Black-Out

Ch1

I was released from Portland mental health facility today they say that now I can be a functioning member of society, I have been there for six years, being treated on the high risk self abuse list. It was a cold February night when I had come home from the bar, I had been drinking all that night on account of problems with the wife. We had just had our third anniversary, and I had forgotten to make the reservations at that place that makes the Chinese food at the table. So we had a huge fight and I left to work out my problems with my good friends Jack Daniels, and Jim Beam. I came home that night drunk as I have ever been in my entire life. I put my key in the lock and opened the door. And I saw my family, my wife, my three year old child, and my brother all covered in blood. Tortured, in such a way that I would be branded a Sociopath for the rest of my miserable life. I passed out on the floor the next morning I woke up to see that it was not some terrible dream, everyone I loved was dead. The door slammed as I stood up, I looked at the door and carved into it purity.

I couldn't take it I took a razor blade and went all the way from my wrist to my elbow, blacked out and the next thing I knew I was in the hospital with bandages wrapped all around my arms. The Judge didn't believe me they said I killed them they said I was clearly insane ,and that I was unhealthy. So they sent me here, this white building, this place that looks like its made out of a cloud a place so white that you forget your senses.

A place where I became so docile you could have cut my throat and I would not of noticed.

For the first days of my stay I resisted the pills I would not take them, then after a week in that isolation cell, I came around. Then three months into it I stopped taking the pills. When they found the stash of discarded red pill capsules in my clogged drain. They said I had to go to the restraint sector before they came to transfer me I tried to hang myself with my bed sheets, but once again they stopped me from the sweet release that never came and gave birth to the nightmare that would befall me for the remainder of who knows?

Six years later They called a cab for me to take me to my new apartment city side villa room 256. The ride there seemed so awkward it seemed like my feet were still planted on the sidewalk in front of the hospital. for some reason I didn't want to leave it had become sort of a home for this wayward soul. When I arrived at the apartment I went to the front desk as you can imagine this wasn't the most luxerous accommodations for a man that people claimed he killed his family. I could feel the padding of the carpet underneath my feet, the green shag almost reminded me of grass, something that I had not felt in six years. Stella the lady who owned this shanty was a middle aged woman who smelled of menthol cigarettes and wal-mart perfume, and wore lime green stretch pants and a maroon tank top allowing you to see the sweat stained bra she was wearing you could say she is the average woman on this side of town. "you know apartment rules, they warned me about you I sense something suspicious and I will get you thrown right back in that nut house chief you hear me!" "Thanks" I grabbed the key, turned around grabbed my bag and walked out the door to the place that would be my new home.

As I was walking to my room I saw a door open to one of my fellow tenants house I waved politely. You could tell that she wanted to be cordial, but something kept her form being social. You could see a mass amount of empty liquor bottles in the trash bag she was taking out side, as I walked past the door I saw a man whom I assumed was her husband drinking what I assumed to be warm scotch, It had the color of cheap booze, and it had to be hot because none of these shacks have air conditioning. She had the look of someone who used to be very beautiful some one who once had the beauty of youth and the glow of love in them. Something killed that in her just as that did with me. Her shoulder length blonde hair looked beautiful in the florescent lighting, her eyes were big, like you would see in a Japanese cartoon, and were the color of a caramel chew. There was something about her that I knew was special from the moment I saw her, she seemed like she needed my help.

I walked to the door of my apartment I could still see the woman walking to the dumpster to throw away the trash, I put that out of my mind. I walked in on my old room at the hospital, but with color. Twin Bed, Small Dresser, Night Stand. There were a few differences like a small kitchen I had a refrigerator, no stove, bathroom, closet, and a TV. I sat down on the bed to unpack my life. Three changes of clothes, bed sheets and toiletries. I walked to the dresser to put up my socks and boxers and in the drawer were a bible with the word redemption on the cover and a pocket knife. These items the bible was expected, but if my rep from the hospital saw I had a knife I could get in major trouble. So I decided to keep it under my mattress so that I could claim I never saw it. In this part of town I figured I need protection so I don't see why it would hurt.

I took out the three green button up shirts I was given and walked over to the closet to hang them up. My hand started to tremble as I turned the knob for that instant my mind went black I slowly pulled back the door and closed my eyes. When I slowly opened my right eyelid I saw my brother hanging from the beam in the closet struggling to breathe he convulsed violently as blood drenched maggots writhed out of his eyes, mouth, and the ends of his fingers which had been cut off. The word torment carved into his flesh the floorboards were gone and a blinding red light underneath his feet was all that I could see.

I fell backwards from the closet hitting the floor when I woke up in the morning I sat up and in the closet was nothing but a bunch of wire hangers and a old chess set. I wiped the sweat from my forehead, and threw up every where, I cleaned it up, hung the shirts and went to the bathroom to take a shower. I sat down to put on my white converse shoes, and there was a knock at the door.

I looked out the little hole in my door. The gateway to the world, it was the old man who lives on the left side of my apartment. "Boy… Boy…" you in there the old black man said. His fat under his chin shook when ever he used the letter O. He was dressed in old blue jeans a ratty white t-shirt and suspenders. His cane clicked one second before you heard his steps. I opened the door.

"Hello" I said to the old man who reminded me of my grandfather. "Name's Darrell and I am going to be your neighbor whether you like it or not, now you have two options meet me next door, and we will have some eggs and sausage or you can sit here and eat nothing". So I followed the odd little old man to his apartment which was a little bigger than mine it had a kitchen, and enough room for a small table to eat at, so in retrospect I was envious.

He started to cook, "what's your name son". "Terry, Terry Meyers." I said with hesitation. "You that kid they said you killed your baby and your woman." "That's, not something I want to talk about, but yes." "Did you do it", he said with a tone of hurried concern. "No", I said without pause, "Then why worry what people think, you like pepper in your eggs". he handed me a plate with three eggs and two sausage links on it. He has the same he sat down his plate, grabbed the coffee pot and started to eat. "I don't mean to be rude, but do you have any mustard." I said as I took a huge bite of eggs. "Now I think you are strange, it's in the fridge while your up grab the toast." As I sat back down again the old man look a little distant. I looked at him "umm… have any ideas of stuff to do around here." "oh um the library is a block away, and there is a park on the next street over." "I see, well I have to go thanks for the breakfast." "My pleasure, stop by anytime young man."

I started off to the down to walkway to go to the small supermarket down the street. I walked out of the parking lot and turned right, walked down one street and I was there. I grabbed One of the baskets and began to shop I have three hundred dollars so I have to budget wisely so I bought the basic's bread, lunch meat, mustard, ramen noodles, milk, egg's, Coffee, ECT… as I started the short walk home I looked over at the bus stop across the street I saw a woman with a little girl, I remembered my little Julie. I loved her so much the way she said words pumkwin, owange jooce. The way she would sing in the car but the she didn't even know some of the words, or even the beat to the song. How she ruined the brand new couch with pink marker. I thought about my little girl, and I cried. I would have never done anything to hurt them, I didn't even get to go to the funeral, I don't even know where they are buried, and they won't tell me. She was two years old, she didn't deserve that, he killed her, when I saw her that night she had her stuffed dog clenched in her little hands pulled close to her chest, and the only part of her body not covered in blood was her eyes where she cried so much her tears washed the blood away. I looked down at the scars on my wrist they seemed like they were starting to come back open. I started to breathe again.

I regained my composure dried my eyes and walked back to my apartment. As I was walking down the walkway I came up on room 248 the door flung open. It was the woman from last night. "Do I know you" she looked at me with those big eyes they seemed to focus on me like spotlights. "I don't think so" I said as I started to walk away, " You are that guy, right". "I didn't Fucking do it"! She seemed to be startled with me. "Look I didn't mean to yell at you." "I am sorry I shouldn't have pried, can I help you with your stuff." "If you want to" she grabbed a bag and followed me to the door. I opened the door and she followed me in. "I know you think I must be unhappy, and I know you heard the yelling last night". "It's ok" I couldn't say I was out cold on the floor after seeing my dead brother in the closet. " I don't love him you know, she said as she put up the bread on the small counter, we haven't spoken in months." She went on about how that man wasn't her husband worked for days at a time and when he was home he drank so much he can barely speak, and when he did he screamed at her and often times tried to force himself on her, she said she didn't mind it much, she had always fought him off before.

I started to the door, to let her out, she walked over to me, looked me in the eyes and pressed her lips against mine. It all happened so fast, I looked at her and said "I love you Kelly", "How did you know my name." I threw her off of me "What the fuck did you say." "How did you know my name." "Shut up your lying", "what's wrong" she said. "I need to be alone." I paused as she sat there "NOW."

She left, confused and bewildered, I sat down on my bed and started to cry again "Kelly" the only woman I ever loved, my wife. We had a perfect marriage, I can't believe the last thing I told her that night was "I hate you." I walked out on her when she needed me the most. I walked over to the dresser to get the bible, I figured it could give me some sort of advice. As I opened the drawer I picked up the bible, and the cover had the word Holy Bible scratched out and carved into it was broken. I opened it to the middle and inside was a picture of Kelly and Julie in the park next to our old house it was fall She was wearing one of my sweaters it was big on her but she loved to wear them. Her red hair was blowing in the wind, he green eyes were the color of the pine needles on the trees that stood behind her. She was smiling as she held her daughter in her arms a little orange haired angel dressed in her puffy white coat. I would give anything to just hold them, to hug my little girl one last time, to wake up and see one person who could always make me smile.

I looked at the back of the photo it said Lake Side Grave yard Lot 323 & 324. I don't know where this came from or who the hell was in my room, but I have to see them. I have to know if they are resting peacefully.