This is the end for me……
As I look back on my life as I die, I realize that right at this moment, I feel….somewhat strange. Forget the fact that I am bleeding to death, because since I'm already dead, I can't REALLY feel it.
I had gone through a lot. I don't like to think about all of this, but at the end, it seems like the right thing to do.
Sigh. This was how it started out.
When I was little, I promised myself that I would never live a life with another, or live in hate and strife, even though I did because…I was destined to take care of the Sacred Jewel, and only I was to take care of it. It was my duty. A duty that would shun me from a normal life, like the others in my village. A few years later, while being so alone, I fell in love….with Inuyasha. I will and have always loved him. Nothing could ever change the way I feel about him, even in the end.
I fell in love with Inuyasha, even when I swore not to and knew that I would be weak. I always loathed the thought of weakness. I hated it.
But for the sake of a life with the man that was indeed my soul mate, I couldn't have cared less. He taught me how to love unconditionally, and he helped me cope with my life as a nun, it would seem, just by being there, beside me.
I loved Inuyasha the way he was, but others seemed to resent him! They loathed that such a pure priestess such as me could fall for such a tainted and disfigured man. I resented being a priestess then. How could I not? I was in love with a man who everyone just couldn't accept. Then I had an idea, an idea that I resent even after fifty years…I thought that if I could change him into a human, we could live in peace and happiness, and no one could change that.
And he agreed! I was so happy! I loved him so, I just felt happiness poor through me like nothing I had ever felt before!
The delight I felt as the next day as I walked to the spot here we had decided to meet. Then…I was attacked. By Naraku.
How I loathe the man till this day! How I wish I had heard and taken my sisters cries and pleas about the evil man Onigumo to heart! I loved Inuyasha and it tore my heart when I thought that it was truly Inuyasha that had attacked me!
I went after him. Some part of me pleaded me to stop, telling me that I wasn't in my right mind, that it could have NOT been Inuyasha! How I wish I had listened! How I wish I could have searched for him and calmed him down and we would have talked it out! But no! I was surging with heartbreak and betrayal and knew that nothing could stop me for what I was about to do.
I found him, running with the jewel in hand.
"Inuyasha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I cried out. I set up my bow. He turned. I shot it. My aim was true. It hit him in the heart and he was bounded to the sacred tree.
Though he had betrayed me(or so I thought then) and hurt me like no other could have, I didn't have the heart to kill him. For he was still my soul mate. It hurt enough to bind him to a tree for the rest of eternity.
I realized then, that I was too weak to take care of the jewel, and I couldn't do anything to stop others from trying to steal it.
That's when I then told my sister "Take the jewel ,Keade, and burn me with it. It must not fall into the wrong hands. That is all I ask of you." I fainted.
As I was being burned, I knew that I would have a reincarnation. I didn't want to leave this world; I didn't want to have another take the place that was rightfully mine by birth, but I knew, that I should do it.
And that was the end of me. I was at peace. Or so I thought.
I woke again. Against my will. I was angry, ever so angry, already vowing that I would destroy the person who had dared to bring me to life.
I looked up to find myself looking at my dear Inuyasha.
"Kikyo." He said. I looked around myself and saw my reincarnation and a kitsune fox.
I turned to the ogre that was spouting orders like the old crone she was. I destroyed her quickly.
I turned to my love. I felt my love for him surge through me, but it all went away when I remembered what he did to me. He had USED me! To get the damned jewel!
We fought, of course, after I had fully recovered my memories, I almost lost my soul, and I fell off the cliff.
It was my fault though. I had burned Inuyasha's hand. He had tried to save me but who would want to be saved by the person that tried to kill me?! It was surely a trick. I was hoping I would die, but I didn't. I started to feed on the dead girls' souls. At first I was disgusted with myself. I wanted to stay dead, and rest in peace. I didn't want to live like this.
It was all Inuyasha's fault! He was the reason I was in that mess! I vowed I would get him back. I thought up a plan.
I hated Inuyasha with a passion, but I loved him even more, so I then said I would bring him to hell…with me. You see, I want to be where Inuyasha is and I want him to die, and I'm supposed to be dead, so it all made sense.
It got complicated though. My reincarnation, Kagome, came to me and I found that…she was in love with Inuyasha.
I couldn't allow this! Inuyasha's heart was supposed to be mine! I loved him before she was born! She had no right! But then again….I was dead and he wasn't…..I almost had no right either. Actually no right at all. But I didn't want to let him go! I loved him too much to let him go to another!
It would hurt me too much to see him glad with another! I couldn't stand it! So, to get back at her, I…kissed Inuyasha. I didn't need to, but I was jealous. I shouldn't have done it though. Kagome broke the spell and Inuyasha left me!
It was all so confusing! I left then trying to figure it out.
Inuyasha loved both of us, we both loved him.
I broke down at a lake and I cried. I couldn't help it.
I loved him so much!!!!!! I couldn't leave him to another! I wanted to be dead right then! I wanted to die! It would ease my pain. But I knew that if I left things as it was, I would never be truly at peace. I knew that this would all end badly. How I wished to be with Inuyasha before all of that! Before Kagome, or the fight, or Onigumo! I pleaded to the gods to make time reverse itself!
But it did me no good.
I sobered up and became yet again, what I was before Inuyasha. A cold, distant person. The only people who could see through my disguise were Inuyasha and the little children.
A few things happened and I met my little sister Keade. She was so….old! I was surprised at her appearance! Last time I saw her she was so young, so pretty, and so full of energy. I was sad. I had missed my sisters' childhood. I wasn't there for her in her problems. I wasn't there to be the true elder sister I had dreamed to be when I was younger.
I left saddened. I felt useless. After my run in with my dear sister, though, I found out that I should have listened t the little voice that told me to stop running 50 years ago. It wasn't Inuyasha that had attacked me, but Onigumo, or Naraku.
I then told myself that I would go after Naraku. He had ruined my life! All for the sake of the jewel and having me at his side! How dare them both! Onigumo and Naraku! I would make sure that I'd send them both to hell in the end.
I left and wandered the world, looking for Naraku and bumped into many people during that time. Mostly Naraku, or occasionally Inuyasha and his group. Naraku tried to kill me about five times.
That's how I ended up here: all alone, lonely, and dying. I will die now, I know that.
How I wish Inuyasha were by my side right now. I knew that Kagome had won. She has Inuyasha. I still wasn't used to this. I was still mad, but I was taking it in. I think. It was all so strange! I never really accepted anything, other than that I had to get Naraku back for what he'd done to me. I never truly accepted that I was truly dead, that I came back to life, that Kagome and Inuyasha were more meant to be than I was with him, and a lot of other things.
I wanted to kill her! But then again, I wanted her to live. She's my reincarnation and I can only feel resentment and happiness toward her. She's going to have the life that I always dreamed of. That's why I resented her.
But then yet again, she will be playing as me. Even though I'll be dead, I'll still be alive inside Kagome. I'll still be happy with the man I love. I won't be able to talk to him, but I can feel his presence by my part of the soul going inside Kagome. She'll have my memories, some of them good some bad; she'll be the only one to understand me. But I'll still be with Inuyasha in a way. That's the good part.
Farewell Inuyasha. Goodbye Kagome…. I wish you all the best in your lovely life and Inuyasha……
I love you.