So...this story is a little...different! It isnt about the obvious event that takes place. Instead its a look at what Ryan has been through during his life in Chino. This whole idea started out as a very long, very inside joke! But, it turned out to be a great Ryan and Kirsten interaction story that I really love. Hope youll love it too! I now accept anonymous reviews, let me know what yall think! (
OLD HABITS
Kirsten left Julie's house with a handful of papers. Everything for the event was in order. All they had to do now was wait and hope everything went off as planned. Crossing the grass she noticed Ryan on his bike approaching the bottom of the driveway. He stopped just inside their gate. Getting off his bike slowly, he peered around the neighborhood as if he was looking for someone. Kirsten was a good 50 feet away and he didn't see her there. Curiosity killed the cat so Kirsten held her position and watched him for a moment. To her surprise, cautiously he led his bike behind the brick wall and quietly laid it down on the pavement. Again he looked around the neighborhood. What was he doing? Kirsten assumed he was going to break out a cigarette and get a quick smoke in before he came into the house. He had only been with the Cohen's for a matter of days. She knew he smoked before he came there and Kirsten was well aware of what a hard habit that had to be to break. She had never actually caught him with a cigarette but there were times when his jacket or his hair gave him away.
Ryan must have decided it was "safe" because he stole away behind the brick gates where no one would see him. So he thought. What he didn't realize is that Kirsten had full view of what he was doing. Prepared to see him pull out a pack of smokes, she was completely shocked when he opened his jeans and started peeing in the grass. And not just a little bit. He had to go! Embarrassed, Kirsten looked away and shook her head, confused. He couldn't be. He's home and he's certainly house broken. Why didn't he just go up to the house and use the bathroom? She snuck another look at him and found he was still going. "Maybe he just couldn't wait?" She asked herself. It was more than obvious that he REALLY had to go.
Kirsten panicked. Her heart raced and hands started shaking. Best to just let him finish. She was going to need the extra time to decide the best way to handle this. Her little "smoking is bad for you" speech was all planned out, but absolutely useless given the situation. What was she going to say? This was more than embarrassing, for both of them, but she knew she couldn't let go. Ryan had enough challenges fitting into Newport's social scene. He didn't need this leaking out. Kirsten rolled her eyes at her own pun. Leaking. Bad choice.
Ryan finished what he started, closed his jeans, grabbed his bike and started walking up the driveway with his head down. Kirsten had made her way to the middle of the driveway but he still hadn't noticed her. He got within ten feet of her when they finally made eye contact. Ryan froze. Kirsten could see sheer horror take over his face. Slowly Kirsten walked towards him. She noticed him change his hands on the handlebars. The new positioning placed the bike between them and would allow him to drop the bike and run if he had to. The bike was the only thing separating them. She also noticed as fast as the fear on his face appeared, he replaced it with a bit of toughness. After all, as far as he knew, maybe Kirsten didn't see a thing.
"Are you okay Ryan?" Blinking at her several times, that look of fear returned in an instant. He took a deep breath and looked at the ground. "It's okay Ryan. I'm not angry. I'm just....trying to understand." Kirsten watched him breathing heavy and swallowing hard. Still avoiding eye contact. "Did you just...really have to go that bad that it couldn't wait?"
Shifting his weight on his feet, he kept his head down. Kirsten was afraid he would bolt so she tried to soften the situation a bit. "You can talk to me Ryan. It's okay. You don't have to be afraid."
At that comment he snickered under his breath and raised his head to look at her. Square in the eyes. It was apparent that fear and embarrassment had taken a back seat to anger. "What did she know about being afraid? She had no idea what it was like to be afraid. Everyday. Survival. Doing what you had to just to get through the day. She knew nothing about it. Chino would eat her alive," he thought to himself.
His hesitation and glare made Kirsten nervous. She knew that comment hit a nerve but she didn't know enough about Ryan to understand exactly why. She also knew Ryan punched people when he got angry. She didn't think he'd punch her but she also didn't know how this was going to play out.
Finally he dropped his gaze down to his handlebars and with a shrug of his shoulders, "I guess old habits are hard to break," he explained, vaguely. His voice was quiet. That was information he didn't want to give out.
"Oh. This....is a habit?" Kirsten asked, wrinkling her forehead trying to comprehend the fact that he just admitted to doing this sort of thing all the time.
Slowly turning his head away, he nodded.
"But Ryan, why would you..."
"Because I didn't have a choice!" he barked back. Disgusted, he shook his head. "You don't have any idea what it's like."
"I know your life was hard Ryan."
"Hard doesn't even come close." Growling his reply through clenched teeth, he tried to keep his rage under control all the while visions of 'why' he did this played in his head. It was something he could just kick himself for being caught at. "You want an explanation? I'll give you an explanation." His statement dripped of sarcasm and bitterness.
Kirsten braced herself. She couldn't even begin imagine what his explanation would be. She wasn't even sure it was possible to justify such a thing. Trying to stay focused and open-minded, she looked on at Ryan with heavy anticipation.
"Back in Chino....My Mom has this boyfriend, AJ. You've heard of him." Kirsten could tell by the body language that Ryan was doing his best to tell the story even though it was obviously painful for him to talk about it.
"It's okay Ryan. You can tell me. I mean, if you want to." She didn't want to press him. He was stressed to the hilt as it was.
Looking around and back at the ground again, Ryan searched for the courage to tell Kirsten the truth. Despite what most people in Newport thought, he really was trying to turn his life around. Turning his face up to Kirsten, shame and embarrassment returned to eyes. Those eyes were wise beyond his years.
"AJ did a lot of drugs. A lot...of drugs. And if it wasn't drugs, then he was drinking. Anything he could get his hands on. It didn't matter. The harder, the better. All day, all night. The problem is, a person doing that much crap every day doesn't have rational thoughts. Rational reactions. Most of the time he wanted the house quiet. When he was strung out on something or drunk, it had to be quiet." Ryan recited those lines like a child that had to be reminded one too many times about being quiet. A child that had experienced the consequences of not being quiet. Kirsten could see he was struggling with just how much information he should share. Struggling to find the right words. Finally, he just blurted it out. "You live with two guys. Guys don't.....use the bathroom....quietly." His voice trailed off as he tipped his head back down. "I did what I had to...as long as I knew I was done by the time I got home." He watched Kirsten out of the corner of his eye. Trying to anticipate her reaction.
Kirsten on the other hand stood paralyzed in her place. For the first time she realized just how difficult his life must have been. Simple things taken for granted everyday turned out to be something that could turn Ryan's life upside down in a heartbeat. With her mouth agape, she took a few steps closer to Ryan and placed her hands on the empty grip on the handlebars of his bike.
This made Ryan extremely nervous and she noticed him tensing up. From his viewpoint, she was now within striking distance. History taught him that his explanations, on anything, were just a means of delaying the inevitable. A smack, a punch, surely yelling was due his way any minute now. All he could do was stand there, filled with anxiety, and wait.
"He hurt you for using the bathroom?" Kirsten could barely get the words out. The mere thought of something so ridiculous made her sick to her stomach. To abuse a child over a human need. She looked away from Ryan and stared blankly down the driveway to the place where she saw him relieve himself. That was it. That was the reason. He was afraid.
"He hurt me over a lot of things. Most of them just as stupid," he offered. Taken aback by Kirsten's behavior, he wasn't sure what to think. Part of him wished she would just yell and slap him and get it over with. This wasn't the reaction he was expecting, or used to.
Kirsten felt faint. This information was more than she could bear. This was beyond anything she had ever experienced in her own life. She knew this situation was going to be a turning point. Ryan would forever remember how she handled this. She had to be careful. Very careful.
"Ryan," she began slowly and quietly. Ryan stood completely still prepared for, well, anything. "Ryan life in this house is very different from anything you know. You don't have to be afraid here."
Looking at Kirsten, he frowned like a sad little boy, "I wish I could believe you. But I just can't."
"I understand. This is something that will take time to adjust to. I understand why you did...what you did. Unfortunately I can't let you keep doing that," a nervous laugh escaped at the end of her sentence. It turned out to be the right moment to change the tone of the conversation. "I want you to know, that your new home has 4 bathrooms, plus the one in your pool house for total and complete privacy. You are welcome to use any bathroom, at any time, and be as loud as you want. No one in this house will bother you. Well, Seth may try to rush you along because I can see he's really enjoying your company! And, the Queen of the Manor," jokingly, she pointed at herself, "would be extremely pleased if you took the time to check out all the bathrooms. I think you'll really like them."
Ryan stifled a smile and looked away. He didn't want to get caught having fun. He was just caught red-handed peeing in the front yard. And she's making jokes? This didn't make any sense. This was a joke all right. It had to be. Probably another stalling tactic before her rage kicked in. Ryan had seen that scenario played out one too many times back in Chino.
"Come on. Let's go inside and get you a snack and something to drink. I think we could both use that right now." Smiling, she let go of his bike and turned away to start up the driveway.
Kirsten never laid a hand on Ryan and yet he felt like he just received a left hook, straight to the jaw. He was utterly dumbfounded. "So....that's it?" Confused, he stared at Kirsten.
"Well sure. I asked you for an explanation, you gave me one. I'm satisfied. Why?"
"Aren't you.....angry?"
Walking back over to Ryan's bike, she tried to clarify the details for him. "I think I was more confused. When I noticed you were.......um...it's just not something I see around here very often." Laughing light-heartedly, she did her best to try to ease Ryan's tension. It was obvious he wasn't convinced that nothing was going to happen to him. "Oh. You mean a punishment. I see. All right here's the deal. You have to wash the dinner dishes tonight and I want you to make breakfast in the morning. Mostly...because...you're better at it than I am." She ended his sentencing with a smile.
"That's it?" Ryan still couldn't believe there wasn't more to this.
"Oh wait, there is just one more thing."
"What?" Ryan asked, knowing damn well there had to be more. There just had to be.
"I want you to promise me that you will make a change in your lifestyle to use the bathrooms. No more peeing in the grass. And, if for some reason you have some....."accidents" while making that adjustment...promise me you won't pee on my rhododendron bush. It's the one with the purple flowers. It's my favorite."
Bewildered, Ryan looked down the driveway to the spot he previously picked. Approximately two feet away from his mark was Kirsten's beloved bush. "That's it?" he inquired for the third time.
Placing her hand on his arm, Kirsten smiled and leaned in closer to Ryan. "That's it. I just want you to promise me you'll try to make that change for me."
Raising his chin, Ryan looked Kirsten directly in her eyes, "I'm sorry. I promise. No more....of that."
"Perfect! Now how about that snack? Come on. It's calling us!" Grabbing the open handlebar grip on her side, together they walked the bike up the driveway.
Ryan was practically beaming. Considering it was Ryan, he was beaming. Kirsten actually talked 'to' him instead of talking with her hands. Instead of yelling at him, she actually listened to what he had to say and she accepted his reason. She didn't treat him with disregard the way he was used to. Maybe things would be different here. Maybe.
A few days later, Ryan bumped into Kirsten in the hallway as he was exiting the bathroom. A crooked grin appeared on both of their faces. "Good boy!" Kirsten whispered as she continued walking. Sandy, who was trailing behind her, paused next to Ryan. Completely clueless to the secret meaning of their little exchange, Sandy put his hand on Ryan's shoulder, "I think she knows you're a big boy. I hope she knows you're a big boy! If she starts making you charts with little stars on the refrigerator, let me know."
Ryan nodded and smiled as Sandy continued walking. Things were definitely different here. Definitely.
OLD HABITS
Kirsten left Julie's house with a handful of papers. Everything for the event was in order. All they had to do now was wait and hope everything went off as planned. Crossing the grass she noticed Ryan on his bike approaching the bottom of the driveway. He stopped just inside their gate. Getting off his bike slowly, he peered around the neighborhood as if he was looking for someone. Kirsten was a good 50 feet away and he didn't see her there. Curiosity killed the cat so Kirsten held her position and watched him for a moment. To her surprise, cautiously he led his bike behind the brick wall and quietly laid it down on the pavement. Again he looked around the neighborhood. What was he doing? Kirsten assumed he was going to break out a cigarette and get a quick smoke in before he came into the house. He had only been with the Cohen's for a matter of days. She knew he smoked before he came there and Kirsten was well aware of what a hard habit that had to be to break. She had never actually caught him with a cigarette but there were times when his jacket or his hair gave him away.
Ryan must have decided it was "safe" because he stole away behind the brick gates where no one would see him. So he thought. What he didn't realize is that Kirsten had full view of what he was doing. Prepared to see him pull out a pack of smokes, she was completely shocked when he opened his jeans and started peeing in the grass. And not just a little bit. He had to go! Embarrassed, Kirsten looked away and shook her head, confused. He couldn't be. He's home and he's certainly house broken. Why didn't he just go up to the house and use the bathroom? She snuck another look at him and found he was still going. "Maybe he just couldn't wait?" She asked herself. It was more than obvious that he REALLY had to go.
Kirsten panicked. Her heart raced and hands started shaking. Best to just let him finish. She was going to need the extra time to decide the best way to handle this. Her little "smoking is bad for you" speech was all planned out, but absolutely useless given the situation. What was she going to say? This was more than embarrassing, for both of them, but she knew she couldn't let go. Ryan had enough challenges fitting into Newport's social scene. He didn't need this leaking out. Kirsten rolled her eyes at her own pun. Leaking. Bad choice.
Ryan finished what he started, closed his jeans, grabbed his bike and started walking up the driveway with his head down. Kirsten had made her way to the middle of the driveway but he still hadn't noticed her. He got within ten feet of her when they finally made eye contact. Ryan froze. Kirsten could see sheer horror take over his face. Slowly Kirsten walked towards him. She noticed him change his hands on the handlebars. The new positioning placed the bike between them and would allow him to drop the bike and run if he had to. The bike was the only thing separating them. She also noticed as fast as the fear on his face appeared, he replaced it with a bit of toughness. After all, as far as he knew, maybe Kirsten didn't see a thing.
"Are you okay Ryan?" Blinking at her several times, that look of fear returned in an instant. He took a deep breath and looked at the ground. "It's okay Ryan. I'm not angry. I'm just....trying to understand." Kirsten watched him breathing heavy and swallowing hard. Still avoiding eye contact. "Did you just...really have to go that bad that it couldn't wait?"
Shifting his weight on his feet, he kept his head down. Kirsten was afraid he would bolt so she tried to soften the situation a bit. "You can talk to me Ryan. It's okay. You don't have to be afraid."
At that comment he snickered under his breath and raised his head to look at her. Square in the eyes. It was apparent that fear and embarrassment had taken a back seat to anger. "What did she know about being afraid? She had no idea what it was like to be afraid. Everyday. Survival. Doing what you had to just to get through the day. She knew nothing about it. Chino would eat her alive," he thought to himself.
His hesitation and glare made Kirsten nervous. She knew that comment hit a nerve but she didn't know enough about Ryan to understand exactly why. She also knew Ryan punched people when he got angry. She didn't think he'd punch her but she also didn't know how this was going to play out.
Finally he dropped his gaze down to his handlebars and with a shrug of his shoulders, "I guess old habits are hard to break," he explained, vaguely. His voice was quiet. That was information he didn't want to give out.
"Oh. This....is a habit?" Kirsten asked, wrinkling her forehead trying to comprehend the fact that he just admitted to doing this sort of thing all the time.
Slowly turning his head away, he nodded.
"But Ryan, why would you..."
"Because I didn't have a choice!" he barked back. Disgusted, he shook his head. "You don't have any idea what it's like."
"I know your life was hard Ryan."
"Hard doesn't even come close." Growling his reply through clenched teeth, he tried to keep his rage under control all the while visions of 'why' he did this played in his head. It was something he could just kick himself for being caught at. "You want an explanation? I'll give you an explanation." His statement dripped of sarcasm and bitterness.
Kirsten braced herself. She couldn't even begin imagine what his explanation would be. She wasn't even sure it was possible to justify such a thing. Trying to stay focused and open-minded, she looked on at Ryan with heavy anticipation.
"Back in Chino....My Mom has this boyfriend, AJ. You've heard of him." Kirsten could tell by the body language that Ryan was doing his best to tell the story even though it was obviously painful for him to talk about it.
"It's okay Ryan. You can tell me. I mean, if you want to." She didn't want to press him. He was stressed to the hilt as it was.
Looking around and back at the ground again, Ryan searched for the courage to tell Kirsten the truth. Despite what most people in Newport thought, he really was trying to turn his life around. Turning his face up to Kirsten, shame and embarrassment returned to eyes. Those eyes were wise beyond his years.
"AJ did a lot of drugs. A lot...of drugs. And if it wasn't drugs, then he was drinking. Anything he could get his hands on. It didn't matter. The harder, the better. All day, all night. The problem is, a person doing that much crap every day doesn't have rational thoughts. Rational reactions. Most of the time he wanted the house quiet. When he was strung out on something or drunk, it had to be quiet." Ryan recited those lines like a child that had to be reminded one too many times about being quiet. A child that had experienced the consequences of not being quiet. Kirsten could see he was struggling with just how much information he should share. Struggling to find the right words. Finally, he just blurted it out. "You live with two guys. Guys don't.....use the bathroom....quietly." His voice trailed off as he tipped his head back down. "I did what I had to...as long as I knew I was done by the time I got home." He watched Kirsten out of the corner of his eye. Trying to anticipate her reaction.
Kirsten on the other hand stood paralyzed in her place. For the first time she realized just how difficult his life must have been. Simple things taken for granted everyday turned out to be something that could turn Ryan's life upside down in a heartbeat. With her mouth agape, she took a few steps closer to Ryan and placed her hands on the empty grip on the handlebars of his bike.
This made Ryan extremely nervous and she noticed him tensing up. From his viewpoint, she was now within striking distance. History taught him that his explanations, on anything, were just a means of delaying the inevitable. A smack, a punch, surely yelling was due his way any minute now. All he could do was stand there, filled with anxiety, and wait.
"He hurt you for using the bathroom?" Kirsten could barely get the words out. The mere thought of something so ridiculous made her sick to her stomach. To abuse a child over a human need. She looked away from Ryan and stared blankly down the driveway to the place where she saw him relieve himself. That was it. That was the reason. He was afraid.
"He hurt me over a lot of things. Most of them just as stupid," he offered. Taken aback by Kirsten's behavior, he wasn't sure what to think. Part of him wished she would just yell and slap him and get it over with. This wasn't the reaction he was expecting, or used to.
Kirsten felt faint. This information was more than she could bear. This was beyond anything she had ever experienced in her own life. She knew this situation was going to be a turning point. Ryan would forever remember how she handled this. She had to be careful. Very careful.
"Ryan," she began slowly and quietly. Ryan stood completely still prepared for, well, anything. "Ryan life in this house is very different from anything you know. You don't have to be afraid here."
Looking at Kirsten, he frowned like a sad little boy, "I wish I could believe you. But I just can't."
"I understand. This is something that will take time to adjust to. I understand why you did...what you did. Unfortunately I can't let you keep doing that," a nervous laugh escaped at the end of her sentence. It turned out to be the right moment to change the tone of the conversation. "I want you to know, that your new home has 4 bathrooms, plus the one in your pool house for total and complete privacy. You are welcome to use any bathroom, at any time, and be as loud as you want. No one in this house will bother you. Well, Seth may try to rush you along because I can see he's really enjoying your company! And, the Queen of the Manor," jokingly, she pointed at herself, "would be extremely pleased if you took the time to check out all the bathrooms. I think you'll really like them."
Ryan stifled a smile and looked away. He didn't want to get caught having fun. He was just caught red-handed peeing in the front yard. And she's making jokes? This didn't make any sense. This was a joke all right. It had to be. Probably another stalling tactic before her rage kicked in. Ryan had seen that scenario played out one too many times back in Chino.
"Come on. Let's go inside and get you a snack and something to drink. I think we could both use that right now." Smiling, she let go of his bike and turned away to start up the driveway.
Kirsten never laid a hand on Ryan and yet he felt like he just received a left hook, straight to the jaw. He was utterly dumbfounded. "So....that's it?" Confused, he stared at Kirsten.
"Well sure. I asked you for an explanation, you gave me one. I'm satisfied. Why?"
"Aren't you.....angry?"
Walking back over to Ryan's bike, she tried to clarify the details for him. "I think I was more confused. When I noticed you were.......um...it's just not something I see around here very often." Laughing light-heartedly, she did her best to try to ease Ryan's tension. It was obvious he wasn't convinced that nothing was going to happen to him. "Oh. You mean a punishment. I see. All right here's the deal. You have to wash the dinner dishes tonight and I want you to make breakfast in the morning. Mostly...because...you're better at it than I am." She ended his sentencing with a smile.
"That's it?" Ryan still couldn't believe there wasn't more to this.
"Oh wait, there is just one more thing."
"What?" Ryan asked, knowing damn well there had to be more. There just had to be.
"I want you to promise me that you will make a change in your lifestyle to use the bathrooms. No more peeing in the grass. And, if for some reason you have some....."accidents" while making that adjustment...promise me you won't pee on my rhododendron bush. It's the one with the purple flowers. It's my favorite."
Bewildered, Ryan looked down the driveway to the spot he previously picked. Approximately two feet away from his mark was Kirsten's beloved bush. "That's it?" he inquired for the third time.
Placing her hand on his arm, Kirsten smiled and leaned in closer to Ryan. "That's it. I just want you to promise me you'll try to make that change for me."
Raising his chin, Ryan looked Kirsten directly in her eyes, "I'm sorry. I promise. No more....of that."
"Perfect! Now how about that snack? Come on. It's calling us!" Grabbing the open handlebar grip on her side, together they walked the bike up the driveway.
Ryan was practically beaming. Considering it was Ryan, he was beaming. Kirsten actually talked 'to' him instead of talking with her hands. Instead of yelling at him, she actually listened to what he had to say and she accepted his reason. She didn't treat him with disregard the way he was used to. Maybe things would be different here. Maybe.
A few days later, Ryan bumped into Kirsten in the hallway as he was exiting the bathroom. A crooked grin appeared on both of their faces. "Good boy!" Kirsten whispered as she continued walking. Sandy, who was trailing behind her, paused next to Ryan. Completely clueless to the secret meaning of their little exchange, Sandy put his hand on Ryan's shoulder, "I think she knows you're a big boy. I hope she knows you're a big boy! If she starts making you charts with little stars on the refrigerator, let me know."
Ryan nodded and smiled as Sandy continued walking. Things were definitely different here. Definitely.