Neville Longbottom and the Sorcerer's Scone
Disclaimer: None of these characters are mine. If I did say they were mine, I would probably be accused of playdeurism and possibly get arrested. …can you get arrested for that?
Chapter One: The Boy Who Lived to Tell the Tale (Even Though He Couldn't Talk)
Neville Longbottom would have been an ordinary boy.
That is, if you call being a pure-blood wizard normal. I suppose you would have to be a wizard to call that normal, or otherwise very, very gullible. If you believed in magic, that is.
Anyway, the point is, Neville Longbottom would have been an ordinary wizard boy, by wizarding standards. He was born to a respectable (by wizarding standards—the Muggles always cast disapproving glances and remarks at them about the way they dressed) witch mother and wizard father, and they loved their little tiny son dearly, even though he couldn't talk. But that is to be expected, even for a little wizard chap.
Then Neville's little one-year-old-no-talking world was turned upside down. The event that happened was so huge, his world must have been turned upside down three times. It was just that enormous.
The event was that an evil man by the name of Baldymort had to come and destroy everything that little Nevvly loved and cared for and held onto closely (most of the reasons why he did not fully understand; only that they fed him). Baldymort had not known his own parents, so how could he have done such a thing as this? Perhaps to make somebody else know his pain? Not a soul knows. Neville doesn't know. You don't know. I don't even know, and I am writing this story, for God's sake. Anyway, Baldymort (that's not his real name; he changed his name from Tom Spittle to Blaldymort) had to go and just kill off Neville's parents, leaving him in the care of his old Gran, who loved him and cared for him, but was a bit controlling and smelled faintly of vulture (although you shouldn't ask me as to how I know what a vulture smells like, but I'm sure that if I ever were to come across a vulture, that's what it would smell like). But I am getting ahead of myself.
Baldymort turned his wand on Neville as the final act of bloodiness. And just as he was about to give the final blow—
He couldn't do it. He just couldn't.
It wasn't like he was stopping himself because of self-revulsion. Dear Lordy Lord, no. Why would he? He was Baldymort, and nobody survived once he set his sights on 'em. But something stopped him. And he nearly died.
Nearly.
So Neville somehow made his way to his dear Gran's (although not on his own, of course) and they lived happily ever after.
Right?
Well, technically I'm supposed to say right, but that wouldn't be right. Saying right would be wrong? Right? Right. So I'll say it.
Wrong.
Neville grew up into a dashing young lad and was admired by all witchy's and wiz'z, and when he reached the age of eleven, he said "iHasta la vista!" to his Gran and kissed her vulturely cheek good-bye to leave for Hogshorts School for Kids Who Wanna Make Banging Noises with Sticks.
"iHasta la vista, Gran!" Strapping Dashing Neville said to his grandmother as he kissed her vulturely cheek good-bye. "I'm off to learn how to make banging noises with a stick at Hogwarts!"
"Good bye, dear," Gran sighed. "Have fun, and remember to always hold good posture before making your bang with a stick."
"Will do, Granny-o," Nevvly said cheerfully, as he hopped onto the train.
Let us pause our story for the moment. Neville is about to embark on the greatest adventure of his life as he goes to Hogshorts School for Kids Who Wanna Make Banging Noises with Sticks. He is about to meet Ronny Weezler and Henry Manger, who will become his bestest friends of all time. He will also meet a clumsy, blubbering idiot, who he will still learn to love. But for now, we must stop the story, because I think keeping a movie on pause for too long is bad for the VCR or something.
Post Note: Hahahahahahah. So how do you like it? I am so random… please READ AND REVIEW!!!!!!!! I really want to hear your feedback. Bye byez, and remember, YAYZ I'M A MUSHROOM!