor. Oh, and work on the damned boat. He still will not tell us how he gets them out of the basement. I think maybe he might... Nope I've got nothing.

Abby goes clubbing, Ducky dotes on his mother even more. I would have zero idea of what Jimmy might do. Tony might and Gibbs would. Even Ziva probably would but I think a persons private life should remain private if they want it to be so.

It was 2 young children and their mother. Father is a lieutenant, Lieutenant Jason Bryers, stationed at Quantico. Base housing is supposed to be safe. A team came in and kidnapped all of them while he was on duty. We found them two weeks later. The mother had been raped and all three of them starved and beaten. A ransom was made for information that Bryers could not give and we found them 5 days later. The wife and son were DOA, their daughter died on the way to the hospital. We still have not found the people that did it. It was declared a cold case one week after finding them.

None of us had slept more than fifteen hours a week for the whole case. Director Sheppard took the team off rotation for a week to recuperate.

I remember arriving at home that night as vividly as it was yesterday. I just, collapsed. Two feet in my door, I fell against it and cried like a baby for the better part of an hour. When I got a hold of myself I had to write it out, had to make sense of what I was feeling but writing it down in my journal made it seem all to real, reminded me that it actually happened, that... So I wrote about someone else. I don't remember writing it just that I sat down, started typing and then it was four o' clock in the morning. By the time I sat back on my chair and it clicked that I was writing, I was actually feeling better. I started to use my writing as an emotional release, when I was feeling stressed, angry, upset or just down in general I would sit down and write.

Sarah was visiting, found my pages of pent up emotions and told me to go and see a publisher. That it was actually good. It would have been useless to argue with her, it was either go myself or she would take it for me. So the next day I went down to what is now my publisher and said I wrote something, would it be possible for it to be published. I still remember how patronising she was when she took and said she would have a look. The look on her face when she called me back in a week later and told me it was good, that she had a contract written up if I wanted it, oh, it was beyond priceless.

Two months later it was published, two week after that it was topping the charts. It seemed that I blinked and I had a best-seller on my hands.

Now I am standing in what remains of my trashed apartment, thinking it out. Why had I written the book? It almost seemed more trouble than it was worth. It drove people to kill each other. For once my writing had not been enough. For once, I just lost it. My apartment looks like a bomb hit it, but it was just me. When my anger was spent I slid down the wall as the guilt washed over me. Once again I was sitting in my apartment, back against the wall and crying my eyes out. I was glad DiNozzo hadn't thought to check up on me. I never would have heard the end of it. Looking around now, I sigh, bend down and pick a few books up off the floor. It was going to be a long night.

Hope you liked it. Let me know, pretty please with a cherry on top review. ;) Come on you know you want to.