"That would be the night you agreed to marry me..." a disgustingly sweet voice said. I froze as time came to a standstill. My world started spinning. Round and round. I could hear the sound of my own heart ripping, piece by piece, slowly; excruciatingly slowly, as if someone was taking a pen knife to it and cutting it, letting it bleed to death. My mind tried to grasp the reality of his words, but it was too much. Breathing quick and shallow, my body began to spasm violently, as if trying to shake the thoughts and doubts from my mind. Pain erupted as a howl tore through my very soul. Agony filled the void in my aching heart. I put my head to the ground, seeking comfort, like it was the only stable thing I had.
All of a sudden, my emotions began to swirl. Pictures and memories filled my mind, each one like a another blow; Bella when I first met her, Bella when we found her broken and destroyed after HE left her, Bella at LaPush , Bella and I fixing up the bikes, Bella riding the bike, Bella going for a movie with me when my start of my transformation began, Bella when she called me every day, and I set at the answering machine, listening to her broken voice as I pretended I wasn't there. They seemed to be everlasting, stabbing me straight to my very core. The last memory almost killed me. I imagined my Bella, with red eyes, pale skin, sparkling, and dead. Undead. Dangerous, like death itself.
Anger and betrayal pulsed through my veins as I took off running, pumping my adrenaline, fueling my speed. Trees blew past me as I remembered that this was the very same route I carried Bella through just the day before.
I needed to run. To run. Faster. Farther. Freer. Running my hurt away. Harder. Quicker. My legs pumping at high drive. I could feel my blood rushing in my ears. Running so fast, yet not fast enough. "Jacob..." her voice wrapped around my entire being, caressing, controlling, compelling, commanding.
For that small moment, I forgot. I forgot my pain. I forgot him. I forgot the betrayal. I forgot everything that happened. I only saw her. But like all my dreams, this fantasy shattered faster that it came. We can't really forget a heartbreak after all.
SCREW HER. She will not control me. I shoud hate her, but my body ached to deny her. I could feel the bitter tears streaming down my face as I slowed down, slowly accepting the fact that my Bella was no longer mine. No use in running anyway. She was everywhere.
I could see her in my head, smell her in the air, feel her in the wind, taste her on my lips. Oh god. I could still taste her on my lips. I could feel those soft, gentle delicious lips on mine when I kissed her before. She used to smile at me, laugh with me, she used to be mine. Now she's gone. Taken. Stolen. I shook my head, refusing to believe that my Bella would cheat my feelings like that. He could have been lying. Yes! That's it. That filthy bloodsucker was lying. There's no way. I searched my mind, frantically searching for some sign that he could be lying, but I knew I was in denial. "she always loved him..." a small part of me said. She always loved him more than me.
she gave me away for him. Sobs wrenched through my entire being. I could remember every detail about her. Her face, her voice. Her smile. Her laugh. Her breathing. Her heartbeat. All that she traded for him? I could make her laugh. I could make her smile. Oh god! I could keep her breathing... and she didn't want that. She wanted him. My ears were ringing, and my claws dug into the earth, gripping me to this cruel fate. I curled on the ground, protecting my heart. She promised me that she's be here when I needed her. Where is she? She promised that she'd heal me and patch me up. where is she? She was supposed to be my savior. My angel. I've been holding on so tight while she's been letting go. I've been fighting for her for so long and she just gave herself away. She just let go. She. Let. Go. She left me holding on to a dream. She tricked me. She used me. she threw me away. Just like that.
HOW COULD I BE SO FUCKING BLIND? STUPID STUPID STUPID! I fell for her scheming lies. All she did was deceive me. Lie to me. Stab me. Wound me. Now, she's left me. IT'S ALL THAT FILTHY, BLOODSUCKING LEECH. He forced her into it. But yet, my mind could not get over it. She was marrying him. After all he did to her. All because she ... lov...lo...loved him. She loves him. She loves him. She loves Edward fucking Cullen. She doesn't love me. she doesn't love me. she doesn't love Jacob black. With that, I completely broke. All emotion left me. I was numb. So numb. Without empty. Then I smelt him.