They left Longbourn, one making cheerful conversation about the pleasant evening and his lovely lady, the other silent in a blissful daze. After so many months of tormented memories, of ceaseless introspection and uncertain hopes, his deepest, most fervent wish had finally come true! He couldn't credit his luck, or the events that had led to its fruition. He was bordering between ecstatic wonderment and unreasoning fear that this was naught but a dream from which he would wake. He paid no attention to Mr. Bingley's conversation beside him, or to where his horse was going. When a collision with a tree by the side of the path seemed imminent, Bingley's shout finally roused him.
"Good God, Darcy! What are you pondering so deeply, that an entire tree escaped your notice?" exclaimed Bingley. "This is most unlike you! I know you are not the most talkative of fellows, but I have made several observations these past few minutes none of which have elicited a single reply from you. Is something the matter?"
Darcy colored, thankful for the darkness, in that it hid his embarrassed flush. "I'm quite well, thank you, Bingley. My mind is a little preoccupied, that is all." To stem further inquiries, he added, "Lets make haste. Its quite chilly and I long for a hot cup of coffee." Saying which, he spurred his horse, leaving Bingley to follow. As the wind whipped through his locks, he wondered at his prevarication. It was out of character for him to not acknowledge a truth openly, and he knew that Bingley would be truly happy for him. But a part of him wanted to keep it to himself, cherish it, and probably come to complete terms with it before sharing it. His mind hadn't grasped his wonderful good fortune yet, and he was half afraid that saying it out loud might make it disappear.
They reached Netherfield and dismounted hastily, for the wind had acquired a decided nip. As Bingley headed upstairs to change, Darcy headed into the library, its familiar environs, bringing some measure of peace to his mind. As he gazed into the fire, an unconscious smile crinkled his eyes as he recollected the events of the day.
How turbulent were his thoughts as he rode to Longbourn with Bingley! His conversation with his aunt whirled in his head, her exasperation at Miss Elizabeth Bennet's perversity in denying her, giving him cause to hope as he had scarcely dared to thus far. He knew enough of her disposition that, if she was irrevocably decided against him, she would have said so, especially with the added incentive of stemming the insults of his formidable aunt. But she hadn't. Oh, what could you possibly be thinking, Elizabeth? Does this mean I have a chance of securing your regard? It is folly to hope, for if you refuse, I surely cannot bear it. But I must know. I cannot stand this uncertainty any longer. I will accept whatever you say, and learn to live with it. And yet the apprehension persisted... What if she cannot care for me...
He, however, had managed to conceal his inner turmoil as he greeted the Bennets. When a walk was suggested, he was most relieved at the opportunity to talk with her in private. As Kitty headed off to the Lucases, and Jane and Bingley fell behind, he had gathered his courage and turned to her. She, however, had forestalled him saying, "Mr. Darcy, I am a very selfish creature, and for the sake of giving relief to my feelings..."
Darcy came to with a start when he realized that Bingley had entered the room, along with a servant carrying a pot of coffee. Bingley looked closely at him for a few moments, and when the servant left, he said, "Now I'm positive that there is something you are not telling me. Why I have never seen such a look on your face as the one I saw just now!"
"And how did I look just now?" asked Darcy, though he knew the answer. He was still smiling, he realized, and he couldn't seem to stop. He knew he must look foolish, to be smiling for no apparent reason, but the enormity of what had happened today finally seemed to be sinking in. With his smile widening, he said, "I do indeed have something to tell you. I am engaged."
Bingleys eyes widened in amazement. "Engaged? To whom?"
"Miss Elizabeth Bennet." The simple pronouncement of her name gave him such indescribable pleasure; his face fairly glowed with his happiness. "She has consented to be my wife this very day." When Bingley remained silent with astonishment, he added, "Will you not wish me joy?"
"Of course, I do wish you joy! This is wonderful news, indeed, and Jane and I have been hoping for it for quite some time, but we both decided it to be impossible. Why, we will be brothers in truth!" exclaimed Bingley joyfully. They continued to talk of their anticipated happiness and domestic felicity for a while until they headed for bed. Darcy undressed, and after dismissing his valet, went to look out the window until sheer exhaustion overtook him. Lying on his bed, he gazed at the canopy overhead, instead seeing only her face. "My wife," he murmured, tasting the words as they rolled around his tongue, a proud contented smile on his lips as sleep finally claimed him.
Chapter 2
Elizabeth woke the next morning with a feeling of expectancy, a warmth of anticipation that she wondered at before she remembered the events of the previous day. A brilliant smile of pure delight lit her eyes at the memory of her intended husband. Her intended husband! She blushed at that intimate thought, and wondered what he must be doing now. The smile continued to illuminate her features as she recalled his words, his expressions, his voice, as he told her of his enduring affection, and the happiness her own reassurances gave him. A knock on the door brought her back to reality, and dimmed her happiness a little at the thought of what difficulties lay ahead with her family, but she was already relieved and glad of Jane's support and good wishes after last nights conversation with her. Her spirits further lifted at the sound of hoof beats below her window, as she hurriedly got dressed.
Making her way downstairs, she heard Bingley's pleasant voice talking to her mother, and a deeper one, that made her heart leap. She walked into the morning room, with her head downcast, to hide her confusion. Bingley walked up to her, and the expressive warmth of his eyes told her that he knew of the good news, as she smiled back at him. She lifted her eyes further and met Darcy's, the expression in them making her breath catch and her cheeks to flush. Her mother made an inane remark to Bingley, and before she could spoil Elizabeth's pleasure of the day by slighting Darcy, Bingley suggested a walk. A short while later, the four of them set out for Oakham mount.
It was not long before the two pairs of lovers separated, Jane and Bingley preferring to amble around rather than indulge in strenuous exercise. Darcy and Elizabeth continued on, she resting her hand on the crook of his elbow. Both were very much aware of the novelty of their situation, and couldn't think of a word to say.
"Finally, Darcy asked, Did you sleep well last night?" Elizabeth replied, "Yes, thank you, better that Ive slept in a long time." Immediately she blushed, realizing how her words might sound, but Darcy was delighted. So he wasnt the only one enduring sleepless nights over his unrequited love? Smiling, he asked her teasingly, "And what could possibly cause you wakefulness? A troubled mind, or a yearning heart, perhaps?"
Elizabeth's blush deepened, but she smiled back with an arch twinkle of her own saying, "Are you fishing for confessions, Mr. Darcy?" He replied, "Of course, I am! I have laid my feelings bare before you, but I'm yet to hear how you came to return my regard. Oblige me," he pleaded charmingly.
Her eyes warmed him as she replied, "My feelings for you changed almost immediately after I read your letter. I couldn't love you yet, but I didn't hate you anymore. Indeed, I was more occupied with my own mortification at having made such an error of judgment in more than one case."
"Then when did you start to love me?" he asked eagerly. She shyly replied, "I think when I saw your portrait at your beautiful house at Pemberley. Mrs. Reynolds was so full of your praise, and when I met you, you treated me with a degree of kindness and civility I scarcely deserved, much less expected. But I knew for certain that I loved you the moment you left after I told you about Jane's letter regarding Lydia. You looked so grave and distant. I was certain that any tender feelings you had for me couldn't possibly overcome the indignity of having an association with a family so sunk in reproach. And when we heard from my uncle Gardiner about Lydia's wedding to Wickham, while a part of me was relieved at such a favorable settlement of her affairs, another part was bitterly ruing the fact that any regard for me wouldnt reconcile you with the prospect of having Wickham as a brother-in-law." Her face shadowed as she recalled her own heartache among all the other troubles that had beset her family.
"You could have a hundred such brothers, and they still wouldnt keep me from you," he said softly. When she looked at him in surprise, he added with a smile, "I have found many things about myself, these past few months. I find that Im able to tolerate the idea of Wickham as a brother-in-law, but not the idea of living without you." Lifting his hand to brush involuntarily at a stray curl on her cheek, he whispered, "I have spent sleepless nights too, too many of them to keep count. When I did fall asleep, sometimes, it was to nightmares about your refusal in Kent, with your words repeating endlessly in my head. At other times, even worse, it was to dream of having you in my life, watching you smile at me, even laughing at my follies, and of sharing my past and future with you. You cannot conceive what torture it was to wake up and realize that it was only a dream. I found myself analyzing every aspect of my life and my conduct, with the only thought, "What would Elizabeth think of it, if she were here?" All those months apart led me to realize exactly how much you mean to me."
They had stopped walking, and he had been drawing ever closer to her while he was talking. She couldnt move, enraptured by his words, by the tender yet ardent light in his eyes. Now, her face inches away from his, she whispered, "And how much is that?"
In reply, he bent forward and covered the rest of the distance between them, his hand moving from her cheek to cup the back of her neck and his eyes seeking her consent. Her eyes fluttered close, her face tilting in open invitation and her breath leaving her parted lips with a soft sigh. That was all he needed, as pulled her close and brushed his lips against hers with tantalizing softness. The first contact was electrifying to both, the pure sensation making Elizabeth gasp. She slid her arms about his neck, as he kissed her, with increasing passion, until she was no longer aware of their surroundings. They stood like that for what seemed like an eternity, until he broke off the kiss, his chest heaving, and his breathing ragged. She clung to him, weak-kneed and breathless. "Oh Elizabeth!" he whispered hoarsely, closing his eyes in a prayer of thanks that he was blessed to experience such divine happiness. The urge to bury his face in her neck, to explore it with his mouth till the hollow at the base of her throat was overwhelming, but he realized with a few remaining shreds of his sanity that his self control would not stand the test. Brushing his lips against her hair, he pulled back reluctantly. He stifled a groan at her muffled sound of protest; the dazed passion in her eyes was almost more than his will could stand. But he resolutely held her away, saying in a still husky voice, "I fear we need stronger vows between us, before we can proceed further."
Elizabeth turned red, and quickly moved away from him, mortified at herself. She had kissed him without restraint, responding to his caresses with a wanton eagerness that she was sure no maiden of virtue should properly allow. She cringed further at the memory that he was the one to call a halt to their proceedings, and she was the one to protest at it. Their kiss had started out chaste, but had progressed from improperly warm to shockingly intimate in no time. Her body still trembled from the remembered passion. What a wanton he must be thinking me! Such impropriety that I not only allowed, but actually encouraged! And even more shocking that I hadn't wanted it to end! She couldn't bring herself to look into his face.
Darcy watched her with increasing concern. She had responded magnificently to his kiss, inciting him to further it more than he would have deemed prudent. But he couldn't get himself to regret it. His dreams didn't even begin to compare with the reality of her in his arms, and he knew that she would be a passionate lover. But he was beginning to be worried that he had offended her, or had misread her reaction. Finally, when they had walked for ten minutes without a word, he couldn't bear it anymore.
"Elizabeth," he said, pulling her to a halt, "I cannot bear having you upset or offended with me. I'm sorry if I did either just now, but I couldn't help it. I got carried away. I apologize for any discomfort I have caused you."
"Offended?" she said, her eyes widening with surprise. "No, I'm not offended. I was afraid that it was you who were." Blushing, she added, "I was thinking that you must now be considering me a shameless wanton, and I was mortified at my loss of control."
Darcy gaped at her for a moment. "Wanton?" he said with a tender laugh. "What an innocent you are, my darling Elizabeth, if you thought that was wanton!" His voice lowering, he rasped, "I would rather call it passionate. And I keep finding that all my dreams couldn't have prepared me for the reality of you, of us. I have waited so long for you, my dearest heart, but how much longer this wait for our wedding will seem!"
Elizabeth blushed again, but the look in her eyes told him that she couldn't agree more.