"I guess I just don't know where I belong," he said, solemnly. It hurt my heart to hear him say that. He belonged with me. Didn't he know that?
"What do you mean, Mulder," I cried. I looked at him and he seemed speechless. He said nothing, and gave me nothing to go on. So I tried talking to him.
"I don't think you will ever understand what it was like for me. First, learning of your abduction and then learning that you were dead only to find that you were actually alive this whole time," I spat out.
He was still speechless. I was pissed off. I wanted to smack him and run away all at the same time. But, what I really did was far worse.
"You're right, Scully, I don't understand," he said in a soft whisper, obviously trying to hold back his sadness.
"Well, let me enlighten you, Mulder," I raised my voice, not carrying about his feelings any longer.
He gave me the look that said continue, and I tore right into him. I fixed my posture, crossed my arms, and made him believe. I wanted him to believe. I wanted him to feel my pain, to share it with me.
"Alright, put yourself in my shoes, Mulder. Pretend that you're in the hospital, and you have just found out that I have been abducted," I tried. "Imagine, how helpless I felt."
"I don't have to imagine, Scully, you have been taken from me, multiple times," he shot back.
"Yes, Mulder, but this is different," I yelled.
"Now, pretend that you have to go back to our work, searching for me, with a new partner. A partner who is skeptical and maybe untrustworthy. This partner was brought in to help me find you, and he did just that."
He sat there, lifeless, waiting for me to make my point. At least he was listening. I walked over to him and sat in front of him, so that he could feel my pain. I grabbed his hand and squeezed it.
"Imagine a few months down the road, you found me. My lifeless, battered body lying on the cold, hard ground. There is not a damn thing you can do for me. Pretend that you are holding my broken body, and tell me how you feel," I dared him.
"I can't, I don't want to imagine life without you," he pleaded.
"Well, I had to, Mulder. I had to bury you," I screamed, standing up. "I had to accept that I would never, ever see your face, hear your voice, or touch you ever again," I yelled, looking down at him. He seemed so child like.
"Scully," he pleaded.
"No, Mulder. I accepted it. I had no other choice. I had to move on with life. I had no other choice but to continue on with our work, because I believed that's what you would want. Everything I do is for you. I mourned your death. I thought of you ever night and every day."
At this point, I was pretty angry. I was tearing up and shaking. But, I needed to get this out. I never talked to anyone of these weak moments in my life, and I guess it was time.
"Now, pretend that a few months later, you get a call in the middle of the night. A call that makes your heart stop. Imagine hearing that you had buried me alive. Imagine, that all of the sudden, I am no longer dead. I am alive, and you find that your prayers have been answered. You'll get to hold me and hear my voice again. It's the best news you could h for," I smile through tears.
"When you get to the hospital, I look like me, but I don't. I look dead," I force him to believe.
"I sat there with you, Mulder, hoping that you would pull through. I didn't care what you looked like, because I was just glad to have you back. As long as you were alive, I didn't care."
"Scully, it's good to be back. I missed you. The entire time I was gone, all I remember is you. All I did was scream your name. I held onto surviving, hoping that I could make it out alive, so that I could come back to you."
"You are back with me, Mulder. This is our second chance. Why are you pushing me away," I ran over to him, grabbing his hands in mine.
"Scully, how could we possibly have a second chance? You're pregnant. You have moved on, and I understand that. I am truly happy for you. I always wanted this for you," he says, pointing at my belly. "You're going to be a great mother."
"I don't understand, Mulder. You're leaving me because I am pregnant? I thought you wanted this," I couldn't believe him. "We talked about this. I thought we were stronger than that, Mulder."
"Scully, help me understand what is going on," he asks.
"Mulder, I am carrying your child. This is our baby. I moved on with life because of this baby. The only reason I could carry on is because I was carrying a part of you. This baby was my saving grace" I said, bluntly.
"But, how," he asks.
"Mulder, don't be an idiot. You know exactly how. I am leaving, Mulder. Enjoy wallowing in self pity, because I'm done."
I grab my coat, and storm out of his apartment. All of the things Mulder has said to me, this really takes the cake. How could he possibly think that I had moved on to someone else? Was he really that stupid? Maybe...
TBC.
RED
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