Title: I Can't Do This
Author: Nic Mayer
Summary: Obi-Wan makes a decision about Anakin
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em, honest guv.
Archive: Yeah, OK, also my site (www.paranoidangel.me.uk)
Feedback: Yes please.
Rating: U in english, G in america
Authors Note: I wrote this over 2 years ago and found it when I sorted
through my unfinished fics
I can't do this
The boy is dangerous. I have to train him to be... more dangerous? No, that's not right. I have to teach Anakin Skywalker how to be a Jedi, how to use the force, how to live without his mother. Me, a recently knighted Jedi. How can I possibly teach him things I don't know myself yet? I'm not even sure I know how to teach.
I can't do this.
But I have to. It was Qui-Gon Jinn's dying wish. It is my duty to carry on that wish. I owe it to him to try. Master Yoda often says, "there is no try, there is only do or do not do." Not doing is easy. All I have to do is to say no, tell the Council I will not train Anakin. I can't do that. So I will not do that. I will train Anakin. I may fail, but I will do.
I can't do this.
If I didn't take Anakin on would someone else? Perhaps. Since the battle Anakin has only had me. I could not abandon him now. If anyone were to train him, it must be me. If no-one was to train him would they send him back to Tatooine? Put him back into slavery? If he were free would he stay that way for long? Would he die in a podrace? No, I cannot let any of these things happen. I will train him?
I can't do this.
Why did Qui-Gon pick me? I was still a Padawan Learner, only Knights can take apprentices. Did he know I would be knighted? He had said I was ready for the trials, although the Council disagreed. Did he say it only so he could take Anakin as his apprentice? Did he know something I don't? Maybe he asked me because he thought I would be good at it. For twelve years now I have been learning from Qui-Gon. Learning how to be a Jedi and how to be a Master to a Padawan. Qui-Gon wouldn't have asked me if he didn't think I could do it.
I can do this?
Qui-Gon had faith in me, he trusted me to teach Anakin the ways of the Jedi. And I have faith in Qui-Gon. I trust him. He wanted me to train Anakin because he knew I would. Knew I could.
I can do this.
I can't do this
The boy is dangerous. I have to train him to be... more dangerous? No, that's not right. I have to teach Anakin Skywalker how to be a Jedi, how to use the force, how to live without his mother. Me, a recently knighted Jedi. How can I possibly teach him things I don't know myself yet? I'm not even sure I know how to teach.
I can't do this.
But I have to. It was Qui-Gon Jinn's dying wish. It is my duty to carry on that wish. I owe it to him to try. Master Yoda often says, "there is no try, there is only do or do not do." Not doing is easy. All I have to do is to say no, tell the Council I will not train Anakin. I can't do that. So I will not do that. I will train Anakin. I may fail, but I will do.
I can't do this.
If I didn't take Anakin on would someone else? Perhaps. Since the battle Anakin has only had me. I could not abandon him now. If anyone were to train him, it must be me. If no-one was to train him would they send him back to Tatooine? Put him back into slavery? If he were free would he stay that way for long? Would he die in a podrace? No, I cannot let any of these things happen. I will train him?
I can't do this.
Why did Qui-Gon pick me? I was still a Padawan Learner, only Knights can take apprentices. Did he know I would be knighted? He had said I was ready for the trials, although the Council disagreed. Did he say it only so he could take Anakin as his apprentice? Did he know something I don't? Maybe he asked me because he thought I would be good at it. For twelve years now I have been learning from Qui-Gon. Learning how to be a Jedi and how to be a Master to a Padawan. Qui-Gon wouldn't have asked me if he didn't think I could do it.
I can do this?
Qui-Gon had faith in me, he trusted me to teach Anakin the ways of the Jedi. And I have faith in Qui-Gon. I trust him. He wanted me to train Anakin because he knew I would. Knew I could.
I can do this.