The Price of Our Stars
Hazel and Gus are and Mrs. Lancaster are having breakfast at a café in Amsterdam on the last day of their trip. Hazel's mom suggests that they go spend some time together and she will go for a walk in the Vondelpaark.
Hazel and Gus are walking back to the hotel.
Chapter 1
Hazel and I walked back to the hotel in mostly silence. I was afraid of telling her that I have had a recurrence. My cancer was back and it was like, everywhere. As we walked I thought of the Funky Bones sculpture back home. I thought of all the little kids playing on the bones and jumping around. I picture myself as the sculpture and the little kids as my cancer. It seemed like everywhere a kid was, I had cancer there, and everywhere there was none, soon a little tumor will show up. I was afraid of what she would think. I had been an asshole to her. I made her fall in love with me, and I should have told her about my recurrence when I found out. That way, I could have saved her from the pain of losing me. I thought 'what if she were the one with the recurrence?' I would not want to live without her. I looked down at her. She was holding my hand, and with her other hand she was nervously feeling moving her fingers around. She looked down at the brick sidewalk as we walked in silence. She looked up at me, her green eyes deep with worry. She knew what I was going to tell her, but she did not want to believe it until it was said.
"Okay?" she asked me. Her voice kind of stuck in her throat.
"Okay." I said, my voice much smaller than I remembered it so I gave her a smile to make up for it. I heard a loud roar from above me that startled me out of the moment.
"Woah!" I could hear Hazel say. As a looked up I was only able to see a fleeting glimpse of what looked like a low flying plane. As the roar died down into the distance there was another roar building.
"Did you see how low that plane was?" Hazel asked.
"I did. I wonder where it was going." I said briefly forgetting about having to tell her about my cancer.
"I don't think we are that close to the airpo-"Hazel answered but her words were cut off by a second plane roaring through the sky.
This time I was able to get a better look at it. It looked like a military jet. It was so low it looked like it was flying down the street.
"I don't think we are that close to the airport, Hazel Grace." I said trying to hide the worry in my voice. I could hear other jets screaming through the streets blocked by the tall buildings on either side of us. The high pitched sounds of the jets were backed by a low trolling rumble.
As we rounded a corner a few blocks away from the Filosoof, we saw people looking up at the sky shading their faces from the morning sun. Hazel turned around to look at what everyone was looking at. I could feel her body turn but the sun was to bright in her eyes and because she was holding my hand and pulling Phillip along, she could not shade her eyes. I kept walking because my mind was racked with worry about having to tell her about my condition.
"Ugh, I can't see anything." Hazel said.
"Perhaps it is some kind of a celebration for Amsterdam." I said not really having an answer.
"Wait, hold on. I want to see what everyone is pointing at." She said.
We stopped a few buildings from our hotel. I glanced up from the sidewalk to see a crowd of people standing in the street shading their eyes from the morning sun. Everyone speaking to each other in Dutch, but it was mostly drowned out by the low roar from the sky.
"Gus, look."
"Gus."
"Augustus!" Hazel yelled. I looked back at her. She was a silhouette in the bright early light.
"What is this?" I could hear her ask. I shaded my eyes from the sun and she can into focus. I tilted my head up and saw that the sky was dotted with dozens of specs. The noise roared closer and the sky appeared to be filled with an endless amount of crosses moving ever closer overhead. The ground became silent. There was only a song playing in a café we stopped next to. Hazel took a step backwards and bumped into me. She reached back for my hand and grabbed it firmly. The planes moved overheard in a straight line. It appeared to be a Strife Formation- something I had learned from Counterinsurgence 2.
"Hazel Grace, I don't want to alarm you but, I really do think that we should head indoors. I think that this may be a-" and my words hung there as we heard a boom in the distance. Hazel took a step back but was already on top of me. She kind of tripped over my (fake) foot. She let go of Phillip and wrapped her hand around my hip. There was another boom rolling in the distance. Then another and in quick succession, and a third that was louder still. I took a step back and pulled Hazel with me. There was a concussion wave from one of the blasts that pushed us back and almost knocked us over. A window broke on the second floor window of a building across the street. The glass fell silently though the air and shattered on the floor.
"Augustus, what is happening? What is this?" Hazel said looking forward. By this time people had begun yelling and running in all directions, the sound of explosions still rocking the city.
"I think we should go back to the hotel." I said turning her to walk.
She immediately opened her phone and began dialing. She kept her phone to her ear only for a moment, then looked down at it and turned to me. I have no service.
"Hazel lets go. We have to-" but she cut me off.
"What about my mom?" She yelled. Her face overwhelmed with worry.
"She said she was going to the Vondelpaark. We need to find her before we do anything." Hazel said over the chaos.
"Okay. We will find her, but for now we need to get our stuff from the hotel, your stuff. You need more oxygen tanks." I said looking into her worried eyes.
"No! We have to find my mom." Hazel said.
"Hazel, you need the oxygen. The best thing for us to do is stay by the hotel. This is one of the only landmarks that we all know in the city." We walked to the entrance of the Hotel Filosoof.
"Give me your room key and I'm sure she will be here before I get our stuff. Trust me." I mustered up all of my courage just to say this to her. She stared at me for a moment and then broke down, her tears silencing the world, her sobs, louder than the explosions rolling in the distance. I put my hands on her head just below her ears and she turned to look up at me, her large eyes reflecting the emotion of our circumstance.
"I just- I don't want you to leave me here." She said pointing to her oxygen tank. She knew she would only encumber our movement. We stepped into the mostly empty hotel lobby. There were only a few people standing looking at their cell phones, praying for them to ring. They all must have been in the same predicament as us, tourists who were hoping for their loved ones to return from exploring the city. We moved to a corner of the hotel where Hazel would be able to see the front door for her mother, and also the stairs. She handed me her room key. I kissed her wet face and gave her hand a loving squeeze. As soon as I began to turn to leave she shot her eyes to the hotel door.
I left her there.
Chapter 2
I was moving as quickly as I could. I decided to go up to my room on the second floor first because I had much less stuff. I thought of her as I ran up the stairs. I couldn't leave her alone and afraid, but there really wasn't any other way. We were a team. As I rounded the stairs and shot (hobbled) down to hallway to my room, I thought of her mom. I hope she is Okay. I fumbled for the room key
"Damn it" I said quietly. I slid the room key into the lock and it opened on the first try. I ran in and grabbed my bag containing clothes, computer, and some movies. I ran past the bathroom and grabbed the soaps, shampoos, towels, and some toilet paper. I didn't know where we would go, but I figured there would be little luxury. I crammed the soaps and mini shampoos into my bag and hung the towels over the handle of my bag.
As I walked out the door way a loud explosion went off and knocked my against the door frame. A light fixture fell from the roof and dangled by its chord. The lights flickered and then went out. I walked through the hallway now only lit by light from a broken window in the distance. I walked dizzily down the hallway using the wall for support. I banged my head against the hanging light fixture that was now nearly invisible in the dim light.
I moved down the stairs as quickly as I could and made the corner to the Lancaster's room. I brought out the key that hazel had given me and opened the door. Their room was much better lit than the hallway. Possibly because the windows were facing the bombing and every few seconds the room would light. I didn't know exactly what she would want so I grabbed the rolling suitcase that Hazel and her mother shared, and the bag that Hazel had brought with her. I took a moment to search the duffel bag for An Imperial Affliction. I found the copy at the top of the bag. I wrapped her bag around my other shoulder and extended the handle for their bag. I snatched up her two emergency oxygen tanks and carried them with my free hand. I left the room.
Heavy with supplies, I made my way to the narrow staircase. The air was thick with debris and the chaos from outside. I thought about what our next step would be. I thought about where Hazels mother was. I thought about how irrelevant Counterinsurgence has been in my life. I devoted my post miracle life to playing this game, and nowhere does it qualify me to be placed in this situation. But mostly I thought of Hazel.
I moved down to the last step landing heavy on my prosthetic leg. I rounded the corner into the entryway and suddenly I found myself on the ground. The world was emanating a loud pitch ringing sound. I covered my ears but the ringing continued. When I lifted my head from the ground I was blinded by dust. There were large chunks of concrete and rebar scattered around the building. There was light coming from a giant hole in the back of the building. People were running past the hole creating gigantic soupy silhouettes. I tried to push myself but my arms were weak from fear or, injury, or cancer. I felt someone grab me from my armpits and lift me up. I began reaching for the oxygen tanks just out of arms reach and wriggled free from his grip. I grabbed one of the containers.
"Opstaan!" the voice shouted. The man sounded like he was shouting from underwater. "Opstaan!" he shouted again lifting me up to my feet. I balanced my weight mostly on my real leg. I held on to the two oxygen tanks.
"Where is the other one?" I asked.
The man looked at me obviously not understanding what I said.
I nodded to the tanks in my hands, and the man took a quick look around and began running toward the entrance. At that moment I realized Hazel was not where I left her. I worried I had taken too long. The dust was beginning to settle and my hearing was vaguely returning. I hobbled toward the door with my bag and Hazel's duffel. I lost the rolling bag somewhere amidst the turmoil. As I walked toward the well lit entrance I heard my name called. Hazel ran up to me and hugged me. It was exactly what I needed. The feeling of her holding me made me forget about the explosions, and being alone in an alien and anarchic city.
"Okay?" she said.
"I am okay, Hazel Grace." I said giving a tired smile. She seemed to be uninjured and in decent spirits.
"I think I got everything we have. The rolling suitcase was lost during the insurgence on the back of the hotel, though, Hazel Grace."
"It's fine. We have much more to worry about. We have to find my mom." She said.
"Okay, let's walk towards the Vondelpaark." I said. "She should be somewhere along the way. I'm sure we will find her."
We left the Hotel Filosoof, our progress slow. We held on to each other for support and for comfort. I slung the gabs over my left shoulder so that my real leg could balance the weight and also so I could have a free side for Hazel. She was rolling Phillip over the debris scattered along the sidewalk. The bombing had stopped, and for the moment it seemed quiet. I looked down at Hazel, she was focused on finding her mother. As we walked in stunned silence I looked around the city. There were large blocks of concrete from buildings scattered everywhere. Cars were crushed by light poles and tree branches. Glass was scattered everywhere. The sky was filled with large columns of black smoke from smoldering buildings.
As we reached the park I looked at Hazel. She was looking straight ahead into the greenness of the park. I shook her hand to get her attention. She looked up at me. Her eyes were large green islands floating in a sea of deep red. I felt like I had to say something. But I couldn't think of anything. I wanted her to know that whatever we see at this park, we still have each other and that will never change. I feared she would see her mother blown to pieces or worse, whole but dead with an expressionless look on her face, or even worse still not there at all.
"Whatever happens, Hazel Grace," I finally started, "just know that I'm not ever going to leave you alone. Never."
"Thank you" She said, tears beginning to draw from her eyes. She stopped walking and took a deep breath.
"We will find her, Hazel Grace." I said consolingly.
"That's what I am most afraid of at this very moment." She said with little sentiment.
We began to walk again. I listened to the sound of crackling fire and the wheels of her oxygen cart bouncing against the buildings that are now strewn across the road.
The walk felt like it was taking forever. As we approached, there were chunks of grass covered earth littering the street beside the park. Trees were uprooted with branches ignited. The parks walkways were lifted off the ground in large rectangular masses. The place was a mess. It looked like it had been hit with a bomb, and most likely it was.
I heard Hazel gasp and she turned her head into my chest. I looked around and I saw a woman's body lying lifelessly in the grass. It was not Mrs. Lancaster. She was wearing the same clothes as her, but it was not her. It just didn't look like her. "FUBAR" as Max Mayhem would say.
"It's okay, Hazel." I said. We continued though the park and began hearing planes rolling in from the distance.
"Hazel Grace, I feel an overwhelming urgency to find shelter. I don't want to be outside if those planes drop their bombs again." I said
"We need to wait." She said without looking up. "My mom is somewhere around here, and were going to find her."
"I know we are going to find her but we must keep our wits. It is no use staying here hoping to find her if we are killed." I knew that finding her mother was her priority right now and it was going to be difficult
We began to make haste towards the Restaurant Oranjee as the planes were roaring over head. What is going on? Who are these people? As we walked as quickly as we could through the busy streets, I thought what if this was all Van Houten? What if he felt disrespected and he hired an army to find us and kill us for knocking his drink into his face?
"Augustus look! What is that?" Hazel said out of breath.
We looked up into the heavens dotted with crosses. The crying people around us looked up along with us for the second time. I could make out what looked like translucent red circles falling out of the back of the airplane. The floated like feathers towards the earth.
"Hazel Grace, I don't think we want to find out what that is." I said watching the falling circles. I grabbed Hazels hand and told her to keep walking. I didn't know where to go but I thought we should find a place to hide. That would be our best bet. People began running at this point. They were going all different directions. People in front of us ran past us and people behind us ran past us. Everyone wanted to go where they weren't. They all wanted to find safety, but no one knew where they could find sanctuary.
A man ran past us an tripped over Hazel's oxygen cart. He fell on to the ground but caught himself with his hands.
I immediately began yelling, "Hey, don't you see us walking here? Do we appear to not be fearful of our own finite lives?"
I saw him stand back up with blood running down his hands. He had landed on broken glass from the windows in the shop beside us. There was one very large piece that stuck out from the space between his thumb and forefinger. It was large enough that the sun glimmered from it. The man's hands were shaking as he stared at his injury. He must have thought that his carelessness has just taken away any chance he may have had at surviving this. He ran past us dripping blood onto the streets.
"Hazel Grace, we cannot afford to be reckless."
I looked back up into the sky and all I was able to see was red. The sky looked like the lacerated hands of the man who fell into the glass. The discs were large now, and I could make out what they were. Parachutes. There were men wearing what looked like green or black camouflage uniforms. I looked back at the road before us. It was trashed. People were running back and forth, not knowing what to do or where to go. They felt, as we all did terror. I squeezed Hazels hand and began walking faster. We were still very far from Oranjee. I was not even sure if this would be any safer than the street.
"Augustus, I don't know if we should keep going. Maybe we should head back to the hotel." Hazel said with a small voice.
"I am utterly at a loss for ideas." I said looking straight ahead.
"I just don't think I can make it. We're walking too fast, I can't catch my breath."
"I think we should keep going. The hotel was bombed out. I believe it was structurally unsound."
"Let's just stop here. We can find a spot to hide here for the night." She said.
"No. We have to keep moving." I pulled her hand along the road.
"Stop. Augustus, I can't breathe." She said gasping. "My lungs are on fire. I just- I just can't keep up. I'm sorry" She started crying. "I can't do this."
"Okay." I said "let's stop here. I'm sure we can find somewhere safe."
We stepped to a storefront. It looked like a flower shop. The glass in front was all broken and there were flowering plants all over the place. It seemed like the people left in a hurry. Hazel took a seat on in a chair near the front door.
"I don't think this place is going to be safe." She said. "We should find somewhere above the ground floor."
"I agree completely."
"I just need a minute to rest." She said as she rubbed her ribs.
I looked out the broken window. This street was much more vacant than the last few. We were close to the river; maybe a block or two. We could make it. I just didn't know why we should make it. We could find anything there. We could find nothing there. I thought about how many people must have lost their lives today. It was about 2:30 pm. There were still several hours of sunlight and I did not know what to expect at night. Max Mayhem says the worst fighting is at night. That is the time when soldiers move silently with night-vision goggles and heart beat sensors and stuff I probably don't know about. They come in and kill you in your sleep. It happened to Private Jack Jackson. But what would they want with a couple of cancer kids though. We are dead anyway, nothing more than a failed mutation. I looked back at Hazel. He was still breathing really hard. We were going to have to find more oxygen. She may only have enough oxygen until tomorrow night. I should have grabbed the BIPAP. Damn it. She looked so scared. I couldn't let my emotions show. We had to find her mother.
Gunshots.
Chapter 3
I shot my glance back at Hazel. She slowly craned her head to meet my eyes. More automatic gunfire sounded. Then more gunfire in short overlapping bursts. She took a shaky labored breath and jumped off her stool. I ran up to her not saying a word led her out of the flower shop.
We ran into the open air and turned onto the sidewalk, staying as close to the building as possible. I didn't know which way was safe. The gunfire seemed to be coming from all directions. So we just kept heading towards Oranjee. Hazel was gasping for air like we were in a perfect vacuum. She began feeling heavy.
"I don't think I can make it." She exclaimed.
"Hazel Grace, you must be strong. We will die out here."
"I'm….. going… to die…. If... we… continue." She said.
"We are almost there." I said to her as her body became heavy.
I heard a very loud burst of gunfire. I looked behind me and I saw a rapid flash of fiery light. Oh god, not now I thought. I dragged Hazel around a corner. I was running out of strength. I was holding too much weight and balancing on my one leg is very tiresome work. I leaned up against a brick wall, and held Hazel tight in my arms. She had passed out. A car was heading down the narrow alley way. This is it I thought. My mind was racing. I heard the car squeak to a halt right in front of us, but I never looked up. I was focused on Hazel.
"Augustus!" A Dutch voice yelled.