Careful What You Wish For
One shot
'Don't do this. Don't leave me now Aaron…' Jackson whispered, warm, salty tears pouring down his cheeks.
He looked at Aaron's bruised and battered body, looked at the blood slowly trickling across his pale forehead, his breathing shallow.
'Come off outta there, you'll do him more damage than good!' An old man grunted behind him, grabbing him by the hood of his jacket, trying to pull Aaron from the train tracks.
'Get off me!' Jackson growled, shrugging the man off, continuing to stroke Aaron's freezing cold face.
The old man grumbled something and shuffled away, dialling for an ambulance.
'Please Aaron…you can't leave me…I've only got you, mate.'
OOO
Hazel skidded down the hall and raced towards Jackson, taking in her boy's shaking body and hollow eyes.
'Jackson! Oh, Jackson, God, are you all right? What happened? How's Aaron?' she demanded at once, wrapping an arm around his shoulders.
Jackson shook his head and looked at Hazel in confusion, his eyebrows knitting together.
'They said he's dead. The doctor told me…He can't be Mum. Promise me he's not dead.' Jackson pleaded softly, his eyes filling with tears.
Hazel looked down at Jackson in surprise and turned around to see Paddy hurtling down the corridor, his eyes trained on Jackson.
'Jackson mate, are you okay? Is Aaron ok? Who's his doctor or-' Paddy started to say but stopped when he saw Jackson shake his head.
He froze and felt his heart sink down into the pit of his stomach.
'Aaron's all right, isn't he Jackson?' he whispered fearfully after a moment.
Jackson shook his head again and looked up at Hazel guiltily, his entire body trembling.
'He's…he's dead Paddy.' Hazel whispered gently.
OOO
Hazel half dragged, half carried Jackson upstairs to his bedroom.
'Now darling…I'll make you some hot chocolate, yeah? And if you like…No, you're fine here by yourself.' Hazel whispered, stroking Jackson's soaking cheek.
'Mum…ring Adam, will you?' he croaked, his lips barely moving.
Hazel looked at her watch and sighed.
'It's a bit late Jackson…and Paddy probably has that covered.' She said softly, kissing Jackson's cheek before shuffling out of the room, head bowed low, racking her brain for some ideas.
Jackson listened to her sneak down the stairs and sat up on his bed, his entire body aching. He pulled open the drawer beside him and took out a box of Panadol. He popped seven into his hand and grabbed the glass of water that was beside the bed since the night before.
'Oi! The max you're allowed is two, ain't it?' a very familiar voice whispered in his ear.
Jackson jumped making him spill the water and pills all over the floor. He hopped off the bed and spun around to see Aaron sitting there in his black hoody, stained with blood and a huge smile on his face.
'Scare you, did I?' he chuckled.
Jackson blinked a few times and looked at the Aaron on his bed in horror.
'You're dead.' He exclaimed after about five minutes.
Aaron rolled his eyes impatiently.
'A real bright spark, you are.'
'Then why can I see you? Why am I talking to you?' he demanded.
Aaron grinned and reached out across the bed to touch Jackson's shaking hand.
'You can feel me too. Weird, huh?' he said softly.
Jackson blinked in amazement at the feeling of Aaron's strong, warm hand wrapped around his. It was familiar…it was real.
'How did this happen?' he breathed, taking a couple of more steps towards Aaron.
Aaron shrugged and pulled Jackson down on top of him.
'Who cares? I'm just glad for the second chance mate…'
OOO
Jackson fixed his black tie and looked at himself in the mirror trying to decide whether he looked respectable enough or not.
'You scrub up well.' Aaron remarked lazily, lying across Jackson's bed, naked.
Jackson glared at him and looked at him over his shoulder.
'You could get dressed Aaron.' He snapped.
Aaron shrugged.
'And why would I do that? You're the only one who can see me. It's a treat for you.' He explained, flicking through a magazine.
Jackson was about to answer when there was a knock at his bedroom door.
'Cover yourself up!' he hissed before beckoning the knocker in.
Adam entered the room cautiously and offered Jackson a grim smile.
'Heya mate. How are you?' he asked unsurely.
Jackson watched Aaron out of the corner of his eyes, pulling on his tux and couldn't help but admire the muscles in his back. They were so strong looking; he wanted to touch them.
'Jackson?' Adam called, waving a hand in front of his face.
'Oh yeah mate… I'm good thanks.' He said quickly, warning himself to focus.
Adam nodded and straightened Jackson's tie.
'If this gets too much for you just tell me okay? You don't have to stay. People would understand.'
'Oi! Since when have you two gotten along?' Aaron demanded, glaring at Adam.
'Why? Jealous?' Jackson snorted, rolling his eyes.
Adam frowned in confusion and looked at Jackson in a confused manner.
'Jealous of what? Listen, Aaron was my best mate and if you need me, I'll be there for you. He was crazy about you.' He swore.
Jackson looked at Adam in shock, realizing that he had spoken to Aaron out loud.
'Thanks but…it's…forget it. Don't mind me.'
OOO
'Good turn out, eh?' Jackson whispered, Aaron sitting on his lap.
Aaron looked around and nodded, seeing lots of people he recognized and even more he didn't.
Hazel squeezed Jackson's hand beside her, tears sliding down her cheeks as the choir sang 'Nearer My God to Thee.'
'Lovely song. Bit too emotional for my liking but I suppose that's Paddy's choice.' He sighed, eyeing him longingly.
'Can he not see you?' he asked softly.
'Hmm?' Hazel asked, leaning closer to Jackson.
Aaron frowned at Hazel and Jackson feigned confusion.
'Pardon?' He whispered.
Aaron pinched Jackson's arm and shook his head.
'Ignore her. And no, no one can see me except you.' He said, a tad bit bitter.
Jackson snuggled closer to Aaron and let a slow smile spread across his face.
'Well…I'm glad I have you to myself.'
'And I'm glad that I have the chance to make you seem like a total nutter to everyone who can't see me. Poor Hazel…She's convinced she's the one hearing things…'
OOO
Jackson burst out laughing and shoved Aaron away from him in the shower.
'Get out you total perv! I'm trying to wash myself!' he snapped.
Aaron smiled and looked Jackson's naked body up and down.
'So am I, Jay. My delicious ghostly body needs a wash every now and then as well!' he insisted.
'Yeah, but not while I'm in here it doesn't!' he argued playfully.
Aaron rolled his eyes and slid in beside Jackson.
'Remember what we used to do in here…' he whispered, his blue eyes boring into Jacksons.
Jackson felt his mouth run dry and nodded.
'Yes.' Was all he was able to answer as Aaron wrapped his hand around his hardening member…
OOO
Hazel walked past the bathroom and listened to the sound of Jackson's laughter. She froze for a moment and pressed her ear against the bathroom door, listening intently.
'…Aw Aaron, you're such a tool…
…No, don't pull that stupid face…
…Oh God, it doesn't mate it doesn't…it just makes you look stupid!
…Who are you going to believe; the unconditional love of Paddy or the very honest love of a boyfriend?…
…Yes, I said love…
…No, I do. I really do Aaron…
Hazel took a step back and ran her hands through her hair. Poor, poor Jackson.
Did he not realize that Aaron was gone? Or maybe he believed that Aaron's ghost could hear him?
Hazel sighed and decided she wouldn't mention this. Besides, it had only been three weeks since his death; Jackson was just grieving.
OOO
Andy dragged Jackson out the door, pushing him in front of him.
'It's been a month and I count on one hand all the drinks we've had at the pub together. Lets go out and have a laugh, yeah?'
'He's mourning the death of his very handsome, very loving, amazing shag of a boyfriend. He's entitled to go around with a face like a slapped arse.' Aaron snapped, wrapping an arm around Jackson.
Aaron smiled and leaned closer against Jackson.
'Thanks. I don't know how I'd get through this without you.' Jackson said softly and just a tad bit sarcastically.
Andy grinned like an eejit and shrugged his shoulders.
'My pleasure mate.'
'He was talking to me, twat. Honestly, some people just aren't that bright.' Aaron said in mock surprise.
Jackson laughed and wrapped his arms around Aaron's waist. Andy frowned and looked at Jackson anxiously, his arms looped around nothing. He shrugged and figured this was just part of the grieving process.
OOO
Hazel looked at Jackson unsurely and noticed the way he put some food on a spare plate and placed it beside him at the dinner table.
'Who's that for?' Hazel asked nervously, scared of hearing the answer.
Jackson looked up at his mum and paled for a second, racking his brain for a rational reason for leaving a plate of food out beside you.
'Amm…'
'Tell him Andy's supposed to be coming home for lunch.' Aaron decided, licking his mashed potato tentatively.
Jackson relayed this information to Hazel and offered her a lopsided grin.
'Is that okay?' he asked.
Hazel nodded and smiled brightly.
'Of course. Anyway…how are you? We haven't really had a chance to chat…You're spending a lot of time in your room lately.' She said gently.
Aaron looked up at Hazel sympathetically.
'Poor Hazel. She's worried about you.'
'I know.' Jackson mumbled, feeling guilty.
Hazel noticed Jackson's ashamed expression and shook her head.
'Not that that's a bad thing! I just…I worry that maybe you get lonely and I just want you to know that if you ever need someone to talk to that you've got me.' She said softly.
Jackson bit down on his lip and watched Aaron, calculating his reaction.
'I'm not lonely Mum.' He whispered before turning back to his meal.
Aaron smiled triumphantly.
'Good answer! So…what do you want to do today? I quite fancy going for a walk.' He hinted.
Jackson smiled at Aaron and rolled his eyes.
'Fine I want to visit Ryan anyway.'
Hazel heard this whispered exchange and shook her head, unsure of whether Jackson was really all there or not.
OOO
Aaron pouted and watched as Jackson got dressed for work.
'Do you have to go?' he whined.
Jackson nodded and smiled at Aaron bemusedly.
'Yes, I do. Declan gave me nearly three months off mate. I have to go back.' He chuckled.
Aaron rolled his eyes and looked up at Jackson, a disappointed expression on his face.
'Can I come?' he pleaded.
Jackson shook his head.
'No, mate. Declan is much sharper than Hazel and Andy. He'll know immediately there's something up. Just…have a wander around the village, okay?' he offered distractedly, pulling on his boots.
Aaron nodded.
'Fine… But you'll make it up to me later, right?'
'Right.' s Jackson aid with a grin.
OOO
Aaron sat at the bottom of the steps, checking his watch impatiently, waiting for Jackson to return home from work. For the first couple of weeks he was okay with him working, able to explore the village, eavesdrop on private conversations, you know, the usual ghostly activities. But he soon found himself getting bored. Haunting the Wool Pack and throwing peanuts at a confused Holly Barton lost its fun. He hated being needy and he hated being dependant on Jackson for his source of entertainment but the builder was the only person he could talk to, the only person who could see him and touch him so what other choice did he have?
Aaron jumped as the front door opened.
'You're home!' he sang, clapping his hands in delight.
Jackson frowned and kicked off his dirty boots and shook his head at Aaron.
'Do you not have any ghost friends you could be spending your days with?' He teased, heading into the kitchen.
Aaron walked through the wall and grinned at him.
'I learned how to do that today.' He announced proudly.
Jackson rolled his eyes and put on the kettle.
'A day well spent then.' He grumbled.
Aaron slipped an arm around Jackson's waist and planted a kiss on his neck, smiling happily.
'I missed you.' He whispered.
Jackson leaned back into the embrace.
'I missed you too.' He purred, tilting his head slightly so that the pair could kiss.
'Who are you talking to Jackson?' Hazel asked, stepping into the kitchen.
Jackson spun around and side stepped Aaron, hoping his mum hadn't seen him kissing seemingly thin air.
'Am…'he mumbled, praying she would drop the subject.
Hazel looked at him anxiously and put down her bag, folding her arms across her chest.
'Aaron?' she asked gently.
'Yes.' Jackson whispered.
Jackson held his breath, awaiting Hazel's outburst.
'Oh. Does it help?' she asked curiously.
Jackson nodded and cast a small smile in Aaron's direction.
'Yeah. It really does.'
Hazel nodded thoughtfully and smiled.
'I might try it myself so. God knows I miss the little bugger a lot these days. I said to myself, I said Hazel; when he was around you couldn't wait to be rid of him and now that he's gone, well…he's all you think about. Poor boy.' She said before shaking her head and smiling at her son.
'Thank God it wasn't you though, eh?'
Aaron looked at Jackson curiously, wondering if his boyfriend ever thought the same.
OOO
Jackson closed his book and looked at Aaron expectantly.
'What's wrong?' he sighed, taking in his lovers miserable expression.
'Can we go up to Smithy? I just want to…I don't know…Just see the place I guess.' He said softly.
Jackson bit his lip and nodded slowly.
'Okay…But I don't have a key.'
Aaron rolled his eyes.
'I can walk through walls.' He said obviously.
Jackson nodded really slow and smiled at Aaron like he was impressed.
'Well done mate, but I can't!' he snapped.
Aaron frowned and pouted slightly.
'Oh yeah…forgot about that…I guess you'll just have to wait outside then.' He reasoned.
Jackson shook his head and stood up.
'Suppose that's the only option then.'
OOO
Aaron slowly stepped through the wall into the kitchen, leaving Jackson sitting outside with his book. He looked around the messy kitchen and smiled, remembering all the fights himself and Paddy would have over whose turn it was to do the wash up. Of course when Jackson moved in the duty soon fell on him.
He slowly ran his hands along the crumb filled counter and felt tears burn his eyes. It felt so strange to be here after…everything.
Aaron jumped as Paddy thundered down the stairs and into the kitchen, whistling away to himself happily. Rhona followed him, jostling a beautiful baby boy on her hip.
'Sterilize his bottle there Paddy, I'll take him through to the sitting room.'
Paddy nodded and pulled a funny face at the baby. Aaron chuckled tearfully and reached out to touch Paddy's cheek. He frowned however when his hand swiped right through him. Paddy shivered and looked around, a confused look in his face.
'Did you feel that?' he asked, rubbing his cheek.
Rhona shook her head and smiled at Paddy.
'No. Now hurry up, Aaron's hungry.' She ordered, kissing the top of the baby's head.
Aaron frowned and looked at the baby, they had the same name.
Paddy pulled another face and little baby Aaron gurgled happily, waving his pudgy little hands up and down excitedly.
'Oh he knows his dinner is coming!' Rhona squealed, holding her baby tighter and walking through to the sitting room.
Aaron choked down his tears and looked at Paddy.
'Paddy?' he gasped, tears sliding down his cheeks.
Paddy continued humming away to himself, boiling the water in the kettle.
Aaron stood right in front of him and tried to grab him again but his hands went straight through him. Paddy shivered again and looked right at Aaron but didn't see him.
'Paddy, Paddy, please. Please.' Aaron bawled, trying to grab Paddy's face in his hands but he couldn't.
'WHY CAN'T YOU SEE ME?' He shrieked, sending a mug flying off the counter. At least he tried but his hand went straight through that as well.
Aaron frowned in confusion and looked around himself helplessly. Why couldn't he touch anything here?
'PADDY! PADDY! I MISS YOU PADDY! I MISS YOU!' He roared, hoping that if he was loud enough Paddy might hear him.
The doorbell rang and Paddy went out to answer it. Aaron followed, desperate to draw attention to himself. Paddy pulled the door open and gasped in surprise when he saw Jackson standing there.
'Jackson! My God! How are you? Come in, come in!' he exclaimed excitedly.
Jackson shook his head and offered Paddy a lopsided grin, actually watching Aaron who had tears pouring down his cheeks.
'No, I can't, I'm heading off home now.' He said slowly, hoping Aaron would realize that he was to come with him.
'I just wanted to see how you were. How you're coping…'
Paddy smiled warmly and shrugged.
'I miss him Jackson, but Rhona has her baby now and to be honest I've been so busy I haven't really had a chance to mope about. But sometimes something will happen that will remind me of him. Like seeing you.' Paddy said softly.
Jackson nodded. Chaz had said the same a few weeks back, said that seeing Jackson was like torture for her and she wished he would just stay away.
'Sorry. I've got to go.' Jackson mumbled as he felt tears come to his eyes.
Paddy nodded tearfully and went to close the door.
Aaron quickly kissed Paddy's lips and slipped out through the door, bawling his eyes out.
'He couldn't see me!' he sobbed, crouching over in agony.
Jackson frowned and looked at Aaron helplessly.
'I'm sorry.' He whispered.
Aaron shook his head and started to cry even harder.
'I couldn't touch him. I couldn't touch anything. And they've a baby now, called Aaron. He's replacing me!' he shrieked.
Jackson sighed and knelt down beside Aaron.
'No, he's not, he's moving on Aaron. People do that, it's healthy.' He said gently.
Aaron looked up into Jackson's sincere brown eyes.
'You can't move on Jay. Ever. Promise me.'
'Aaron…'
'Promise me.'
'I promise…'
OOO
'A year today.' Hazel announced as Jackson came down the stairs, closely followed by Aaron.
Jackson frowned and looked at her in confusion.
'Since what? You got the menopause…?' Aaron grumbled, throwing himself down into the seat beside her.
'Since what Mum?' he asked, putting some bread into the toaster.
'Since Aaron died Jackson.' She said softly, looking at her son anxiously.
Aaron's head shot up and he looked around in amazement. A year? Has it really been that long? Jackson blinked in shock and gave her an unsure smile.
'So it is.' He mumbled.
Hazel bit her lip and watched Jackson for a moment.
'Sweetheart, now this probably isn't any of my business but eh…I haven't seen you go out in a while, in a year actually. Maybe it's time you…moved on?' Hazel offered unsurely.
Aaron sat upright and glared at Jackson.
'Tell her where she can shove that suggestion, nosy old cow!' he growled.
Jackson gave Aaron a look and turned back to his mother.
'I don't think I'm ready to yet Mum…' he whispered.
Hazel frowned and shook her pitifully.
'I know you loved him Jackson and I know that it's hard to forget someone like him but…well, you don't want to waste your youth away mourning a past boyfriend.' She advised gently.
Jackson nodded and gave his mother a small smile.
'Mum…he's impossible to forget.'
'Damn straight.' Aaron snapped, glaring at Hazel.
OOO
Jackson sat on his bed and watched Aaron undress, a curious look in his eye.
'Can you just conjure clothes up from wherever the Hell you want?' he asked.
Aaron nodded, a bright smile on his face. Jackson shook his head in disappointment.
'And yet still you choose to wear trackie bottoms and hoody's. No taste.' He tutted.
Aaron smirked and threw himself down beside Jackson.
'I can also conjure up boyfriends from wherever the Hell I want and yet still I choose you…' he breathed, leaning in to Jackson for a kiss but Jackson moved his head away ever so slightly.
'Can we talk?' he whispered.
Aaron nodded, a worried look in eye.
'Sure.'
Jackson nodded and took a deep breath.
'Right…I love you Aaron; you know that. But…my Mum is right, I can't spend the rest of me days hiding upstairs with my boyfriend's ghost. It's morbid and weird.' He said cautiously.
Aaron nodded again, his eyes narrowing slightly.
'And?'
'And I think that maybe…maybe we should just let go.' He said so softly that Aaron had to move closer to hear.
Aaron looked up at him in shock, his blue eyes clouding over.
'Why the Hell would we do that?' he demanded angrily.
Jackson looked at him and shrugged.
'I don't know I just…I think we need to.'
OOO
Jackson pulled Gary closer to him, inhaling his deep, rich smell, so unlike Aaron's.
'Let's go back to yours…' Gary gasped, kissing Jackson passionately.
Jackson nodded and then shook his head quickly.
'No, we can't.' he muttered.
Gary frowned.
'Why not? We've been going to mine for the past two months. When do I get to see Emmerdale?' he demanded, his green eyes twinkling.
Jackson bit his lip and smiled awkwardly.
'Honestly? Probably never.' He admitted.
Gary frowned and looked at Jackson unsurely.
'And why is that?' he asked, walking Jackson towards the taxi rank.
'Because the ghost of my dead boyfriend haunts my room!' he chuckled, wondering if he could blame this on the drink.
Gary looked at Jackson and shook his head in disappointment.
'What a terrible excuse although I will give you marks for originality.' He teased.
Jackson shook his head again and looked at Gary in all seriousness.
'No, honestly, he does. He died in a car accident like sixteen months ago and he won't leave me alone and I can't get rid of him because he won't let me move on!' he sobbed, suddenly breaking down.
Gary took a step back and looked at Jackson anxiously.
'Whoa mate, are you okay?' he asked.
Jackson shook his head and collapsed to his knees, leaning against the wall for support, crying his eyes out. He cried it all out, the tears he never cried for Aaron when he died, the frustration of not being able to live in peace and the guilt of knowing that Aaron would be at home waiting for him, ready to snuggle and kiss and share a bed.
OOO
Jackson returned home one evening after work to see Aaron sitting on the windowsill of their bedroom, a deep frown on his face.
'Heya honey, I'm home!' he chuckled.
Aaron didn't look at him, just continued to stare at the floor.
'Who's Gary?' he whispered.
Jackson froze and looked at Aaron in shock.
'Excuse me?'
'You heard.'
Jackson looked around the room anxiously and shrugged.
'Just a friend.'
'Liar.'
Aaron looked up tears filling his eyes.
'He's your boyfriend.' He spat.
Jackson bit his lip and then nodded.
'Yeah.'
'When were you going to tell me?'
'I wasn't.'
Aaron nodded his head slowly and stood up making his way over to Jackson. He reached out and gasped in pain as his hand slipped through Jackson's cheek.
'You promised you wouldn't move on.' He said shakily, trying again to catch Jackson's hand in his but failing miserably.
'I'm sorry.'
'YOU PROMISED!' Aaron roared, a furious rage bubbling inside of him.
Jackson flinched a little and looked down at the ground.
'I don't know what you want me to say Aaron.'
'Say that you love me and that you don't ever want me to leave.' He sobbed.
Jackson shook his head apologetically.
'I'm not lying.'
Aaron reeled back as though slapped and stared at Jackson in shock.
'You don't love me.' He whispered.
'I want you to leave. I'll always love you Aaron but…I need to move on.'
Aaron nodded and took another step back, his face contorted with pain. He closed his eyes shut and Jackson watched in amazement as he slowly faded away and then with a small pop, vanished without a trace. Jackson looked around him room, waiting for Aaron to return but it never happened. He sat down on his bed, fully alone for the first time in a year and a half. He shivered and grew nervous by the silence.
'Aaron? Aaron, I didn't mean it…come back.'
But he never did.
Fin