A/N: Hope you enjoy this. This chapter is really just a prologue...all will be explained in due course. This is my first LOST story- I have always wanted to write one as it was this particular show that lead me to Fanfiction in the first place. Tell me what you think, and if I should continue. Thanks :o)
The day was blindingly sunny, which was unusual in two ways. September usually brought the cold; along with obvious painful memories that naturally came around this time of year. Six years it had been. Those images never ceased to haunt him.
The other strange factor about it being sunny was that he'd always assumed that this day would be miserable, mirroring the dull depression that was currently worming through his veins, along with what could only be described as sheer terror. But if he was being honest with himself, which was rare…this day was something so odd and foreign to him that it felt like some kind of dream. He ran a shaking hand through his hair, furious at himself for feeling like this, participating in an event in a strange world he'd never once dreamed of entering.
He looked at the girl before him, who was oblivious to the panic that was currently ruling him. She was sat cross legged on side walk picking at clumps of grass beside her with a look of immeasurable concentration on her face. She'd managed to tie her blond hair in to a messy pony tale on her own, and he'd actually made an effort in cleaning her up this morning, dressing her in denim overalls, a red shirt and a brand new pair of converse trainers that she had already refused to take off, swearing by God she'd sleep in them. She'd only owned them for two days and already he could see the sole beginning to peel off.
He glanced at his watch again and peered down the road, nothing but trees running along side it. There was no sign of any traffic.
"You got everything, Clem?" he asked without looking at her, knowing perfectly well that she did have everything as he'd checked several times already.
"Yes." She sighed, crawling up from the ground to stand beside him. She shrugged so her backpack was high on her shoulders, then leaned against his leg, her small head resting just above his knee.
"You sure?" he asked needlessly.
"I am sure…" she said dramatically, staring up at the sky. She was apparently bored out of her mind. Shouldn't she be terrified too? Even more so than himself, surely? "When's the bus gonna be here?"
He sighed.
"Soon Clem, it'll be here real soon."
He quickly checked his watch again. Any minute.
"What was your first day o' school like?" she said suddenly, craning her neck in order to stare up at him. He finally looked into her wide eyes, her face the picture of pure childlike innocence.
He didn't know how to answer her. He'd been lucky enough so far that most of the answers to her endless questions just came naturally. Instinctively. He figured that this was what it must be like for any father. The fact that he actually was one…a real one…still had the power to chill him to his core.
The truth was, anything before he turned eight was just a blur. Someone else's life. Some other kid who lived happily for a while before turning into the guy that he saw in the mirror every day. Couldn't he just lie to her? My first day of school, well sweetheart, it was the best day o' my life's what it was.
Yet he'd never been able to bring himself to lie to her. Not once. And he was proud of that.
"My first day of school…" he said, images of his mother and the scent of her perfume flashing before him a moment. "Well I don't rightly remember, Clem. Remember my last day though…" He smiled fondly, "That one had to have gone down in the history books."
"Whatcha do?" she said, grinning cheekily as she prepared for one of his scandalous stories. He laughed at her.
"I aint tellin you. You wanna get expelled your first day?"
She huffed, but tried to flatten her hair out as the possibility of expulsion evidently crossed her mind
Suddenly there was a low roar coming from the horizon. Both their heads snapped towards it, and finally the bus came into view. Clementine let out a small gasp as the sun bounced off it's yellow hood and Sawyer felt her small hand slip into his. He let out a breath he hadn't known he'd been holding, his own terror returning three fold. And it wasn't fear that he had felt before…it was brand new. Unreal.
"Daddy…" he suddenly heard a murmur from beside him.
He looked at her. At last he saw her shining eyes glimmer with fright, her bottom lip starting to tremble. It broke his heart.
"Hey.." he said, swallowing down an irritating lump in his throat. He crouched down to her level and held on to her arms. "You gonna be good?"
She nodded vigorously, glancing at the approaching bus over his shoulder. She shuffled on her feet, the grip she had on her lunch box causing her tiny little knuckles to turn white. He ruffled her hair and this gesture managed to get a small smile out of her.
"And I'll be here…right here…at 3 o'clock, alright?"
"O.K." She breathed. The bus was getting closer.
"Look at me, Clem." He said, trying to smile but finding he couldn't. How could he let her set foot on that dark, horrific vehicle full of animals? He just wanted to snatch her up and take her back home. She belonged to him and him alone.
And as soon as she left him standing here, he would lose her. She'd grow up. And then what would be left of him? Back where he started. Alone.
He stared at her tiny little face, convincing himself that the grim future was years away.
"You...you are gonna be fine, O.K?" He told her. Told himself.
She nodded again as the shadow of the bus towered over them both, the hissing breaks making her jump slightly. She stared up at it in awe as the doors slid open.
Sawyer was almost knocked back when Clementine suddenly leaped into his arms, clutching him in a tight, fearful grip.
"Come on…" he murmured, random, meaningless words of comfort that came from absolutely nowhere. Instinct. "It'll be fine. You'll have a blast…"
He could tell she was trying so hard not to cry, even though he couldn't see her face. And he was so shocked by the intensity of the love he felt for her in that moment, he felt sick.
As she pulled away, he cupped her face in his hands.
"You knock 'em dead." he said, his voice scratching his throat.
"I surely will." She said, smiling at him and swallowing down her fear. She was braver than he'd ever been. How the hell had he managed to bring her up to be…perfect? Did all fathers think that their kids were perfect? Well they were wrong, that was for damn sure.
"You gettin' on little lady?"
Sawyer gave a wary glance at the red headed woman sat at the wheel, the turned back to face his daughter.
"See you later, Darlin'." He said, this particular term of endearment causing her to grin.
She nodded, then turned away and took her first step onto the bus.
"I love ya." She called as the doors closed. Sawyer felt his heart clench in his chest as he always did when she said those words. It seamed he couldn't find the energy or will to speak as he watched her walk along for a few moments before finding a seat by the window, and she waved at him.
The engine roared again, and the bus began to pull away. Clementine waved frantically at him, starting to genuinely smile as the obvious sense of adventure claimed her. It always did. He held his hand up to wave back, suddenly feeling like he was forgetting something.
"I…" he began, her face starting to reach out of his vision.
He yelled over the engine.
"I love you too!"
The roars of the bus slowly began to die, and he kept his eye on it's yellow body until it had completely vanished from his sight. Even then, he stood there for a long moment, alone, staring at the horizon. Lost in his thoughts.