Just a little one-shot I've wanted to see, so I decided to give it a try myself. Major character bashing, hope you enjoy.

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The nearly empty bottle clanked against the porch swing as she rocked slowly in the cold night air. "This wedding sucks. All weddings suck. Except this dress." Lois looked down at the warm colored dress, her fingers smoothing out a crease near her knee. "I like the dress. Not as ugly as a lot of bridesmaid's dresses. Chloe has good taste." Tipping the champagne bottle back, she finished off the last of it.

Setting the bottle over to the side, Lois sat back in the swing, staring out into the night sky. There had been so much potential in the day. And there had been a lot of confusion during it as well. First it seems like Smallville might actually care about her, then it turns out he's just reading Jimmy's words. Then she's ready to leave and he makes her stay for a very nice dance, but that ended up being kind of strange too. And then, she was so close… so close to finally kissing him where she could remember it, because even in her amnesiac state she knew she had made out with Clark during the whole tattoo/Whitesnake mix CD fiasco, but that got screwed up too. All because of one person.

"Lana."

Lois was startled by the amount of venom she heard in her own voice at that moment. She didn't realize she was that pissed off at the perfect, pink, powder puff, practical, perfect princess but apparently she was. Who was Lana to come in here after all this time, after abandoning Clark, and suddenly think she belonged?

Lois spent enough time watching the two of them dance around each other in her first years here, and she knew how badly Lana had hurt Clark. And now she had to screw up Lois' first real chance with the farmboy. That… that scrawny little…

"Bitch."

"Are you ok Lois?"

Lois' head shot up when she realized she was no longer alone, and wouldn't you know it? There was the Queen of… Lois huffed. She had run out of different words starting with P that could come across as insulting. "Peachy… damn, now I'm doing it all the time."

Lana looked at her, confused, but brushed it aside and sat down on the other end of the swing. "How are things going at the Daily Planet?"

"They're good. Smallville's whipping some tail himself, he's had the lead on a couple of big stories that have broken out in the city."

Lana just smiled at that. "Well obviously."

Turning to face her after that statement, Lois' brow arched. "What do you mean by that?"

Looking taken aback, Lana took a moment to smooth her dress out. "I just mean that obviously Clark is going to be a good reporter. He's great at everything he puts his mind to and pushes himself to do."

Lois nodded, not completely buying the excuse. "Yea, he can be pretty amazing." She picked a piece of lint off her dress and thumped it out into the darkness.

Lana smiled a little bit bigger. "So, I take it there hasn't been any… Earth shattering news that's come out lately?"

Lois didn't even turn her head. "Well, I spent the summer tracking Chloe down because Lex had her kidnapped by a phony government agency and spent months running barbaric and invasive tests on her. I swear, I don't see what you ever liked about that guy."

Lana passed her last statement off. "I didn't hear about that. Apparently you got Chloe out though, considering we're at her wedding."

Lois' made a noise somewhere between a sigh and a horse whinnying. "Nope. Smallville swooped in to save the day, like usual."

"Oh? Well, I guess he would. Why didn't he get Chloe out earlier though?"

"I don't know all the details but apparently Lex got him shanghaied too and he was stuck working as slave labor in a Russian black market outfit. He looked like hell when I saw him at the compound. And apparently he got hurt pretty badly, Chloe said he got stabbed. But good ol' Smallville, he was working the farm two days later and annoying me at the Planet a day after that." Her voice dropped at the memory of finding out Clark got hurt… badly… again. She remembered the tale of the time he was shot trying to save Chloe and the entire county from a madman with a conspiracy theory and she dabbed at the corners of her eyes. "Damn pollen."

Lana didn't even think to mention that there was no pollen falling heavily in late November. "How did he get hurt? He doesn't get hurt, he's… he's Clark."

Lois stared up at her like she had grown an extra head. "What are you talking about? Clark always manages to get hurt somehow, not that it stops him. I swear that boy could get hit by a truck and still show up to work and apologize for being tardy."

Lana looked Lois in the eye for the first time since she sat down. "So… Clark hasn't told you anything about himself? Nothing amazing and ground breaking?"

Lois shook her head again, looking at the crazy woman next to her. "No. He hasn't. Why, am I missing out on something? Did Clark finally get rid of all his flannel?"

Lana smiled primly and shook her head. "No, nothing like that. I guess Clark's just not comfortable with you being included yet."

Her eyes narrowing dangerously, Lois glared at the brunette broomstick. "Ah, you're talking about the great 'Kent secret' you were after for years huh? Clark finaly let you in the club?"

Lana nodded quickly, averting her eyes. "Of course, Clark and I were very much in love. Of course he told me."

A small grin curled at the edge of Lois' lips. "Bullshit."

"Excuse me?" Lana scooted away slightly at the blunt exclamation.

"I… said… that… is… bullshit!" Lois smiled a little bigger. "That look on your face. Clark didn't tell you his secret, but somehow you found out. What'd you do, go through his stuff? Trick him into thinking you already knew? Stick Chloe in the middle of it?"

Lana huffed. "Lois, I don't think this is how friends talk to each other. You're accusing me of something crazy here."

Sitting back with a snort, Lois chuckled. "Oh please, we were never friends."

"How can you say that? I thought we were really close?"

Lois looked up to see the bug-eyed look on the stick's face. "Please Lana, I put up with you because my real friends thought you were their friend. But you're a user. I can't stand people like you."

Lana stood up, stamping one foot in an almost childlike fashion. "What do you mean 'people like me'?"

Lois held up one hand. "Insensitive." She raised a finger. "Selfish." She raised another. "Greedy, manipulative, stuck-up, full of yourself, willing to use anyone to get what you want regardless of whether you deserve it or not, selfish ho." Lois started raising more fingers but lost count and just fanned both her hands out. "Lost count, but you get the picture."

Staring at the grinning woman on the swing, Lana crossed her arms and put on her best serious face. "Lois, you're drunk. We'll just forget you ever said any of these things and eventually I can look past the damage you've done."

Lois snorted. "Drunk? Please, one bottle of this crap doesn't make you drunk. Well… maybe you, you're a lightweight. I'm maybe a little tipsy. But that doesn't mean I've forgotten everything I've seen you do around this town."

"And just what might all of that be?"

Lois stood up and crossed her arms, mirroring Lana's stance. "You really wanna go there powder puff?"

Lana took a step closer, noticing that even in heels she was still a good bit shorter than Lois. "Sure. I'd love to hear this 'proof' of yours."

Lois just smiled. "You're manipulative. I've watched you twist and turn a situation to your own advantage so many times it makes me sick. Do you think it's a coincidence that almost every incident in this town ends up with poor little Lana being the victim?"

"So now I'm being blamed because bad things happen to me?!"

"No you're being blamed because no matter what you guilt and twist people to see it that way." Lois sat back down, brushing a strand of hair from her face. "Don't even get me started on all the crap you've pulled with Smallville."

Lana shook her head. "Oh so you think I wronged Clark? After the years of lies and cover ups, you think he's the innocent one?"

"Hell no. No one's innocent, but even Al Capone would finger you in a line up." Sitting back, Lois smirked. You know the first thing I really noticed when I got to this town Lana?"

"Oh please enlighten me Lois. Wait, let me guess, it was how the valve's stuck on the espresso machine at the Talon. You know the Talon, my business, the one where you were able to actually get a job after you flunked out of Metropolis University?" Lana grinned as she leaned against the railing across from Lois.

Lois looked slightly impressed. "Wow, kitty's claws are coming out. One to Lana." Lois drew a tally mark in the air. "But no, it was how quick you were to push aside Clark, no matter how innocuous the situation. You backed up the football coach, the one who was dating a minor by the way in case you forgot, against the guy who put himself on the line for you time and time again INCLUDING that year when you treated him like crap."

"That is not true!"

"Shut up twiggy, I'm talking." Lois pointed at the younger woman, her expression daring Lana to say something else. "Good. Now, how many times did you push Clark away when he was trying to help you? How quick were you to jump on the 'Alicia is evil' bandwagon, and yes I'll admit I was there too but I did apologize for it."

"Alicia was psychotic! She tried to kill me a year before that!"

Lois rolled her eyes. "Yea because you've never gone off the handle and hurt anyone. Anyway, as I was saying, you were so quick to blame her based on her past transgressions that you never even talked to Clark after she was murdered, did you? Nooooo you just snuggled up with the cradle robber and pretended that nothing mattered outside of your happy little apartment." Lois shook her head. "That almost killed Clark. He almost killed the guy who took Alicia, and you never even told him you were sorry for his loss? Some friend."

Lana's lower jaw stuck out. "Alicia was… troubled. And she was just a phase. Who knows why Clark decided to give her a second chance anyway."

"She took a bullet for him! Are you that thick? Even if she was 'troubled', she loved him enough to face death for him. Which is what he's done for all of us so many times over. So how is it any different? Because you couldn't twist Alicia around your little finger?"

"This is ridiculous Lois, you're grasping at straws."

"Oh no swizzle stick, I'm not done. How about the fact you backed Jason regardless of anything he did, and this is the guy I found here in the rubble of this very farmhouse where he had been threatening the Kents with a gun. You even said many times that you were looking into applying to Central Kansas. Clark went to Central Kansas, but you wouldn't even think of transferring from Metropolis U, despite the fact you were together. How does that make sense?"

Lana opened her mouth but no rebuttal was forthcoming. "I… um…"

"That's what I thought. Ok genius, how about this… the mother of all the mistakes you've made." Lois stepped back up into Lana's personal space, putting her hands on the railing on either side of Lana and leaning down face to face. "You fell in love with, and married, Lex Luthor. Seriously. What the hell?"

Lana's eyes flashed with something dark for a moment. "Don't bring that up. I was misguided and Lex caught me at a rough time, right after Clark had broken my heart yet again."

"OH MY GOD! Once again, it's everyone's fault but yours. Holy hell Lana, when are you going to grow up?" Lois stomped over to the swing, looking to see if she had left another bottle anywhere. More alcohol seemed so appealing at the moment.

"Clark hurt me, and Lex was there being so nice and kind. You can't tell me you wouldn't have done the same thing in my position."

Lois swung around so much she was truly surprised she didn't hit the ground. "I sure as hell can. Lana, there is no reason good enough for falling into bed with that sorry excuse for a B-movie villain. You just saw a new avenue you could try out so you decided to give the ridiculously rich and powerful a shot. But hey, when you found out what kind of guy he really was, which a fourth grader could have seen long before you did, you washed your hands of it and came running back to Clark. And he was dumb enough to take you back."

Lana's lip trembled. "Clark and I are soul mates. We have a very deep connection you couldn't even begin to understand Lois. This is none of your concern."

Lois was back in Lana's face so quickly neither of them realized she had started moving. "Wrong. It became my concern when I came home to find Clark breaking down from your little Dear John DVD. You have a history of ditching the guys who are willing to lay their lives down for you on video, don't you? I saw Clark running his ass off for days trying to help you and Chloe, trying to figure out what was wrong, and as soon as you could blink on your own you disappeared and laid the blame at his doorstep. You weren't here to hold him when he broke down Lana. You didn't see what you did to him. But that was the point right? Just walk away and not be concerned with getting your hands dirty doing it face to face."

Staring up at her, Lana's sweet pixie face twisted into something more sinister. "It tears you up that I could walk in that barn right now and Clark would take me back doesn't it? It must hurt so badly to know you can't have him, that you're not the woman for him. That I'm the girl of his dreams, not you. You're in love with a man who can't stand you outside of work Lois, doesn't that sting?"

Lois wanted nothing more than to wipe the smirk off Lana's stupid little face with the big empty Champagne bottle by the swing, but she thought better of it. "Leave. Now."

Lana's brow rose so slightly. "What?"

"I said get out. Get off this porch, off this property. Get out of Smallville as far as I'm concerned. You're not welcome around my friends and my family, you're not going to twist them anymore. This is Chloe's night and I'm not going to let this little tiff between us grow into something that ends up hurting anyone in that party."

Lana shook her head. "You can't tell me to leave."

"I'm invoking special clause LL19. I can see to the removal of miscreants on this property who are threatening the peace and tranquility of family matters."

Lana scoffed. "You're not family Lois. You have no right to tell me what to do on this property."

"Yes she does."

Both women's heads snapped over to the driveway, seeing a dark shape come closer in the night. Clark had his hands tucked into his tuxedo pants, deep blue eyes staring at both of them.

Lana was the first to react. "Clark, when did you get here?"

"I followed you out when you left the barn, I wanted to see how you've been."

Lois' eyes bugged again. "So… you heard all of that?"

Clark nodded.

Lana twisted, moving away from Lois. "Clark, that's an invasion of privacy. That's not right."

He could only smile slightly. "Add it to my tab Lana." Heavy footsteps thumped against the worn wood of the porch. "I think you should listen to Lois. It would be best if you left."

Lana stared back and forth between the two of them. "You're… you're going to let her tell me I'm not welcome in your house Clark?"

"This is Lois' home, too. She has just as much say on this property as I do. My parents took her in, and though sometimes that's been a little on the rough side, I trust their judgment tonight more than ever." He chanced a glance over to Lois, smiling softly at the gob smacked expression on her face.

Lana huffed as she made her way to the stairs. "Fine. I can see how it's going to be then. I hope you can live with this Clark, I won't be able to forgive this so easily."

Clark just laughed. "Ok Lana. Drive safe."

They watched her stalk off across the driveway and climb into a car before she left in a hurry, flinging gravel. Lois cleared her throat a little while later. "Ok then… I'm gonna go check on Chloe and Jimmy and see how they're doing." She made it two steps before a hand grabbed at her arm again, stopping her in her tracks for the second time that night.

Clark's thumb stroked over Lois' hand gently. "Lois? Thank you."

She looked everywhere but his eyes. "Yea well… it needed to be done. Couldn't stand her anyway." She started walking off again when Clark pulled her back, this time she fell against his chest, staring up into those baby blues. "Wha… what are you doing Smallville?"

Clark brushed his fingers over her face, moving a stray hair back from her eyes. "Finishing something that got interrupted." Leaning down he brushed his lips over hers softly, a deep and tender kiss that had been growing between them all day… much longer if either was willing to be fully honest with themselves and each other.

Lois returned the kiss fully, feeling her knees go weak and a strong arm pull her closer. The dance, the argument, and now this kiss had her emotions going haywire and her mind fuzzy. But she decided that she could very much learn to like fuzzy. Fuzzy was good.

Clark broke the kiss slowly, stealing one more small peck from her lips before he stroked his thumb over her soft cheek. "There's something I need to tell you Lois. Something big."