I do not own anything, other than Eve and May. These are two Oc's me and Ane-chan concocted, and all you need to know is that both are Jashinists, so Eve can drink poison and feel just fine, even if she twitches. Enjoy!
Also, this was a request asked of me on deviantart, and even though I wrote it 2 months ago, I only just finally got to posting it. -sigh- I epic fail.....
But if you want me to write something for you, feel free to ask, since I always do get around to it. You just have to have patience with me. And remind me every once in a while. I only ask that there be no twilight, unless I can kill Edward. Thank you, and enjoy the story I wrote for ~akatsuki-wolf- 14
Hidan stretched and opened his eyes, blinking away weariness.
His head hurt, and he briefly poked his temples. They burned like hell, and Hidan groaned, laying his arms back down at his sides.
His arm brushed something warm, there was a muffled grunt, and something moved under the covers, nuzzling its head further into his stomach.
Hidan sat up, ignoring the pain in his lower back. He didn't have to look under the covers to know who was under there. Eve always did this sort of thing in the dead of night in some attempt at stealing warmth like a small cat. But just to double check, he moved the covers back.
Eve was fast asleep, snoring lightly. She smelled of alcohol and smoke, still completely dressed in yesterday's outfit. Hidan looked at her. If she had fallen asleep in her clothes, that must have meant it was a late night. He rubbed his face with one of his hands, trying to rub away the fog in his mind. What had happened last night?
Eve groaned and her face scrunched, just like when she was displeased when she was awake. Hidan looked at her face, and after a minute, Eve's eye fluttered open.
"What?" She said, her eye glaring at Hidan. He chuckled and patted her head, his traditional morning greeting for her.
"Morning Eve. It's almost ten, I'm hungry, and Kakuzu has had no one to bother him on this beautiful morning." He said, musing her hair, and Eve growled and slapped his hand away.
"Well, Kakuzu can go fuck him-" Eve suddenly blinked and sat up. "Why are you naked?"
Hidan looked down at himself. Eve was right. For some reason, he WAS naked, and for an entire minute, both of them just sat there, completely silent.
Eve broke the silence by letting out a loud scream. "EWWWW! I SO don't want to know why you're naked! OR why we're sharing the bed!" She jumped up, shuddering violently. "I'm going to take a shower… and scrub a good two layers of skin off…"
She bolted from the room, and Hidan sat there for a minute, still completely shocked. Coming to the realization that someone would be coming soon to check on why Eve was screaming, Hidan rolled out of the bed to get dressed. As he pulled on his clothes, he tried to remember what had happened the night before. Eve's scream had jarred something in his head, something that was trying to come to the surface.
A flash of memory came to him of Eve dragging him into the dining room for a game of cards with the entire Akatsuki. After that, his memory ended. 'Damn it, that is SO the last time I play cards with Eve. I swear by Jashin…' He thought before he slammed his head against the wall.
"You know, doing that will only kill the remaining brain cells left over for yesterday." A voive from the door way called, and Hidan slowly turned his head towards the speaker.
May stood, leaning casually against the door frame, her Akatsuki cloak hanging open, revealing her normal dress-boots combo outfit. Hidan sighed, not really in the mood to listen to May. He straightened up, grabbing his own cloak off the dresser and wincing in pain from whatever had happened to his back. He turned to May, only to see her eyes narrowed, scrutinizing his every movement.
"What do you mean, left over from yesterday?"
May looked at Hidan, surprise flashing across her face. "What, don't you remember the amount of alcohol we practically inhaled last night?"
Hidan shook his head, and as he did, a thought ran across his mind. May's keen eyes rarely missed a single detail, and she could hold her booze quite well for a chick. Maybe she would remember what had happened. "Hey, May-sama, do you know what happened to me last night? Since I doubt Eve knows or will spill the beans after that horrible wake-up call this morning…" Hidan said, walking closer to his sensei.
May laughed, and wiped tears of mirth from her eyes, obviously enjoying some memory. "Oh man, I would have been surprised if you did. You remember that Pein and Konan left on a job yesterday?" At Hidan's nod, she continued. "Well, to celebrate a night of silence, Pein's little sis gave us the night to do whatever we wanted. After playing a hand of cards to find out who was going to pay for the drinks, we went to town. Literally. That town in the valley before? The bartender there makes a mean-" She coughed at this part, then corrected herself. "MADE a mean margarita. You downed like 10 of them in a drinking contest with Eve." She chuckled. "Which you lost. She chugged like 20 of them in 5 minutes."
She sighed, looking at the wall to her right. "Unfortunately, after we all got horribly stinking drunk, we all ran wild. And the ANBU got notified of our activities, which got us into plenty of trouble. You, me, and Eve all went on a Jashinist mass murder spree, Kakuzu stole a couple hearts, and not in the good way, Zetsu ate some leftovers from all of us, and Sasori even got to kill some ANBU members to use as puppets later. You know, the usual. Even Joelle surprised us all by casting off her title as leader-sama's sister and joining in!"
Hidan chuckled. "Too bad I don't remember." He stretched, feeling that wrench in his back again. "Hey, did I get hurt last night while we were killing townspeople? Cuz it feels like someone ripped me to shreds."
May's eyebrows furrowed, and she shook her head. "Not that I know about, but then Dei and I DID go to bed at about midnight, and you could have been injured later…"
She glanced at her watch, sighing. "Sorry, I'd help you find out more, but I was just told to find out why Eve was screaming and then go straight on a mission. People won't kill and torture themselves…" She started to turn to leave, then stopped and turned back to Hidan. "If you want to know more, go ask Itatchi or Kisame. They woke us up about 2, so we were forced to move to his room." May gave him a thumbs up, then glanced at her watch, swore, and bolted from the room.
Hidan finished pulling on his cloak and pulled the zipper to somewhere around his navel before leaving the room. He started searching for either Kisame or Itatchi, but when he found neither, he got very exasperated. "Just when I need them, they run away…" He muttered, shuffling his feet down the hall.
"You know, I'd tell you that talking to yourself isn't healthy, but then, I do it all the time." Hidan turned his head to look at Eve, who had just appeared from the room she shared with Hidan, Kakuzu, and May (sometimes). She was towel-drying her hair, shaking the last of the water from it.
Hidan felt his heart leap. As much as Eve annoyed him at times, she always knew where Kisame was, since she enjoyed stealing Samehada and running around, stealing chakra from unsuspecting Akatsuki members for no reason.
"Eve! Listen, I have a question for you."
Eve held up her hand. "Alright, but first, you have to tell me why you were naked."
Hidan shrugged. "That's what I'm trying to piece together. Seen Kisame or Itatchi lately?"
Eve paused, putting a finger to her lower lip and sticking her tongue out of the side of her mouth. After a minute she began to shake her head in a way that Hidan wasn't sure if she was saying yes or no.
"Well?"
"Itatchi went to the store, and Kisame is probably at the lake, trying to befriend Domo again." Eve said, reaching up and scratching the back of her head.
"Domo?" Hidan said, raising an eyebrow.
Eve nodded vigorously. "Kisame believes he can train Domo, but I told him that Domo's wild and can't be tamed." She turned towards the kitchen, then started to turn around again. "Oh, but if you're trying to remember what happened last night- eh?" Eve turned fully around, only to find herself talking to no one.
Hidan was already outside, running the best he could manage while in this much pain. Thankfully, his destination wasn't that far from the base, and he quickly found the sharkman sitting on the small strip of beach that stretched around the lake. "Oi, Kisame! Can I ask you-"
Kisame turned his head towards Hidan, pressing a finger to his lips. "Shhsh."
Hidan stopped where he was, suddenly suspicious. Maybe he should have asked Eve what Domo was… He had just guessed it was a fox… or a goat…
Hidan watched as Kisame picked through a pile of meat, then, finding a piece he liked best, he stood up and let out a long, high, piercing whistle.
Immediately, Hidan turned his attention to the peaceful lake, which had grown giant ripples as something in the depths stirred. Hidan had trouble biting back a gasp and fell backwards as a giant blue dragon burst from the lake.
He instantly recognized the giant beast from a few weeks before when it first appeared. Eve and Kisame had accidently woken it up while they were swimming, and in response, it had immediately eaten Hidan's brand new partner. May was still mad about that, since she enjoyed beating, killing, and sacrificing Hidan's partners on a daily basis, a main reason he never could hold one down. But his surprise didn't come from the appearance of the dragon, it was its eyes.
The dragon that had enjoyed eating Hidan's new partner had eyes like ice blue fire, cold and calculating, screaming death the instant you entered the water. But the eyes had changed to a warmer color, much like the lake around it, and its expression slightly reminded Hidan of a dogs.
A giant, blue dog. Hidan twisted his pointer finger into his temple, wondering what exactly Eve did in her spare time with Kisame.
The dragon sat a good distance away on the edge of the slope so it could easily slither backwards, its eyes fixed on Kisame as the sharkman stood up.
Kisame chuckled, motioning Hidan closer to the edge of the bank. "Hey, watch this." He whispered to Hidan as the pale man neared him before he turned back to the dragon. "DOMO!" He yelled, and the dragon, who's attention had slipped and was now staring into the distance, snapped to attention, his eyes suddenly focused on the lump of meat in Kisame's hand.
"Catch!" Kisame yelled, throwing the meat up straight into the air, and in one fluid movement, pulled out his sword and hit the leg of meat like a baseball and sent it flying up into the air 50 feet above the dragon's head.
Hidan let out a low whistle as Domo shot straight into the air, completely exiting from the water and made a giant arc in the air, catching the meat before plunging back into the depths of his home.
"What is he, like 20 feet long?" Hidan said, mouth hanging open slightly.
Kisame nodded, turning to face Hidan as he resheathed his sword. "Yep, give or take a couple feet. I told Eve Domo could be trained, but she refused to believe me." He shook his head. "Well, as entertaining as it is to watch, I get the feeling you didn't come out here just to watch me train Domo to flip in the air."
Hidan nodded. "I was wondering what happened last night."
One of Kisame's eyebrows shot up. "You can't remember? See, I TOLD you that taking shots of whiskey with Eve was a bit much…"
"Eve had whiskey?" Hidan asked, surprised. Eve had been banned from drinking whiskey anywhere since whenever she got her hands on the stuff, she got incredibly drunk and was prone to stupid decisions. Like joining the ANBU.
A piece of memory shot through Hidan's brain of a extremely drunk Eve screaming, "MAH WHISKEY!" and clutching a couple bottles before she started yelling incoherently about a drinking contest.
Kisame nodded. "Yeah. She was on fire last night, drinking contests practically every 5 minutes and dominating all comers. The second she found that whiskey, you were all in on the next drinking contest. I would have joined, but Itatchi was already so drunk, he could barely walk and was yelling about how we all didn't have enough hatred." Kisame shook his head and sighed. "After that, we went back to the room and-"
"I have a feeling I know what you did. Do you remember if I was hurt at some point? Because I woke up in a lot of pain this morning." Hidan asked, hope filling his voice.
Kisame shook his head. "Nope, wouldn't know. But if you're looking for some info on what happened after I left, try Sasori. He was one of the few who stayed behind to drink Eve under the table, along with you and Kakuzu. Zetsu would be of no help, he passed out right before I left. I had to drag both his and Itatchi's sorry asses home."
Hidan turned away towards the base. "Thanks a ton Kisame."
Kisame nodded, picking up another piece from the pile at his feet. "Welcome. Tell Eve I've proved her wrong, and thanks for the meat!"
Hidan nodded, waving a hand casually as Domo resurfaced and Kisame casually picked up another scrap of human flesh and threw it to the giant dragon.
Hidan instantly knew where Sasori was. He remembered that May had said he had gotten some new bodies to use as puppets, so he had to be in his room, renovating the bodies. It didn't take him long to smell the toxic fumes coming from under the door to know his hunch was right.
Much to his surprise, Sasori had a guest in his room. Eve sat on his bed, a breakfast tray on her lap as she mixed some foul smelling liquids together. She barely glanced up as Hidan entered. "Hey Hidan. Find Kisame?"
Hidan nodded, chuckling. "He told me to rub it in your face that he trained Domo to jump into the air after scraps of meat."
Eve frowned. "Damn it, I that means I have to come up with 20 bucks." She turned her head towards the red-haired man at the table. "No danna~?"
"No. You still need to pay me back for the last $50 you borrowed." Sasori said, his eyes focused on his work.
Eve sighed, turning back to her bottles. "So then, Hidan, what brings you here?"
Hidan sighed, flopping into an unoccupied chair. "Kisame didn't know anything about last night too." He sighed, pressing a hand to his eyes. "I came to see if you remembered anything."
Sasori turned towards Hidan, revealing the half-finished puppet on his workbench. "Let me guess, whiskey was a bit much, wasn't it?"
Eve sighed in exasperation. "God, no one in this damn base can hold their booze. I mean, I drank more than all of you together, and I don't even have a hangover!"
Sasori sighed, keeping his eyes on Hidan. "That's because you have a high tolerance to alcohol. It's probably why you're boobless and so manly. Cuz you're a girl in a guy's body."
Eve's mouth dropped open, and she made spluttering noises, but Sasori ignored her. "As for you Hidan, I take it you can't remember last night." At Hidan's nod, Sasori continued. "Well, I'm going to be of no help either. All I remember was rampaging through town, sealing some bodies, and the beginning of the whiskey contest."
Eve chuckled from her spot on the bed. "Ya, you passed out right after one shot, and then ANBU reinforcements showed up. We couldn't fight 'em all drunk, so I carried your drunk ass home. And this is the thanks I get. Snide comments about how I have no boobs. God, I feel the love."
"Eve, I was joking." Sasori said, tilting his head at the small blonde girl, who started chuckling.
"I know. But I was just laughing at how you tried to strip tease the ANBU members. I'll never forget that image." She sighed, and Sasori turned bright red at this piece of information. "Speaking of stripping-" She began, waggling her eyebrows.
"We did not." Hidan said, his eyes growing wide. "I told you never to play that game with me-"
"Unless you said you wanted to play in the first place. And it WAS you idea to play strip poker last night." Eve said, shaking a bottle one last time, then uncorked it. "Hey, no danna, does this smell right to you?"
Sasori smelt the contents of the bottle before nodding. It was no secret, Eve often swayed Hidan into playing strip poker, a game he was hideously bad at, with other Akatsuki members, always earning the same results. "Smells fine to me Eve."
Hidan sighed, leaning back in the chair. "So that's why I was naked this morning…"
Eve shook her head. "Actually, no. You and I almost tied, but you lost one more sock than me. Kakuzu lost stupendously, and…" She winced, tapping the side of her head. "I think I even declared that whoever lost also lost their clothes to the furnace downstairs. Which means that I burned everything Kakuzu had on."
"Hell Eve, no wonder I don't remember anything." Hidan said, rubbing his forehead. The only way Kakuzu ever lost at cards was when he was off his rocker drunk. And Hidan knew that however much Kakuzu drank, Hidan felt the need to top. It was a small miracle he even remembered his name after last night. "What happened after that?"
Eve shrugged, mixing some more chemicals together. "Well, I must have collapsed on the couch after you decided it was time to go to bed, and somewhere in the night I must have gotten up and walked to your bed."
Hidan let out a sigh and stood up, wincing as a streak of pain shot through him. "Fuck…"
Eve immediately looked up at Hidan in worry. "Are you ok?" She said as she stood up from the bed, coming over to see what was wrong.
Hidan nodded, waving her off. "No, I must have hurt myself last night, but I can't remember how I managed to pull that off. Its driving me fucking insane!" He yelled the last bit, shaking his hands above his head at the sky.
Eve pursed her lips, thinking, a look of confusion sitting on her face. After a minute, realization flashed across her face, her eyes widened, and she turned a deep red. "No… He couldn't have…"
Both Hidan and Sasori looked at her in confusion. "What are you talking about Eve?" Hidan asked, and when she refused to answer, he shook her by the shoulders. "Eve?"
When she still refused to answer, Hidan sighed and let go of his hold. "Spaz…" He muttered, poking her side.
It did the trick, and Eve let out a squeal, then burst out into peals of laughter, her blush fading fast as she snapped out of her reverie. "I don't believe it! Kakuzu! And Hidan!"
Hidan continued to look at Eve confused, but all of a sudden, Sasori gasped and said, "No. You don't think-"
Eve nodded, still laughing heartily. "Wouldn't it explain so much?"
Sasori nodded, and together, Eve and him exchanged silent looks.
Hidan got quite pestered by this, since his hangover wasn't helping him see what he was missing. "Alright, one of you needs to-"
"-do nothing." Eve finished, shaking her head. "I'm sorry Hidan, but I can't tell you what we're going on about. But I know who can."
His heart fluttered, full of hope. "Well, who is it?"
"Kakuzu will know what happened. Mark my words."
Feeling his heart crash to somewhere around his knees, Hidan let out a sigh. "Fuck. Eve, he won't tell me anything. You know it as well as I do."
Eve chuckled as she began to push him out the door. "Go find Kakuzu, and you'll figure it out soon enough." Hidan was at the door now, and he pressed his hands on the door frame just to make it harder for Eve to throw him out. There was a pause while she continued to push, then let out a sigh. Hidan, thinking he had won, started to straighten up, only to feel Eve's foot plant itself directly on his ass.
Pain enveloped him, and he fell to the ground, half because of the pain, and half because of Eve's foot knocking him over. Eve sighed, standing over him. "Hidan, you are such a baka if you STILL don't get it. But then, I've been wrong about a lot of things."
Hidan stood up, ignoring the pain he felt. "Like what?"
"That you've had sex before." Eve said, still watching Hidan's expression carefully.
At this comment, Hidan turned a bright pink. "I have! Don't you remember that girl in the Red Distr-"
Eve could see the connections forming in his head, and chuckling, she closed the door before walking back over to her tray with liquids.
"WHAT THE FRICKING GOD DAMN HELL DID THAT BASTARD DO TO ME??????" Hidan's scream echoed through the base, and Eve started maniacally chuckling.
"God Eve, you can be such a bitch sometimes." Sasori said, shaking his head as he turned back to his puppet.
Eve continued chuckling. "I know. That's what makes me so amazing." At Sasori's answering chuckle, Eve continued to mix the poisons on the tray together, every once in a while taking a sip of the one she was mixing.
Hidan stalked down the halls, teeth bared and scythe in his hand. "KAKUZU!!!!"
The walls practically shook in fear, and Kakuzu emerged from his room. "Yo." He said, looking slightly out of sorts. Probably from all the alcohol last night.
Not that Hidan cared. "Don't yo me!" He said, giving Kakuzu a shove, sending the latter into the room behind him.
Kakuzu stumbled backwards into the room, regaining his balance a second after Hidan shut the door behind them. He sighed, rubbing his temples. "What is it now baka? My head already hurts way too much to be yelling this morning."
Hidan was steaming, he could practically feel the steam billowing out of his ears. "I could tell you the same Kakuzu. I woke up with a hangover strong enough to keep any normal person in bed for nearly a week, bare naked, and in a HELL of a lot of pain. I was hoping you could explain the pain part." He said, crossing his arms in front of his chest.
Kakuzu opened and shut his mouth several times, almost as if he didn't know how to respond to Hidan, but the only thing that came out was an odd half-strangled noise.
Hidan brought the scythe to Kakuzu's neck, a growl hidden in his voice. "Kakuzu, I don't have enough fucking patience this morning for your bullshit."
At these words, Kakuzu snapped out of his reverie, chuckling. "Neither do I. You and I both know," he said, casually pushing the scythe to the side, "that you remember well enough what happened. I do remember though, that last night WAS your idea after all."
The scythe was immediately at Kakuzu's neck again in a flash, and the blades pricked against his neck, drawing small blood droplets. Kakuzu chuckled again, his eyes flashing from the scythe to Hidan's face. "Temper Hidan, or I might just not even tell you what happened."
Before Hidan could gather what had happened, he felt Kakuzu's tentacles wrap around his arms, disarming him easily by throwing the scythe straight into the wall. Hidan struggled, but it was no use as the tentacles held him still. Kakuzu moved a little closer to Hidan, removing his and Hidan's cloaks as he did. He placed a hand on Hidan's chest, smiling as he felt the paler man shiver. "You really don't remember, do you? Well then, I guess I'll have to remind you…"
Kakuzu leaned his head towards Hidan's and Hidan began to feel uneasy at the slow smile on Kakuzu's lips. "What are you-" He was cut off by Kakuzu's lips smashing against his own, the stitches feeling weird as they pressed against Hidan's skin.
Kakuzu chuckled at Hidan's wide-eyed expression, and a few tentacles escaped from his mouth. He pulled back slightly and he nuzzled his head into Hidan's neck, and Hidan's eyes shot towards the door. He could practically see Eve bursting through the door, screaming, "Tentacle rape!"
Kakuzu straightened up for a second, following Hidan's gaze. An instant later, one of the tentacles shot towards the door, turning the lock, but Kakuzu was already back at Hidan's neck, tentacles tickling his skin.
Hidan bit his lip to stop himself from groaning, but when a small noise escaped, he could hear the smile in Kakuzu's voice. "Want me to stop? Or did you remember already?"
Hidan shook his head. "Yes… Stop…" But his voice had taken on a husky quality, giving him away.
Kakuzu chuckled darkly, and Hidan felt the tentacles holding him up slipping away, even though one sliced a small line on his stomach, and Kakuzu started nuzzling his side, his tongue snaking out and catching a few drops of the Jashinist's blood. "I guess I'll have to really work to get you to remember…" He said before he started kissing Hidan's chest, making a slow line upwards towards Hidan's face.
The memories from the night before came back in a rush, and Hidan suddenly found himself dragging Kakuzu towards his bed.
'Move yer fat ass Kakuzu.'
'Naw, I'd rather stay here.' Half of the words coming from Kakuzu's mouth were unintelligible, and despite the dead weight, Hidan somehow got Kakuzu onto the bed.
He straightened up, only to suddenly sway as the whiskey kicked in. Kakuzu used that opportunity to snake his arms around Hidan's waist, easily pulling the drunk Jashinist back onto the bed. 'Come on Hidan, help a guy get ovah his hangovah…'
Hidan turned a bright red as the rest filed through, and his mouth dropped open. "Oh. My. Jashin."
"Good. You do remember." Kakuzu, who had been entertaining himself by watching Hidan's expression contort and change, casually picked up one of Hidan's hands and kissed its palm.
Hidan's other hand found its way up to the side of his partner's head. "Well, didn't we have fun last night?" He said, patting the side of Kakuzu's head as the latter's arms snaked around Hidan's waist.
"Wanna have some more fun?" Kakuzu asked, nuzzling the side of Hidan's neck again, this time gently nibbling it.
Hidan chuckled, then pulled Kakuzu's head up so it was level with his own. "But only if I'm on top this time."