So, another multi chapter story after 'There's more'.
I hope you'll all be able to appreciate it just as much!
XX
For the first time in almost a year Sam walked through the doors of 15th division. Not in uniform, but in cuffs and in a pair of worn out jeans and a black t-shirt. He hasn't even shaved for over a week.
Oliver is the one that is leading him to his holding cell, Sam knows he'll probably be in there for a few hours. After that he'll debrief with guns and gangs and he can finally go home again.
Well.. what used to be his home anyway. After almost a year it's kind of hard to imagine going there.
''Good job Sammy, good to have you back,'' Oliver whispered before he released him from his cuffs. A pat on his shoulder and then the door closed again. It was all part of the job, Sam knows that. It's for his own protection that everybody thinks he was arrested too.
Sam sits down on the crappy bench and puts his head in his hands for a moment. One year of pretending to be a drug addict, a dealer, scum. Now he could go back to his life where he is the opposite of the role he played. He thought the job would be easier, after eight months he thought he was nearly done, but then there was a little bit of suspicion towards him and they pushed back the bust.
Sam was tired, like utterly exhausted. He couldn't wait until his head would hit a pillow and he could sleep for a few days. But first things first, he needed to give a statement and debrief. He knew every little detail of the case, he memorised it by heart because he wanted those scumbags behind bars for good. Especially Hill, Sam had seen enough to know that guy didn't deserve to see daylight ever again. With the proof he collected over the last year, chances were he wouldn't.
After what felt like days, but it probably was hours, the door of his cell opened again. A rookie walked in, at least Sam assumed he was a rookie. He didn't even look like he was old enough to be a cop.
''Up,'' the kid said. Sam checked his name tag and came to the conclusion he never heard of the guy, Epstein.
Sam slowly stood up and put his hands behind his back, he knew he would be cuffed again. By the way the guy looked at him Sam didn't think he knew he was an undercover cop.
When Epstein walked him into the interview room he was met by his best friend. ''Sammy, good to have you back brother,'' Jerry said before giving him a man hug. ''Epstein, cuffs,'' Jerry said to the rookie.
Sam turned his face around to take a good look at the kid, who seemed to be totally lost. ''Sir,'' he started looking at Jerry with a questioning look.
''Epstein, meet your colleague Sam Swarek. Sam, this is one of the new rookies we got,'' Jerry said.
''Colleague?'' Epstein questioned again.
Sam rolled his eyes, he seriously wondered where they dug up the rookies every year. It seemed like they got stupider by the year. ''I was undercover, so if you wouldn't mind..'' Sam lifted his still cuffed hands.
''No sir, of course sir,'' the guy said before quickly opening the handcuffs.
When he lost the restrained Sam relaxed his wrists and smiled at Jerry. ''Long time no see buddy,'' he said before clapping his oldest friend on the back. Epstein excused himself and left the interview room.
''Boyd will be here in a minute with the superintendent, but I wanted to see you for a moment,'' Jerry said. ''How are you doing?''
''Good, weird to be back but good, you?'' It felt great talking to someone from his old life, his own life. For the first time in a very long time he didn't have to play an act, he didn't have to think about acting like he needed drugs.
''Good, a lot has changed since you left brother,'' Jerry said.
''Like what?'' Sam asked. Of course things changed, he had been gone for a year, he would be surprised if things were still the same.
''Got divorced,'' Jerry said. Sam didn't really know what to say to that, actually he was kind of expecting it. He could say he was sorry, but he never really liked Jerry's wife and Jerry knew that.
''You okay?'' Sam settled for asking that question.
''Yeah, splitting everything up sucks but it wasn't working so we stopped fooling ourselves.''
Sam nodded and clapped Jerry on the back one more time. ''Things here still the same?'' he asked.
''Frank made Staff Sergeant,'' Jerry told him.
''Boyd actually told me that, that was too be expected. I think Boyko was trying to get into head quarters before I even left,'' Sam paused for a moment before he sat down. ''The new rookies any good?''
Jerry looked at him for a moment and took a deep breath. ''Yeah Sammy, about that,''
Jerry was interrupted by the door opening and Boyd stepping in. ''Sammy, great job,'' he yelled before he sat down across from him. ''We already have enough to put most of them away for years.''
Jerry excused himself and walked away. Sam wanted to know what Jerry wanted to say to him, he actually seemed nervous but right now he had to focus. He told Boyd and a white shirt everything he knew about the case. After that he got thanked for his work and they told him to go see his staff sergeant.
Sam first went to the locker room, he needed a shower and he probably had a razor in his locker somewhere. When he finally felt clean again he dried off and shaved his beard away. The shower in his cover apartment was disgusting, actually the whole place was pretty much a dump. When he finally had on some clean clothes, Sam walked to Frank's office and knocked before opening the door.
''I hear congratulations are in order?'' Sam said before stepping in.
''I could say the same for you,'' Frank said before he stood up. ''You did good.''
''So I have to call you boss now?'' Sam asked with a smirk.
Frank smiled and motioned for Sam to sit down. ''So, you know the drill. You get a week off to see whoever you need to see, after that you go see the department shrink to talk about your assignment. When she clears you you'll be back on the streets.''
''Yeah, I know,'' Sam sighed. He wasn't looking forward to his appointment with the shrink, but he knew it was protocol after a deep undercover.
''You planning on staying with us or are you already waiting for a new undercover?'' Frank asked.
Sam shrugged and looked around Frank's office. ''We'll see. If anything comes up I'll probably take it. Unless Sarah kills me before that.''
''Go home and sleep Sam.'' Frank said. ''You look like you can use it.''
''Thanks..'' Sam said. ''Boss,'' he added with a grin before standing up and walking out of the office. His truck was in Oliver's garage, so he should probably get someone to drive him home.
Sam walked around the barn looking for a familiar face, he saw Oliver standing there and moved towards his friend.
When he saw her his heart stopped for a moment. She was the last person he expected to see here, she was in uniform. She looked a little thinner than he remembered, but still beautiful as ever. She was smiling, probably at something Oliver said when she looked up and looked him in the eye. The smile fell from her face and Sam saw her walk away immediately.
There she was, the only girl he ever really cared about. The first person he ever saw a future with. This was the second time he saw her walking away from him.
XX
He locked his truck and made his way to the front door. He let himself in and flicked on the light in the hall.
''You home?'' he called out. He didn't get an answer. He checked his watch and noticed she normally was home by this time. She had been acting weird for a few days, but Sam didn't really think anything about it. She had a few big tests coming up and even though Sam knew she would pass them with flying colors, she was probably stressed about it.
Sam decided to take a quick shower and then make diner for her, they could use a night just the two of them. When he came out of the shower he dried off and pulled on some boxers. When he was looking for a clean pair of jeans he noticed the drawer was more empty than it normally was.
Sam looked around the bedroom and saw more things were missing. The book Andy was reading wasn't on the nightstand anymore and when he walked back to the bathroom he noticed her makeup wasn't taking over the entire place anymore. Sam pulled on his jeans as fast as he could and grabbed a t-shirt from the drawer. He put on the t-shirt while walking down the stairs, his heart was beating faster than it did when he was standing face to face with serious criminals. That didn't scare him, this did.
There only was one light on in the living room, so the room was almost completely dark. Sam saw her standing in front of the window, staring outside. When he looked at the couch he saw two bags lying on it.
''Andy,'' he started, his voice shaking a little.
She turned around to face him, her eyes watery and he didn't need to ask her if she had been crying. He could see it on her face, her mascara was smudged under her eyes and her eyes were puffy.
''What's going on?'' he asked her even though it seemed pretty clear, but he refused to believe that she was actually leaving.
''I'm going to stay with my dad for a while,'' her voice so quiet she was almost whispering.
''What's wrong?'' he asked again. Sure she had been a little distracted lately, but things between them were still good. They hardly ever fought, they had been living together for a year and they had been doing great.
''I need some time,'' she whispered.
Sam stood motionless, like every movement could scare her away before he could talk to her. Sit her down, talk to her, make her see that this is crazy, make her see that he loves her more than he ever loved anybody in his life.
''Andy,'' he whispered to her. ''What the hell is going on?'' he said with a little more power in his voice. He'd be damned if he would let her walk out like this. Not without a fight, not without an explanation.
''We can't keep doing this Sam..'' she said before new tears started running down her cheeks. She shook her head and put her arms around herself. ''I need to focus on school and,''
''So you have to leave?'' Sam yelled at her. ''You need to focus on school, we can clean out the guest room and get a desk so you can have space for yourself. You don't pack up all your stuff and leave.''
Andy closed her eyes and shook her head again. ''It isn't that easy, we can't keep doing this and end up hating each other.''
Sam still stood frozen to his spot by the door and lifted his arms in the air. ''What the hell are you talking about? I could never hate you.''
''Sam please,'' she begged.
In three long strides he was standing in front of her. He cupped her face in his hands and made her look up to him. ''Don't do this,'' he said.
''I have to,'' she whispered. ''I'm so sorry, I love you.''
''Then why leave me?'' Sam asked before he clenched his jaw and tightened his hold on her, afraid that she would just disappear.
''It's best for both of us,'' Andy said. ''You'll see that later, you have your career to think about and I still have so much I need to do.''
''My career?'' Sam dropped his hands to his side and took a step back. ''You want to leave? You give me a good reason why you want to leave and don't tell me it's because of my career,'' he yelled at her. ''We've talked about this a million times and I told you every single time that you are not in the way. I love you, so don't you dare blame this on my career.''
''Sam,'' she tried again.
''Is there someone else?'' he asked. He didn't even want to consider the possibility that she met someone else, but maybe that would explain her behaviour.
''No, of course not,'' she said.
''Then what is this about?'' Sam asked for the umpteenth time that evening.
Andy shrugged and looked more helpless then he ever saw her before. ''We just can't do this anymore.''
''Why not?'' he asked as calm as he could. She still hadn't give him a good reason for leaving him. If there was someone else than at least she had a reason, but everything she said so far made no sense at all.
''We shouldn't keep doing this to each other,'' Andy said. ''We should set each other free now, before it really hurts.''
''Before it really hurts?'' he yelled again. ''What the hell has gotten into you Andy? I love you, you think this doesn't hurt, you're an idiot.''
He saw her flinch and even though she was ripping his heart out right now, he didn't want her to be afraid of him. He would never hurt her, not even if she was hurting him more than anybody else could ever hurt him. He moved to stand in front of her again and wrapped his arms around her.
''Don't leave,'' he practically begged. ''Stay, we can talk, you can have your space just don't,'' he took a deep breath. '' just please don't leave.''
''I'm sorry,'' she whispered again. She took his hands that were around her waist and pulled them from her body. When the doorbell rang she quickly dried off her tears.
''That's my dad,'' she said before walking to the couch and taking the bags. ''I think I've got most of my stuff and I'll be back later to pick up the rest. I'll make sure you're gone if that makes it easier.''
''Easier?'' Sam let out a sarcastic laugh. She looked at him for a second and just when he thought that maybe she would tell him this was all a joke, she turned around and walked towards the door. Sam knew he had to do something, he couldn't let her walk out like that. So he practically ran across the living room and grabbed her arm so he could turn her around. When she was facing him again he put his hand on her neck and pulled her mouth to his. He put everything he had into that kiss and even though she protested for a moment, when he didn't let go he felt her kissing back. When the doorbell rang again she backed away and rested her forehead against his.
''Please don't hate me,'' she begged.
''Please don't do this,'' he begged back.
''I love you,'' she said quietly before pressing her lips to his one last time. ''Please believe that, I really love you more than anything.''
Sam watched as she picked up the bag she dropped when he had kissed her. Without looking back she walked out of his house.
He didn't even know how long he stood frozen to the spot he was in. He was brought back to life when he heard the phone ringing. For a moment he had hope that it was her, that she knew she was making a mistake. That she was calling to ask him if he could pick her up and they could talk about it.
When he checked the caller ID he noticed it was Sarah. He decided to let it ring.
The next morning he woke up with the worst hang over in the world. He was lying on the couch and came to the conclusion he drank way too much when he saw the empty scotch bottle. He picked up his cell phone, but there were no missing calls.
When he sat up he felt his head pound and he groaned when he moved again. He quickly dialled her number and was disappointed when it went to voicemail immediately.
''Andy, I don't know what happened, but just know that I will wait until you sort out whatever it is you're going through. You can't just throw away our relationship over nothing. So please come back so we can talk about things okay? Bye, I love you,'' he ended the phone call.
He didn't even recognize what he was saying. Sam Swarek didn't beg, he didn't need anybody. But ever since he met her he did seemed to need someone. And now she was throwing that away without giving him a clear reason.
Sam believed she would come back. She probably got spooked or she just needed some time for herself to realize that they belonged together. That hope was shattered when he came home three weeks later and she had packed up the rest of her stuff.
It was as if she never even moved in, she neatly erased every evidence of the fact that she used to live there. When he came home that night he erased her number from his cell phone, he punched the wall a few times and after that he called Boyd asking if he was too late to accept the undercover anyway. Because why stay when there is nothing left to stay for?
XX
''I tried to warn you for that,'' a voice brought him back to reality.
''How long has she been here?'' Sam asked Jerry. His voice a little lower than it normally was.
''About six weeks. We don't really know why she came to this division of all places. Maybe she thought you left?''
''Yeah, maybe,'' Sam said. ''Doesn't matter. We're over.''
''Sam,'' Jerry tried. He had known Sam for a long time and whatever happened a year ago, he could tell Sam wasn't as cool about it as he acted to be.
''Jerry, seriously. She wants to be here, she has a right to be here, I don't care.''
''Okay,'' Jerry said, obviously Sam didn't want to talk about it.
''Shaw,'' Sam yelled across the barn. ''I could use a ride, you free?''
''Anything for you brother,'' Oliver said before grabbing the keys of the cruiser and motioning to Sam that he should follow him.
While Sam was walking to the parking lot he couldn't help but glance in the direction Andy ran off too. Why was she here? And the question that had been bothering him for a year: why did she leave in the first place?
XX
Authors note: Continue, don't continue?
Let me know if you liked it and if I should continue this story!