*Hey everyone- I'd like to start by mentioning that my brother was a cop. Which is why I felt the need to follow up on last night's episode. Whenever we see these horrific displays of police brutality on the news- he's the first to denounce them. As he explains it- cops must be held to a higher standard- otherwise, not only do innocent people die but distrust of the police force makes it impossible to do their jobs. He's told countless stories of cases in which if one of these more trigger happy cops had been on the scene the suspect would now be dead.
Personally- I can't imagine what it's like to do their job. To put your life on the line everyday. To make split second life or death decisions. But I find it reprehensible that any part of our society has to tell their children not only not to go to the police if they need help but to walk away if they see police coming.
I'm not sure this is how these characters would handle this- but I thought I'd give it a shot*
Olivia barges into Barba's office and Carmen lets her. She had learned long ago not to get between them when they were angry. These were two people that needed to hash things out.
Barba doesn't even turn his head. He just continues to stare at the television- sipping his scotch- bracing for the impending argument.
Olivia stays rooted at the door, "Man one! Are you serious?"
Barba drops his head and worries his lip but still doesn't look at her, "It was the jury's decision." He finally turns his head and fixes her with a cold stare. "You and your cop buddies should be happy. There's no way in hell I can prove intent."
With that he stands and retreats back behind his desk. Olivia steps toward it, challenging, "Oh that's right. All you needed was an indictment to suck up to the DA."
"They shot at that kid 35 times, Liv! 35! He was unarmed!" His anger finally boils to the surface.
He's angry at the cops, angry at the situation, angry at the DA for putting him in this position but most of all he's angry with her. It's not even anger. It's disappointment. Disappointment that she's towing the NYPD line, that she refuses to admit that this was wrong. He'd had to fight some pretty hard battles in the past but always with her standing with him. He felt betrayed- she sat there behind that table- looked him in the eye and lied. He'd allowed her to lie on the stand before- to protect her. This was different. He hated this- but he'd done the right thing.
"These are good cops, Barba! No history of bad behavior. They made one bad decision in the heat of the moment."
"You and I put people in jail for exactly that everyday."
"You weren't there, Barba. They had every reason to believe he was armed! That he would shoot them- or their partners!"
Barba bites his lip in frustration and drops his eyes to his desk, growling out, "And if they'd waited half a second- they'd have clearly seen he wasn't." His eyes come back to hers.
"Half a second is all it takes, Barba. For it to be your partner instead of the perp."
"Is that was this is about? Nick? Or hell, Elliot Stabler?"
If she was angry before- she's downright apoplectic now. Seething. "What you did is dangerous. Every cop that pulls a gun from here on out is going to think twice. And it's going to get some of them killed!"
"So now you think the police are immune to prosecution? We train police to be better than that! To be able to act appropriately in dangerous situations." He finally steps around his desk to her. "You can tell that grand jury whatever makes you feel better about your friends shooting an unarmed man but you can't honestly tell me you would have done the same thing."
Olivia drops her eyes away from his as he closes the distance between them. "I honestly don't know, Rafael. I wasn't there, I honestly can't say what I would have done."
He realizes now- she hadn't been lying. She honestly wasn't sure she'd be any better. He registers the flash of fear in her eyes that it could have been her firing on an unarmed kid. All of her bluster hadn't been some blind loyalty for the NYPD- it was years of experience chasing perps and making split second decisions that you find yourself second guessing for years to come.
He steps toward her- places his hand on her arm- drawing her eyes back to his, softly, "I can."
She throws her head back, rolling her eyes and stepping away from him.
He stays put- determined to reassure her but knowing she needs space. "I'll ask again, how many times have you been in situations where your life was threatened? Liv, if you fired your weapon every time you feared for your life- how many people would be dead? Brian Cassidy, for one."
She turns back to him- anger flashing in her eyes once more. "I tell you these things in confidence. You just had to use my file as your example, didn't you?"
His eyes plead with her to understand. "It was the only file I could trust to be a good one."
Suddenly, Olivia's phone buzzes in her pocket. She snatches it out of her pocket but the moment she looks at the message- her face drops.
Barba is instantly concerned, "What?"
She brings her eyes back to his, upset, overwhelmed, exhausted, "Rookie was just shot at a bad traffic stop."
Barba is only able to stare back at her, shocked, for several moments before collecting himself. "You should- you should go if you want. I'll go home and relieve Lucy."
Olivia only manages a nod before walking out.
Olivia comes home to find Barba sprawled out on the couch, Noah resting on his chest. She walks over to retrieve her son and Barba instinctually attempts to hold on to him. It takes a moment for his sleepy brain to register that it's her and let go. He sits up as she carries Noah back to his room.
When she returns- Barba is in the kitchen- cleaning up from the dinner he'd thrown together for he and Noah. She walks out and pours herself a glass of wine- lost in thought. "Want me to heat something up for you?" he asks.
She simply shakes her head and leans back against the counter- staring off as she sips her wine.
He glances over his shoulder at her, turns off the water and turns to her. "I'm sorry." It's not an apology for the grand jury- he was right and he knows it. It's an apology for the entire situation. An apology for the dead rookie. For the pressure they both find themselves under.
She finally looks up at him, "No, I'm sorry." She steps toward him and takes his hand. "You were doing the right thing, Rafi. I wanted to tell myself you were doing it for the politics of it but I know you better. I just keep thinking, it could have been me."
He hesitates- unsure he wants to voice his current thoughts- but he does, "Liv, from the moment this case came across my desk- all I've thought about was if it was you. Every time I think of all those times that it's been your life on the line- I wish you'd just shoot whoever it is. The idea of Fin showing up at the door to tell me you're not coming home is unbearable. But then I realized- the fact that you don't just shoot first- is part of why I love you. It's part of what makes you so good at your job. Whether I like it or not." He considers her for a moment. "I know these guys weren't 'bad cops' but what they did was wrong. And if we don't hold them accountable, it'll happen again. And the less trust people have for cops- the more I have to be worried about you not coming home at the end of the night."
She wants to still be mad at him but she can't be. She knows he's right.
She sighs and shakes her head, "This whole system is so fucked up."
Rafael responds with a sad chuckle, "No shit."
She returns a sad smile and laces her fingers with his- pulling him closer. "Stay here tonight, Counselor?"
He grins, "I dunno. Do you promise not to smother me in my sleep?"
"Hmm, honestly- haven't decided yet."
He pretends to consider the offer, "Well, I suppose I'll take my chances." He pulls her in for a gentle kiss. With that small gesture- both their stress begins to melt away. Olivia's still upset about the indictment- Barba's still disappointed that she wasn't on his side. One conversation and one kiss isn't going to fix it all- but it's a start. And in the end- the fact that they could always be honest with each other was why they worked so well together.