The craziness had ended hours ago. Castle and Martha were safe. So why can't she stop thinking about it? She almost lost him. This was how he felt after the shooting. If only she had known. She looks at her bookshelf, his books staring back at her. They were her saviors. And so was the man who wrote them. She picks up her coat and keys and leaves.
Castle sits in his study. His mother and Alexis had long since gone to sleep. He stares at a blank page on his computer screen. Today was one of the worst days of his life. He thought that he was never going to see his daughter again. Never see Beckett again. Beckett. Kate. All he could think about when he was in there was how close they had come. If only they had solved her mother's case then they would be together. They had almost done it, but he was going to die. When he got out and saw her he wanted to run over to her and kiss her. But Alexis ran into his arms first. He had to focus on Alexis. By the time he had calmed her down Kate was gone. He sighs. Suddenly, he hears a slight knock at his door.
He opens the door and sees Kate standing there. She looks so small and vulnerable.
"Can I come in?"
"Of course."
He lets her in and offers her some wine. He hands her a glass while he goes and turns on some soft music. When he comes back they just stand there staring at each other.
"To being alive." He says and lifts his glass. She nods and clinks it. He starts to see tears in her eyes.
"What's wrong? I'm sorry."
He leads her over to the couch and they sit down. He wraps his arms around her and she buries herself in his chest. He lets her cry and slowly rubs her back to comfort her. She looks up at him.
"I thought I had lost you."
"You didn't"
"Was this how you felt after I got shot?"
He sighs. "Yes."
"I'm so sorry. None of this would have happened if I was just able to let the case go."
"Hey, it's okay. You need to solve this."
She shakes her head. "Not at this cost. Not at the risk of our lives."
"We know what we are up against now, we can handle it."
She looks up into his eyes. She can't believe after all that has happened he still wants to solve her mother's case.
"Rick. I can't."
"Yes you can. We will find out who did this."
"What if we never do?"
"We will."
She nods at his reassurance.
"You know what I meant by what I said on the swings?"
He immediately knows what she is talking about.
"Rick. I want things to be perfect. I want to be whole. But I'm scared. I'm scared of everything. I'm scared that you are willing to wait. That you are willing to put your life at risk for me."
"Kate."
"No, I need to say this. After today I realized I will never be whole. Even if I solve my mother's murder. I can't let people continue to fight this fight for me."
"Kate, it's okay. I'm willing to. I want to."
"You can't do this. You have a family. Your life is more important than this case."
He sits there in silence.
"I've also realized something else."
He looks up at her.
"My life isn't worth this case either. I know one day that we will solve this case. I believe you. But I don't think that my life should be consumed by it until then. I have to move on. And I want to. With you."
His eyes widen.
"Rick, I remember everything."
"What?"
"I lied, I remember everything that happened the day I got shot. I remember what you said."
He sits there still, holding his breath.
"Rick, I love you too."
He lets out the breath, and can see she means it. Her eyes look at him with hope, wondering if she is too late. How could she ever wonder that? He will always be there for her. He cups her face and kisses her. Tears start to roll down her face. She has never been kissed like this before. Never with so much love and care. They pull apart as he wipes her tears away. He looks into her eyes.
"I love you, Kate. Always."
She nods. "Always."
She falls into his arms again and they just revel in each others embrace. They have the rest of their lives to figure things out, but right now it's about today. About the feeling right now. It's about always.