Chpter 1: War

Here stands a man

at the bottom of a hole he's made

Still sweating from the rush

His body tense

His hands they shake

-War by SYML

Arriving early at the district wasn't something Antonio was used to doing. He liked to be on time, sure, maybe a few minutes early. But today was different. The house felt too empty, his thoughts too loud, and he just needed to get out, to do something. So he got into his car and went to the district.

It wasn't really all that different in terms of quietness, since he was still alone, but he did have some paperwork to finish, which was as good a distraction as any.

He took a sip of his coffee as he waited for his computer to start up, mentally sorting through the things he needed to get done.

A strangled scream shattered the silence and Antonio's hand automatically reached for his hip, where his gun would be if it wasn't eight in the freaking morning in the supposedly empty work area. The coffee spilled when he hastily put it

on the desk, burning his hand and staining a case report he'd wanted to review.

Another scream, this one louder, sounded from the break room, and Antonio wasted no time in heading in that direction.

He froze in the doorway, shocked. Jay was sleeping on the couch, curled up, rocking back and forth, mumbling incoherently.

Antonio cautiously stepped into the room, hesitantly calling out Jay's name.

"Jay," he called out again, this time louder, more sure.

Jay stirred, but didn't wake up, and Antonio blew out a frustrated breath. He stepped closer, a few inches away from the couch, and reached out a hand to shake Jay awake.

When Jay woke up, he woke up swinging. And man, the guy had a mean right hook.

Antonio bent down, his arm wrapped around his abdomen as he tried to take a deep breath, only managing a gasp that ended in a wheez.

"I'm sorry, man. I'm sorry. Jesus, Antonio, what are you doing here so early?"

"Could ask you the same question, Jay," Antonio said, slightly breathless.

"Just taking a nap." Jay said it casually, but Antonio could see that it was a lie.

He raised an eyebrow. "That was some nap, Jay."

Jay rolled his eyes and turned to leave. "Sorry I hit you, man."

"Jay, stop."

"What?!" Jay exclaimed, eyes angry and shoulders tight.

Antonio and Jay stared at each other for a few seconds before Jay sighed, ran hand through his short hair, and sighed. He opened his mouth, as if to say something, then shut it with an audible click.

"Everything okay, Jay?"

He knew, even as he asked the question, that he wouldn't get an answer. Jay was probably the most private person Antonio knew, and he kept far too much close to the vest. He wouldn't just come out and say whatever it was that was bothering him.

Jay startled, but recoverd quickly. "I'm fine, Antonio." His attempt at a smile was truly pathetic, but Antonio decided to cut him some slack and nodded with a small smile of his own.

"I'm gonna go get some coffee. You want anything?"

Antonio wordlessly shook his head in answer. Jay turned to leave, but before he reached the door, Antonio called his name.

Jay turned toward him and Antonio took in the tired eyes and the dark bags under them, the almost defeated slump of his shoulders. "Yeah?"

"You know you can talk to me, right?"

Jay's smile, though small, was real this time, and it reached his eyes. "I know, buddy."

And though Jay didn't say it outright, Antonio heard the "but I won't" loud and clear.

As Antonio watched Jay drag his feet through the bullpen, and then down the stairs, out of his sight, he vowed to at least try to keep a close eye on Jay. And he prayed that Jay would be able to pull himself through. Because Jay won't accept help from any member of the team, and the one person who could've helped him, the person who came closest to getting him to open up all the way, wasn't there anymore.

Hey CPD fandom! This is my first time publishing a fic here, and I hope you like what I've written. It'll be eventual Linstead, but it's a mostly Jay-Centric Post 5x07 fic...

Please Read and Review, but mostly, just Enjoy this fic!

Updates will most likely be weekly, unless, by some miracle, a lot of people like it and demand more, LOL.

Also, I'm on tumblr, linstead-jay, so come say hi anytime!

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