Borderline
Image #9
Word Count: 4,323
Rating: M
Summary: Unrequited love. It's a tale that stands as old as time. But times can change, leaving people more shaken in it's wake. We cannot chose who we love. Love chooses us. Emmett/Rose. Rose POV.

Disclaimer: SM owns all Twilight...not even us crazed fans do...although, we immerse ourselves enough to merit getting paid :)

The tents are where it all started. The first infamous night of my memories, of when borderline obsession began. Edward, Emmett and I shared everything for the past eleven years. At least, I thought we were inseparable. I thought nothing could penetrate our little bubble of friendship that we had created. All until that day...The second most infamous night of my life. The first signifying the beginning. The second being my ruin, my descent into near insanity.

Our parents met when we were in fifth grade during a PTA meeting. I suppose, now, that they all bonded over talk of adoption. My parents had adopted Edward at a young age and Emmett's parents had recently adopted him, unable to have children on their own. We would end up hanging out with Emmett as his parents would come over for dinner or us at their house. But, we got along surprisingly well, so it never bothered Edward and I. I had instantly taken in Edward, never once thinking he wasn't anything but a brother by blood, and Emmett became another to join in on our little childish games. Being, pretty much, sheltered children it made us pretty happy to have a new face around the house.

The infamous, and most favorite night, of my memories was the night Emmett was supposed to be coming over to "camp out" in our backyard. But, Forks was being...Well, Forks and we had to end up moving it into the house. My Dad, Carlisle, made us tents out of extra sheets in the closet and hung them over mattresses on the floor. He was trying to pacify us by turning the room into something that seemed like we were still camping out. Surrounded by light fabric as I watched the boys put up glow in the dark stars, laughing, I felt pretty happy with the way it had turned out. The rain lightly pattered on the roof and windows as we sat at the edge of the mattresses, laughing and eating microwaved s'mores.

What made this night my first infamous night was that this was when I had officially realized how much I liked Emmett. Despite my young age, I knew there was something that could end up being special and grow between us.

After many hours of marshmallow filled laughter and turning our bedroom into lands of imagination and far away places, Carlisle poked his head into the doorway. He told us it was time for bed, bringing our endless chatter and hand puppet shows to an end. We said our good nights after running to the bathroom and Carlisle shut off the lights. Back then, I had this fear of the dark, the unknown that could come out at night to get me, and I had no idea why. But, with Emmett there, I felt the need to act brave and didn't want to seem like a little girl. Emmett was one year older than us, making me see him as so much more mature in my eyes, even though he was in the same grade. They kept whispering back and forth to each other, giggling at their boyish jokes, while I tried to keep focus on one of the glow stars peeking at me from around the confines of my blanket tent.

Suddenly, Edward's hand reached out and grabbed me through the sheet, making me scream and instantly start crying. I was so embarrased, but I couldn't stop the tears or the fear from escalating. While Edward kept laughing at me, like all little brothers do, I saw a flash of Emmett walking past my tent and almost cringed at how pathetic I probably seemed to him. Yet, he quietly walked out the door instead of laughing and making fun of me with Edward. By the time Edward's laughter almost ceased, Emmett returned with a night light from down the hall. He plugged it in the wall next to my tent, peeking in to give me a timid smile, as if he was telling me he would keep me safe.

From that day on, he was like my own private little hero.

Throughout the years we were inseparable. I had always felt a computability around Emmett. Yet, with my new found interest of him, part of me was on edge, to look and act like the perfect person for him. I wanted him to see how good we could be together or how good I believed I could be for him. I would try dating guys I wasn't actually interested in, just to see if I could make him jealous. Because, no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't seem to get past that friendship stage with him. I pined from a distance and never spoke of anything. I was afraid that if he didn't feel the same way then I would end up fucking up what we already had if I told him how I had been feeling this whole time.

I figured if I couldn't have him as a boyfriend, I would take whatever I could get. Because, to me, only being a friend was better than not having him in my life at all. I would do anything for him, the thought slightly scaring me at the depths of my devotion to him. So I decided to wait for him to make the first move. I found myself increasingly being more angry in the back of mind but I shoved it all away, hoping for the best. That he would come around one of these days, and I would wait for however long that took. Because he was worth it.

Around the time of our sophomore year of high school, I noticed that I was becoming more excluded. Edward and Emmett would go to Edward's room, shutting the door without even bothering to look for me behind them. I assumed, at the time, it was because they needed "guy" time. But, I started to resent the fact that they started having their own private jokes, laughing at things that nobody knew of. Worst of all, not even me. I would be stuck alone in my room, hearing their laughter through the wall, wondering what the hell was wrong with me. We would still all hang out, but something was changing and I didn't know why. The only thing I could figure out was that I was a girl and, despite the fact I could act like one of the guys, they didn't like a "chick" hanging around them anymore. Maybe it kept away future dates for them. Who knew? I mean, I was the perfect candidate to be his girlfriend. I was the only woman who had been there through everything. I was there during all of his best and worst moments of his life and I kept on staying. I was there during his huge fight with his parents that had him contemplating moving out, I was there during the time his one girlfriend was found cheating on him. I was there during the time when our high school football team won the state championships, down on the field being the first one he hugged, followed by a high five from Edward. We were extensively involved and wrapped up in each others lives.

After we graduated we all got enrolled into Washington University. Our parents chipped in for us to get a small house right outside of campus so we could still be together. Things seemed to get a little bit better, at this point. Every Monday I would cook dinner for them, every Wednesday we would have a movie night on the couch and every Friday night we would study together to be able to have the weekend free. But that nagging distance was still poking in my brain, despite the more time that I got to spend with Emmett. Like whenever we hung out, there was this invisible wall. I was trying to figure out if it was just my paranoia or if it truly did exist.

And, through all of these years, my feeling grew from the childish crush/hero to falling in love with him. He was everything I wanted. He was kind, funny and had the most contagious smile. He completely lit up the room when he walked in, all focus gravitating towards him. Even I wasn't the only one who could see it. Women practically flocked to him like whores finding out there was a discount on some new Vagaslut product. Yet, he only dated once, back in high school. And, the thought that he didn't date around, preserving himself, made me love and respect him even more.

The night I had realized my little crush or lust had turned into love was when I woke up in the middle of a dream, smiling like an idiot. In this dream Emmett and I were were playing around in a lake, splashing water in each others faces. On my last shot, I got him really good, a wave caused by my arm rammed into the side of his face. As he turned back to look at me, the look on his face, followed by a wicked grin, told me I was in trouble. I woke up as I was dreaming about me screaming and laughing while trying to get away from his playful retaliation. May not seem like such a significant dream, but to me, the stupid smile stuck on my face in a half dream stupor said it all. I had never dreamed so vividly or woken up smiling like this before. As I lay in the silence of my room, my smile faltered as I realized the extent of my feelings for him, slightly taken aback and scared a little more for my heart.

I was grasping for what I craved, for who I loved, trying to find out why we couldn't grow into something more. I would even resort to little touches, standing as close as I could so his arm could brush up against mine. Anything for me to feel his skin on me. Even if it was just an arm graze, it made me feel better. I kept doing it, hoping he could feel the surge of something between us, the energy that felt so palpable in my chest, pounding away with the beat of my heart. I tried to show him everything about me that I would think he would want in a woman. Given that he had only dated someone that one time, I didn't have much to go on for what he did want in someone he could be with forever. So I pointed out the qualities of me that were a lot like him, only more feminine and pretty.

But it all made sense on that second infamous night of my life. Probably the one that really mattered the most. I came home from work early this night. I had started to feel like I was getting sick. The flu, I guessed. I came through our front door, weary and kicking my shoes off. I threw my purse and keys down, not caring too much about where it landed. I heard Emmett and Edward in Edward's room, as usual. I walked slowly to his room to ask if they had any Dayquil, Thermaflu, anything to get rid of this terrible aching deep in my bones that made me have chills and my face burn.

But, as soon as I opened the door, I realized they weren't up "talking". I had caught them in the middle of a full on make out session, not missing the fact that Edward's hands were palming Emmett's balls through his pants. Emmett's hands were deep in Edward's hair as he moaned in pleasure between kisses. I was caught in a mixture of wanting to throw-up, run and hide, denial and wanting to scream at Edward, to pry his greedy little hands off of the man I loved. Instead, I chose to wear the face of disinterest, slowly turning around and quietly shutting the door on their surprised faces. I was pretty sure Edward said something to my retreating form, but I heard none of it, or even wanted to. One, because I just wanted to run away as quickly as possible to hide my pain. Two, because all of this sudden, persistent ringing in my goddamn ears prevented me to, anyways.

They had been caught, the fear of it evident in there desperate need to quickly move away from each other. I wondered for how long this had been going on. For how long had they been sneaking off behind my back, hiding this from me. I instantly felt betrayed, lied to and decieved. Even though I had never let either one of them know how I felt about Emmett. I guess we all could keep secrets from each other pretty well. What I thought was an open friendship turned out to be more closed off than I realized.

Maybe I wasn't the perfect person to be his girlfriend, considering I was the wrong gender in the first place.

I ran into my room, hiding in the confines of my bed and clutching a pillow as I stared blankly at the wall ahead of me. Tears pricked at the edge of my eyes, but I refused to let them through, just yet. I knew someone would be following me here in and I didn't want them to see just how upset I was. I couldn't not have Emmett in my life. So, taking everything as it came seemed like the best thing to do right now. And, sadly, a small part of me hoped that he would still come around, that all of this was just curiosity and he would decide later that he doesn't want to be with a guy, let alone Edward.

Sure enough, a light knock came through my silent sanctuary, making me flinch against the headboard before sitting up, still clutching on to the pillow. I made sure that the few tears that accidentally escaped on to the pillow were pressed against my chest so he couldn't see it.

"Can I come in?" Emmett's voice echoed through, soft and laced with apprehension.

I cleared my throat and replied as best as I could, trying to seem placid.

"Well, I guess the gays are out of the closet now," he said while he opened the door, attempting a joke.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I blurted out, ignoring his small smile.

He closed the door behind him, the soft click almost making me flinch in the silence of heavy and thick air. "We thought you might freak out and hate us."

"For how long?" I asked again, still trying to ignore the way his face fell softly with concern and care as he sat down at the foot of my bed.

"Since junior year in high school," he replied, avoiding my eyes and looking down at the comforter.

I nodded, feeling the phantom of bile coming up again. "I thought we were all so close."

"Hey, I'm sorry we didn't tell you," he whispered, grabbing my hand. I had to resist the urge to snatch it from him, knowing full and well where that hand had been. "Are you okay?"

I nodded, attempting a convincing smile. I didn't find anything wrong with being gay, I was a huge supporter of gay rights and marriage. However, the man I'm in love with has been shacking up with my brother in the next room, for years, behind my back.

That I wasn't a fan of.

"Thanks, Rose, I'm glad this won't hurt our friendship. I mean, it sucks you found out this way, but I can't even imagine losing you."

I nodded again, not trusting my voice, and stared out the window while I clutched the pillow harder.

"Besides," he tried to joke again. "You're stuck with my crazy ass."

I attempted to laugh, a sound that came out too strangled and choking. I finally retracted my hand from his and excused myself to go take a shower, leaving him alone on my bed. The shower was the only place I could think of to be alone right now, a place where I could let myself break down, hidden by the sound of water and the locked door.

Things were awkward from the start and Edward never chose to discuss what had happened with me. It kind of became an unspoken rule to make sure to knock before entering any rooms now. Another small thing that changed and made me feel like we were drifting. I would plaster a smile of indifference on my face, acting like I was truly happy for them. A tiny piece of me actually was happy for Emmett, only because my love for him made me want him to be happy. But the other 99% of me loathed it and it ate away at me with jealousy. The depression kept on licking at my soul, threatening to tear me down. And, if I was honest with myself, sometimes it pulled me under. But, I was great at denial. I would shove it all to the back of my brain and hide it all between laughter and my slowly diminishing hope.

I started backing out of shared meals and movie dates, saying I had to study for tests or was tired. Sometimes I lied and said I had to go to work when, really, I went to the library or the park and walked around for hours. Once, I lied and said I had a date, dressing up in a brand new outfit, makeup and hair done up. I hoped that I could change his mind while also knowing how foolish it was in the back of my own mind. Instead of him drooling over me or seeing me in a new light, he hugged me, telling me how happy he was for me that I finally started dating again. He was worried that I was becoming too isolated and alone.

They started becoming more open around me, holding hands and kissing each other goodbye. It was all starting to get to me, the act of pushing my feelings back becoming harder to do. I couldn't eat much, always feeling nauseous, and I couldn't sleep well, especially on the nights that I could hear them in Edward's room. I would put my earphones in, turning the volume up at full blast to drown them out.

And then, things got worse. An unexpected jolt through my carefully placed facade.

"Edward!" I tried to scream out above the blaring sound of the radio that was in the bathroom.

"Ed!" I yelled again, bringing my hand up to the door to knock. I paused, waiting for an answer, some sort of acknowledgment. When I heard none, I turned the doorknob, continuing to try to scream over the music.

"Ed! God, you're going to end up deaf. I need you to do me a favor when you're -"

My words and feet both stopped short as I realized I had accidentally walked in on Edward and Emmett having sex. The act of which leaving me with a full view of Edward's ass bent over my beautiful new clothes hamper and Emmett pounding away whole he was jerking Edward off.

They both didn't notice me at first and then seemed only slightly shocked as I stood in the doorway. I figured they would have abruptly stopped, but it didn't seem like that big of a deal for them. But to me, it was a bigger deal than either one of them would know. Because I, ever being the loner loser without a tight grip on reality, was still hopelessly in love with the man who was in the middle of pounding Edward's ass into satisfaction. I was the one quickly walking away, trying to hide the hurt etched across my face and sorrow in my eyes. Instead, I chose false humor with the roll of my eyes and laughter.

Present Day

I woke up, glad to have the day off and the house to myself. Edward and Emmett have classes until four and, after what had happened just a few days ago in the bathroom, I'm so thankful for having a moment to myself. The only plan for my day is to sit in front of the TV and veg out, wearing only sweats and a tank top, glad to not have to fake happiness in front of anyone.

I opened my bedroom door, stopping short at Emmett's tanned and muscled physic walking past my room in only boxers. His skin was still damp from just taking a shower. My heart began stuttering, my chest had pains and I was instantly aroused by the sight of him. He stopped and then turned around, smiling at me and making my heart stop all together.

"What are you doing home?" I whispered, all of my breath stolen from me at the shock of him being here and his smile.

"I told Edward I had to go to classes, but I don't," he smiled wider while walking over to the counter. He picked up two plane tickets and turned back to me. "I'm going to surprise him when he gets back."

I continued to stare at him in silence, with pure confusion written on my face.

"I'm taking him on a surprise trip to England. You know how much he's been dieing to go there. So I've been saving up the money so we could go for a week during spring break." He was grinning so widely and each glimmer of happiness in his eyes killed off a bigger part of me. All of the parts that were left to hold on with.

Speechless, I just stared at the tickets in his hand.

"It will be our first vacation together," he sighs while placing the tickets on a pile of bags on the floor that I hadn't noticed yet. "I can't wait, just me and him in some foreign country by ourselves."

By ourselves.

The words didn't escape me and the profound meaning behind them made a tear slip past before I could hide it.

"What's wrong, honey?" He asks, coming directly to my side.

Honey-Don't speak such words to me, I think, causing more tears to follow. He placed a hand on my shoulder, looking at me with such care, and started to rub circles on my shoulder. The heat from his hand on my bare skin is so overwhelming that I had to close my eyes. He hugged me and I realished the beauty of being in his arms for one last time. With my back straight with determination and the new found knowledge of what I had to do, I pulled away. I looked up at him and he brushed away a tear that was dangling from my chin, his eyes no longer looking as happy as they did before.

"How can you not see it?" I blurted out shakily before I could even realize what I was doing.

"See what?" His forehead crinkled in a mixture of confusion and worry.

"I'm in love with you, Emmett," I scoffed softly, pushing him farther away and leaning against the wall for support. "Fuck, I probably have been since fifth grade."

He took a few steps back, his mouth wide open, and in that moment I knew I had fucked it all up. But I was tired of it hurting so much, all the damn time. Part of me felt better letting it out, despite the repercussions.

"I never knew," he spoke up, backing away to the counter again, the distance between us meaning more than what it seemed.

"Yeah, well," I laughed darkly, feeling all of the past hidden emotions bubble up with anger. "It's a bitch for me, but what can you do? It's pointless, really. I can't stop it, no matter how hard I try."

Now it's his turn to be speechless.

"I don't think I can do this anymore." Suddenly I felt all of the weight lift while feeling so tired and done with it all at the same time. "I'll be gone before you guys get back. I'll find somewhere else to stay."

"Rose, no!" he yelled, running to me again. "You don't have to move out."

I pushed off his attempts to hug me again. "Really, Em? Do you know what it's been like for me to sit here and pretend you guys being together doesn't kill me? That hearing you two have sex through the walls almost every night doesn't rip at my soul?" I was clutching at my shirt, where my broken heart laid under my fingers, denying his need to hug me for comfort.

I left him by my bedroom, while he shook his head, to go and slip on my shoes. I grabbed my keys and my purse, needing to leave and not return until I knew they were gone.

"Go," I turned to him, trying to smile. "Have fun. I hope you guys keep each other happy. I love you both, but I just can't do it."

He was looking at me with pure shock on his face, frozen in place.

I slipped out the door as I heard him calling after me, "Don't be so rash, Rose. We can work this out."

I closed the door with a soft click, knowing he was wrong in so many ways. I lifted my hand to the wood of the door, feeling the sharp indention engraved against the grain. It was from when we first moved in, accidentally scratching the door with the huge entertainment stand, as I stood laughing at the two men grunting.

"Time to let it go, Rose. That's enough," I whispered to myself, letting my hand fall and walking away.