The first time Peter says that name (the one he says with both pity and sadness, as if once-upon-a-time he cared for her) something in my head began to tick, to click into place as if finding her would finally fix me because over the months since Sylar's death I've been somewhat broken inside.
"They found 'Elle' alive and well, thought you might want to know Claire."
(for some strange reason at the word 'alive' I wanted to say 'that can't be' even if I had never met the girl, never seen her alive or dead)
That name, the one that now used to only be filling my dreams (along with murder, and so much blood, god the blood) is now invading my day to day live, one moment I'm being the prefect me all smiles and manipulating words then in the next 'Elle' is there taking over.
"Who is she Pete?"
(she, she who likes to haunt my dreams like a ghost even if I know very well that she is alive and kicking, she who invades my every waking thought)
"She who, Nathan?"
"Elle Bishop."
It's the first time I asked knowing all it would bring was strange looks (those I've been getting more and more of lately, as I slowly become not myself) and whispering words, it's also the very first time that I've dared to say her name out loud afraid of what I might do hearing myself speak the name of a stranger I seem to know body and soul.
"She's no one you know, Nate, just an old flame of mine. Nobody at all."
A flash of anger, that one little feeling, I used to be able to hide it so well, that seems to come more and more with certain words 'father, mother' and 'Elle' (always Elle, each and every time), came and for a single moment I wanted to kill, soak my hands in my own brothers blood but only for a second then I was back to myself.
But I came back asking two things, who is myself? And why do I now love a girl called Elle Bishop who I've never met?
-
The not having met her, a problem that seemed not to be my worst I was after all dreaming up various ways to kill my family one by one, changed quite fast in the coming days when I opened the door and found her smiling face at my door step.
(and it was an accident I was even there, my days controlled every hour by the need for power and making mommy proud, but lucky ma didn't open it)
"Elle? Peter told me you were alive but not that you were coming here, why did you come?"
At that time I didn't want to ask why, when the old me wouldn't have asked just shut the door, just take yet another one of Sylar's victims, who was number one in his book, in my arms (don't even ask me how I know that).
Sylar one of the many villains hanging on to our shirt tails that I found myself not hating, not a single bit, now how wrong is that?
(the strange thing is that I knew it all, every single detail of her tragedy, the feel of the sand between my toes and the sight of her dead surrounded by so much blood, but how could I know this?)
"Sadly a whole lot of people, super-boy included, know I'm alive and kicking and in no way does that help me. Well. at least the main reason of the tag on my toe is no longer breathing the same air, but that's something I would have loved to finish myself, head first. Anyway commander in chief do you think I could crash here at your smug little place just for a bit and all those loving family members wouldn't have to know a thing, okay?"
Me, well the old me that seems to be on a permeant vacation since I watched Sylar turn to ash (oh and that other thing I can't quite recall), would have said no so many times until she and her bare feet were out on the street but as I said I'm gone forever and ever, gone.
"F-fine, stay as long as you want, Elle."
(the old me, the one that resides in my head only coming out in a smile to make everything seem okay when it's anything but, reminds me that Mrs. Bishop is a better name for the strange creature before me)
The new me, the one that wants to bathe my hands in the blood of so many (many of them familiar and past loved ones) only smiles back big and wide and calls her 'Elle' once again, the name that I want to say over and over again and the person that I know now I must have body and soul.
And strangely feel like I've already have, kissed those smiling lips, and most of all tasted the sweet blood that surprisly still pumps all the way through her.
"Super! I'll just bring in my things, Noah and get myself settled."
That name 'Noah' makes my blood boil, even if I know the one with that is a friend, (a partner in crime, ready to rule the world with me side by side) as if he's killed me more then one time, which is insane since I only have one life to give (one that doesn't fit the mold anymore, one that swirling down into darkness once again but this time it's oh-so different).
But all I can feel for that man and that name is hate.
"Noah? Who's that? (and please god don't say Bennet)"
"My baby."
-
Her 'baby' the one that she holds close like somebody was going to run in and snatch the little boy from her arms (and knowing us it could damn well happen any second now), it was clear as the worried mother smile on her lips that the child was Sylar's very flesh and blood and she had given birth to the son of her lover who had tried to kill the both of them out of the blue.
(as always with me something strange happens, when it clicks that he's Sylar's son I want to say/think that he's mine and mine alone and that the woman before be is my lover)
"He's three months old, talks like a monkey (a cute one of course) doesn't walk and is cute as a button. We had no where else to go (and daddy's many cards are just plastic now), t-thanks."
"It's nothing, El."
-
Over the months that came (the months with smiling babies and crazy overtired women) she became a better person in every single way, more thank yous, less shocks, more goodness and less evil, well that makes one of us.
During that time the only thing I was doing was becoming worse and worse, one seed of doubt, of evil was planted in me (in a way I know but can't yet believe) and the only thing it's doing is growing until all that was me, and the big damn hero in me, will be turned into a sick and twisted version.
And while all of this was coming to pass I was also falling for the last person on earth I thought I would, the one that knocked on my door and invaded my life (but in no way do I want to her to leave) with nothing but a smile and a baby, and I'm happy to say that it's the same all around.
(besides falling in love with El, I found yet another child to love as my own, the only one that I got to see, Noah)
"Hey, Nate, I've been here a long time now, no, don't you worry I'm staying till you kick me out my ass, anyway don't call me El or my shocking days will come back in full-swing, got that?"
This has to be the third or fourth time over the three months she's been staying here (watching little Noah grow together, as a strange little family) that she's told me this and each and every time I always break my word to stop but for some strange reason I have a need to call her just that.
El, my Elle who I know has been mine since even before she kicked her way into my home and life, and I also know I've loved her longer then I've even known her name or her face.
"You tell me this once again, El-le (close one), but this time I have to ask why?"
"That's a easy one, it's because that's what he called me, Sylar. I know I don't talk about him a lot but that's a sore subject, about the man that both tried to rip me up and gave me the person I love most in the world. Even so, I still hate him more then anyone, even daddy."
(at that name, the one that has been repeating in my brain like a broken record, Sylar, sends chills down both of our spines)
The tears, the big wet ones that she usually saves for herself and the bathroom (sometimes the closet where she likes to wipe her eyes with my suits), come faster then I can take her into my arms finally doing the thing that I've dreamed of since she first landed in my universe, wrapping myself around her.
"I'm so sorry, El, forgive me."
For a second it feels like I'm in a new skin, that my face is no longer my face but I've been feeling not myself far longer then now, that I don't have the right face, right arms, legs, toes, and but of course the right mind.
It feels like it's no longer my own, like something or someone is taking me over body and soul and I can do nothing to stop it, him, I didn't know how right I was.
"Nathan? Don't be sorry you had nothing to do with it, it was all his fault-"
Her now smiling eyes turned on me and it wasn't long before they were filled with nothing but terror.
"Sylar?"
(looks like I lost my face altogether, now all of it screams 'Sylar, Sylar murder of the innocent and nightmare man of the woman I love' but now the only thing I have left is my mind and I fear that is next to go, tick-tock-tick-tock)