Bella.
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Pre-Story.
I was going to be late for class.
Eurrgh! Why was my life turning to mush?
Of course I knew the answer, it was his fault. Him. Edward. Ever since Edward and his family had moved here a few years ago my life had been turned upside down. Much to my friends' disgust.
I used to be a happy, smart, popular, 'never late', model student, but apparently, according to my friends, I had become withdrawn and private. Of course they blamed Edward. It wasn't his fault though- it was mine. I didn't want to spend time with anybody else, I only wanted Edward, and lucky for me he wanted me back.
Edward Mason
Shortish brown hair, emerald green-eyes and standing at 6" he is completely gorgeous and of course all mine. Words cannot describe his god-like beauty. I could write forever about Edward and how perfect he is. I could tell you about all the sweet nothings he whispers in my ears and about how he takes me to a beautiful little abandoned meadow, where we lay for hours talking...and kissing. I could also describe his gorgeous muscular chest, about how the muscles on his arms and chest glisten in the sunlight, and about how wonderful they feel against the softness of my skin. I could tell you all these things and more, but it would take too long.
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French
I burst through the door of my French class and everyone turned to stare. Oops.
"S-s-sorry I'm late miss, I got caught up in something," I panted.
"Well your here now and that is all that matters, you can remain behind at the end and make up for the 7 minutes you have wasted." Miss replied in a stern voice- at least she didn't start lecturing me in French as she sometimes did. I made my way to my seat in the back corner, at least here I could hide my face and pretend to pay attention- I had a lot to think about, like why wasn't Edward in school today? He always told me when he wouldn't be in school. Which I must admit is quite often, but that's not the point. We don't have secrets- at least I don't think we do. But what if there was something Edward wasn't telling me? What if it was something sinister? Would I be able to cope? Would he tell me? How would I react?
"Shut up!!" I near enough yelled out loud. I mean I can't think like that, I'm just being silly, paranoid. Edward is probably ill or something-too ill to get to a phone. Oh God. That's it. Edward is really ill. Will he be alright? Should I go get him so-
My thoughts were interrupted by a strict angry voice.
"I beg your pardon. Do you find my lessons so unbearable that you have to tell me to shut up? Do my lessons affect your life so much that you can't arrive on time, and you have to shout around the room?" Miss Berrmant {pronounced bear-mon} enquired, furiously. Oops. I guess I had said it out loud after all.
"I-I-I-I'm sorry. I have a lot on my mind. I didn't realise I had yelled out loud." I stuttered. What was wrong with me?
"I have had enough with your excuses. I was very kind to let you off when you were late, but shouting at me from across the room in such a rude manner is intolerable. Please leave my classroom." Miss Berrmant told me in a quite carm voice, which surprised me as she is the kind of teacher that enjoys screaming at students.
I gathered up my things and left the room as quickly as possible. I checked my watch, only 30minutes of the lesson left. I headed towards the exit; I only had one more lesson left until end of school anyway. Nobody would miss me.
I knew exactly where I was going without consciously thinking about it.
Edwards House.
Of course.
I knew my way too Edwards house with my eyes closed, and I was half way there when I started to really think about whether going to see Edward was the right thing. I was torn I had 2 answers; the answer from my Heart,
"Of course it is the right thing, he is the love of your life, and you his, it's not natural for you to be apart and if he is ill it would make him feel better when he sees you." and then there was the answer from my Head;
"You should stay away, obviously there is a good reason as to why he isn't in school and to why he didn't call, if he is ill he probably doesn't want you to worry about him."
I argued with myself as I walked. To a passer by I probably looked deranged, but my appearance was the least of my worries. I saw the familiar road that led to Edwards's house and automatically quickened my pace, my heart taking over.
I practically ran to the door, and very nearly knocked the door through with my frantic worried banging. I waited 30seconds before banging again. After several minutes of this I stopped there was still no answer. Damn it! Where was he? I kicked the door. Ow! It hurt. I glanced down to inspect the damage to my foot when a little piece of paper wedged half under the door caught my attention. Instinctively I picked it up, automatically fearing the worst. I saw my name on one side which made me feel momentarily relieved. The relief soon vanished as I turned over the paper, and in Edwards elegant handwriting was 7words:
Bella,
I love you.
I am sorry x.
I could feel the world crashing around my shoulders. This couldn't be happening. What was happening? Was Edward leaving me? I crumpled to the floor, tears streaming down my face. I thought he loved me. If he loved me he wouldn't do this to me.
I lay crying on the step until the sudden darkness brought me to my senses. The sun had set and I was late home. My parents would be so worried. I squinted at my watch through tear filled eyes; the time said 22:37.
Yikes.
I was LATE.
I started the long walk home. I knew I wouldn't be home by midnight, but I had no money and I had left my phone at home to charge so I couldn't call my parents.
As I walked the tears began to fall again, my mind was numb, and I couldn't feel a thing. It took me 5 whole minutes to realise somebody was tapping my shoulder, calling my name.
"Aarrgh!" I screamed, my throat was aching.
"Bella! Bella! Calm down honey. It's me. Don't cry sweetie. Mummy's here. Shhhh!" my mother, Renee [pronounced Ren-ay], soothed.
But I couldn't calm down. How can I calm down when the love of my life was gone? I let the tears fall, clutching at my mother tight.
She led me to a car on the side walk and half-carried me into the back as I was incapable of anything at the moment. The car journey passed in a bumpy blur...The next thing I remember is being clumsily carried up the stairs and lay on my bed. It felt like I had been ripped into a hundred thousand pieces.
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The Pain
The next week passed in an ocean of pain. I didn't eat or drink and I didn't go to school. I just lay in bed crying and sleeping. I refused to talk to my mother about it, but I think she guessed. I could see the pain that ripped across her face every time that she looked at me and each time it teared away another piece of me.
It was a cheque for $2000 addressed to me that awoke me from my trance. I was confused. Who would send me money? And then I recognised the perfect loopy writing. Oh. Edward. Ouch. There goes another piece. Why was he sending me money? He left me, left me with out a goodbye. Behind the cheque was another note, it said:
Bella, my love,
I am so truly sorry, you do not understand how hard it was to leave, but I can't stay any longer. There are things I must do. Things unsuitable for you to be involved in. Things unsuitable for anyone to be involved in. You must remember that I love you, and no matter how hard it is you must carry on without me. Get on with your life and I mine. I will not write to you again.
I will never forget you.
Goodbye, Edward. X
So there was my goodbye. I tore the letter up. Every tear I made tore another piece of me away. I would not keep the cheque; the homeless shelter can have it for all I care.
What was so important that he had to leave so abruptly? What was so important that he couldn't tell me? So many questions floated (more like sprinted) through my mind. I needed some peace, somewhere no one could find me....I knew the perfect place.
I ran up the stairs 2 at a time and threw on my warmest clothes and comfiest boots.
I am going hiking.
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The Meadow
It took me about 3/4 hours to walk to the field-longer than I remember- it is a good job I left so early. I think it was about noon when my feet broke through the bushes that surrounded our...I mean my, beautiful meadow. I glanced around taking everything in, it was exactly the way I remembered it, even the smell. The grass was a wavy green and surrounded by trees and bushes, my heaven on earth. The only difference is that this time I am not with Edward.
The sun was right above the field now and it was sweltering hot, I took off one of my jackets and made my way to the middle of the field and lay down, using my jacket for a pillow.
I let the pain wash over me. I didn't hold back, there was no one here to hide from, no one constantly on there toes trying to make sure I was coping. Just me and my field.
The tears ran down my face as I lay, still, trying to figure out why Edward left. My mind drew a blank. I don't know how long I lay there for, crying. But I realised lying in a field crying wasn't going to bring Edward back. It wasn't going to undo all the pain. I needed to pull myself together, pick up the pieces. I needed to get Edward out of my system. I needed to be strong. It would be hard, but it couldn't get any worse than this.
I made some plans to destroy anything that reminded me of Edward when I got home. I stood up and shivered. I put on my jacket, threw back my head and yelled at the top of my voice.
"NO MORE EDWARD MASON!"
And then I walked home.