Ding-Dong Voldemort's Dead!

Elle: Hey guys, I first wrote this story three years ago on when I first started. Recently I uncovered a printout in a mass of old stories and figured what the hell? In honor of Half-Blood Prince coming out in theaters in the US, check it out as well as my other Harry Potter tribute: Bleached Potter Part One

Chapter One: The Flying Motorcycle Incident

Lord Voldemort was on a mission, a mission to destroy the problem child named Harry Potter before the boy could destroy him in more ways than one. Voldemort figured he's wipe the child out early to alleviate one pressure of being an all powerful psychopathic dictator.

So sneakily, like a ninja Voldemort crept up to the Potter's door and was about to pull an EFE when out of nowhere a motorcycle of gigantic proportions revved its engine. Voldemort drew his wand with the intention of destroying the hunk of metal when suddenly there was blackness.

"Hey man," the man atop the machine killed the engine to see what he had just ran over. He hoped it wasn't a person. The man was young, about mid thirties with long black well kept hair. Sirius Black leapt off his pimped out motorcycle to inspect the damage.

Hearing the commotion outside, the residents of the Potter house, James and Lily, came out to inspect the damage. James caught sight of his best mate leaning over a corpse on the ground, with a distraught expression.

"Sirius mate," James said walking off the threshold cautiously. "What are you doing here?" Sirius stood up weakly revealing a dent and scratched paint on his motorcycle. His tears had nothing to do with the man under the bike but they were for the bike itself.

"I killed a dude," Sirius said weakly. "James, you gotta help me mate. If the ministry finds out about this I'm gonna end up spending my life in Azkaban. I DON'T WANNA DIE!"

"Mate, why are you complaining," James asked his friend. "You killed Voldemort, you saved my sanity!" and without warning James launched himself at Sirius and began to hug and kiss his best friend. Lily shuddered and covered her eyes.

"James, mate, what the hell man come on," Sirius yelled as James was now crying.

"James," Lily said sounding disgusted. "Really do you have to?"

"Yes honey," James said finally pulling himself off of Sirius. "And somebody has to tell Dumbledore. I feel like singing!"

"Please don't James," Lily said. "I just got Harry to sleep and of your nails on chalkboard voice wakes him up have fun trying to get him back to sleep."

James slunk back into the corner fearing Lily's rage was about to dawn upon them. Sirius was examining the damage done to his motorcycle with more and more tears welling up in his eyes.

"That's gonna cost me," he moaned. "It cost half a paycheck to get this badass paintjob. Now this shmucks gone and ruined it!"

"Get over yourself will you mate," James said as Ministry of Magic officers came swooping down upon the Potter's residents. "If Weasely finds you crying over the bike then God only knows what'll happen"

"Mr. Potter," a woman came up to James and Sirius holding a notebook and a quill. "I'm Rachel Wood with the Auror Department; can I get a detailed account of what happened?"

Lily had come over to James and Sirius as Ministry Officials were examining the body of Voldemort. They had everything a muggle CSI team would have expect that they were wizards.

"I was flying the bike," Sirius said a bit hesitantly. "And I kinda ran over Voldemort"

Rachel gave a sharp intake of breath as Sirius said the name but she got over herself as she scribbled Sirius's statement into her logbook. She looked up expectantly as though waiting for Sirius to elaborate on his tale and when he didn't she spoke.

"Mr. Black," Rachel said briskly. "Would you care to elaborate?"

"I added rims to the bike yesterday?" Sirius said. Rachel put a great deal of effort into not rolling her eyes. "Look, I dunno why you're complaining I just kinda killed Voldemort. I'd expect some sort of jubilation."

"You are aware that it is against the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts clause 317091 to put such enchantments on the said vehicle without the proper permit right?" Rachel said getting back on subject. Sirius looked at her blankly.

"I killed Voldemort," he repeated bluntly.

"No matter," Rachel said writing a slip and handing it to Sirius. "I'll have Arthur Weasely look into it."

She left and James made his way over to his befuddled best mate. Sirius stood there looking at his motorcycle as CSI: Wizarding World treated it like a crime scene.

"Mr. Black?" a much younger Arthur Weasely approached James and Sirius. He still had a heedful of hair. James pushed Sirius toward the Ministry of Magic official.

"Hi," Sirius said nervously. "This is the part where you arrest me about the bike isn't it?"

"Not really," Arthur said kindly. "I'm just going to pretend I lost my slip book and we'll forget this whole thing ever happened. Besides, CSI will take the bike anyway. If I were to confiscate it you wouldn't have gotten it back. At least CSI will give it back to you in a few days."

Sirius smiled weakly as James slapped him on the back. After bidding the younger men a goodbye Arthur Weasely turned to join his coworkers in the removal of Voldemort's body from under the motorcycle and off the Potter's driveway. Lily walked over to her husband and his best friend holding their one year old son Harry.

As the ministry wizards disapparated a whole new cast of wizards apparated in their place and these newcomers were much less pleasurable.

"Sirius Black," a woman with bleach blond hair and two inch crimson nails. "Just the man I wanted to talk to. I'm Rita Skeeter with the Daily Prophet and I was hoping you'd be able to give us a few words on the occurrences here?"

"I'll give you a few words," Sirius muttered. "Get the hell outta here"

Rita looked taken aback by his sharpness and pressed further but stopped when James stood up his hand going for the wand. Rita seemed to recognize her failed attempt and left with nasty mutterings of 'I'll be back' leaving James, Lily, Harry, and Sirius alone on the Potter's porch.

Lily left muttering something about feeding Harry leaving the two thirty-something year old guys alone on the porch. Sirius stared at the spot where he had run over the most evil wizard in all time. James stared at it too as if the empty space now concealed with magical crime scene tape would speak to him.

"You know mate," James said breaking the silence. "I wouldn't be here tonight if it wasn't for you."

"You owe me a paintjob there mate," Sirius said with a weak chuckle.

"Man hug?" James asked.

"Man hug," Sirius answered. The two men shook hands with the right and hugged each other with the left letting go quickly. James went to go inside when Sirius stopped him.

"Mind if I crash here tonight?" Sirius asked. James cocked an eyebrow before his signature grin crossed his face.

"Sure mate," James said. "I just got English Premier Quidditch on Wizard Station and I've been dying to pit Puddlemere United against the Tutshill Tornadoes"

Elle: review please and let me know what you think so far :)