*Disclaimer: All characters belong to J.K., but don't blame her for my
strange sense of humor.
* Warning: Slash and incest tries to make itself known, but Ron doesn't let it. Also, don't get sad, but it isn't Christmas yet. I know, I know. It isn't even December. I apologise for any confusion.
* If you are home alone, sing this little carol aloud to yourself to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas". Enjoy. ^-^
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(Curtain opens. Ron steps out.)
RON: (Sings) On the first day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me: a kiss that was NOT on the cheek. (Oh, yeah!)
On the second day of Christmas the twins gave to me: two Ton Tongue Toffees and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (Don't ask.)
On the third day of Christmas, Snapey gave to me: three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (::retch::)
On the fourth day of Christmas, Harry gave to me: four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (Uhm... I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable...)
On the fifth day of Christmas, I gave to me: Five... Topless... Veela..., four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (Huh?)
On the sixth day of Christmas, Weatherby (OOPS!), I mean, PERCY gave to me: six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (GAAH! Gosh, you GIT! Go find Penelope, or your beloved Fudge! Anyone but me!)
On the seventh day of Christmas, (to my siblings and me) Mum gave: seven Weasley sweaters, six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela..., four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (::blush:: Stop, Mum!)
On the eighth day of Christmas, Malfoy gave to me: eight unfriendly punches, seven Weasley sweaters, six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (Excuse me while I throw up slugs!)
On the ninth day of Christmas, Seamus gave to me: nine River-Dancers, eight unfriendly punches, seven Weasley sweaters, six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. ;-( No more...
On the tenth day of Christmas, Fleur gave to me: ten erotic wishes (YES!), nine River-Dancers, eight unfriendly punches, seven Weasley sweaters, six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (All right. That wasn't so bad. I supposes I can keep going..)
On the eleventh day of Christmas, Umbridge gave to me: eleven new assignments (wench!), ten erotic wishes (NOOOOOO!), nine River-Dancers, eight unfriendly punches, seven Weasley sweaters, six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two ton tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (Oh, bugger! That's nasty! ::washes mouth out with detergent::)
On the twelve day of Christmas... (::gulp::) WHAT? No... No, I can't possibly say it... No, it's too awful, too terrible, too sick and unkind...
All right, all right. ::sigh::
On the twelve day of Christmas... ::ahem::... You- Know- Who gave to-
HERMIONE: ROOOOOONNNN!
RON: OKAY, OKAY. VOLDEMORT gave to me: twelve ghastly bruises, eleven new assignments, ten er- never mind, nine River-Dancers, eight unfriendly punches, seven Weasley sweaters (Oh? He knits, now? How cute.) , six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a- No, I can't say it.
ALL OF HOGWARTS, INCLUDING FILCH IN A SANTA HAT: Just say it!
RON: No! I can't! It's awful, not to mention insulting!
MALFOY: (Takes the stage) You bloody prat. I was deeply insulted by your verse on me, but you don't see ME complaining! (GROUP: (ad. lib. "Yeah". "I agree". "Brilliant". etc.) ! Just say you kissed the poor old chap, and END THE BLOODY SONG!
ALL OF HOGWARTS, AND SOME OF THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC: Get on with it!
RON: (crying) I won't.. I won't...
ALL OF HOGWARTS, THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC, AND SAINT MUNGO'S: (Singing) And a kiss... That was not on the...
(A crazy, fast instrumental part plays. Everyone starts dancing; Voldemort does the disco; Veela strip; Hagrid and Snape do the dosey-do; Hermione tangos with Malfoy; Ron pushes them apart and takes the stage once more....)
RON: (Loud and proud) Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
(Hermione and Ron snog. Curtain Closes.)
*Author's note: Whew. That kind of turned into a Monty Python film gone bad. Please forgive my insanity. Read it? Please review it.
* Warning: Slash and incest tries to make itself known, but Ron doesn't let it. Also, don't get sad, but it isn't Christmas yet. I know, I know. It isn't even December. I apologise for any confusion.
* If you are home alone, sing this little carol aloud to yourself to the tune of "The Twelve Days of Christmas". Enjoy. ^-^
^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^**^^
(Curtain opens. Ron steps out.)
RON: (Sings) On the first day of Christmas, Hermione gave to me: a kiss that was NOT on the cheek. (Oh, yeah!)
On the second day of Christmas the twins gave to me: two Ton Tongue Toffees and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (Don't ask.)
On the third day of Christmas, Snapey gave to me: three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (::retch::)
On the fourth day of Christmas, Harry gave to me: four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (Uhm... I'm feeling a bit uncomfortable...)
On the fifth day of Christmas, I gave to me: Five... Topless... Veela..., four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (Huh?)
On the sixth day of Christmas, Weatherby (OOPS!), I mean, PERCY gave to me: six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (GAAH! Gosh, you GIT! Go find Penelope, or your beloved Fudge! Anyone but me!)
On the seventh day of Christmas, (to my siblings and me) Mum gave: seven Weasley sweaters, six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela..., four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (::blush:: Stop, Mum!)
On the eighth day of Christmas, Malfoy gave to me: eight unfriendly punches, seven Weasley sweaters, six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (Excuse me while I throw up slugs!)
On the ninth day of Christmas, Seamus gave to me: nine River-Dancers, eight unfriendly punches, seven Weasley sweaters, six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. ;-( No more...
On the tenth day of Christmas, Fleur gave to me: ten erotic wishes (YES!), nine River-Dancers, eight unfriendly punches, seven Weasley sweaters, six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (All right. That wasn't so bad. I supposes I can keep going..)
On the eleventh day of Christmas, Umbridge gave to me: eleven new assignments (wench!), ten erotic wishes (NOOOOOO!), nine River-Dancers, eight unfriendly punches, seven Weasley sweaters, six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two ton tongue Toffees, and a kiss that was not on the cheek. (Oh, bugger! That's nasty! ::washes mouth out with detergent::)
On the twelve day of Christmas... (::gulp::) WHAT? No... No, I can't possibly say it... No, it's too awful, too terrible, too sick and unkind...
All right, all right. ::sigh::
On the twelve day of Christmas... ::ahem::... You- Know- Who gave to-
HERMIONE: ROOOOOONNNN!
RON: OKAY, OKAY. VOLDEMORT gave to me: twelve ghastly bruises, eleven new assignments, ten er- never mind, nine River-Dancers, eight unfriendly punches, seven Weasley sweaters (Oh? He knits, now? How cute.) , six words of "wisdom", five...topless...veela, four chocolate frogs, three loads of nothing, two Ton Tongue Toffees, and a- No, I can't say it.
ALL OF HOGWARTS, INCLUDING FILCH IN A SANTA HAT: Just say it!
RON: No! I can't! It's awful, not to mention insulting!
MALFOY: (Takes the stage) You bloody prat. I was deeply insulted by your verse on me, but you don't see ME complaining! (GROUP: (ad. lib. "Yeah". "I agree". "Brilliant". etc.) ! Just say you kissed the poor old chap, and END THE BLOODY SONG!
ALL OF HOGWARTS, AND SOME OF THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC: Get on with it!
RON: (crying) I won't.. I won't...
ALL OF HOGWARTS, THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC, AND SAINT MUNGO'S: (Singing) And a kiss... That was not on the...
(A crazy, fast instrumental part plays. Everyone starts dancing; Voldemort does the disco; Veela strip; Hagrid and Snape do the dosey-do; Hermione tangos with Malfoy; Ron pushes them apart and takes the stage once more....)
RON: (Loud and proud) Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!
(Hermione and Ron snog. Curtain Closes.)
*Author's note: Whew. That kind of turned into a Monty Python film gone bad. Please forgive my insanity. Read it? Please review it.