I didn't trust this to last. It was a slippery, precarious edge that I balanced on, and it wouldn't take much to knock me back down. Just glancing around my room with these suddenly clear eyes—noticing how strange it looked, too tidy, like I didn't live here at all—was dangerous. (New Moon, pg 142)

Bella

For over four months, I not felt this sort of clarity. Not since—I refused to let this train of thought continue. I wasn't ready to face reality yet. The gaping hole in my chest began throbbing painfully. I prayed that I would be able to sink back into numbness before the pain became too much to handle.

Sitting down clumsily on my bed, I clutched instinctively at the tattered remains of my heart. With the fog of the past four months gone from my conscience, everything stood out in too-stark contrast. I tried desperately to repress the memories that fought their way up from the depths of my brain. If I weren't careful, this new clarity might completely fracture whatever there was left of my humanity.

Thoughts straying back to the other night's movie fiasco, I couldn't help thinking that I was missing something important. Realization struck me momentarily and I remembered my real reason for waking up this morning. The clearness of a few minutes ago dulled slightly as my delusion ran through my consciousness. I needed to find a way to repeat the experience—this high couldn't keep up forever. At least I might be able to hear ihis/i voice once more before my numbness returned. That would be better than nothing, wouldn't it?

I couldn't let these thoughts continue. They would dredge up too much hurt, too much pain. I didn't know when I would be able to handle the memories, if ever. But I knew that thinking of them now, at my most vulnerable in four months, would break me beyond repair. Running downstairs, I scrawled a hasty note to Charlie and flew out the door, jacket in hand. Jacob would be waiting for me, and I needed him to make the pain stay away.

The sky threatened rain—what a surprise for Forks—as I gunned the engine on my truck. I pulled out onto the road swiftly. Letting the mind-numbing drone of the truck still my thoughts, I drove in a half stupor toward Jacob, my release, my clarity high.

Edward

Watching the trees fly by as I run no longer excites me. Nothing seems to anymore. I can't function properly, and my once even, fluid steps falter from time to time.

If I could die, now would be the time to do it. Not in over fifty years have I felt this restless. My whole being calls out to her...my Bella, the reason for me to keep living.

But all I have left is my memories. I dwell on these almost constantly now. Unlike for humans, time for my kind does not heal all wounds. It makes them all the more painful. I love her with such an ungodly passion, I need her to make me feel whole. Knowing that in the past four months, she has probably moved on, healed, gone back to a life without the pain I caused her only serves to hurt me more.